Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Fark NotNewsletter: Shipping gas and fireworks, hopefully not together
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2021-06-30 2:12:24 PM, edited 2021-06-30 7:45:42 PM (28 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

•       •       •

450 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2021 at 8:44 PM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 


Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

Several times a year every year we've seen articles about how there will be traffic before Memorial Day / July 4th / Labor Day / Thanksgiving / Christmas, etc., but for the second time in the 22 year history of Fark, we've had a new variation.  This year apparently there's a risk running out of gas due to a truck driver shortage.  On the one hand, it's nice to see a new version of the same old article. But on the other hand, I wish it could have been something more upbeat.  On the same note, we've been seeing articles about a firework shortage since last week.  That one I find suspicious because the warning's being sounded by the same folks who make the fireworks.  I might be willing to risk that one.

Speaking of other new twists on news tropes, someone baked cookies in his car in Pennsylvania.  I may give this a try myself later.

The Fark News Livestream is set for Thursday, 5:30 p.m.  The top 15 story pool was a little thin, but then Wednesday happened and we are locked and loaded.  Get ready for a bumper crop of buried ledes.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
puffy999 defended theories on the cause of the partial collapse of a building in Florida in a reply to potierr
dave0821
wondered about the 22.5-year prison sentence given to Derek Chauvin
T-Boy speculated on John McAfee's death
Eravior figured that other companies could follow Peloton's lead of bricking their products for non-subscribers
DarkSoulNoHope envisioned a bad sign from Boeing
Benevolent Misanthrope shared a story about a frustrated man defending his mailbox
NewportBarGuy had a guess about the collapsed condo building near Miami
Johnson feared more changes after Peloton tried going subscription-only
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class had a different name for the new dating show that has participants wearing elaborate costumes
Nurglitch expanded on the belief that men lose "life force" every time they ejaculate

Smart:
Gyrfalcon put Derek Chauvin's sentence into perspective
scottydoesntknow defended a man who installed a reinforced mailbox after previous ones kept getting damaged
Benevolent Misanthrope shared a story about a frustrated man defending his mailbox
scottydoesntknow shared a story about a kid whose purpose in life was to serve as a warning to others
Pocket Ninja had a theory about the brotherhood of the semen keepers
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise predicted the next group the sperm retainers will join
adamatari's grandfather managed to escape from a Native American boarding school

CSB Sunday Morning: A brush with fame
Smart: LineNoise had a couple of memorable encounters with Val Kilmer
Funny: Gulper Eel got stomped by Ray Charles

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

Politics Funny:
Rev.K pointed out that Joe Biden is failing as president
Rev.K celebrated news that the Manhattan D.A. is considering criminal charges against the Trump Organization
cretinbob told us what will happen now that Rudy Giuliani's law license has been suspended
RasIanI imagined how it feels to get smacked down by Jen Psaki
wejash came up with a name for Donald Trump's recent rally

Politics Smart:
sinner4ever had a theory on why Joe Manchin eventually supported the For the People Act
Pocket Ninja shared some information about the source of the video of Trump supporters protesting Kamala Harris in El Paso
weddingsinger went over a defense of not getting vaccinated for COVID-19
AtomPeepers saw the ultimate metaphor for Florida
edmo explained to people spreading conspiracy theories on Trump's behalf why they're getting unwanted reactions


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba created a portal for searching for Fark memes
Yammering_Splat_Vector whipped up a storm
Hyperbolic Hyperbole showed us how Google should celebrate Fark
Yammering_Splat_Vector adapted an animation from James Curran
clovercat shared evidence that the real estate market is out of control
RedZoneTuba did the thing with the woman making bull horns with her fingers
RedZoneTuba did the distracted boyfriend thing
RedZoneTuba did the "blown away" guy Maxell ad thing
Herb Utsmelz threw another boat parade from Trump
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a bug whose sound blows crickets and cicadas away

Captions:
From
Caption this boaty conversation:
Keyser_Soze_Death warned about an uninvited audience
markie_farkie had a common maritime misunderstanding
gopher321 overheard some good ol' country club happiness

Fartist Friday: Haikus about springtime
dothemath yelled at clouds

Fartist Friday will be taking the week off, but will return next week

Farktography:
Summer fun
Wrongo gave us a Superior sunset


Fark Parties

Friday, July 9, 2021: Buffalo, NY Fark Party (with all public health guidance carefully followed)


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's Quiz, and my gutter project is coming in nicely between the heavy rains and ridiculous heat. On the Quiz itself, JasonOfOrillia is our sole entrant into the 1000 club with a score of 1003 and so gets to sample my made-from-scratch Maple Bacon Ice Cream. Denjiro made second with 969, HighwayBill came in third with 945, WoolyManwich made fourth with 927, and Wizzywig finished out the top five with 916.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about those wacky Aussies and how they celebrate not being killed by everything around them by ordering from Domino's. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that Salmon, roast pumpkin, and broccoli are now available as pizza toppings, which I imagine are perfect for losing a bet or when you're ordering for someone who you despise so much that pineapple just won't cut it. Their Salmon & Prawn Supreme actually sounds interesting, as it's on a crème fraiche base rather than tomato sauce, and I really wouldn't mind trying the Crispy BBQ Peking Duck & Bacon.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about what happened on June 6, 1944. 84% of quiztakers recognized it as the day Allied forces embarked on the Great Crusade of the D-Day invasion, freeing France from Hitler's forces and resulting in a huge morale boost from the better food. Until Domino's came along and made pizza with mutton sausage and potatoes.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which fast food joint was trolling Chick-fil-A by donating money for every chicken sandwich sold during Pride Month to pro-LGBTQ+ causes. Only 49% knew that Burger King wanted to also be the Chicken Sandwich King this month, with 40 cents of every chicken sandwich sold going to The Human Rights Campaign. In case you're curious, they have Burger King in Australia, but they call it Hungry Jack's and they put bacon and avocado on their chicken sandwiches.

