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(News4Jax)   When 1-year-old toddler gets into parents' morphine pills, father runs out trailer backdoor to hide while mother flees to cheap hotel. So leave it to mother's boyfriend to stay, call 911 to rescue child. (Bonus: Boyfriend is kid's uncle)   ( news4jax.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Arrest, child, morphine pills, Baker County Sheriff, arrest report, Sheriff Scotty Rhoden, deputies, 32-year-old Crystal Ann  
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6232 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2018 at 8:26 PM (22 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



61 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2018-02-12 06:27:08 PM  
If this was Kentucky, "Boyfriend is kid's uncle" would have a distinctly different implication ...
 
2018-02-12 06:30:37 PM  
The Floridians!
 
2018-02-12 06:35:14 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-12 06:47:37 PM  
Everytime you think this story can't get any more Hoosier-y, it just keep going.
 
2018-02-12 06:48:40 PM  
32?  did they mistype 52?
 
2018-02-12 07:07:37 PM  
I once played the card game Speed with a girl named Crystal while I was on meth.
 
2018-02-12 07:50:22 PM  
Why can't we deport people like this to Mexico instead?
 
2018-02-12 08:15:37 PM  
I bet that situation upped the tempo on the banjo music.
 
2018-02-12 08:28:06 PM  
Poor kid is doomed.
 
2018-02-12 08:29:43 PM  
Oh, the FATHER'S brother.

Hardly worth the Florida tag, then.
 
2018-02-12 08:30:22 PM  
Okay, it's terrible, but not quite as bad as subby makes out.  Sounds like mom took the baby to the hospital, then ran off.  "Deputies later went to the hospital to serve an arrest warrant for theft on the child's mother. They soon found that she had run off and abandoned the child, leaving the toddler in the care of hospital staff."

Still, they both sound like real winners.
 
2018-02-12 08:43:10 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: 32?  did they mistype 52?


lotta miles
 
2018-02-12 08:43:24 PM  
Chrystal Baker?  So is she a meth cook?
 
2018-02-12 08:44:09 PM  
I knew the day would come where a Fark story was from down the road from me.  (Literally, like a mile away)
 
2018-02-12 08:44:15 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-12 08:47:51 PM  

HighlanderRPI: Why can't we deport people like this to Mexico instead?


What did Mexico do to deserve that?
 
2018-02-12 08:50:17 PM  
Serious challenger for The Most Fark award.

Aside: there should be a HOTY category for "the most fark" stories. I'd love to have a yearly roundup of stories that basically justified this sites existence.

/95% florida tag or gtfo
 
2018-02-12 08:52:20 PM  

CipollinaFan: The Floridians!


I was just thinking that this was reminiscent of the 'Aristocrats'...but the Floridians make more sense in this case.
 
2018-02-12 08:55:39 PM  

derpes_simplex: Chrystal Baker?  So is she a meth cook?


No, a meth maker!

/please try to keep up.
 
2018-02-12 08:59:08 PM  

doglover: Oh, the FATHER'S brother.

Hardly worth the Florida tag, then.


This.

After I parsed what was going on it was "ah, she's just banging brothers; meh."
 
2018-02-12 08:59:48 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: 32?  did they mistype 52?


. . . really?

I think she'd look fine without the stupid clown eyebrows. Thin, but fine. She doesn't have one of the weird, weathered, pockmarked faces.
 
2018-02-12 09:05:22 PM  
When your parents name you "Crystal Baker" it is a near certainty you're going to end up in this exact scenario.
 
2018-02-12 09:06:32 PM  

fuzzybacchus: When your parents name you "Crystal Baker" it is a near certainty you're going to end up in this exact scenario.


Dang, I just noticed how woefully late I was to this party....
 
2018-02-12 09:08:37 PM  
Ah, Maclenny.  Dont ever change.
 
2018-02-12 09:09:00 PM  
And thus is born the next Charles Manson.
 
2018-02-12 09:09:29 PM  
1-star folks at their finest
 
2018-02-12 09:17:59 PM  

Igor Jakovsky: Ah, Maclenny.  Dont ever change.


Did you think it would?
 
2018-02-12 09:23:43 PM  
That is the most stereotypical trailer park story.

Tale as old as time.
 
