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(NBC Washington)   Look we've all got our kinks, and far be it for us to judge, but if you DO have a hot date that's going to involve condoms and oatmeal, maybe you BUY it rather than shoplifting it from the Walmart where you are working in "loss prevention", Officer   ( nbcwashington.com) divider line
    More: Ironic, Jose A. Barahona, Theft, Montgomery County, Maryland, Police, Security, Walmart loss prevention, off-duty security job, Maryland police officer  
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2770 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2018 at 3:05 PM (28 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



33 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-03-13 02:58:54 PM  
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2018-03-13 03:10:44 PM  
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2018-03-13 03:12:32 PM  
Safe sex, followed by breakfast the next morning?  That doesn't sound especially weird, subby.

I mean, I seriously doubt he is going to cook the oatmeal, stuff the cooked oatmeal into a condom, and then pleasure himself American Pie style.

(On second thought, maybe that's exactly what he is going to do.)
 
2018-03-13 03:12:52 PM  

slackananda: [img.fark.net image 500x627]


All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, loss-prevention officers get access to more top-shelf grocery productsthan you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Walmart Corporation will last you a lifetime.
 
2018-03-13 03:13:26 PM  

IDisposable: Safe sex, followed by breakfast the next morning?  That doesn't sound especially weird, subby.

I mean, I seriously doubt he is going to cook the oatmeal, stuff the cooked oatmeal into a condom, and then pleasure himself American Pie style.

(On second thought, maybe that's exactly what he is going to do.)


OK Mr Oatmeal Dick.
 
2018-03-13 03:14:53 PM  
A cop moonlighting as a rent-a-cop? And five-finger discounting?

Great way to get fired from both jobs...
 
2018-03-13 03:15:23 PM  
I see nothing odd about buying oatmeal and condoms at the same time. Quite often when I buy condoms, I'm at the store getting other items too.
 
2018-03-13 03:17:00 PM  
I've always wondered about the creepy smile on the face of that guy on the Quaker oats box.
 
2018-03-13 03:19:27 PM  

steklo: I see nothing odd about buying oatmeal and condoms at the same time. Quite often when I buy condoms, I'm at the store getting other items too.


like a bellaclava?
 
2018-03-13 03:19:44 PM  

steklo: I see nothing odd about buying oatmeal and condoms at the same time. Quite often when I buy condoms, I'm at the store getting other items too.


Either that or I grab a couple impulse items since the condoms are never anywhere near the entrance to the store.

"remember, he likes the Magnums but not the one with lube, he gets itchy, ooh, French fries, I can't remember if there's any more in the freezer, do we need creamer?"
 
2018-03-13 03:20:00 PM  
Well I did put oatmeal in a sock then take it into the bath with me yesterday.
 
2018-03-13 03:21:31 PM  
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have used "Like a condom full of oatmeal" as my "body type" description on my dating profile.
 
2018-03-13 03:23:59 PM  

Me_Too_I_Ate_One_Too: Well I did put oatmeal in a sock then take it into the bath with me yesterday.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2018-03-13 03:25:35 PM  

cowgirl toffee: Me_Too_I_Ate_One_Too: Well I did put oatmeal in a sock then take it into the bath with me yesterday.

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 324x155]


It's wonderfully soothing and if you get hungry, a healthy snack.
 
2018-03-13 03:27:48 PM  
No grapefruit available?
 
2018-03-13 03:34:36 PM  

Salmon: steklo: I see nothing odd about buying oatmeal and condoms at the same time. Quite often when I buy condoms, I'm at the store getting other items too.

like a bellaclava?


I had to look that up....heh--heh, nah I'm old school. I use a bandana or a ski-mask.
 
2018-03-13 03:36:02 PM  
Back in the stone ages I worked as a cashier at a grocery store. Even today I remember one particular order: condoms, Vaseline (not condom safe) and a tin of sardines.
 
2018-03-13 03:36:19 PM  
cdn.searchherbalremedy.comView Full Size
 
2018-03-13 03:39:10 PM  

big pig peaches: Back in the stone ages I worked as a cashier at a grocery store. Even today I remember one particular order: condoms, Vaseline (not condom safe) and a tin of sardines.


Back in the day, we would stuff sardines and Vaseline into condoms and throw them off of tall buildings.

/nah...didn't do that but it sounds like fun.
//no it doesn't
///waste of sardines if I did...
 
2018-03-13 03:41:17 PM  

IDisposable: Safe sex, followed by breakfast the next morning?  That doesn't sound especially weird, subby.

I mean, I seriously doubt he is going to cook the oatmeal, stuff the cooked oatmeal into a condom, and then pleasure himself American Pie style.

(On second thought, maybe that's exactly what he is going to do.)


Wouldn't it make more sense to put condom on, than go American Pie on a bowl of warm oatmeal?  If he's going that far, he can keep the oatmeal "clean", and eat it later.

Also, not just a LP, but a real cop to boot.  You can tell because he's on paid vacation.
 
OOF
2018-03-13 03:43:00 PM  
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2018-03-13 03:44:42 PM  
The last time I was in Walmart, I saw a very unfortunate looking woman with an average but very uncomfortable looking man carrying a pregnancy test.

Sooner or later the person at the register is going to find out he hit that.
 
2018-03-13 03:46:55 PM  
Being caught is part of the whole thing, vanilla-mitter.  Frisky b*tch.
 
2018-03-13 03:58:14 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: The last time I was in Walmart, I saw a very unfortunate looking woman with an average but very uncomfortable looking man carrying a pregnancy test.

Sooner or later the person at the register is going to find out he hit that.


Sowing one's oats doesn't involve actual oatmeal.
 
2018-03-13 04:09:49 PM  
A cop?  Stealing stuff?  Wow, that never happens.

/Yes, that's sarcasm.
//Cops steal all the time.
///In 2016, cops stole more than burglars, and that's just the stuff they stole legally.
 
2018-03-13 04:27:55 PM  
EDUCATIONAL - PSA Wear Condoms.mpg
Youtube PVZn_OSlxrU
 
2018-03-13 04:58:17 PM  
Weirdest purchase I saw in person was a guy and two girls who were buying laxatives, beer, condoms, and toilet paper.
 
2018-03-13 05:00:24 PM  

steklo: I see nothing odd about buying oatmeal and condoms at the same time. Quite often when I buy condoms, I'm at the store getting other items too.


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2018-03-13 05:02:07 PM  

jtown: Weirdest purchase I saw in person was a guy and two girls who were buying laxatives, beer, condoms, and toilet paper.


well, you're going to need toilet paper if you're buying laxititives.
 
2018-03-13 05:46:03 PM  
First he goes to quake her.
Then he goes for the Quaker.
 
2018-03-13 06:07:29 PM  
If there's ONE person that you wanna use condoms, it's a guy who gets caught by security procedures that he should be already familiar with.
 
2018-03-13 07:05:31 PM  

OOF: [img.fark.net image 288x162]


Wtf internet why is that a thing? I mean a condom, a speculum, and oatmeal?!?
 
OOF
2018-03-13 09:58:02 PM  

robodog: OOF: [img.fark.net image 288x162]

Wtf internet why is that a thing? I mean a condom, a speculum, and oatmeal?!?


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
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