Drew is busy working on a zombie apocalypse plan today, but he'll be around for the Fark News Livestream at 4 p.m. on Thursday. Hooray!

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
markie_farkie explained high-tech '70s fashion when NewportBarGuy identified a sexy style
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen named potential choices if airlines start using this new seat design
JulieAzel626 let us know what John Hinkley said when he was released
bloobeary figured out the source of the "extraterrestrial" signals detected by China
Chemlight Battery explained why a worker who sunk a hole-in-one in a hallway to get everyone a day off was called "brave"
Flyinglemur shared more information about $1 million worth of Ford F-150 Raptors that were stolen from a manufacturing plant
freidog found out who's impressed by China's Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical Telescope's findings
AnotherBluesStringer revealed the real reason Robert Plant turned down a role on "Game of Thrones"
Breaker Moran told us where we could learn more about Tesla, Inc.

Smart:
ImpendingCynic wondered about four officers the Navy recently relieved of command
Private_Citizen discussed John Cena's magic power
tuxq, for one, welcomed our future alien overlords
New Rising Sun had a bad feeling about flying pod-people style
Private_Citizen compared the metric system and the 'Murican system
HeartBurnKid reminded us about an element of the freedom of speech that many people are still somehow unaware of
NewportBarGuy discussed MicroStrategy's cofounder and CEO Michael Saylor
crustysandman told us about meeting John Cena
NeoCortex42 had a practical reason for Darth Vader to seem weakest in the original trilogy

CSB Sunday Morning theme: Barbecue stories
Smart: The Pope of Manwich Village followed strict rules about getting all up in another man's grill
Funny: Creoena's mom was a smartass

Politics Funny:
nicoffeine was relieved to read the details warning against visiting Turkey
RasIanI sorted out a misunderstanding from March for our Lives
Mr. Coffee Nerves let us know what was on Fox News during one of the January 6 hearings
nakmuay shared that Mike Pence asked a familiar question as the insurrectionists closed in on him
mrshowrules found a letter from one of Rep. Barry Loudermilk's visitors at the Capitol on January 5, 2021

Politics Smart:
NeoCortex42 pointed out one area in which Trump has the advantage over Biden
Maybe you should drive had reason to be prouder than the Proud Boys
somedude210 still had faith in the system
mrshowrules thought about how Uvalde's hiring of a law firm to fight the release of records adds more insult to injury for the families of Uvalde victims
monkeyman3875 had a message for a Patriot Front member who was kicked out of his mother's house for his hateful actions


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba used the perfect frame for a photo of Howard's sweetheart
Wrongo found a great deal on a house for sale
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us Ike's "casual Friday" look
bugdozer had Putin point out Dick Butt's butt
stickindamud made "Mary Poppins" so much better
RedZoneTuba showed a tractor towing its ample harvest
samsquatch gilded this swan's feet
Eat The Placenta was going to have a hard time getting these shoes on Dorothy
stickindamud made this singer's legs match her dress
Wrongo reunited these two pals

Farktography theme: Flutterbys
Clockwork Kumquat caught a gliding butterfly and its sliding shadow


Fark Headlines of the Week

A selection of some of the top headlines from last week

In stunning reversal of fortune, man threatens White Castle with gas

401(k) statements will now include helpful estimates of whether you can afford dollar store cat kibble or Fancy Feast in retirement. Those of you without retirement accounts can still count on eating mice, or each other

We knew it was an acrimonious divorce, but when did Kanye get warships, planes, and thousands of soldiers?

Acknowledging rollercoaster of American economy, Tacoma Narrows Bridge anticipates reduction of toll rates this fall, a move expected to resonate with drivers

🎵 When the shiat hits the fan / but your dick's in your hand / that's Uvaldeeee 🎵

Firefighting boat has two jobs: be a boat, and fight fires. Officials are now investigating why it caught fire and sank

"The President, while riding his bicycle on vacation, came to a sudden arboreal stop"

Just a reminder that the Real ID Act has turned 18, and now must pay full price at the security theater starting May 3, 2023

Well lookie here, another abandoned child of Herschel Walker. Check your couch cushions, closets, and sheds

Log Cabin Republicans shocked to learn the Texas Republican Party, long known for their acceptance and inclusion, has voted to shut the group out of their convention

Amazon won't give employees a day off to celebrate the end of slavery, which seems pretty on the mark

There was a detectorist in Kent / Whose days were detectoring spent / His wand found a peen / With a silvery sheen / But the treasure's the Crown's not that gent's


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we discovered that some of us still like bologna enough to have brand preferences. Unfortunately, we'll be serving the stuff I found on sale in the 1000 Club this time. On the Quiz itself, Tax Boy came out on top with 1032 and will be joined in the 1000 Club by dionysusaur with a score of 1023. LizardOnAStick made third with 947, Blackstone made fourth with 933, and spudbeach made it into the top five with 932,

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about a record currently being pursued by Queen Elizabeth II, much to the dismay of Prince Charles. Only 30% of quiztakers knew that King Louis XIV of France inherited the throne when he was only four years old, with his mother acting as regent until he was crowned at the age of 15. His reign of 72 years, 110 days is the longest in modern world history, but Queen Elisabeth has less than two years to go to take over this title.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz last week was about the Abilene (TX) Zoo's newest addition, a baby steenbok. 87% of quiztakers knew that a steenbok is an adorable miniature antelope common in southern and eastern Africa. They only stand about 24" at the soldier, and their main defense against predators seems to be their cuteness and the fact they're too small to have any meat.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about Disney milking an already successful blockbuster because they can. Only 50% of quiztakers guessed that "Spider-Man: No Way Home" would be returning to the big screen in an extended cut called "The More Fun Stuff Version", which will feature scenes cut for time and pacing with more interactions between the three Spider-Men and hopefully more scenes of Dr. Strange's basement and the weird stuff they find there. 

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about Disney refusing to milk an upcoming blockbuster by cutting content to get it into more theaters. 90% of quiztakers knew that Pixar's "Lightyear" won't be shown in Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, or the UAE because the filmmakers refused to cut a scene involving a same-sex kiss. A few decades from now, the decisions by these "cultural ministers" are going to seem as absurd as the decisions of American theaters to not screen "Gone With the Wind" because Clark Gable said a naughty word. 

If you missed out last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again on Friday.