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(Vice)   "I did what any normal stoner would do in this situation: I drank the lube"   ( broadly.vice.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Vagina, yeast infection, Candidiasis, Vulva, weed lube, Vaginitis, Sexual intercourse, AIDS  
•       •       •

6561 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Feb 2018 at 1:05 AM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2018-02-08 11:46:49 PM  
This was actually an amazingly honest article. Good for the author, seriously.

As it turns out, that was just because THC is absorbed differently through your vagina than through your digestive system.

Probably because your vagina is maybe four inches long on the outside, and while it's a mucous membrane it's not specifically evolved for absorption, while your small intestine is roughly 240 inches long, and specializes in absorbing things you consume.
 
2018-02-08 11:50:56 PM  
The next few days are a blur of snacking and crying. There are 10 text threads on my phone that I don't remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos strewn about my apartment.

For me it was Tuesday...
 
2018-02-08 11:58:35 PM  
My vagina was a bloody, yeasty war zone.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 12:00:18 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 12:19:01 AM  
Lightweight
 
2018-02-09 12:46:58 AM  
I can't do weed. I get paranoid as f*ck. It feels like I'm having a heart attack. Can't imagine consuming 45 times a recommended "dose."
 
2018-02-09 12:52:41 AM  

fusillade762: The next few days are a blur of snacking and crying. There are 10 text threads on my phone that I don't remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos strewn about my apartment.

For me it was Tuesday...


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 01:16:01 AM  
What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.
 
2018-02-09 01:17:38 AM  
an all-natural coconut oil-based marijuana lubricant

Why does marijuana need to be lubricated?
 
2018-02-09 01:23:50 AM  
I suppose we should all be happy it was THC, because if it just about any other "drug," she wouldn't have had a bad 3 day trip. She'd be dead. It was a tremendously stupid thing to do.
 
2018-02-09 01:25:45 AM  
She should've gone with the vaginal suppositories by Foria
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 01:26:54 AM  
That article is two years old. Is it going to be reposted annually to keep the good girls from going all stoney?
 
2018-02-09 01:26:55 AM  
Author fired from her nanny job in 3....2....
 
2018-02-09 01:27:15 AM  
No lady, you are not a normal stoner.  You are a walking, talking caricature that our Attorney General uses as an example.  Get yourself into treatment to address your addictive personality disorder.  Most stoners can mellow out and still function, you can't.  It's all or nothing, a sign that you need help.  You are not helping the cause.
 
2018-02-09 01:28:28 AM  
I just can't imagine what kind of life a person leads where their partner is cool with them downing a bottle of lube to get high and having substitutes who'll step in when they are incapacitated because of it.
 
2018-02-09 01:33:02 AM  
At first I was like

img.fark.netView Full Size


But then I was like

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 01:37:58 AM  
When I heard about Foria, an all-natural coconut oil-based marijuana lubricant, I thought it would be life changing. ... I got a bottle of Foria as soon as I could and ran home, excited to test it out. Following the instructions, I squatted pants-less over my toilet and sprayed the lubricant all over my clitoris, inner labia, outer labia and the inside of my vagina.

I'm no Dr. Ruth but aren't you supposed to keep oily lubes out of the vagina?
 
2018-02-09 01:39:37 AM  
Now, this isn't as irrational as it sounds. When I bought the bottle of Foria at my local dispensary, the budtender, a young woman about my age, mentioned that she also purchased a bottle and then quickly realized that she had spent $80 on a bottle of lube but didn't have anyone to have sex with.

lol. TFA delivers.
 
2018-02-09 01:41:36 AM  
Puts me in mind of a rule about how much floride you can put in a single bottle of mouthwash. If 25mg THC is what people expect in something, then portioning your consumable just sounds responsible.

At least it wasn't Kentucky jelly.
 
2018-02-09 01:42:32 AM  
So which one of you farkettes is the author of TFA?
 
2018-02-09 01:43:35 AM  

knobmaker: What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.


You sound like a fun kinda guy.

I thought it was funny. Was it dumb? Yeah sure. But driving to Las Vegas with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls is dumb too.

She's a writer. It's not like she needs to worry about defending her PhD paper on the cure for cancer the next week. I think u mad cause someone got laid and high and payed to write a short article on it and you sat at home sober eating breakfast cereal in the dark.
 
2018-02-09 01:49:44 AM  
Somebody flushed their support hamster.
Somebody sold their wife's kidney without her knowledge.
Somebody drank weed lube.
You know what? The world is really messed up, because these aren't the strangest thing going on at the moment. I'm seriously wondering if I'm on some weird drugs, because I just don't see how anything is real.
 
2018-02-09 02:10:35 AM  

Birnone: an all-natural coconut oil-based marijuana lubricant

Why does marijuana need to be lubricated?


screenanarchy.comView Full Size
 
2018-02-09 02:25:16 AM  
"... But my attention was quickly distracted from the frescoes by the sight of a most witchly congress, which filled all the chairs of that broad chamber. On the dais sat an old crone, whose commanding position first engaged my attention to her personal appearance, and, upon rather impolite scrutiny, I beheld that she was the product of an art held in preeminent favor among persons of her age and sex. She was knit of purple yarn ! In faultless order the stitches ran along her face ; in every pucker of her reentrant mouth, in every wrinkle of her brow, she was a yarny counterfeit of the grandam of actual life, and by some skillful process of stuffing her nose had received its due peak and her chin its projection.

