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(Guardian)   There's no violence quite like youth sports league violence   ( theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Followup, referees, Association football, Assault, referee administrator, Abuse, Battery, Referee administrator Tony, United States  
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1157 clicks; posted to Sports » on 16 Apr 2018 at 10:20 AM (22 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-04-16 09:35:30 AM  
Okay people we're at a youth soccer game... remember...You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
 
2018-04-16 09:39:45 AM  
I coached youth soccer at one time, and I can assure you that some parents are connected to reality by the most slender of threads.
 
2018-04-16 09:52:02 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: I coached youth soccer at one time, and I can assure you that some parents are connected to reality by the most slender of threads.


Are you suggesting that my son has no shot at playing professional Dota 2?

I make him play eight hours a day because I want him to BE something.  He doesn't make it in this, then the only option is for him to play professional League of Legends.

It's a fate worse than death, I can't let it happen to him.
 
2018-04-16 10:19:14 AM  
The violence is so severe because the stakes are so high. Duh.
 
2018-04-16 10:19:31 AM  
I have a friend who referees youth soccer out in Virginia. He says they're having a hard time getting new referees for exactly this reason.
 
2018-04-16 10:20:07 AM  
I went to a skiing event for kids and teens, my daughter was just learning to ski and they let her group practice on the slalom course, then we stayed for the event. Almost every kid would cross the finish line look at the timing clock and immediately start crying. It didn't end there, then the parents would come out and yell at their kid for being half a second slower than the run before. Race officials would intervene and would get yelled at for gate placement or poor grooming of the slopes.

We left early, my kid skis for fun.
 
2018-04-16 10:23:14 AM  

edmo: I have a friend who referees youth soccer out in Virginia. He says they're having a hard time getting new referees for exactly this reason.


I lasted a whole year.  Nobody needs that aggravation.
 
2018-04-16 10:24:04 AM  
I saw a ref eject a parent from a youth basketball game.  For 8- and 9-year-olds.  It was a Catholic elementary school league.

The ref blew the whistle, grabbed the ball, and spoke directly to the dad sitting a few rows up in the stands.  "You're embarrassing yourself in front of your family and your friends.  Get out."
 
2018-04-16 10:34:16 AM  
Not so csb:

When my son was about 11 we were at one of his soccer games and I was ratcheting up to the idea that the incompetent/biased officials were screwing us and the only thing that could rectify it were my increasingly loud and irrational rants. After a while a father from the other team came up to stand beside me. He was clearly ex military and could take me apart without breaking a sweat, even though I was about 8 inches taller than him. Rather than confront me he began talking top me calmly about how hard the kids were playing and it looked like we had a really good team, blah blah blah. It only took a few seconds to realize what a dick I was being. After that I either sat quietly or limited my comments to things like "good job" and "nice hustle"

end nscsb

p.s. I also started watching the refs i had thought were biased doing games I had no stake in, and was amazed by how many calls they got right.
 
2018-04-16 10:37:28 AM  
"Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.
 
2018-04-16 10:42:47 AM  
Youth sports always bring out the best in parents.

I remember one parent on my brother's little league team used to tie his kid to a tree and throw baseballs at him until he wasn't scared of the ball anymore. Not surprising, the kid had substance abuse and severe mental issues by the age of 18.
 
2018-04-16 10:42:59 AM  
People who define their self-worth by the sporting accomplishments of others have a deep, empty hole inside them.

And, they don't live in Cleveland.
 
2018-04-16 10:43:40 AM  

doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.


And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.
 
2018-04-16 10:45:28 AM  
Parents at U8 and U10 games are the worst. Not only are the players new to the game, the parents are as well, which is the cause of 95% of the verbal abuse hurled at a Referee.  You would think with at least 2 generations of adults  being exposed to soccer this would not happen, but it is out of control.  Leagues and clubs need a zero tolerance policy that is actually enforced to get the message through to these knuckleheads that this is not cool.
 
