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Fark NotNewsletter: May contain nuts
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2022-01-26 2:47:29 PM (39 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

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600 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2022 at 8:57 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone hope your week's been well.

The TotalFark signups continue apace - gotta tell you it's a huge relief given how sucky ad revenues are in January.  Keep it up, folks - I'd even consider doing a stunt if anyone's got any good ideas.  I haven't deleted the PolTab in awhile.  Open to other suggestions if anyone's got some.

Speaking of TotalFark, got a new feature suggestion I'd like input on. This one requires some nuance, however it likely wouldn't take long for us to add.  Want to know what it is?  TotalFark Discussion thread coming tomorrow - sign up for TotalFark today and you can tell me what you think.

At 4 p.m. Thursday it's the Fark News Livestream with me, Dill, Christine, and Lucky for sure, others TBD.  It's been a week so weird that I can't effectively tease the stories for fear of getting this NotNewsletter accidentally caught in content filters. Includes "you froze your what off" and odd complaints about a German dictator's appearance in an adult video game.  It goes downhill from there.  Come join the madness.
________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
mikebellman explained what happened to Louie Anderson
KC Dutchman told us how COVID-19 defeated Meat Loaf
i_dig_chicks described what happened when AT&T Stadium opened the doors to a horde of fans waiting to get in
Badmoodman shared more information about the oldest bridge in the world
RolfBlitzer reacted to information about an earthquake in the Dead Sea region
I_Am_Weasel asked a question about a lawsuit against an Arkansas prison
Dustin_00 summed up a couple's racist verbal attack on a family
chewd shared the story of Auntie's Lincoln versus six to eight deer
LordOfThePings fixed an image where the photo was annoyingly reversed
median eminence knew what a truck driver should do after getting 22 tires punctured while trying to avoid a toll

Smart:
hubiestubert discussed Meat Loaf's unwillingness to be "controlled"
KC Dutchman told us how COVID-19 defeated Meat Loaf
King Something gave advice on what to do if a police officer asks you to take a field sobriety test
Jim_Callahan had notes for Joss Whedon
Carter Pewterschmidt compared how roadside sobriety tests are often done in different countries
Derek Force shared with us how a friend smells
RTOGUY explained why Carhartt clothes always seem to run big
Lsherm told us how things went when the company made employees work at the office three days per week

CSB Sunday MorningThat time you auditioned and/or performed onstage
Smart: HarveyBrooks got a taste of rock stardom
Funny: vudukungfu was an eighth-grade improv genius

Politics Funny:
no1curr stole the Oath Keepers' idea of sending "messages in cursive to prevent digital reads"
Nadie_AZ sang about what happened to make Dan Crenshaw the kind of person who berates 10-year-old girls
bloobeary explained why Donald Trump started yammering about his border wall when Sean Hannity said about Joe Biden, "You keep banging your head against the wall. Why would you expect a different result?"
Glorious Golden Ass posted a message for Oath Keepers to decipher
Badmoodman thought that Oath Keepers should go a step further to disguise their plans

Politics Smart:
TWX discussed people who won't even do the bare minimum no matter how easy it's been made for them
Kat09tails explained why so many people are fed up and out of empathy for those who insist on continuing to be so careless
null listed crimes the people responsible for putting together fake electors for Trump could be charged with
Dusk-You-n-Me pointed out that NPR was attacked for something they never said
This Is Bold Text didn't appreciate adults making decisions that 3-year-olds are paying for


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba altered an infamous sign
RedZoneTuba had the perfect name for this wintertime helper
Stephen_Falken exaggerated the number of inches
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us where clouds go when they disappear from the sky
Terrapin Bound brought "The Far Side" to life
Yammering_Splat_Vector armed these fish
Dodo David found a famous musician harvesting his instrument
west.la.lawyer had bad news about dinner
west.la.lawyer revealed that this water tower is aware of what's happening in the world
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out why you shouldn't smoke while applying hairspray

Fartist FridayShow & Tell Vol. 15
spontn80 built a fabulous treehouse, complete with squirrels

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Celebrate "National Draw A Dinosaur Day" by creating for this contest some drawings of real or fantasy dinosaurs. A Tyrannosaurus rex with long arms? A Spinosaurus that can swim? Gotcha - that one's real. A Stegosaurus with wings? The sky's the limit. Use Microsoft Paint/Draw-type programs, or good old fashioned paper and pencils/markers/paints/etc. Remember, all contest entries must be created for this contest.

