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Fark NotNewsletter: Carb-free since 2014. Crab-free since this morning
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2021-06-09 9:48:54 AM, edited 2021-06-09 12:22:17 PM (55 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

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629 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jun 2021 at 8:42 PM (9 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week has been well.

Every once in awhile something massively important shows up in the news cycle but fails to get traction for whatever reason.  Some of you probably saw the article about the FBI making an encryption app and managing to get 9,000 folks, mostly involved in organized crime, to use it for primary messaging.  Whoops.  I'm expecting more entertaining stories to come out of that one, so stay tuned. In the very least it's a big deal, and depending on what else is on there the sky is the limit.

Also of note: Snopes.com, a friend of ours since the late '90s, started selling a mystery puzzle box package. For now I just wanted to bring it to your attention.  As for why, we'll talk more about it next week.  The tl;dr version is now would be a great time to sign up for TotalFark - we may have a really fun discussion on deck next week.  Seriously, it's extra dumb.

No Fark News Livestream this week, Dallan and I are both on the road.  He's in Utah doing whatever he does in Utah, I'm in Cedar Rapids speaking at EntreFEST, which is a great time if you're local and inclined to join.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Sin'sHero decided to try using more hemisphere-inclusive language when discussing seasons
GreatGlavinsGhost responded to knackx's suggestion that context is an important part of communication
jim32rr realized something about Burger King's menu
The Googles Do Nothing explained the sad truth about how the world works
Pocket Ninja shared a little-known fact about growing almonds in California
Tr0mBoNe agreed that we should consider other time zones when communicating on the internet
ryebread revealed the real COVID-19 conspiracy
Bill_Wick's_Friend reacted to a man on a plane being taken down by passengers and flight crew when he tried to break into the cockpit
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That accepted a compliment with humility
The Pope of Manwich Village spotted the cause of a devastating car crash in Hawaii

Smart:
optikeye remembered a feature some old cars had that would never be allowed today
Fingerware Error brought up car gadgets that used to work differently
40 degree day shared a story about a recent encounter with an erratic driver
AirForceVet told us how local noise ordinances have been used to protect people
ryebread revealed the real COVID-19 conspiracy
Magorn pointed out probably the best part about saving the lives of some bigots who were harassing you [Note: Be sure to check this story out if you missed it]
jso2897 called out some dam effects of climate change

CSB Sunday Morning: Wait, that actually happened? Tell your surreal stories
Smart: Devolving_Spud described an eerie encounter with ball lightning
Smart (honorable mention since it's probably not surreal to anyone else): Hey Nurse! shared a story about meeting a hottie at a Chinese food buffet
Funny: Ker_Thwap's friend was an unlikely hero
Funny (honorable mention because the same story won three years ago): Flab witnessed something strange at Burger King

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

Politics Funny:
This Is Bold Text explained what "antifa symbols" look like
hugram revealed the real reason Donald Trump had his blog shut down
Maturin had a suggestion for handling complaints that Annie Leibovitz was taking photos of Jen Psaki after not taking any of the women of the Trump administration
JerseyTim responded to the strange complaint that "gays are celebrated for a full month while veterans only get one day"
Sin'sHero recognized the high school Tucker Carlson went to from the photo that NewportBarGuy posted

Politics Smart:
hardinparamedic discussed Arizona's plans to use Zyklon B to execute people sentenced to death, with this follow-up comment about capital punishment
diIdo tontine pointed out one of the problems with a North Carolina county's ban on Coke vending machines in county office buildings
GardenWeasel either made a prescient prediction or gave Republicans an idea
dhcmrlchtdj responded to Rep. Maria Salazar's claim that socialists and communists are antisemitic
Nadie_AZ recommended a book for those who are interested in learning more about U.S. history


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba showed Lindsey Graham paying tribute to his Irish background
samsquatch demonstrated how difficult life was before elastic was invented
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave the Fark mascot some festive adornments
RedZoneTuba revealed the ugly truth about Barney the dinosaur
Yammering_Splat_Vector found where Kirk hangs a photo from one of his treks
samsquatch designed a car that generates its own power
samsquatch showed what Farkers bought instead of a Trans Am for Uncle Joe
Kick The Chair showed the prize awarded to the runner-up
Yammering_Splat_Vector caught a fish in this picturesque setting
zeon fought an angry iguana

Fartist Friday: Album covers
steklo made a Fark album with a side of mustard

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: In honor of World Oceans Day, create some new-for-this-contest original artwork featuring the ocean. Use any medium you like - photography, painting, Photoshop, drawing, etc.