2018-04-16 10:48:17 AM  

nursetim: Parents at U8 and U10 games are the worst. Not only are the players new to the game, the parents are as well, which is the cause of 95% of the verbal abuse hurled at a Referee.  You would think with at least 2 generations of adults  being exposed to soccer this would not happen, but it is out of control.  Leagues and clubs need a zero tolerance policy that is actually enforced to get the message through to these knuckleheads that this is not cool.


The advice to referees is actually dismiss coaches until the fans calm down. If there are no credentialed adults on the sideline, game over.
 
2018-04-16 10:49:05 AM  

Crewmannumber6: Not so csb:

When my son was about 11 we were at one of his soccer games and I was ratcheting up to the idea that the incompetent/biased officials were screwing us and the only thing that could rectify it were my increasingly loud and irrational rants. After a while a father from the other team came up to stand beside me. He was clearly ex military and could take me apart without breaking a sweat, even though I was about 8 inches taller than him. Rather than confront me he began talking top me calmly about how hard the kids were playing and it looked like we had a really good team, blah blah blah. It only took a few seconds to realize what a dick I was being. After that I either sat quietly or limited my comments to things like "good job" and "nice hustle"

end nscsb

p.s. I also started watching the refs i had thought were biased doing games I had no stake in, and was amazed by how many calls they got right.


Takes a lot to admit when you're being a dick and changing your stripes mid-course.  Kudos.  Youth sports brings out the worst in some people.  Youth baseball isn't much better.
 
2018-04-16 10:49:28 AM  
I coached HS Soccer at an inner city school for a time, made it through two seasons.

/I've seen some shiat
//Never again
 
2018-04-16 10:49:33 AM  

Kuta: If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.


But sports simulate war.  I don't want to live in a world where war is about having fun and making friends.
 
2018-04-16 10:52:09 AM  
I coached my son in hockey for 8 years. After the first few games where I was certain we were getting jobbed by the refs and actually got booted during a tournament game, I decided to just keep my mouth shut and teach the kids how to play the game. It was so much less stressful on me, the kids stopped feeding off of their coach's whining and we were fairly successful for a long time. I stopped drafting the best players every year and started drafting quality parents instead, that helped tremendously.

I imagine soccer is worse than hockey since the parents can't jump the boards in hockey to assault a ref, but some of the things I heard coming out of the stands were downright obscene.
 
2018-04-16 10:52:51 AM  
I coach my daughter's soccer team.  The closest we've come to something like this was a couple of weeks ago, one of the other team's parent coaches came out on the field and made his kid play goalie.   No goalie's are allowed under the age of 8 and we were coaching 5 year olds at the time.

Some of the parents on our team kept telling me and our other coach to do something about it.  We talked to the 12 year old who was reffing our game.  Told the other coach it wasn't allowed, but it kept happening.

We lost the game by one goal.

Me and our other coach just blew it off, there wasn't much else we could do other than get physical with the other team's coaches so we let it go and took the loss.

The past two weeks we've made sure the ref knows to do something about it if it happens again.

We won our last two games 10-4.

I wish more parents/coaches would take an L instead of getting crazy about things.

/end nscsb
 
2018-04-16 10:55:19 AM  
I'm really glad to have never really encountered this with my kid.  Everyone involved seems to understand that they're children.  None of them are going to be the next Pele.  Just let them play, why so serious?
 
2018-04-16 10:57:17 AM  
Hah, we had an incident just last week. A coach/father followed an umpire into the snackbar after the game because of a blown call. Thankfully nothing physical happened because there were a bunch of people there. What makes it better is the ump is a 15 or 16 year old. Giid times.
 
2018-04-16 10:58:02 AM  

snowybunting: I stopped drafting the best players every year and started drafting quality parents instead, that helped tremendously.


THIS.
I was fortunate that my son's coach for many years (small club, one comp team per age group) focused on team chemistry and parent behavior the most.  Quite a few superstar players didn't get invites to the team for this reason. Yeah, we had a couple loudmouths, but mostly the sidelines were pleasant.

