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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: I am from a rich family. I chose to work at a job that pays 30% less than I am worth; I am giving back. But my coworkers disparage people with money and people who come from money; they don't know I'm rich and offended. What do I do?"   ( slate.com) divider line
    More: Facepalm, Family, Dear Prudence, Mother, immigrant grandparents, WANT, Rape, Dear Prudence podcast, people  
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860 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 01 Mar 2018 at 8:20 AM (33 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-03-01 08:18:05 AM  
Shut up, Mnuchin.
 
2018-03-01 08:27:28 AM  
STFU & GBTW princess.
 
2018-03-01 08:28:31 AM  
Keep your mouth shut or they'll be hitting you up for loans all the time.
 
2018-03-01 08:28:59 AM  
It may feel irritating to be periodically reminded that your family's wealth is made possible by other families' poverty and not just your collective hard work,

Oh fark off. There is a huge difference between criticising economic inequality and making these sorts of claims.
 
2018-03-01 08:30:59 AM  
Truly, working for 70% of someone's perceived worth is the ultimate sacrifice and this person needs to be regarded in the same light as a Rockefeller or a Gates for their philanthropy.
 
2018-03-01 08:33:01 AM  
This is like when some rich conservative turd becomes "homeless" and demonstrates how easy it was to work their way out of it, while completely ignoring all of the other issues surrounding poverty. Namely not being a fake homeless person and having a rich family to go back to.
 
2018-03-01 08:49:46 AM  
He is truely the 30% less Jesus we need right now.
 
2018-03-01 08:53:54 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: This is like when some rich conservative turd becomes "homeless" and demonstrates how easy it was to work their way out of it, while completely ignoring all of the other issues surrounding poverty. Namely not being a fake homeless person and having a rich family to go back to.


Most of the trustafarians I encountered were not kids of conservatives.

They were easy to pick out. They skedaddled the fastest when someone who was actually homeless showed up on their corner.

\The actual homeless, on average, were less annoying
\\They busked less, and better
 
2018-03-01 08:55:06 AM  
Yeah yeah, we all have that one coworker who invested in bitcoin right when it launched and left his coins on a computer that blew up, but he is pretty sure he can still get the coins off it once he gets a recovery drive and if he can remember the password. Anyway, you're not unique and no one cares.
 
2018-03-01 08:56:30 AM  
What do I do?

Cry more about your perceived abuse.  Dumbass.
 
2018-03-01 09:04:14 AM  
Whaat?? People have...opinions???
 
2018-03-01 09:08:22 AM  
To the woman who was sexually assaulted.  If your husband loves you and is really a man he will offer you all the support that you need.  Emotionally, financially and physically.  The first thing to do though is get to the authorities and file a report.  You may be the first woman he attacked, but you probably won't be the last.

Being drunk and passing out isn't an open invitation for him to do what he did.
 
2018-03-01 09:11:21 AM  
It would be nice if Prudence was more consistent with her "suck it up, Buttercup, no one is actually harming you" advice.   A lot more of her readers need it.
 
2018-03-01 09:12:42 AM  
Pay off all their mortgages.  That'll show em!
 
2018-03-01 09:12:43 AM  
(second letter) "Anxiously Anticipating Cohabitation"

Wherever you go, there you are.
 
2018-03-01 09:18:52 AM  
Rub some dirt on it.
 
2018-03-01 09:24:34 AM  
Build a bridge and get over yourself.
 
2018-03-01 09:24:59 AM  
Buy the company and shut it down. That will teach them that the rich should not be disparaged, they're vicious people just like everyone else.
 
2018-03-01 09:28:00 AM  
Fark you.
 
2018-03-01 09:32:31 AM  
Those poor, downtrodden one-percenters.
 
2018-03-01 09:33:42 AM  
Start blowing your nose in hundred dollar bills and throw them in the trash.
 
2018-03-01 09:50:28 AM  
Those pagans are just venting because rich people believe they should be treated special at all times. Back to work snowflake.
 