Farktography: Tracks
CiliarySpasm took a photo of a section of Snowpiercer's tracks


Fark Parties

Friday, July 9, 2021: Buffalo, NY Fark Party (with all public health guidance carefully followed)


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, but since the 1000 club remains empty, I get to eat all the Polish spareribs myself. Good thing too, I can't fit more than half a rack on my grill at once. On the Quiz itself, State_College_Arsonist barely missed the 1000 club with a score of 997, followed by Tax Boy in second with 984 and dittybopper in third with 931. Glockenspiel Hero made fourth with 927, and Captain Orr made fifth with 923.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the city of Chula Vista, CA's new program to deal with emergency response. Only 35% of quiztakers knew that each 911 call that merited a police response would also get a drone for aerial reconnaissance. Personally, I think it's only being done for the extra camera angles on the new season of COPS, but hey, there are worse things that authorities could be sending out.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which movie the "Forever Marilyn" statue in Palm Springs, CA was inspired by. 91% of quiztakers recognized the subway grate scene as being from "The Seven Year Itch." "Strangers on a Train" was an Alfred Hitchcock thriller starring Farley Granger and Robert Walker, and "Roman Holiday" was an Audrey Hepburn romcom costarring Gregory Peck.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the #1 movie at the box office - "Spiral: Book of Saw". Only 50% of quiztakers knew that it featured Samuel L. Jackson swearing at Chris Rock. Which probably says something about the state of interest in theaters at the moment more than it says about Sam Jackson's box office draw. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about baklava. 97% of quiztakers recognized it as sheets of dough with nuts and sticky sauce, the other 3% thought you wore it on your head when conducting stealth operations when you didn't want to be recognized. Also, if you haven't tried baklava, I highly recommend it. But not while wearing a balaclava, as that can be messy. Take off the balaclava, put the baklava in your mouth, put the balaclava back on, and resume your stealth operation without the rumbly tummy that will inadvertently reveal your position.

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up at this link.

Congratulations once again to the winners, and be sure to check out this week's Fark Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

55 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-06-09 9:58:44 AM  
 
2021-06-09 10:00:50 AM  
One of you still has crabs
 
2021-06-09 10:13:59 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:16:56 AM  
Whoohoo....won a contest!
 
2021-06-09 10:18:05 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:23:25 AM  
One crab to another crab: "I think I have lobsters."
 
2021-06-09 10:24:16 AM  
Which NES Mario had crabs?
 
2021-06-09 10:27:24 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:27:59 AM  

west.la.lawyer: Which NES Mario had crabs?


Princess Peach?
 
2021-06-09 10:33:44 AM  

west.la.lawyer: Which NES Mario had crabs?


Mario has cure for crabs.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Take-a-dis suppository
 
2021-06-09 10:39:35 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:47:59 AM  
Crabs love carbs...

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:52:00 AM  
Crab if you need it, she put her knickers on.
 
2021-06-09 10:52:24 AM  
Don't worry about the crabs. I'll take care of this.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:52:51 AM  
I like watching them race, like at the National Hard Crab Derby in Crisfield, Maryland. Here is a sample race. I have named them funny names when I register them, like Kurt Crabain, Sidney Crabby, Crawl Forrest Crawl, and a FARK contest winner from 2013, Luke Sidewalker.

Crisfield MD 68th Hard Crab Derby Final
Youtube Mhll5WW56GQ
 
2021-06-09 10:53:43 AM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:54:30 AM  
I just gave blood at the VA for an A1C test, so I'm really getting a kick out of this NNL.
 
