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(The New York Times)   Marriage in shambles? Here are some love hacks, baby. Love hacks   ( nytimes.com) divider line
    More: PSA  
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554 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 03 Mar 2018 at 1:53 PM (19 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



22 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-03-03 11:12:02 AM  
My marriage crashed, burned and a tornado took the ashes. Only hacks are knife related now.
 
2018-03-03 11:54:45 AM  
Stick in her pooper?

/DNRTFA
 
2018-03-03 11:55:24 AM  
If it can't be fixed by alcohol and porn it's already flat-lined.
 
2018-03-03 12:03:46 PM  
fundecalsforcars.comView Full Size
 
2018-03-03 12:21:14 PM  

simplicimus: My marriage crashed, burned and a tornado took the ashes. Only hacks are knife related now.


Made it through mediation last Thursday. It only cost me 81k to make that biatch go away. Smashing the wedding pictures with a bat was so awesome. Good luck.

//99 problems and a biatch aint one.
 
2018-03-03 01:40:04 PM  
Many people are looking to their partners to replace the companionship and emotional support once provided by extended families and local institutions like churches, bowling leagues, bridge groups, fraternal lodges and garden clubs. Meanwhile, though, many couples are so busy with their jobs and parenting that they're actually spending less time together by themselves.

Man if only we had some sort of socialized childcare program or labor regulation, but oh noes, taxes.

/This is the hell we made for ourselves.
 
2018-03-03 05:02:24 PM  
It helps if it's as big as a whale
 
2018-03-03 06:25:53 PM  

Billy Liar: It helps if it's as big as a whale


Tiiiin axe
Rusted
 
2018-03-03 06:49:38 PM  
This isn't exactly going to win feminist points but it certainly makes for a happy marriage, at least if you're married to a male.
1) Marry a good man.
2) Remember that a good man doesn't require nagging, games, "tests", etc. If something is bothering you, just say it.
3) Frequent blow jobs.
4) Feed him well.
5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing, watching football, puttering in the garage, whatever. If you interrupt, it should be because something is on fire or you're offering to bring him a beer.

All of that other stuff you want out of the relationship will then be yours forever.
 
2018-03-03 06:50:36 PM  
23 years this week.
There were a few times I didn't think we'd make it, but we did.
Things are pretty damn good right now
 
2018-03-03 07:25:10 PM  
Came for the B-52's, leaving satisfied.
 
2018-03-03 08:50:53 PM  

Ms. Hushpuppy: This isn't exactly going to win feminist points but it certainly makes for a happy marriage, at least if you're married to a male.
1) Marry a good man.
2) Remember that a good man doesn't require nagging, games, "tests", etc. If something is bothering you, just say it.
3) Frequent blow jobs.
4) Feed him well.
5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing, watching football, puttering in the garage, whatever. If you interrupt, it should be because something is on fire or you're offering to bring him a beer.

All of that other stuff you want out of the relationship will then be yours forever.


Damn. You understand men in a way most women don't, or won't.
 
2018-03-03 09:03:23 PM  

Ms. Hushpuppy: 5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing CAN YOU GET THIS SPIDER?, watching YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO HELP TAYLOR WITH HER HOMEWORK TODAY football, puttering DAAAAAAAAAD in the garage, whatever DID YOU SPEND FOUR BUCKS AT McDONALD'S LAST TUESDAY?. If you interDAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAADrupt, it should be YOU LEFT A NIGHT LIGHT ON, DO YOU THINK WE'RE MADE OF MONEY? GET BACK HERE, I WASN'T DONE because I SAID GET BACK HERE, THE NIGHT LIGHT IS IMPORTANT something is WASH THE DISHES RIGHT NOWon fire WHY ARE YOU WASHING THE DISHES NOW, IT'S TOO NOISY or you're offering to DAD, THE COMPUTER BROKEbring him a beer WE ARE NOT BUYING BEER, WE'RE ON A BUDGET AND BESIDES WE JUST BOUGHT BEER FOR THANKSGIVING.


Fixed, to reflect real life.
 
2018-03-03 09:39:05 PM  

bingethinker: Ms. Hushpuppy: This isn't exactly going to win feminist points but it certainly makes for a happy marriage, at least if you're married to a male.
1) Marry a good man.
2) Remember that a good man doesn't require nagging, games, "tests", etc. If something is bothering you, just say it.
3) Frequent blow jobs.
4) Feed him well.
5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing, watching football, puttering in the garage, whatever. If you interrupt, it should be because something is on fire or you're offering to bring him a beer.

All of that other stuff you want out of the relationship will then be yours forever.

Damn. You understand men in a way most women don't, or won't.


Why, thank you.
 