FarktographyCurious Findings
Herb Utsmelz showed us how the War on Christmas ended


Fark Headlines of the Week

A selection of some of the top headlines from last week

World's Oldest Man Dies. Why does this keep happening?

When a matchmaking service can't find you a partner, don't immolate yourself with gasoline. Use Tinder instead

Carhartt CEO walks a tightrope over vaccine mandates. Presumably, a tightrope that is one size too big and fades in color after about three washes

Subby would do anything for a green but he won't do that

Aaron Rodgers is now immunized from the Super Bowl

Steam ends Pandemic, which is at least safer than drinking bleach or shoving a blacklight up your backside

Death with Louie

Roger Stone vows to take Ron DeSantis out. It's like the Lincoln Project with rabies

Supreme court refuses to stop the National Archives from handing over Trump's presidential records to the Jan. 6 committee. Trump to appeal to the Total Landscaping Food Court

The NFT art market is plagued by "mind-blowing" fraud. Someone fetch me my NFT of a fainting couch

Cop rescues monkey and dog in the same day. Then the bartender says, "I suppose you won't be ordering a drink?"

Yutu-2 finds the far side of the moon is stickier, raising hopes of green cheese deposits


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we celebrated the life of Louie Anderson and his inadvertent advancement of Steve Urkel as a brief cultural icon. No one made the 1000 club this week, so I'm giving everyone that "I'm disappointed" look that I'm sure Louie would have approved of. On the Quiz itself, Denjiro came out on top with 948, followed by No Catchy Nickname in second with 887 and FrancoFile in third with 852. Brewster came in fourth with 831, and Grebuloner rounds out the top 5 with  830. Props to all of our quiztakers, this was a hard one this week.

The hardest question on this week's Hard Quiz was about Pluton. Somehow, only 20% of quiztakers knew about the latest threat to our anonymity on the Internet and recognized Pluton as the new "security" [readL privacy invader] chip designed by Microsoft to make sure that websites always remember us and still refuse to let us log on after an OS upgrade when we've forgotten our password we created 14 years ago. 

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which English classic James Joyce was responsible for. 80% of quiztakers identified him as the author of "Ulysses", wisely considered to be one of the best novels of the English language. His take on Homer's Odyssey directly influenced "O Brother Where Art Thou". so after seeing Alison Krauss in concert  I'm gonna call it a positive contribution.  

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about who won this year's Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that it was Lionel Richie who co-wrote "We Are the World" with Michael Jackson. But in fairness, only 43% of quiztakers were able to recognize Lionel's songwriting because they only held one earpiece up when listening. 

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which artist canceled her remaining North American tour due to health reasons. 94% of quiztakers knew that it was Celine Dion who couldn't perform this spring and summer. For you 6% of quiztakers who thought Madonna was the world's best-selling French language artist, she doesn't make the top 100. Although her daughter does speak a bit of French. 

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, now's a great time to catch up. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday.
· · ·

39 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-01-26 2:50:37 PM  
The long awaited Out the Subby button is finally here.
 
2022-01-26 2:53:27 PM  

Old Man Winter: The long awaited Out the Subby button is finally here.


Damn, now everyone will find out I submitted this. :(
 
2022-01-26 2:54:22 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 2:57:31 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Old Man Winter: The long awaited Out the Subby button is finally here.

Damn, now everyone will find out I submitted this. :(


Maybe you'll get some fark units as a kickback and you can buy some unreadable cursive words.
 
2022-01-26 2:58:55 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Old Man Winter: The long awaited Out the Subby button is finally here.

Damn, now everyone will find out I submitted this. :(


Fark user imageView Full Size

We got him.
 