2021-06-09 10:54:30 AM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: [i.imgflip.com image 672x371]


i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 10:54:56 AM  
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:00:31 AM  

Diocletian's Last Cabbage: I just gave blood at the VA for an A1C test, so I'm really getting a kick out of this NNL.


Ah yes, the "A #1 Crab" test...
 
2021-06-09 11:03:15 AM  
*scratch*  *scratch*  *scratch*
 
2021-06-09 11:04:11 AM  

xanadian: *scratch*  *scratch*  *scratch*


To be fair, Gritty looks like the Source of crabs.
 
2021-06-09 11:06:03 AM  
My uncle and dad bought a bunch of live crabs for dinner and they were in a Styrofoam cooler on the porch of the old cottage we rented at Nags Head back in '67. We are talking pre-condo Nags Head when you could rent an old house cheap from someone who was sick of living on the beach and you could buy shrimp and crabs off the boat coming in if you got there at dawn, and had beers to trade.
Us kids had no idea it was that, just something to sit on, and we were discussing the fight we heard through the screens the night before. (No one had Air-conditioning then)  Being Yankees, we were not familiar with the idioms of the south, so when the people renting the cottage next door had their children get into a fight, being proper southerners, they simply "hollered" in to the kids' room, "Dwayne, you stop hitting on your sister"
Which we though was funny enough to giggle until pee almost came out.
Anyway, cousin Mikey say on that cooler and it broke and a bunch of crabs grabbed his ass and he was dancing around with them hanging off his swim trunks, and he ran out into the hot driveway, barefoot.
Hitting the hot driveway he began to dance hysterically, with the crabs jangling from his ass, and the adults in our cottage ran out and swatted our dinner off of his butt.
We got to listen to the neighbors talk about the weird Yankees that night.
 
2021-06-09 11:13:46 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:14:32 AM  

vudukungfu: My uncle and dad bought a bunch of live crabs for dinner and they were in a Styrofoam cooler on the porch of the old cottage we rented at Nags Head back in '67. We are talking pre-condo Nags Head when you could rent an old house cheap from someone who was sick of living on the beach and you could buy shrimp and crabs off the boat coming in if you got there at dawn, and had beers to trade.
Us kids had no idea it was that, just something to sit on, and we were discussing the fight we heard through the screens the night before. (No one had Air-conditioning then)  Being Yankees, we were not familiar with the idioms of the south, so when the people renting the cottage next door had their children get into a fight, being proper southerners, they simply "hollered" in to the kids' room, "Dwayne, you stop hitting on your sister"
Which we though was funny enough to giggle until pee almost came out.
Anyway, cousin Mikey say on that cooler and it broke and a bunch of crabs grabbed his ass and he was dancing around with them hanging off his swim trunks, and he ran out into the hot driveway, barefoot.
Hitting the hot driveway he began to dance hysterically, with the crabs jangling from his ass, and the adults in our cottage ran out and swatted our dinner off of his butt.
We got to listen to the neighbors talk about the weird Yankees that night.


Thank you for that story. It's excellent.
 
2021-06-09 11:41:55 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:43:53 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:45:29 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:54:05 AM  
Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.
 
2021-06-09 12:23:59 PM  

Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.


This week's comments go in next week's NotNewsletter.
 
2021-06-09 12:43:44 PM  
I'm just here for the free crab.
 
2021-06-09 1:06:49 PM  

ox45tallboy: I'm just here for the free crab.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 1:24:08 PM  

Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.


yeah I've had various posts that did numbers......ya gotta be on the special list to get here.  I don't mind, but newbies need to know.
 
2021-06-09 1:53:50 PM  
I see you had better luck than I did finding the original retelling of my CSB, DisseminationMonkey.
 
2021-06-09 1:57:20 PM  

TrashcanMan: Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.

yeah I've had various posts that did numbers......ya gotta be on the special list to get here.  I don't mind, but newbies need to know.



I go by the votes, but then, so that 1) we don't end up with basically the same comments in each NotNewsletter, and 2) they're actually worth reading, I skip over some types of comments.