Superstar players and parents who think their kids are superstars will shop around to find a team/club that will put up with their shiat, so it's not a bad plan to focus on the positive people and let the negative ones find each other.
 
2018-04-16 11:02:17 AM  

edmo: I have a friend who referees youth soccer out in Virginia. He says they're having a hard time getting new referees for exactly this reason.


I referee ice hockey in Virginia and this is very true.  Young refs come in with vigor and excitement.  By the 2nd month they are done.  Ice hockey referees make pretty good $/hr for a 16-19 year old.  Its just not worth it to them.  Personally, doing the youth games gets to be so problematic i prefer to do the mens beer league games.
 
2018-04-16 11:04:30 AM  
Youth Sports Deathmatch only on Mtv2.  With special guest referee Mills Lane.
 
2018-04-16 11:05:05 AM  
Father of Four sons with many seasons of coaching or observing many sports checking in.  I always drafted teams based upon the parents.  Probably hurt my chances of getting into a Hall of Fame because of winning percentage, but it let me focus on teaching the game and having some fun instead of trying to get some overzealous asshole in the stands to shut up.
 
2018-04-16 11:09:28 AM  

snowybunting: I imagine soccer is worse than hockey since the parents can't jump the boards in hockey to assault a ref, but some of the things I heard coming out of the stands were downright obscene.


My son continued to play through high school then a few seasons of semi pro (his coach at that level got the job because he was English, no shiat) and there were a few times things got pants-on-the-head ridiculous:

During his junior year, during the playoffs, they lost on a last second shot from mid field. One of the other teams' fathers ran over to one of our kids' grandmother (wheelchair, oxygen tank) and, inches from her face, screamed "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Security kept us from murdering him.

Once he was playing indoor, just for kicks, with buddies who mostly only played SAY and a couple who didn't really play at all. One game was against a group from a local 'elite' soccer academy. Our team erased a 5 goal lead and, at the end of the game, had a breakaway. one of their kids comes over thee boards and dove head first into the back of our kid's legs. The next kid downfield blindsides that kid and it was on. Players, parents (dads AND moms) brothers and sisters. It took a half an hour to clear the field.
 
2018-04-16 11:16:39 AM  

Kuta: snowybunting: I stopped drafting the best players every year and started drafting quality parents instead, that helped tremendously.

THIS.
I was fortunate that my son's coach for many years (small club, one comp team per age group) focused on team chemistry and parent behavior the most.  Quite a few superstar players didn't get invites to the team for this reason. Yeah, we had a couple loudmouths, but mostly the sidelines were pleasant.

Superstar players and parents who think their kids are superstars will shop around to find a team/club that will put up with their shiat, so it's not a bad plan to focus on the positive people and let the negative ones find each other.


I regret that I have but one Smart to give this post.
 
2018-04-16 11:24:07 AM  

nekom: I'm really glad to have never really encountered this with my kid.  Everyone involved seems to understand that they're children.  None of them are going to be the next Pele.  Just let them play, why so serious?


I ref'd youth basketball for a few years (players aged anywhere between 5 and 12). My experience was mostly similar to this; kids were having fun, parents were just there to support. Most coaches were easy to work with.

Now, having also played basketball, soccer and hockey, I have seen some parents and coaches get way too intense...that and the fact that I'm not particularly good at any sport meant that I stayed in house league, with the other kids/parents who were just there for fun, the sport, and orange slices in between halves/periods. Even so, I gave up hockey at 12 because the local U12 B-League parents all thought their kid was the next Gretzky and the refs were all against them and every kid on the team had to practice 3-4 times a week or they didn't care enough. Fark that.
 
2018-04-16 11:31:28 AM  
My nephew is one of the stars of his HS basketball team. It's not fun to go to those games. The parents (including my brother) routinely yell at the refs, and the coach yells at the kids. Immaturity all around.
 
2018-04-16 11:31:51 AM  

Lord_3tnpm: Even so, I gave up hockey at 12 because the local U12 B-League parents all thought their kid was the next Gretzky and the refs were all against them and every kid on the team had to practice 3-4 times a week or they didn't care enough. Fark that.


