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Fark sets the betting line for stories that might show up in the media soon, and some of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/13 - 9/19
Posted by Drew at 2009-09-21 1:56:35 PM (26 comments) | Permalink
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5118 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Sep 2009 at 1:59 PM (9 years ago) | | share: more»
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We're rapidly reaching Massive Topic Burnout with the whole health care discussion. Congress got to argue about it, senators got to argue about it, Obama had his big presidential address(es) and then followed it up with another media blitz last week, so everybody is sick to death of it. It's still an important thing to discuss, but we're Americans and we demand entertainment.
The media knows this, and frankly they're pretty sick of covering the same basic information again, too. Fortunately for them, not only is football season back in swing, but this week they get to run with 24/7 entertainment and showbiz updates. The start of the Fall TV season gives publicists and the paparazzi bona fide priapism, and the MSM's entertainment editors get big one-hour blocks where they experience virtual speculative orgasms about who in Hollywood is dating, engaged, marrying, divorcing, cheating, etc. Publicists are often the source of the speculation, because it gets both the name of the star and the name of the show in print simultaneously. And as long as they put a question mark at the end, they get to avoid pesky lawsuits with column filler such as, "Is Patrick Dempsey (who plays heartthrob Dr. Derek Shepherd on ABC's Grey's Anatomy which is premiering on September 24 at 8PM EST, check your local listings) secretly engaged to a Himalayan water buffalo?"
Like we do every Monday, here is the Fark Betting Line with a few stories that we think might appear this week, as well as the odds of the stories actually shaking out. Feel free to add your own betting line for stories that you think might shake out this week.
- MSM minimizes health care debate except for breaking news, such as "Senator Wyden hospitalized after being crushed by 742-page health care bill" (3:1)
- Publicist-inspired ridiculous story about the star of some show making its Fall debut this week, with bonus gratuitous name and airtime of show (2:1)
- More discussion of the Kanye West outburst, including people speculating that race might be a factor and the inevitable question: "Is our society getting more rude?" (5:1)
- Breaking celebrity scandal gets MSM's gratuitous use of newsflashes (6:1)
- Breaking celebrity scandal is comprehensively debunked within two hours (3:1)
- Discussion of how swine flu would impact the different universal healthcare initiatives (9:1)
- Early doomtastic speculation about conflicting economic numbers, and discussion of Black Tuesday sort of Wall Street crash (11:1)
- Wall street responds to gloomy predictions with 250-point gain, leading all of the pundits who were convinced of a crash to now discuss the beginning of our new Bull Market (6:1)
- Early call for college football playoff system from BCS teams who are suddenly worried that their one loss might keep them from prime bowl contention (5:1)
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-09-13 to Sat 2009-09-19:
B A N N E R P L A N E C R A S H E S l N D E W E Y B E A C H D E L A W A R E
Two of Bermuda Triangle's most mysterious disappearances solved; actual cause was wrecktangle
Body entombed in wall positively identified as missing Yale student. Cask of Amontillado still unaccounted for
Police arrest a "person of interest" in Yale murder investigation. I guess that rules out Jay Leno
Authorities arrest a drug ring that used American Airlines to smuggle nearly 20,000 pounds of cocaine in suitcases. The street value of the drug was estimated at $19.95 once you subtracted the extra baggage fees
Actual headline: "5 Items Will Consumer 50% of Your Income." Well, okaying, but I expectish I'll be earningest 15 percentage more moneyed befores muchly longerestingishly
Sticky-Note Bandit arrested in Nevada. If we get an update, we'll post it later
Water main break threatens to clean up parts of Baltimore
Canada urged to embrace official bilinguialism so country can accept English and French in the same way that America is able to happily accomodate both people who speak English and Southerners
South Carolina Mayor bans police pursuit of suspects -- even foot pursuit. May ban Trivial Pursuit later this week
Prolific mail thief gets 25 to life. Cellmate Bubba overheard remarking "Hello, new man"
McNabb breaks his McRibs
Ric Flair signs three-year deal to wrestle Hulk Hogan. Wrestlers will now hit each other with their walkers until somebody breaks a hip
Trojans have their yearly accident
Scientists release first global photo map of Titan, looks like Slartibartfast is going to win another award
Reversing a vasectomy can really make a vas deferens
New rabies vaccine is strong enough that a single shot may protect bite victims. Unlike submitter's childhood, when EVERYONE knew you had to have 12 shots...per day...in the eye...with a harpoon
You're posting on Fark, where Wil Wheaton also hangs out, who was in Star Trek TNG with Patrick Stewart, who appeared on Extras with Ricky Gervais, who is presenting at the Emmys with Kevin Bacon
JJ Abrams says the next Star Trek movie will deal with "modern issues". With the Federation in a recession, fighting wars againt Cardassia and Romulus, are they ready for a Jem'Hadar President who may have been born in Qo'nos?
Now the music industry wants royalties for the 30 second preview clips on iTunes. Next up, being charged for having a song stuck in your head
Obama heads to Wall Street to address financial reform. Stockbroker's parents will keep them home that day so they won't be indoctrinated into socialism
President Obama calls Kanye West a "jackass." Kanye responds by claiming Obama doesn't care about black people
House to discipline Wilson for outburst. IT'S NOT LUPUS
"Bobby Brown: Whitney Houston and I Corrupted Each Other." Up next: "Whitney Houston and I beat her ass."
Lady Gaga and Kanye West join forces for the "She Might Have One, He's A Huge One" tour
France Telecom has 23rd employee suicide in 18 months - woman threw herself from sixth-floor window of Paris building into river; must have been in Seine
McDonalds actually employs one of the top chefs in America, and it's his job to create innovative food that the average liberal arts major can assemble in three minutes or less
Abercrombie to sue Beyonce for trademark infringement. Lawyers for the company say they were originally going to sue Taylor Swift until Kanye West interrupted the filing and demanded they sue Beyonce instead
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