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(Reuters)   In today's economy, one must acquire the skills to succeed. And now you, too, can become a certified auxiliary cellphone exorcist   ( reuters.com) divider line
    More: Strange, exorcisms, Demonic possession, Exorcism, Cardinal Ernest Simoni, Pontifical Regina Apostolorum, Professor Giuseppe Ferrari, Catholic Church officials, Catholic Church  
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1938 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2018 at 5:20 PM (22 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



22 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-04-16 01:07:12 PM  
Curse you, Mom and Dad, for raising me to be too moral to take advantage of stupid and gullible people.

/Dad's response would probably be: We did?!?
 
2018-04-16 01:12:40 PM  
Are auxiliary cellphones possessed with sufficient frequency to warrant specialized exorcists for them because standard cellphone exorcists are in insufficient supply?
 
2018-04-16 01:52:47 PM  
Report or the "B" ark please.
 
2018-04-16 04:17:19 PM  
Call me when there's an app for that.
 
2018-04-16 05:10:04 PM  
I'm an artisanal cell phone exorcist.  I perform one hand-crafted exorcism a month and every phone gets a new case with a bird on it.
 
2018-04-16 05:16:18 PM  
Do you ever feel like your head is spinning? Give us a call at Exorcist R Us.
 
2018-04-16 05:22:55 PM  
OMG... if you don't pay for your exorcism, do you get repossessed?   O_O
 
2018-04-16 05:23:35 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-04-16 05:24:37 PM  
I'm going to call and ask them to talk dirty to me.
Exorcise my demon baby, OH Yeah.
 
2018-04-16 05:29:09 PM  
FTFA: Students, who include several dozen women, will receive a certificate, though Ferrari stressed that it would not entitle them to cast out demons. Only priests can perform exorcisms, and only with their bishop's permission or a license.

I wonder how much this course costs?

I might need one of those certificates. :-)
 
2018-04-16 05:32:58 PM  
Are they affiliated with these guys?
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-04-16 05:33:03 PM  
Catholic Church officials say the number of demonic possessions is on the rise.

I can say with reasonable certainty that they are not.
 
2018-04-16 05:35:53 PM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Catholic Church officials say the number of demonic possessions is on the rise.

I can say with reasonable certainty that they are not.


That sounds like something a possessed person would say.
 
2018-04-16 05:37:07 PM  
21st century solutions to 2nd century problems that haven't actually been real for the entire 14 billion years the universe has been around.

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Catholic Church officials say the number of demonic possessions is on the rise.

I can say with reasonable certainty that they are not.


So, you're saying there's a chance?

    -- every religious person ever about every dumb thing they believe
 
2018-04-16 05:49:52 PM  

abhorrent1: sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Catholic Church officials say the number of demonic possessions is on the rise.

I can say with reasonable certainty that they are not.

That sounds like something a possessed person would say.


That'd be much too vulgar of a display.
 
2018-04-16 06:04:57 PM  
I think I'll stick to TV/VCR repair.
 
2018-04-16 06:59:26 PM  
How to tell the difference between demonic possession and mental illness... That's a real catch-22.
 
2018-04-16 07:07:39 PM  

big pig peaches: How to tell the difference between demonic possession and mental illness... That's a real catch-22.


Oh no, that's the easiest part! Just compare their weight to a duck. If they weigh the same, they're made of wood, and therefore;

A WITCH!
 
2018-04-16 08:27:48 PM  

gnosis301: I think I'll stick to TV/VCR repair.


The exorcism might be a better choice. Although video to digital conversion might be a winner
 
2018-04-16 10:14:11 PM  
Career Home Study
Youtube P303jDimbIw
 
2018-04-17 02:10:49 AM  
What? There is a course on removing the Facebook app from your phone?

And good money can be made for providing this service?
 
2018-04-17 02:54:30 PM  
Out, demon cellphone! Release this human from your power, so that they no longer are forced to answer texts when driving, when in bed, and everywhere!

For extra difficult cases, I have my serious tool - a 3 lb sledge.....
 
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