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Chimp warfare, papal smears and plucking G-strings: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/20 - 6/26
Posted by Drew at 2010-06-29 11:33:02 AM (14 comments) | Permalink
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4338 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:00 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, so enjoy some of the favorite headlines from last week.

We're nearly halfway through 2010, so if you'll have nominees for Headline of the Year, make sure you're adding them to your favorites so you remember them when I put up a nomination thread later. Anything in these Headline of the Week threads are automatically nominated, but occasionally a good thread is overlooked.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-06-20 to Sat 2010-06-26:  Researchers observe chimpanzees waging war, point to chimp-led conflicts like the Battle of the Big Tree, the Battle of the Other Big Tree, and the Iraq war  Agitated toddler rescued after being trapped in a washing machine  The Vatican claims that a new film exploring the mystery of the 'pregnant pope' is just a papal smear  Mail deliveries being interrupted due to terrifying seagulls. Subby suggests throwing rocks at them; leave no tern unstoned  Band teacher in San Bernardino arrested for plucking a few g-strings  100 KG Canadian gold coin with a face value of $1M sells at auction for 3.27 million Euros, just beating out Cash4Gold's offer of $150  Cheney complains of "discomfort", is hospitalized with possible development of conscience  Customers want money back from bankrupt furniture store, say they're sofa king screwed  Florida Radio Shack robbed of $35,000 worth of items. Cops surprised there's such a big market for VCRs, cassette tapes and rotary phones  If you send a photo of your testicular tumor to a female employee there's a good chance you'll be told to cease and de-cyst  Wet weather in Toronto forces peaceful G20 demonstrators to burn police vehicles for warmth

Sports:  USA defeats FIFA, 1-0  This year's World Cup is shaping up like WW2. France gave up early, the Yanks arrived late, and England is left to fight the Germans  Team USA is a Ghana

Geek:  A $100 million supercomputer is being built in Wyoming to study climate change, air quality, severe weather, space weather and to beat Matthew Broderick in chess  7th-graders discover mysterious cave on Mars. In related news, NASA scientists close to fixing vending machine in the lunch room  Brand new iPhone 4 users already reporting reception problems. Engineers say the problem might be caused by the antenna's connection to the AT&T network

Showbiz:  Jersey Shore cast member to release rap album, book on Kierkegaard's critiques on Hegel and its impact on the postmodern literature movement of the 1970s, specifically the works of Donald Barthleme and Thomas Pynchon  Glee creator attempted to prohibit cast members from having sex in their trailers. Presumably by pairing them up boy/girl  Headline: "Twilight Sequel Aims for a New Audience: Guys". Wait that's a typo, right?

Politics:  Lincoln forces split between Democrats. No, this is not a repeat from 1860  BP's favorable rating currently at 6%, narrowly beating Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro, but still lower than O.J. Simpson and an oozing hemorrhoid  Michael Moriarty claims that Ivy League lawyers Chicago Way final solution omelette thugs Hitler euthanasia diabolical Red Chinese neo-Soviet infanticide alcoholic FartBongo clap your hands 682119frhgr56

Music:  Lady Gaga is gun-toting and half naked on Rolling Stone. Oh my, she is so shocking and original and we're so not sick of her obvious schtick yet  Multiple overdoses scared Eminem straight. Better luck next time, drugs  It's been ages since we've heard a good Ozzy Osbourne album, and his tenth release sadly doesn't buck that trend

Business:  Farking magnates, now they can't work  Things airlines cut to save money. Peanuts? Check. Drinks? Check. Baggage allowance? Check. Fuel? Check. Wait? What??  Europe requires selling food by weight. Subby needs 4.3 eggs, 12.4 slices of bread, 25.7 cans of beer
· · ·

14 Comments     (+0 »)
2010-06-29 01:04:25 PM  
I submitted many of these with better headlines.

2010-06-29 01:14:43 PM  
Unfreakable is such a pun-whore.
2010-06-29 01:20:10 PM  
The Glee headline was obvious, but damnit if I didn't guffaw anyway.
2010-06-29 01:24:45 PM  
I like the Jersey Shore rap album one.
2010-06-29 01:27:28 PM  
The term "FartBongo" makes me giggle every time I see it. That is all.
2010-06-29 01:29:45 PM  
I want to vote on some of these.

I want to vote against others.
2010-06-29 01:31:51 PM  
Making a joke about Dick Cheney's diabolicalness never gets old
2010-06-29 01:35:37 PM  
I thought this was amusing:

"If you send a photo of your testicular tumor to a female employee there's a good chance you'll be told to cease and de-cyst."
2010-06-29 02:26:49 PM  

Kinda ashamed, and yet so proud - the Glee one gave me my second HOTW!
2010-06-29 04:44:27 PM  

Fra_dat_da: WOOHOO.

Kinda ashamed, and yet so proud - the Glee one gave me my second HOTW!

Goddammn that one had me cracking up. I applaud you.
2010-06-29 06:45:50 PM  
I feel proud. Got my first HOTW
2010-06-29 06:55:08 PM  
Sweet! My first HOTW.
2010-06-29 09:54:58 PM  
I got two HOTW

/beginner's luck
2010-07-01 07:11:06 AM  

The English Major: Fra_dat_da: WOOHOO.

Kinda ashamed, and yet so proud - the Glee one gave me my second HOTW!

Goddammn that one had me cracking up. I applaud you.

Well, thanks, Mr Major. I do appreciate.
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