2018-02-12 09:24:00 PM  
The sad thing is that it was probably hunger which led that kid to get into those pills. Hopefully that never happens again.
 
2018-02-12 09:30:32 PM  

Thingster: doglover: Oh, the FATHER'S brother.

Hardly worth the Florida tag, then.

This.

After I parsed what was going on it was "ah, she's just banging brothers; meh."


It's called a levirate marriage.
 
2018-02-12 09:40:48 PM  
To bad it's Florida, reading this story while listening to Dueling Banjos doesn't seem quite appropriate.
 
2018-02-12 09:41:29 PM  

Kuta: Thingster: doglover: Oh, the FATHER'S brother.

Hardly worth the Florida tag, then.

This.

After I parsed what was going on it was "ah, she's just banging brothers; meh."

It's called a levirate marriage.


Better than an Irish sleepover.
 
2018-02-12 09:41:41 PM  

MSBFDffpm: derpes_simplex: Chrystal Baker?  So is she a meth cook?

No, a meth maker!

/please try to keep up.


Little Meth Maker
 
2018-02-12 09:43:50 PM  

Kuta: Thingster: doglover: Oh, the FATHER'S brother.

Hardly worth the Florida tag, then.

This.

After I parsed what was going on it was "ah, she's just banging brothers; meh."

It's called a levirate marriage.


Nobody is dead; I'd just call them Eskimo brother brothers
 
2018-02-12 09:54:16 PM  
Which episode of Game of Thrones was this, again?
 
2018-02-12 10:10:11 PM  
This is a depiction of a better-considered endeavor:

Big A** Redneck Bonfire Explosion! Wow.
Youtube HOOc5kT39ec
 
2018-02-12 10:12:27 PM  
What is resisting arrest without violence?
 
2018-02-12 10:12:56 PM  

slackananda: [img.fark.net image 499x367]


Thin boned, sharp featured, mugshot history?  Exactly my type!

/I...have poor decision making skills
 
2018-02-12 10:15:40 PM  

sardonicobserver: This is a depiction of a better-considered endeavor:

[YouTube video: Big A** Redneck Bonfire Explosion! Wow.]


BTDT, as they backed off to light the fire "dude, too much air space, back the fark up - it's gonna flash *BOOM* well, told ya so."

/gas on a leaf pile when it's about 95F out will launch leaves about 100' and knock you over at 25'.
 
2018-02-12 10:16:33 PM  

Fukuzawa: What is resisting arrest without violence?


"back off, I didn't do anything wrong!"
 
2018-02-12 10:19:04 PM  
I can confirm that this story is a damned near exact representation of a sizable portion of white people in Florida.
 
2018-02-12 10:21:15 PM  

dburn13579: I knew the day would come where a Fark story was from down the road from me.  (Literally, like a mile away)


So, do you live in the nicer trailer park, or do they?
 
2018-02-12 10:32:38 PM  
But, biological parents are always the best! Hollywood told me so.
 
2018-02-12 10:44:22 PM  

big pig peaches: Poor kid is doomed.


If he's lucky, they terminate parental rights. One year old white kid will get adopted on rightly twelve seconds.
 
2018-02-12 10:44:23 PM  
I was told there would be no math.
 
2018-02-12 10:50:40 PM  

fuzzybacchus: fuzzybacchus: When your parents name you "Crystal Baker" it is a near certainty you're going to end up in this exact scenario.

Dang, I just noticed how woefully late I was to this party....


Also, I'm not usually a stickler for spelling but it's Chrystal, not Crystal.  Pronounced "Christ-əl," I should like to think.
 
2018-02-12 10:58:03 PM  
okmoviequotes.comView Full Size

With his parent.
 
2018-02-13 12:11:30 AM  

Fukuzawa: What is resisting arrest without violence?


It's where you're getting arrested but you resist without using violence.
 
2018-02-13 12:15:10 AM  
Seth Baker, who initially left the home to avoid arrest for an outstanding restraining order violation, was taken into custody after authorities found him hiding in a camper in the back yard, deputies said.

100 bucks says the restraining order violation was against the same woman he's now living with again.
 
2018-02-13 01:22:35 AM  

The Soupman Cumeth: I can confirm that this story is a damned near exact representation of a sizable portion of white people in Florida.


Aka "The Master Race"
 
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