2018-03-01 09:50:54 AM  
Turns out letter writer is an ER doctor in Chicago.

indiewire.comView Full Size
 
2018-03-01 09:52:24 AM  
Co-Workers Don't Know They're Talking About Me: Prudie is dead wrong about this. However, there is no useful way to confront your co-workers: any attempt to address this will only heighten the resentment and make the matter worse. This isn't just, and it isn't fair, but that's modern selective empathy for you.

That leaves you without many options. This is a hostile work environment, but nobody is going to sympathize with you, just because of who you are. So I suggest finding another workplace and being done with it.

Anxiously Anticipating Cohabitation: Your fear is understandable. Unfortunately, the only way past it is through; waiting for the fear to go away will only ensure that it never happens. Be brave, and have faith in your partner. It gets easier with time.

How to Tell Him: I am sorry to hear that this happened to you, but the first thing to understand is that you hurt no one: you were raped.

Ordinarily I would say to go to your husband first, not because of any obligation, but because the only way to make sure that he doesn't find out about this from anyone other than you is to make sure he finds out from you instead. But since you mention thinking about suicide, that changes the priorities a little; first, you need to talk to your therapist. The hotline Prudie suggested is better still, as an immediate place to call.

And although I understand that you never want to see this freak again, I strongly urge you to at least file a police report, even if you do not want to press charges. Most rapists have many victims, and when one case comes forward, others often follow, especially when the police have records. You are not alone, and you may be able to help ensure that this person can never harm anyone this way again.

Listening When Someone Tells You No: Only you can judge whethet or bot he's sincere if he comes crawling back. But Prudie is right that he's already lied to you about this once. I cannot recommend giving him another chance.

A Bird in the Hand and One in the Bush: Poor communication is the relationship-killer. I can't tell you exactly how to resolve this, but no good will come of hiding things from anyone here.

Moving: I'm mostly with Prudie on this. Your youngest sister crossed the line when she started trying to prevent your mother from receiving care. She deserves no support here.

When people get this shady over an inheritance, it often means one of two things: either the inheritance is huge, or they desperately need the money. In the former case, it should be possible to divide the inheritance equitably even though the house and land are guaranteed to go to only one sibling. In the latter case, your sister may indeed need help of some kind, but perhaps not of the kind she is seeking. It should be obvious which type this is; if it's the latter case, find out what's going on.

Grown Child Etiquette: Prudie's advice is good here. The way through this is a combination of difficult conversations and managed expectations.
 
2018-03-01 09:52:29 AM  
Working for money is 'giving back'? fark you asshole. Your coworkers are right. Trust fund babies suck. So farkk off or do soem actual charity work for no money, you farking fark.
 
2018-03-01 09:53:38 AM  
People have tall poppy syndrome. More at 11.
 
2018-03-01 10:34:20 AM  
Go out and buy a new set of clutching pearls.
 
2018-03-01 10:34:46 AM  
Sell everything you have and give to the poor.
 
2018-03-01 10:39:57 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: This is like when some rich conservative turd becomes "homeless" and demonstrates how easy it was to work their way out of it, while completely ignoring all of the other issues surrounding poverty. Namely not being a fake homeless person and having a rich family to go back to.


Lots of progressive types point out how we don't need so much "stuff." The conclusion is clear, rich people are taking a hit for he team.
 
2018-03-01 10:40:27 AM  

Egoy3k: It may feel irritating to be periodically reminded that your family's wealth is made possible by other families' poverty and not just your collective hard work,

Oh fark off. There is a huge difference between criticising economic inequality and making these sorts of claims.


Shut up Mnuchin.
 
2018-03-01 10:43:40 AM  
This is why even poor people only tolerate poor people until they can get rich. Trifling no account haters that feel envy for anyone making a nickel more than them.

And it's not that they had it so bad, it's that other people had it good.
 
Ant
2018-03-01 10:58:55 AM  
You're not giving back, you're taking a job away from a person who actually needs it.
 
2018-03-01 11:10:40 AM  
Thursday Prudie actually on THURSDAY? Why not?

1) In other news, people tend to talk down about those they see as "others." Film at 11.

2) How to get over it? Quit farking up your relationships by being a lousy roommate. They love you until they see the real you... a real you who leaves laundry lying around, toilets unflushed, and never takes the damn trash out.

