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Wing walker becomes air dancer, a fluff piece on laundry detergent, and Higgs boson downgraded to "female orgasm": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/21 - 8/27
Posted by Unfreakable at 2011-08-30 4:08:05 PM (10 comments) | Permalink

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3590 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2011 at 5:17 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Not too much new to report on the Headline of the Year contest. We've now had four voting threads so far, which can be found here:

December * January * February * March

Next month I'm going to do the first quarter voting threads for subtabs: sports, geek, business, politics, and entertainment. Those will just take a bit of time to set up, but the time spent now is saving me a ton of time at the end of the year. Plus it's nice to take a look at the early candidates if you're a tab wonk.

So without further ado, here is this week's crop:

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-08-21 to Sat 2011-08-27:  Chicken lays world's tiniest egg. Farmers say that's gonna be hard to beat  Wing walker inadvertently becomes air dancer - then hole filler  Bank manager charged with stealing $100,000. Bank executives vow to promote her to the fullest extent of the law  Once again, Hawaii is named the happiest state in the union. Which makes sense considering there are tropical beaches everywhere, the weather is never too cold, and you can get leied everyday  China's now got/first world cred/they're working migrants/'till they're dead/Burma Slaves  Drowning ends breath-holding contest. Yeah, that would do it  Woman robs White Castle by crawling through small drive-up window. Cops quickly rule out all regular White Castle customers  Sperm whale washes ashore on Georgia coast, only about five hours from Cumming  "Irene's flooding could be a hundred-year event." Man, that's a really long flood  "Doing laundry may release carcinogens." Great -- another fluff piece  "Half of hospitals buy back-door drugs, new survey shows". They're called "suppositories", a*sholes

Sports:  Maria Sharapova's rhythmic grunts and screams climax in victory after she squirts past her opponent, only a year after a thrashing by Clijsters  Detroit Lions sold out their first 'Monday Night Football' game since 2001 in 45 minutes. Upon hearing the news, QB Matt Stafford snapped his collarbone in half  For the first time ever, a Baltimore Ravens player *prevents* a stabbing

Geek:  Existence of Higgs Boson downgraded from 'honest politician' to 'female orgasm'  Scientists say they have a special fluid that can magically rebuild damaged teeth. Subby was using that line back in college during the 90s  Scientists believe cars could run on newspaper. That's awesome, but what the hell is a newspaper?

Entertainment:  Art experts accused of censorship by painting over numerous phalluses on medieval fresco during restoration. Critics call it a dick move  Peter Billingsly discovers dead guy in hotel room. A crummy cadaver? Son of a biatch  Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck expecting their third giant-jawed baby

Politics:  After Perry's debut, can Bachmann turn her overdrive back on?  Christian fundraising firm CGBG loses sponsors over homophobic stance, failure to attract top punk bands  Biden discovers own version of time machine, possibly to become known as the reTARDIS

Business:  Heineken shares plunge on the news Drew Curtis has switched to bourbon  Bankers warn market crash could hit within weeks, but reassure public that their own personal bonuses won't be negatively affected  Warren Buffett invests $5 billion in Bank of America, is immediately charged a 3% overdeposit fee
· · ·

10 Comments     (+0 »)
2011-08-30 04:50:04 PM  
Yay, one of my headlines made the list. Sadly, this is probably the highlight of my day.
2011-08-30 04:53:34 PM  
t3.gstatic.comView Full Size
2011-08-30 04:55:02 PM  

TheBojangles: Yay, one of my headlines made the list. Sadly, this is probably the highlight of my day.

Your day sounds crappy
2011-08-30 05:12:18 PM  
Burma Slaves = SoMuchWin

/ have one in there as well :)
2011-08-30 05:21:35 PM  
Kinda lame that only TF can vote... at the very least once voting is closed you could let us liters *see* the threads/voting results.

/used to be a TF-er...
//was only sorta some-what worth it
2011-08-30 05:22:36 PM  

veedeevadeevoodee: Burma Slaves = SoMuchWin

2011-08-30 05:26:23 PM  
Quote 2011-08-30 04:50:04 PM
Yay, one of my headlines made the list. Sadly, this is probably the highlight of my day life.

There. Now I feel better.
2011-08-30 07:27:25 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size

I'm back, baby
2011-08-30 07:36:32 PM  
What about THIS one?
2011-08-31 02:40:56 AM  
I didn't see the Burma Slaves one before. Well played Subby, it's a beaut!
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