Some types of comments I try not to include:

- comments that are basically "fark that guy" or "that dog is cute" another obvious reaction (this would be a huge portion of the NNL, especially the fark that guy comments)
- comments that are said in one way or another nearly every week (like the same arguments in gun threads, vaccine threads, etc.)
- sort of obvious comments, which aren't wrong and are decent comments, but they really got the votes for being there early and saying what most Farkers were thinking - it's like an "I agree with you/I came here to say this" vote, but they aren't necessarily worth clicking on from the NNL because they aren't bringing in new information or a novel point of view
- memes, tweets, comments, jokes or other things originating elsewhere unless used in a new/original way or, as far as I can tell, created by the person posting it (because we want to focus on Fark content - it's the Fark NotNewsletter, not the Twitter/Facebook/whatevermemesiteyouli​ke/etc. NotNewsletter)
- comments that basically summarize the article or restate the headline, or just agree or disagree with someone in the article without really providing any new information, or give an opinion like "that movie sucked" without providing any new argument or information that makes the comment worth clicking on from the NNL
- comments just complaining about the article, author, linked site, headline, etc. because they're really just not worth clicking on from the NNL to read
- comments attacking or complaining about fellow Farkers or Fark (we don't want any Farkers to feel like the NNL is attacking them, and we're certainly not going to give a megaphone to the guy standing in the middle of the party yelling about how much the party sucks)
- stuff that's borderline to being against Fark's rules

It's not that all of the comments I leave out aren't smart or funny or you shouldn't vote for them, it's just that the NotNewsletter is meant to highlight original Fark content that is worth clicking through to read, and not be basically the same comments week after week. I'm always open to changing how I make these decisions, so please let me know if you disagree with any of the types of things I omit or have some other ideas. I want Farkers to enjoy the NotNewsletter, so I'm always happy to get your constructive feedback and ideas. Doing it this way is a LOT more work for me and a LOT more time consuming than just going straight by the votes, but I'm really trying to make it worthwhile for you to read. Trust me, if I'm screwing that up, I want to know, because I don't want all this effort to be misguided. You can reach out to me through email (EIP) or Farkback with any questions or ideas.
 
2021-06-09 2:00:34 PM  

Flab: I see you had better luck than I did finding the original retelling of my CSB, DisseminationMonkey.


My secret is that I keep a copy of all the NotNewsletters in gmail and I search them for people's logins as necessary.
 
2021-06-09 2:17:06 PM  

DisseminationMonkey: TrashcanMan: Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.

yeah I've had various posts that did numbers......ya gotta be on the special list to get here.  I don't mind, but newbies need to know.


I go by the votes, but then, so that 1) we don't end up with basically the same comments in each N...


i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 2:18:38 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 2:27:22 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Better crabs than one of these critters
 
2021-06-09 2:45:55 PM  

guestguy: DisseminationMonkey: TrashcanMan: Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.

yeah I've had various posts that did numbers......ya gotta be on the special list to get here.  I don't mind, but newbies need to know.


I go by the votes, but then, so that 1) we don't end up with basically the same comments in each N...

[i.imgflip.com image 535x499]


I woulda went with mail
 
2021-06-09 3:15:34 PM  
DisseminationMonkey: ...


- comments that are said in one way or another nearly every week (like the same arguments in gun threads, vaccine threads, etc.)
MAGA
 
2021-06-09 3:46:46 PM  
GardenWeasel either made a prescient prediction or gave Republicans an idea

Hey! Do NOT blame that on me.
 
2021-06-09 3:48:44 PM  
i2.wp.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 5:21:39 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 6:39:32 PM  

eyeq360: [i2.wp.com image 452x678]



Wesley, knock it off and go clean the pee out of your bed sheets!
 
2021-06-09 8:42:10 PM  

Baloo Uriza: Had a post that did numbers this week... Kinda surprised no mention.


You are not core
 
2021-06-09 9:09:06 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 9:21:21 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 9:25:06 PM  
Last American Virgin crab killer
Youtube BCkxNpq26Uc
 
2021-06-09 10:26:01 PM  
media.makeameme.orgView Full Size
 
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