3) This one is easy. Scream rape. Insist you couldn't consent and all the fault is on everybody else. It certainly wasn't your fault for choosing to get yourself soused and stay over with other men. No, you have no agency in your decisions, this is all on them. It's not your life that should be ruined, it's everybody else's. #youtoo

4) You've been together for ten years, this is still an option, and you're not married? What, did you start "dating" in 5th grade and now you're getting ready to finish college? Sometimes relationships don't last. Move on and find somebody who wants what you want out of life.

5) Yes. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want your old boyfriend and your new one. At the same time. See if they want to go to the Eiffel Tower, and I do not mean in Paris. Unless your name is Paris.

6) The baby of the family feels entitled and is acting all spoiled. I'm shocked, SHOCKED that this is the case. Sell the house, blow it on a nursing home that smells like stale shiat and despair, and then, at the funeral of your dearly departed mother, where she's lying in a pine box with cheap arrangements, ask your baby sister if it was worth it. Ask her which McDonalds meal she'll get with her inheritance.

7) Your only child was adopted, and you are wondering if he's selfish? How many times did you bend to his desires growing up? How many times did you jump to his defense when a teacher was mean to him (when in fact your little baby didn't bother to study for the test)? How many gifts did you shower upon him, making sure he had the best life possible? How did you invest all your life into him, neglecting your husband and everybody else in the world? Of course he thinks you exist for his benefit. It's always been that way to him. It's too late to change that. However, have you considered the joy and fulfillment in an entire herd of cats? That seems right for you.

Have a good weekend!
 
2018-03-01 11:20:39 AM  
Solution: you're not real, so do whatever the hell you want.
 
2018-03-01 11:22:31 AM  

akula: 3) This one is easy. Scream rape. Insist you couldn't consent and all the fault is on everybody else. It certainly wasn't your fault for choosing to get yourself soused and stay over with other men. No, you have no agency in your decisions, this is all on them. It's not your life that should be ruined, it's everybody else's. #youtoo


Christ, what an asshole.
 
2018-03-01 11:23:58 AM  
Thursday.  I was late coming in today so I brought in Donuts, so that's good.  I stopped by a new donut place by my house to see if it was any good, it was not and that's bad.  The owner doesn't smoke, though so the coffee and donuts don't smell / taste like cigarettes (unlike the other donut shop by my house), so that's good.  But, either way you look at it, donuts in the break room.  Enjoy fark.

1) You grow a thick skin.  Don't brag about money or talk about your own trust fund, not even to close friends.  Prudies advice is bad in this regard.  Maybe this fake letter is to show everyone that Prudie sides with the people, so when the revolution comes she isn't first against the wall.  As it is, if people find out you have money (earned by yourself, inherited or saved for you in a trust fund), things change and usually for the worse.  It's sad but true.  It can wreck friendships (as people come begging for money, or even complain if you don't just 'give' them money because, hey you can afford it easily) and family situations (Why don't you help me pay the bills, you have the money and I should have it).  So if you have people around you that don't know that your bank account number is bigger than their social security number, keep it that way.

2) Look, it isn't working out, I would bail now if I were you.  Time to get back on Tinder.

3) Damn.  I wrote a long snarky reply to this one, then gave it a re-read just to make sure I didn't put my foot in my mouth while my head was up my ass.  I'm glad I did, because now I'm not touching this with a 40' pole.
4) Well, when he comes back, tell him you're pregnant and it's definitely not his, and will be obviously not his because of the race.  Then call him "Tiny Tim" and shut the door.  Move on, find someone else.  If you're in your 30's, find some Nerd from your High School that had a major crush on you but never had the chance to ask you out.  Make sure he's successful now.  It doesn't matter if he's good in bed, either, since he's been in love with you since H.S. you can treat him like garbage, cheat on him, do anything and he will keep on you like a tick, worshipping your every move.

5) Honey, anything other than a hand in the bush is better than an internet stranger catfishing you for the long run.