Basically, think of it this way: You know all those idiots who play videogames who think that they lost because of their "noob allies" or "massive imbalance" or "hackers" or whatever?  Even then, it's not the end of the world, because you have SOME control over the outcome, the right time comes and you can still do your damnedest to outplay everyone.

Now imagine you're living vicariously through your kid, but you're not the one even playing, so you basically have NO control over the outcome, except for perhaps yelling at the referee, or if nobody is looking, that's when I throw the beer bottle at their star player, and I feign outrage when the cops arrive.

So what I'm saying is, when human beings lose control of a situation, or feel they don't have control over the outcome, they tend to get very angry and lash out at others, so the refs

and that is how Hillary had the election stolen from her.
 
2018-04-16 11:32:41 AM  
Aw, dammit, I was going to delete the cheapshot, whatever, I accept any punishment that comes my way.
 
2018-04-16 11:33:21 AM  

Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.


"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation
 
2018-04-16 11:35:11 AM  

FrancoFile: I saw a ref eject a parent from a youth basketball game.  For 8- and 9-year-olds.  It was a Catholic elementary school league.

The ref blew the whistle, grabbed the ball, and spoke directly to the dad sitting a few rows up in the stands.  "You're embarrassing yourself in front of your family and your friends.  Get out."


I tried to go to the coach usually.

Refed our local youth soccer league for most of high school. Complaining about calls was fine, but 'I'll be seeing after the game' or cursing in front of 3rd graders got a chat with the coach.  Coaches were generally pretty good about policing the parents if it got to the point where something needed to be said, they knew (and acknowledged) the assholes who needed tossed for the most part.
 
2018-04-16 11:37:33 AM  

doubled99: Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.

"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation


It's still a shiatty thing, and as a referee for semi-pro soccer games, I can tell you that 60% of the time the shouter doesn't know the rules, 30% of the time they're wrong about the facts of the situation, 9% of the time, they're trolls, and 1% of the time they're right.
 
2018-04-16 11:38:39 AM  

Kuta: doubled99: Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.

"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation

It's still a shiatty thing, and as a referee for semi-pro soccer games, I can tell you that 60% of the time the shouter doesn't know the rules, 30% of the time they're wrong about the facts of the situation, 9% of the time, they're trolls, and 1% of the time they're right.


Walk it off, Nancy
 
2018-04-16 11:39:41 AM  

freidog: Refed our local youth soccer league for most of high school. Complaining about calls was fine...


But that's the thing.  It's *NOT* fine.

Spectators should remember, referees aren't getting hazard pay. They're doing something YOU are not willing or ready to do, so STFU and be positive.
 
2018-04-16 11:39:58 AM  

doubled99: Walk it off, Nancy


EABOD ignoramus.
 
2018-04-16 11:42:18 AM  
I coached college and high school rugby for a few years and it was lots of fun although with the high school since team since it was associated with the local men's club I had to deal with their sideline behaviour of our men's team more than anything else.

Good thing about rugby is 90% of the parents know nothing about the game and are fun to talk to since they just want to learn and understand what they are watching.

9% of parents did play and are super excited to see their kids play and are also fun to talk to.

The bad thing are that 1% of parents  that played beer league club rugby in the 70s, 80s and 90s and only remember getting drunk and punching people and still think it's legal to stomp on players with your spikes for laying on the ground on the wrong side of the ruck.
 
2018-04-16 11:43:14 AM  
The only time I really lost my temper and almost got kicked out was when we were playing a team of goons, the refs weren't calling anything, and somebody was going to get hurt. "If that was 'All ball' why is the kid's arm bleeding!"
 
2018-04-16 11:44:10 AM  

doubled99: Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.

"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation


If you can't say positive things during a youth sporting event, you shouldn't say anything (with very few exceptions, most regarding player health/safety).
 
2018-04-16 11:44:40 AM  

doubled99: Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.