2022-01-26 2:59:03 PM  
Instead of deleting the politics tab again how about letting some group take over the fandom tab with their content for a day? Maybe temporarily rename it the Brony tab for a day?

*shrugs*
 
2022-01-26 2:59:13 PM  
Fark Newsletter: May contain nuts

FTFY, Drew.
 
2022-01-26 3:02:29 PM  
Want to know what it is?  TotalFark Discussion thread coming tomorrow

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 3:03:30 PM  
I haven't deleted the PolTab in awhile.

SWEET JESUS, YES!
 
2022-01-26 3:04:50 PM  

bughunter: Fark Newsletter: MayDoes contain nuts

FTFY, Drew

bughunter


/half of the Farkers are nuts
//the other half are weirdoes
/// I'm both *sigh*
 
2022-01-26 3:05:33 PM  

xanadian: I haven't deleted the PolTab in awhile.

SWEET JESUS, YES!


Don't matter none, Pol tab will just slide into other tabs
 
2022-01-26 3:05:47 PM  
c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 3:07:03 PM  

Old Man Winter: Maybe you'll get some fark units as a kickback and you can buy some unreadable cursive words


I'm old enough to read cursive. :( Also, like other Farkers mentioned last week, I've forgotten how to write some cursive letters. So I'm old enough to know and forget cursive.

bughunter: Fark Newsletter: May contain nuts

FTFY, Drew.


I ain't no Drew.
 
2022-01-26 3:09:09 PM  
Turn fark units into an actual crypto currency? (Offer only valid in the country of Farkistan.)
 
2022-01-26 3:10:23 PM  

jim32rr: xanadian: I haven't deleted the PolTab in awhile.

SWEET JESUS, YES!

Don't matter none, Pol tab will just slide into other tabs


Didn't it already have its sticky testicles in every other tab?
 
2022-01-26 3:13:00 PM  

Old Man Winter: The long awaited Out the Subby button is finally here.


we already know its you
 
2022-01-26 3:23:48 PM  
Would out the sucky be retroactive?
 
2022-01-26 3:26:19 PM  
*click*
Hi, guys, what's goin on in thi.. oh,
uh oh.
*Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*
 
2022-01-26 3:32:36 PM  
 
2022-01-26 3:34:32 PM  
Open to other suggestions if anyone's got some.

Change tab titles and such to all emoji.
Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the color scheme to something obnoxious like Windows 3's hotdog theme
Have all the tabs show the same content
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.
 
2022-01-26 3:35:42 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: ParallelUniverseParking: We got him

[Fark user image image 245x142]


In fairness, Old Man Winter probably was a Scooby villain.
 
2022-01-26 4:00:36 PM  
Considering the threads we've had the past couple of days, "nuts" may not necessarily be plural.
 
2022-01-26 4:27:21 PM  
I did make a refrigerator picture this week for fark, but was debating whether or not to post it. In part due to the fact I both like it and dislike it at the same time. Anyhow, here's a very noisy abstract drawing of the fark squirrel.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 4:37:34 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 4:49:47 PM  

kabloink: Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.


Borrowing what another Farker already said, extend this:  Mascot and content replaced with ponies for a limited amount of time (or at random.)  I had the idea of extending the filters such that more keywords should be replaced a while back, but it apparently didn't get any traction.  "Covid-19" -> "green bean casserole" may just not be appealing to people.  (The April Fool's filters a few years back changed "handles of vodka" to "meathookles of vodka", which I thought was fairly amusing.)
 
2022-01-26 6:29:31 PM  

kabloink: Open to other suggestions if anyone's got some.

Change tab titles and such to all emoji.
Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the color scheme to something obnoxious like Windows 3's hotdog theme
Have all the tabs show the same content
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.


Instead of using FUs to buy swear words in the swear jar, make swearing free for the poster and charge EVERYONE ELSE to be able to see them unfiltered.  Higher income to swear word ratio, and you can ascertain the age of the reader by credit/debit card account info.
 