2018-03-03 11:21:22 PM  

Gulper Eel: Ms. Hushpuppy: 5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing CAN YOU GET THIS SPIDER?, watching YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO HELP TAYLOR WITH HER HOMEWORK TODAY football, puttering DAAAAAAAAAD in the garage, whatever DID YOU SPEND FOUR BUCKS AT McDONALD'S LAST TUESDAY?. If you interDAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAADrupt, it should be YOU LEFT A NIGHT LIGHT ON, DO YOU THINK WE'RE MADE OF MONEY? GET BACK HERE, I WASN'T DONE because I SAID GET BACK HERE, THE NIGHT LIGHT IS IMPORTANT something is WASH THE DISHES RIGHT NOWon fire WHY ARE YOU WASHING THE DISHES NOW, IT'S TOO NOISY or you're offering to DAD, THE COMPUTER BROKEbring him a beer WE ARE NOT BUYING BEER, WE'RE ON A BUDGET AND BESIDES WE JUST BOUGHT BEER FOR THANKSGIVING.

Fixed, to reflect real life.


My family and I have a simple understanding:

Dad is happy to do all that super-dad stuff around the house, like kill spiders, fix broken sinks, help with homework, balance the books, and cook the family meals. And he'll be witty and charming and warm and supportive while he does it. But, in return, super-dad requires his Fortress of Solitude, where he can go to be alone and do nothing of value to anyone -- without justification, and without interruption. Because, at the end of the day, dad is still only a semi-domesticated creature. Silence and solitude help sustain him.

Or as I explain to the kids, when papa bear is in his den, it is wise not to disturb him. For he can be a very, very grumpy bear when people intrude on his quiet place.

This arrangement has kept the peace around Bumblefark manor for many a year.
 
2018-03-03 11:28:01 PM  

Bumblefark: Gulper Eel: Ms. Hushpuppy: 5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing CAN YOU GET THIS SPIDER?, watching YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO HELP TAYLOR WITH HER HOMEWORK TODAY football, puttering DAAAAAAAAAD in the garage, whatever DID YOU SPEND FOUR BUCKS AT McDONALD'S LAST TUESDAY?. If you interDAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAADrupt, it should be YOU LEFT A NIGHT LIGHT ON, DO YOU THINK WE'RE MADE OF MONEY? GET BACK HERE, I WASN'T DONE because I SAID GET BACK HERE, THE NIGHT LIGHT IS IMPORTANT something is WASH THE DISHES RIGHT NOWon fire WHY ARE YOU WASHING THE DISHES NOW, IT'S TOO NOISY or you're offering to DAD, THE COMPUTER BROKEbring him a beer WE ARE NOT BUYING BEER, WE'RE ON A BUDGET AND BESIDES WE JUST BOUGHT BEER FOR THANKSGIVING.

Fixed, to reflect real life.

My family and I have a simple understanding:

Dad is happy to do all that super-dad stuff around the house, like kill spiders, fix broken sinks, help with homework, balance the books, and cook the family meals. And he'll be witty and charming and warm and supportive while he does it. But, in return, super-dad requires his Fortress of Solitude, where he can go to be alone and do nothing of value to anyone -- without justification, and without interruption. Because, at the end of the day, dad is still only a semi-domesticated creature. Silence and solitude help sustain him.

Or as I explain to the kids, when papa bear is in his den, it is wise not to disturb him. For he can be a very, very grumpy bear when people intrude on his quiet place.

This arrangement has kept the peace around Bumblefark manor for many a year.


DO NOT ENTER FATHER'S DEN WHEN THE GREEN ETHER LIGHT IS ON
 
2018-03-04 02:33:25 AM  

koder: Many people are looking to their partners to replace the companionship and emotional support once provided by extended families and local institutions like churches, bowling leagues, bridge groups, fraternal lodges and garden clubs. Meanwhile, though, many couples are so busy with their jobs and parenting that they're actually spending less time together by themselves.

Man if only we had some sort of socialized childcare program or labor regulation, but oh noes, taxes.

/This is the hell we made for ourselves.


Less time than what, anyway? The days when there weren't phones and email and you went to work at sea for months or years at a time?
 
2018-03-04 04:12:30 AM  
As in all other things in life, people should take this advice to heart in their marriage as well:

Don't be a (lady) dick.
 
2018-03-04 04:28:21 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-03-04 09:57:33 AM  

Entertherat: Came for the B-52's, leaving satisfied.


U 2?
 
2018-03-04 10:00:27 AM  

simplicimus: My marriage crashed, burned and a tornado took the ashes. Only hacks are knife related now.


aws-cf.imdoc.frView Full Size
 
2018-03-04 10:11:03 AM  

Ms. Hushpuppy: This isn't exactly going to win feminist points but it certainly makes for a happy marriage, at least if you're married to a male.
1) Marry a good man.
2) Remember that a good man doesn't require nagging, games, "tests", etc. If something is bothering you, just say it.
3) Frequent blow jobs.
4) Feed him well.
5) On occasion, leave him the heck alone--fishing, watching football, puttering in the garage, whatever. If you interrupt, it should be because something is on fire or you're offering to bring him a beer.

All of that other stuff you want out of the relationship will then be yours forever.


In this household, #4 and #5 intersect.   I like to cook.  Don't you come and lecture me about using 4 pots and a Pyrex pan on a week night... I know what I'm doing and accept that this means i'll have more dishes to do after the kids have been put to bed.
 
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