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Declining berserker habitat, S-s-s-s-s-ymbian shut down, and the Soon-Yi effect: Headlines of the Week 9/26 - 10/2
Posted by Drew at 2010-10-05 4:31:53 PM (12 comments) | Permalink
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5635 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2010 at 4:39 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

From Unfreakable:

No post from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-26 to Sat 2010-10-02:  Neo-Nazi discovers he has a little Jew inside of him, also known as the Soon-Yi effect  China's one child policy turns 30, upset it never had a brother to play catch with  Car stolen at gunpoint at strip club. DNA successfully lifted from the parking lot, but crime lab techicians admit it will take time to catalogue all 63,481 suspects  Listerine cures jock-itch, says man who refuses to describe how he and his wife figured this out  Man dies mysteriously in porn booth. Police unsure whether he was whacked  America's "most depressing hot dog stand" found in Chicago, coming in just ahead of Wrigley Field  Scientists now say T-Rex joints were much bigger than first assumed, which would make them a lot easier to reach with those tiny arms  Thieves escape from Kuala Lumpur airport with over 10,000 Western Digital hard drives. Surprisingly enough, they didn't crash  No Carl, I want you to kill all the GOPHERS on the course  "Did you hear? 37 people were injured after a train derailed east of Oslo." "NORWAY." "YES WAY"  Male infertility hereditary. How the gene manages to get passed on a mystery

Sports:  NFC West favorite San Francisco 49ers outplay Chiefs to 31-10 loss  End of an error. Bills release Trent Edwards  Bill Polian would like to clarify his statements about the upcoming 18 game NFL schedule, would also like you to ignore the imprint of Roger Goodell's boot on his ass

Geek:  Finnish scientists say sightings of Valkyries have reached the lowest point in 100 years; leading to concerns that they may have become endangered due to peacetime, loss of berserker habitat  Study shows men withdraw during stress, but generally recover quickly enough to re-insert and start over using shorter strokes  Months before astronomers discovered new Earth-like planet, scientist detected pulse of light coming from same direction. Doofus with laser pointer has not been ruled out

Showbiz:  "Wall Street 2" takes the top spot at the box office this weekend. Shia LaBoeuf now considering a career of nothing but sequels to 80's classics starring actors way past their prime. Next up: "Tango and Cash and Son"  New photos show LiLo injecting heroin and kissing Paris Hilton. Doesn't she know you can get diseases that way? Plus the heroin is bad for you too  Star Wars: 3D coming in 2012, followed by Star Wars: 3D Director's Cut 2013, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen 2014, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen Director's cut Blu-Ray 2015, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen Special Edition Director's Cut Blu-Ray 2016  

Politics:  French politician Rachida Dati issues a public apology for confusing oral sex with inflation. What a cunning linguist  Dennis Miller to headline Sharron Angle fundraiser. That's about as ridiculous as Fatty Arbuckle asking for a virgin Bloody Mary with extra ice  Christine O'Donnell says her LinkedIn profile was faked by enemies in the Republican party who sought to defame her by implying she graduated from college

Music:  Mariah Carey is pregnant with either a boy, girl, or chocolate cake  "Everybody Hurts" is the song most likely to make men cry, according to the Institute of Researchers Who Don't Force People to Listen to "Hollaback Girl" for Hours and Hours  Note: John Cage's 4′33″ contains an audio track that has not been authorized by WMG. The audio has been disabled

Business:  AOL buys TechCrunch for an undisloclosed number of hours of free internet service  S-s-s-s-s-s-s-amsung s-s-shuts down S-s-s-s-s-ymbian  China's toilet sales now highest in the world when only a decade ago they were squat
· · ·

12 Comments     (+0 »)
2010-10-05 04:47:53 PM  
Those headlines are silly and nonsexual.
2010-10-05 04:51:30 PM  
2010-10-05 04:54:25 PM  
I thought that said "Sybian shut down," which would explain the stammering.
2010-10-05 04:57:38 PM  
I have to admit this headline went over my head. Had to read it a couple of times.
2010-10-05 05:11:29 PM  

Anderrhea: I thought that said "Sybian shut down," which would explain the stammering.

2010-10-05 05:17:40 PM  

Mainrodax: Anderrhea: I thought that said "Sybian shut down," which would explain the stammering.


2010-10-05 05:44:13 PM  

Anderrhea: I thought that said "Sybian shut down," which would explain the stammering.

Just imagine i've posted the "that's the joke" pic in this post
2010-10-05 06:07:23 PM  
Goddamn did the Tango and Cash and Son one have me doing the whole LMAO thing
2010-10-05 06:47:46 PM  
Can someone explain the s-s-s-s-s-symbian one?

/I'm not american!
2010-10-05 07:45:47 PM  

maq0r: Can someone explain the s-s-s-s-s-symbian one?

/I'm not american!

I'll lead you to Wiki: Sybian (new window)

(possibly nsfw)

you're on your own to travel the rest of the internet with that word (caution: websites, articles, and images related to Sybian may be nsfw)
2010-10-05 07:49:24 PM  
Just had to throw in a Scott Wampler link didn't you?
2010-10-06 12:10:04 AM  
Samsung probably shut it down because they were sick of hearing sex toy jokes.
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