2022-01-26 7:31:59 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 7:40:10 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 8:55:53 PM  
I don't know if this is a good idea or not, and it may contain nuts so please don't throw it at me and then try to come behind the counter, but I personally would sometimes pay (in my head) to vote twice, some people are so goldarn funny. So, if there were like, a button that cost me a dime, but would allow me to vote for someone twice, I might do it. But I suppose you would have to have an account to spend from.
 
2022-01-26 8:58:19 PM  

danceswithcrows: kabloink: Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.

Borrowing what another Farker already said, extend this:  Mascot and content replaced with ponies for a limited amount of time (or at random.) I had the idea of extending the filters such that more keywords should be replaced a while back, but it apparently didn't get any traction.  "Covid-19" -> "green bean casserole" may just not be appealing to people.  (The April Fool's filters a few years back changed "handles of vodka" to "meathookles of vodka", which I thought was fairly amusing.)


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 9:00:15 PM  

AstroJesus: I don't know if this is a good idea or not, and it may contain nuts so please don't throw it at me and then try to come behind the counter, but I personally would sometimes pay (in my head) to vote twice, some people are so goldarn funny. So, if there were like, a button that cost me a dime, but would allow me to vote for someone twice, I might do it. But I suppose you would have to have an account to spend from.


*wheeoo wheeoo wheeoo*

"OPEN UP, THIS IS THE TEXAS POLICE. WE NONCONTEXTUALLY HEARD YOU WERE VOTING TWICE. PLEASE VERIFY YOUR WHITENESS OR YOU WILL BE PLACED UNDER ARREST."
 
2022-01-26 9:06:46 PM  

bughunter: Fark Newsletter: May contain nuts

FTFY, Drew.


The "May" is also unnecessary.
 
2022-01-26 9:08:41 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: Turn fark units into an actual crypto currency? (Offer only valid in the country of Farkistan.)


Use an integer based crypto currency,
 
2022-01-26 9:19:55 PM  
Fark is like a bowl of granola, what ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.
 
2022-01-26 9:36:45 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 11:10:25 PM  

real_headhoncho: danceswithcrows: kabloink: Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.

Borrowing what another Farker already said, extend this:  Mascot and content replaced with ponies for a limited amount of time (or at random.) I had the idea of extending the filters such that more keywords should be replaced a while back, but it apparently didn't get any traction.  "Covid-19" -> "green bean casserole" may just not be appealing to people.  (The April Fool's filters a few years back changed "handles of vodka" to "meathookles of vodka", which I thought was fairly amusing.)

[Fark user image 850x637]


Have to give them a beer at least

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-26 11:39:19 PM  

danceswithcrows: kabloink: Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.

Borrowing what another Farker already said, extend this:  Mascot and content replaced with ponies for a limited amount of time (or at random.)  I had the idea of extending the filters such that more keywords should be replaced a while back, but it apparently didn't get any traction.  "Covid-19" -> "green bean casserole" may just not be appealing to people.  (The April Fool's filters a few years back changed "handles of vodka" to "meathookles of vodka", which I thought was fairly amusing.)


I was thinking another option would be give the current squirrel mascot clothes after announcing the exposed genitals is not appropriate for today's readers or something like that.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-27 1:32:26 AM  

kabloink: real_headhoncho: danceswithcrows: kabloink: Choose a new unexpected mascot and display it prominently for a week or so.
Change the naughty word filter to replace the names of prominent politicians with something else.

Borrowing what another Farker already said, extend this:  Mascot and content replaced with ponies for a limited amount of time (or at random.) I had the idea of extending the filters such that more keywords should be replaced a while back, but it apparently didn't get any traction.  "Covid-19" -> "green bean casserole" may just not be appealing to people.  (The April Fool's filters a few years back changed "handles of vodka" to "meathookles of vodka", which I thought was fairly amusing.)

[Fark user image 850x637]

Have to give them a beer at least

[Fark user image 350x275]


Fark user imageView Full Size

Covered
 
2022-01-27 2:53:46 PM  

eyeq360: bughunter: Fark Newsletter: May contain nuts

FTFY, Drew.

The "May" is also unnecessary.


i2-prod.mylondon.newsView Full Size
 
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