"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation


Yes, but swearing at a teenage ref in front of a bunch of children because you disagree with a call is unacceptable.
 
2018-04-16 11:45:35 AM  

Kuta: doubled99: Walk it off, Nancy

EABOD ignoramus.


You want me to consume a bag filled with disembodied penises?
So criticizing refs at a sporting event is terrible, but online bullying and suggesting someone engage in a disgusting act that may kill them is your thing?
You need professional help.
 
2018-04-16 11:50:28 AM  
that is mr or mrs ref to you heathens.
 
2018-04-16 11:51:07 AM  

Kuta: freidog: Refed our local youth soccer league for most of high school. Complaining about calls was fine...

But that's the thing.  It's *NOT* fine.

Spectators should remember, referees aren't getting hazard pay. They're doing something YOU are not willing or ready to do, so STFU and be positive.


That's one thing I learned fairly quickly, loudly complaining about a call does no good at all when you're not at the pro level. A coach calmly asking the ref to explain his call or his interpretation of the rule you felt was/was not violated is a much better way to:

a) get your point across that you didn't like the call;
b) keep the tempers on the spectators at a manageable level.

I had refs get pissed at me when I'd ask for an explanation when it was obvious they'd stepped on their dick, but at that point I was just letting them know it happened and hoped they'd do better. Well, the voices in my head told me I was the calm one, but I'm sure there were times I was the dick.
 
2018-04-16 11:59:23 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-04-16 12:19:24 PM  

doubled99: You want me to consume a bag filled with disembodied penises?
So criticizing refs at a sporting event is terrible, but online bullying and suggesting someone engage in a disgusting act that may kill them is your thing?
You need professional help.


There's really no reason to say anything to a youth-league ref other than "thanks for your help."
 
2018-04-16 12:27:43 PM  

snowybunting: I coached my son in hockey for 8 years. After the first few games where I was certain we were getting jobbed by the refs and actually got booted during a tournament game, I decided to just keep my mouth shut and teach the kids how to play the game. It was so much less stressful on me, the kids stopped feeding off of their coach's whining and we were fairly successful for a long time. I stopped drafting the best players every year and started drafting quality parents instead, that helped tremendously.

I imagine soccer is worse than hockey since the parents can't jump the boards in hockey to assault a ref, but some of the things I heard coming out of the stands were downright obscene.


Yay, hockey.
I coached one year of high school, and decided I'd only coach again once my girls are all grown, and I have some more free time.  Granted, I probably won't be coaching the girls, for a number of reasons.  I've sat the two who are old enough down and told them that I'm perfectly happy with them playing any other sport, because the last thing I want them trying to do is emulate their old man.  Besides, the last thing I want to do is coach them; I'd rather enjoy watching them to be honest.

Going through USA Hockey coaching clinics was a bit eye opening.  We had a couple people speak about coaching hockey being about the kids, and that it was supposed to be fun for all involved.  Then, they had a speaker talk about how he can tell when a kid isn't going to make a team simply by how they wear their equipment, and how a lot of kids don't have what it takes, and you have to focus on the skilled kids.  The guy exuded the creep vibe, and I promised myself that I'd take my kids to a completely different team if I ever ran across him in the future.

You're one of the good ones, it seems.  Hockey needs more people having fun, and less parents.
 
2018-04-16 12:59:34 PM  

doubled99: Kuta: doubled99: "Nearly every single day, a sports official becomes the victim of verbal abuse or physical assault.

These are two very different things.

And neither is warranted at any youth sporting event.

If you're not paying an admission fee for your ticket, STFU and cheer positively.

"Terrible call, ref!" is not exactly a human rights violation


If it were just "Terrible call, ref!"  that would be fine to a point.  The problem is that it is the appetizer to a 10 course meal that is coming.....
 
2018-04-16 01:02:24 PM  
I loved all these posters they hung up at rinks where kids would play.

Just google "it's just a game hockey posters" for more.
b-i.forbesimg.comView Full Size
 
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