6) The mother gets to choose the inheritence and the split, not the children.  Be glad you are so far away from this mess.  Grab an "edible" (That's marijuana brownie for you squares out there), chill the fark out, then call in with the chill idea that the mother sell all her stuff and move out to where your caring sister is.  Then quietly buy up that house and land at a lowballed price through a real estate trust, fix and flip for a profit without telling anyone and buy a nice pair of shoes and a new Lexus with the proceeds.

7) So let's put the peices of the puzzle together here.  About 21 years ago you adopted a son from across the globe: So either Russian or Chinese.  Since he doesn't have medical issues that you discussed (other than ADHD) we'll assume it's a Russian adoption.  First of all, Fifth / Sixth grade is when the hand-made card go out of style with the kids.  They actually start studying hard subjects in middle and high school and don't spend much time on arts and crafts (Outside of home-ec or shop class, but I date myself because neither of those classes are called that anymore, at least not at my kids schools).  A 22-year-old that spends his money on himself.  HOLY FARKING SMURF, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH AN OUTRAGE, except for everytime in recorded history since recorded history.  At preschool he was diagnosed with ADHD (in the late 1990's) and was on meds for it until 18.  He's an anchor baby that was meant to solidify the union between you and your husband, but that didn't work, because once he was an adult you two got divorced.
I'm going out on a limb here: Instead of actually being a parent to this kid, you brought him in as an anchor baby to keep a man.  You were a shrew that used drugs to control him instead of time and effort to parent and when he was 18, he and your husband jumped off that sinking ship together.  He picked his Dad, who is honestly sane enough to leave you.  I'm not seeing an issue here, I'm seeing someone who needs to go to therapy and work on being a better, less selfish person.

And there's more.  Seriously, lots of donuts left in the break room, enjoy.
 
2018-03-01 11:37:32 AM  

Theaetetus: akula: 3) This one is easy. Scream rape. Insist you couldn't consent and all the fault is on everybody else. It certainly wasn't your fault for choosing to get yourself soused and stay over with other men. No, you have no agency in your decisions, this is all on them. It's not your life that should be ruined, it's everybody else's. #youtoo

Christ, what an asshole.


Yeah, it's what I get for posting quickly. On one hand I go overboard with my Prudie replies, but I did run a bit too far with this one. Mea culpa.
 
2018-03-01 11:38:05 AM  
if they are "1-percenter wealthy" they didn't make their money on their own, sorry. No one ever got rich as a laborer.

funny how the "it's so hard to be rich" people never do the one thing guaranteed to fix that
 
2018-03-01 11:48:07 AM  

ElwoodCuse: if they are "1-percenter wealthy" they didn't make their money on their own, sorry. No one ever got rich as a laborer.

funny how the "it's so hard to be rich" people never do the one thing guaranteed to fix that


No. They found a better way to do the labor.
 
2018-03-01 12:06:13 PM  

Egoy3k: It may feel irritating to be periodically reminded that your family's wealth is made possible by other families' poverty and not just your collective hard work,

Oh fark off. There is a huge difference between criticising economic inequality and making these sorts of claims.


Every wealthy person gets their money from someone else's work. If a person has a single employee, they are making money off of someone else's work. That's what an employee is, someone who is doing your work for you.
 
2018-03-01 12:11:56 PM  
Take the Rolls to work. That'll show 'me.
 
2018-03-01 12:31:28 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-03-01 12:36:21 PM  

LoneWolf343: Egoy3k: It may feel irritating to be periodically reminded that your family's wealth is made possible by other families' poverty and not just your collective hard work,

Oh fark off. There is a huge difference between criticising economic inequality and making these sorts of claims.

Every wealthy person gets their money from someone else's work. If a person has a single employee, they are making money off of someone else's work. That's what an employee is, someone who is doing your work for you.


Two things;

1) An employee is someone doing work you are paying them to do. It's not 'your' work. If you think running a business isn't work in and of itself you're a moron.

2)Saying that wealthy people had employees is not the same as saying that wealthy people all got that way but impoverishing others.
 
2018-03-01 12:42:50 PM  

Egoy3k: LoneWolf343: Egoy3k: It may feel irritating to be periodically reminded that your family's wealth is made possible by other families' poverty and not just your collective hard work,

Oh fark off. There is a huge difference between criticising economic inequality and making these sorts of claims.

