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(PennLive)   Pro-tip: When you are burglarizing a place, do not drink anything and leave it behind at the scene. Wait, on second thought, go right ahead. Also, touch everything with your bare hands and be sure to leave your wallet at the scene, too   ( pennlive.com) divider line
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2894 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2018 at 10:05 AM (31 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



27 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-03-13 09:59:42 AM  
He didn't think his cunning plan through, did he?
 
2018-03-13 10:09:13 AM  
don't forget to take a selfie and post it to facebook, too.  That's always a big hit.
 
2018-03-13 10:10:18 AM  

reillan: don't forget to take a selfie and post it to facebook, too.  That's always a big hit.


Go one step further and livestream the whole thing with a Go-pro
 
2018-03-13 10:13:21 AM  
Burglarizing?  Is that anything like burgling?
 
2018-03-13 10:14:31 AM  

pastramithemosterotic: reillan: don't forget to take a selfie and post it to facebook, too.  That's always a big hit.

Go one step further and livestream the whole thing with a Go-pro


Now you're thinking like a social media-savvy thief.
 
2018-03-13 10:15:16 AM  
Many atoms were split on that day....
 
2018-03-13 10:16:50 AM  
"......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?
 
2018-03-13 10:35:02 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?


Hey... that drink he had could have been vintage.
 
2018-03-13 10:40:47 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?


Well, he's back, so......
 
2018-03-13 10:41:26 AM  
*black*.... either way I guess...

 coffee first, then post.

or not.
 
2018-03-13 10:46:02 AM  
Whenever i burgle a plsce i drop a huge turd on the living room carpet. Like a calling card. They call me the turd burglar.
 
2018-03-13 10:53:28 AM  
Always take the cannoli.
 
2018-03-13 10:57:43 AM  

Dangerous_sociopath: Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?

Well, he's back, so......


Oh, you.
 
2018-03-13 11:01:22 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?


Burglary of an occupied building. Treated different than an unoccupied building. It's a behavior more likely to result in violent crimes.
 
2018-03-13 11:10:08 AM  

pastramithemosterotic: reillan: don't forget to take a selfie and post it to facebook, too.  That's always a big hit.

Go one step further and livestream the whole thing with a Go-pro


And post your intentions on social media in advance of the crime.

How things have changed in our society in my 70 years!

If someone took my bicycle in 1955 he would not be caught unless found in possession of it, and I had multiple witnesses
 
2018-03-13 11:11:02 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?


If someone doesn't want the chance of personally finding the answer to that question, then don't steal.
 
2018-03-13 11:28:17 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: "......attempted to steal a bicycle

This is really a felony offense?


Depends on the value of the bike.

Also breaking and entering were involved. I don't know the law but I can image that being an instant felony.
 
2018-03-13 11:29:58 AM  

Dangerous_sociopath: *black*.... either way I guess...

 coffee first, then post.

or not.


That's why I love being white, I can just walk in to people's houses and take whatever I want without any repercussions. It's awesome.
 
2018-03-13 12:04:47 PM  
His last name is Opio? Darn, the story would be a lot funnier if his last name was Opioid....
 
2018-03-13 12:14:40 PM  
When I burglarize a home I like to mushroom-stamp all the glasses, dishes, and flatware. It's a bit of a time commitment but well worth it.
 
2018-03-13 12:20:23 PM  
When my apartment was burgled, he left behind a baseball cap and a half-bottle of King Cobra. There were prints all over that glass bottle. The cops didn't give a single shiat about any of that, and to top it off, I was rewarded with a litter of kittens two weeks later. That's when I learned you should spay indoor cats, too.
 
2018-03-13 12:28:39 PM  
He must have tried to rob some really rich/powerful's house, I had my apartment rob once and the police told me my roommate probably did it, who was in California on a business trip at the time and the police knew that when they suggested it. Lol
 
2018-03-13 02:00:46 PM  

Ecobuckeye: When my apartment was burgled, he left behind a baseball cap and a half-bottle of King Cobra. There were prints all over that glass bottle. The cops didn't give a single shiat about any of that, and to top it off, I was rewarded with a litter of kittens two weeks later. That's when I learned you should spay indoor cats, too.


Wait, are you saying the cat burglar burgled your cat?
 
2018-03-13 02:03:30 PM  

jfivealive: Ecobuckeye: When my apartment was burgled, he left behind a baseball cap and a half-bottle of King Cobra. There were prints all over that glass bottle. The cops didn't give a single shiat about any of that, and to top it off, I was rewarded with a litter of kittens two weeks later. That's when I learned you should spay indoor cats, too.

Wait, are you saying the cat burglar burgled your cat?


No, the cat took the opportunity to go get some strange through the open window.
 
2018-03-13 03:05:03 PM  
Mitchell and Webb - Identity Killer
Youtube oL895peZpqY
 
2018-03-13 03:16:12 PM  

Ecobuckeye: jfivealive: Ecobuckeye: When my apartment was burgled, he left behind a baseball cap and a half-bottle of King Cobra. There were prints all over that glass bottle. The cops didn't give a single shiat about any of that, and to top it off, I was rewarded with a litter of kittens two weeks later. That's when I learned you should spay indoor cats, too.

Wait, are you saying the cat burglar burgled your cat?

No, the cat took the opportunity to go get some strange through the open window.


Yeah, you probably should have specified that sooner...
 
2018-03-13 09:50:32 PM  

Rapmaster2000: Burglarizing?  Is that anything like burgling?


Sort of. The place was burglarized. The merchandise was burgled.
 
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