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about a new cross-promotion breakfast cereal. 85% of quiztakers knew that Lucky Charms were temporarily Loki Charms in a Disney cross-promotion. I'm not sure what comes on pizza in Asgard or the TVA, but if that leprechaun is back in Ireland for his time off, he's probably eating the same stuff we get at Domino's here in the US, like the Chicken Taco Pizza or Cheeseburger Pizza, the latter of which has mustard on it for some godforsaken reason.

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can make up for it now that you know a few answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and don't forget to check out this week's Quiz.
· · ·

28 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-30 2:16:15 PM  
Don't know who originally made this, but well done.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 2:23:13 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Don't know who originally made this, but well done.

[Fark user image image 728x408]


Best. One. EVER!!!
 
2021-06-30 2:24:53 PM  
Where I come from, "shipping" means imagining characters to be in a Sexy Time Relationship.

So of course I'm trying to figure out how gas and fireworks would f*ck.
 
2021-06-30 2:25:06 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Don't know who originally made this, but well done.

[Fark user image 728x408] [View Full Size image _x_]


Okay, who left the NASFARK Idols on after the races?
 
2021-06-30 2:39:16 PM  
Shipping gas and fireworks, hopefully not together

Don't tell me how to do my job.
 
2021-06-30 2:39:30 PM  

rosekolodny: Where I come from, "shipping" means imagining characters to be in a Sexy Time Relationship.

So of course I'm trying to figure out how gas and fireworks would f*ck.


Sparks would fly, followed by everything else in the general vicinity.
 
2021-06-30 2:40:09 PM  

rosekolodny: Where I come from, "shipping" means imagining characters to be in a Sexy Time Relationship.

So of course I'm trying to figure out how gas and fireworks would f*ck.


It would be explosive for sure.
 
2021-06-30 2:47:03 PM  

rosekolodny: Where I come from, "shipping" means imagining characters to be in a Sexy Time Relationship.

So of course I'm trying to figure out how gas and fireworks would f*ck.


I'm sure there's a fanfic writer out there who would be only too happy to describe it in detail.
 
2021-06-30 2:50:06 PM  
That *would* be the thing that puts me in the NNL 😘
 
2021-06-30 2:57:29 PM  

rosekolodny: Where I come from, "shipping" means imagining characters to be in a Sexy Time Relationship.

So of course I'm trying to figure out how gas and fireworks would f*ck.


Gas and fireworks have a very volatile relationship and really shouldn't be together as it's unhealthy for both of them. But when they get together, they think it's love, but it's more like explosive, angry hate-sex that turns into group sex cause everyone nearby gets f*cked as well.
 
2021-06-30 2:57:55 PM  
"running out of gas due to a truck driver shortage"

I knew that Soylent Green is people, but I had no idea that gas was made out of truck drivers. That's babaric. I guess I'll switch to electric.
 
2021-06-30 2:59:38 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: I knew that Soylent Green is people, but I had no idea that gas was made out of truck drivers


Generated by truck drivers, for sure.

More beans?
 
2021-06-30 3:05:42 PM  

Destructor: Shipping gas and fireworks, hopefully not together

Don't tell me how to do my job.


Username sure checks out.
 
2021-06-30 3:06:50 PM  

Destructor: ParallelUniverseParking: I knew that Soylent Green is people, but I had no idea that gas was made out of truck drivers

Generated by truck drivers, for sure.

More beans?


Taco Bell is located at a lot of  interstate and highway exits. Maybe build a few more to get a good start on the infrastructure, green energy, and economic revitalization efforts.
 
2021-06-30 3:07:18 PM  

Destructor: ParallelUniverseParking: I knew that Soylent Green is people, but I had no idea that gas was made out of truck drivers

Generated by truck drivers, for sure.

More beans?


Due to emission standards and particulate filtering, today's truck drivers emit only pure oxygen and have California certified Clean Idle stickers on their ass cheeks.
 
2021-06-30 3:08:36 PM  

Destructor: ParallelUniverseParking: I knew that Soylent Green is people, but I had no idea that gas was made out of truck drivers

Generated by truck drivers, for sure.

More beans?


I am apalled. I was under the impression this "fracking" happens somewhere underground. But it seems to be a euphemism for "giant truck driver juicer".
 
2021-06-30 3:10:28 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: I am apalled. I was under the impression this "fracking" happens somewhere underground. But it seems to be a euphemism for "giant truck driver juicer".


Yeah. That black exhaust? They're not exactly "rolling coal".
 
2021-06-30 3:29:45 PM  
i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 3:30:25 PM  
I was on fire this week.

Well, see you next year.
 
2021-06-30 4:29:48 PM  
I live in a place that bans even Sparklers, so there's always a shortage of fireworks for me.
 
2021-06-30 5:04:31 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 6:57:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 7:04:36 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 9:30:37 PM  
Lots of fun from the past week. I wish they would bring back Headlines of the Week.
 
2021-06-30 9:53:19 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: Don't know who originally made this, but well done.

[Fark user image image 728x408]


After 20 years the Dawson's Creek meme has FINALLY been defeated!
 
2021-06-30 10:17:46 PM  

edmo: [Fark user image 350x197] [View Full Size image _x_]


*bucketlist updated*
 
2021-06-30 10:31:43 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-30 11:56:35 PM  
PSA:  Count is getting higher

Also, melting cookies on your dashboard is neither baking nor without risk of Salmonella.
 
Displayed 28 of 28 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.