Every wealthy person gets their money from someone else's work. If a person has a single employee, they are making money off of someone else's work. That's what an employee is, someone who is doing your work for you.

Two things;

1) An employee is someone doing work you are paying them to do. It's not 'your' work. If you think running a business isn't work in and of itself you're a moron.

2)Saying that wealthy people had employees is not the same as saying that wealthy people all got that way but impoverishing others.


1.) It's still your work, even if if too much for you to accomplish physically. Just because you have to hire an employee doesn't mean it ceases to be your work. You are still profiting off of someone else's labor; if you gave an employee all the money he has made for you, you wouldn't be making a profit. That's what profit is, money that earned by someone else for you.

2.) Considering that profit is literally benefiting from someone else's work, yes, yes they are.

The fact is, you can't be moral and rich at the same time. Good on the person for making an effort to identify with the plebs, but if they are coming away with this impression, it was only a token effort.
 
2018-03-01 01:02:32 PM  

LoneWolf343: The fact is, you can't be moral and rich at the same time.


Well, there it is.
 
2018-03-01 01:10:43 PM  
Not sure what to say about the rich boy from letter one.  Perhaps my perspective is skewed as I'm only two generations removed from the farm.  My grandfather left home at 16 to finish high school.  Family wanted him to drop out and help on the farm.  He was very intellectually curious, but couldn't get a college education (he read a lot).  He became a steel worker moved up the ranks, died when he was 63 primarily from a life of physical labor.  I was three, so didn't get to know him, just stories told by my dad, aunt and uncles.

His kids, my dad and his 3 siblings were all able to get a college education.  3 engineers and a teacher out of that.  Collectively, we're doing pretty well in the current generation.  But that's your basic dream, work hard so your kids and grand kids don't have to put up with the crap you did.  It's worked out for us and for the letter writer.  Basically, this dude's family did better than mine, but they aren't exactly old money, not quite new money either.  Part of me thinks this guy who doesn't need to work is taking a job someone who could really use the work needs.  That seems a waste.  If the dude really needs something to do, there are lots of volunteer options out there.  If you are doing something beneficial to others and not getting paid for it, that's how you keep from looking like a complete asshole with money.

But mostly the guy should ignore the grousing if he wants to stay there.
 
2018-03-01 01:21:34 PM  

loki see loki do: Working for money is 'giving back'? fark you asshole. Your coworkers are right. Trust fund babies suck. So farkk off or do soem actual charity work for no money, you farking fark.


Some of us actually have useful skills, and can choose where we work and what we do, rather that just having to take whatever job we can get. So no.

That said, unless he's running the nonprofit, the letter writer is full of shiat. Making 30% of what he could be? *rolleyes* <yeahsure.gif>
 
2018-03-01 01:26:13 PM  

dv-ous: loki see loki do: Working for money is 'giving back'? fark you asshole. Your coworkers are right. Trust fund babies suck. So farkk off or do soem actual charity work for no money, you farking fark.

Some of us actually have useful skills, and can choose where we work and what we do, rather that just having to take whatever job we can get. So no.

That said, unless he's running the nonprofit, the letter writer is full of shiat. Making 30% of what he could be? *rolleyes* <yeahsure.gif>


Could be. Let's say basic 30K/yr job instead of working for dear old dad at the firm and making 100K/yr for having the right breeding. Or scale it up to 60k vs 200K. Believable to me if he has access to family contacts - and that really is the best benefit a rich family gives: contacts. The benefits of that network are the gift that keeps on giving. Its why an impoverished former trust fund baby can probably work back up to well off or even rich. The money is a huge help, but the contacts breed money faster than anything in the world
 
2018-03-01 01:26:14 PM  
Maybe take some time to seek out what has shaped those opinions you find offensive?  Everyone isn't a paper doll - they have "reasons" for their opinions (some might just not hold any water and since you're just seeking , you'll have to remember it isn't your place at this point, to point that out .)
 
2018-03-01 01:34:54 PM  
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