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Fark NotNewsletter: May contain nuts Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2022-01-26 2:47:29 PM (39 comments) | Permalink More: FarkBlog
________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well. The TotalFark signups continue apace - gotta tell you it's a huge relief given how sucky ad revenues are in January. Keep it up, folks - I'd even consider doing a stunt if anyone's got any good ideas. I haven't deleted the PolTab in awhile. Open to other suggestions if anyone's got some. Speaking of TotalFark, got a new feature suggestion I'd like input on. This one requires some nuance, however it likely wouldn't take long for us to add. Want to know what it is? TotalFark Discussion thread coming tomorrow - sign up for TotalFark today and you can tell me what you think. At 4 p.m. Thursday it's the Fark News Livestream with me, Dill, Christine, and Lucky for sure, others TBD. It's been a week so weird that I can't effectively tease the stories for fear of getting this NotNewsletter accidentally caught in content filters. Includes "you froze your what off" and odd complaints about a German dictator's appearance in an adult video game. It goes downhill from there. Come join the madness. ________________________ End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: mikebellman explained what happened to Louie Anderson KC Dutchman told us how COVID-19 defeated Meat Loaf i_dig_chicks described what happened when AT&T Stadium opened the doors to a horde of fans waiting to get in Badmoodman shared more information about the oldest bridge in the world RolfBlitzer reacted to information about an earthquake in the Dead Sea region I_Am_Weasel asked a question about a lawsuit against an Arkansas prison Dustin_00 summed up a couple's racist verbal attack on a family chewd shared the story of Auntie's Lincoln versus six to eight deer LordOfThePings fixed an image where the photo was annoyingly reversed median eminence knew what a truck driver should do after getting 22 tires punctured while trying to avoid a toll Smart: hubiestubert discussed Meat Loaf's unwillingness to be "controlled" KC Dutchman told us how COVID-19 defeated Meat Loaf King Something gave advice on what to do if a police officer asks you to take a field sobriety test Jim_Callahan had notes for Joss Whedon Carter Pewterschmidt compared how roadside sobriety tests are often done in different countries Derek Force shared with us how a friend smells RTOGUY explained why Carhartt clothes always seem to run big Lsherm told us how things went when the company made employees work at the office three days per week CSB Sunday Morning: That time you auditioned and/or performed onstage Smart: HarveyBrooks got a taste of rock stardom Funny: vudukungfu was an eighth-grade improv genius Politics Funny: no1curr stole the Oath Keepers' idea of sending "messages in cursive to prevent digital reads" Nadie_AZ sang about what happened to make Dan Crenshaw the kind of person who berates 10-year-old girls bloobeary explained why Donald Trump started yammering about his border wall when Sean Hannity said about Joe Biden, "You keep banging your head against the wall. Why would you expect a different result?" Glorious Golden Ass posted a message for Oath Keepers to decipher Badmoodman thought that Oath Keepers should go a step further to disguise their plans Politics Smart: TWX discussed people who won't even do the bare minimum no matter how easy it's been made for them Kat09tails explained why so many people are fed up and out of empathy for those who insist on continuing to be so careless null listed crimes the people responsible for putting together fake electors for Trump could be charged with Dusk-You-n-Me pointed out that NPR was attacked for something they never said This Is Bold Text didn't appreciate adults making decisions that 3-year-olds are paying for Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week Photoshops: RedZoneTuba altered an infamous sign RedZoneTuba had the perfect name for this wintertime helper Stephen_Falken exaggerated the number of inches Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us where clouds go when they disappear from the sky Terrapin Bound brought "The Far Side" to life Yammering_Splat_Vector armed these fish Dodo David found a famous musician harvesting his instrument west.la.lawyer had bad news about dinner west.la.lawyer revealed that this water tower is aware of what's happening in the world Yammering_Splat_Vector found out why you shouldn't smoke while applying hairspray Fartist Friday: Show & Tell Vol. 15 spontn80 built a fabulous treehouse, complete with squirrels This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Celebrate "National Draw A Dinosaur Day" by creating for this contest some drawings of real or fantasy dinosaurs. A Tyrannosaurus rex with long arms? A Spinosaurus that can swim? Gotcha - that one's real. A Stegosaurus with wings? The sky's the limit. Use Microsoft Paint/Draw-type programs, or good old fashioned paper and pencils/markers/paints/etc. Remember, all contest entries must be created for this contest. Farktography: Curious Findings Herb Utsmelz showed us how the War on Christmas ended Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last week World's Oldest Man Dies. Why does this keep happening? When a matchmaking service can't find you a partner, don't immolate yourself with gasoline. Use Tinder instead Carhartt CEO walks a tightrope over vaccine mandates. Presumably, a tightrope that is one size too big and fades in color after about three washes Subby would do anything for a green but he won't do that Aaron Rodgers is now immunized from the Super Bowl Steam ends Pandemic, which is at least safer than drinking bleach or shoving a blacklight up your backside Death with Louie Roger Stone vows to take Ron DeSantis out. It's like the Lincoln Project with rabies Supreme court refuses to stop the National Archives from handing over Trump's presidential records to the Jan. 6 committee. Trump to appeal to the Total Landscaping Food Court The NFT art market is plagued by "mind-blowing" fraud. Someone fetch me my NFT of a fainting couch Cop rescues monkey and dog in the same day. Then the bartender says, "I suppose you won't be ordering a drink?" Yutu-2 finds the far side of the moon is stickier, raising hopes of green cheese deposits Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we celebrated the life of Louie Anderson and his inadvertent advancement of Steve Urkel as a brief cultural icon. No one made the 1000 club this week, so I'm giving everyone that "I'm disappointed" look that I'm sure Louie would have approved of. On the Quiz itself, Denjiro came out on top with 948, followed by No Catchy Nickname in second with 887 and FrancoFile in third with 852. Brewster came in fourth with 831, and Grebuloner rounds out the top 5 with 830. Props to all of our quiztakers, this was a hard one this week. The hardest question on this week's Hard Quiz was about Pluton. Somehow, only 20% of quiztakers knew about the latest threat to our anonymity on the Internet and recognized Pluton as the new "security" [readL privacy invader] chip designed by Microsoft to make sure that websites always remember us and still refuse to let us log on after an OS upgrade when we've forgotten our password we created 14 years ago. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which English classic James Joyce was responsible for. 80% of quiztakers identified him as the author of "Ulysses", wisely considered to be one of the best novels of the English language. His take on Homer's Odyssey directly influenced "O Brother Where Art Thou". so after seeing Alison Krauss in concert I'm gonna call it a positive contribution. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about who won this year's Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that it was Lionel Richie who co-wrote "We Are the World" with Michael Jackson. But in fairness, only 43% of quiztakers were able to recognize Lionel's songwriting because they only held one earpiece up when listening. The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which artist canceled her remaining North American tour due to health reasons. 94% of quiztakers knew that it was Celine Dion who couldn't perform this spring and summer. For you 6% of quiztakers who thought Madonna was the world's best-selling French language artist, she doesn't make the top 100. Although her daughter does speak a bit of French. If you missed out on last week's Quiz, now's a great time to catch up. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday. · · ·
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