The occupants of the scats below were all but reproductions of their president, and both she and they were constantly swaying from side to side forward and back, to the music of some invisible instruments, whose tone and style were most intensely and ludicrously Ethiopian.  Not a word was spoken by any of the woolly conclave, but with untiring industry they were all knitting, knitting, knitting ceaselessly, as if their lives depended on it. I looked to see the objects of their manufacture. They were knitting old women like themselves !..."

Back when Cannabis Concentrate could summon lurid hallucination, if penning prohibitionist fabulism:
https://archive.org/details/66640730R​.​nlm.nih.gov

/if that's blogger's conception of performance art she should start considering that it isn't as yeasty as she thinks it looks
 
2018-02-09 02:30:35 AM  

turbidette: Somebody flushed their support hamster.
Somebody sold their wife's kidney without her knowledge.
Somebody drank weed lube.
You know what? The world is really messed up, because these aren't the strangest thing going on at the moment. I'm seriously wondering if I'm on some weird drugs, because I just don't see how anything is real.


Naw, it's because you're straight, and reading the news.  Turn off the news and have a beer, and the world will be normal again.
 
2018-02-09 02:39:59 AM  
I have no idea what I just read but it made me laugh...
 
2018-02-09 02:45:40 AM  
The chick in the article is stupid.

But Foria is awesome.
 
2018-02-09 03:15:36 AM  
This headline deserves to become a meme contest.
 
2018-02-09 03:26:42 AM  

Twilight Farkle: fusillade762: The next few days are a blur of snacking and crying. There are 10 text threads on my phone that I don't remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos strewn about my apartment.

For me it was Tuesday...

[img.fark.net image 850x635]


Trump's new cabinet?
 
2018-02-09 04:07:18 AM  
Drinking lube then eating a big bag of greasy chips?

Why not throw some Taco Bell and Haribo gummy bears into the mix as well?
 
2018-02-09 04:45:11 AM  
Having deliberately consumed that level of cannabis before, and tripped balls for 48 hrs, I'm getting a kick out of TFA.

No, seriously, that made me LOL more than once.

cherryl taggart: No lady, you are not a normal stoner.  You are a walking, talking caricature that our Attorney General uses as an example.  Get yourself into treatment to address your addictive personality disorder.  Most stoners can mellow out and still function, you can't.  It's all or nothing, a sign that you need help.  You are not helping the cause.


Strange how she's employed in her field of education, and seemingly managing to have that AND a functioning relationship.

Seems quite under control compared to most supposedly 'higher functioning' alcoholics I know.
 
2018-02-09 04:49:51 AM  

knobmaker: I hope no one paid her for that crap


jealous underpaid writer is jealous.
 
2018-02-09 05:11:02 AM  
Period at 11 (THAT IS LIKE 5TH GRADE! DOES NOT YET KNOW MULTIPLICATION TABLES!) Sex at 15.  (8TH GRADE)
Giant Yeast Infection. Harvey Wienstien is Definitely Involved. Am I the only one thinking crime?
 
2018-02-09 05:34:35 AM  
I tuned out at "bloody, yeasty war zone."
 
2018-02-09 06:31:41 AM  

knobmaker: What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.


She's a moron, and apparently has always been that way.
 
2018-02-09 06:42:28 AM  
A yeast infection every month since she was 11. Try not to imagine what she must smell like......
 
2018-02-09 06:49:04 AM  

knobmaker: What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.


Thank you.
I'm and old man, and I hate when people blithely say something like " stupid slut" when it can be more intelligently articulated. Of course, if you look up stupid slut in the dictionary, you'll see her picture.

Now, an older, black n white analog dictionary would have my picture, so this is the voice of authority.
 
2018-02-09 07:05:13 AM  

UsikFark: I'm no Dr. Ruth but aren't you supposed to keep oily lubes out of the vagina?


If you're using condoms, yes, because the oil is bad for the latex. Otherwise, oil-vased lubricants aren't a problen per se.

uttertosh: Having deliberately consumed that level of cannabis before, and tripped balls for 48 hrs, I'm getting a kick out of TFA.

No, seriously, that made me LOL more than once.

cherryl taggart: No lady, you are not a normal stoner.  You are a walking, talking caricature that our Attorney General uses as an example.  Get yourself into treatment to address your addictive personality disorder.  Most stoners can mellow out and still function, you can't.  It's all or nothing, a sign that you need help.  You are not helping the cause.

Strange how she's employed in her field of education, and seemingly managing to have that AND a functioning relationship.

Seems quite under control compared to most supposedly 'higher functioning' alcoholics I know.


Only because she's apparently got some serious enablers in both her relationship and her work, which is pretty much the same way the high-functioning alcoholics do it. Take the enablers away, and you've got a nonfunctional mess, as she herself basically admits.
 
2018-02-09 07:27:31 AM  

mikefinch: knobmaker: What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.

You sound like a fun kinda guy.

I thought it was funny. Was it dumb? Yeah sure. But driving to Las Vegas with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls is dumb too.

She's a writer. It's not like she needs to worry about defending her PhD paper on the cure for cancer the next week. I think u mad cause someone got laid and high and payed to write a short article on it and you sat at home sober eating breakfast cereal in the dark.


No. I agree. The article was dumb and I feel dumber for having read it.
 
2018-02-09 07:41:21 AM  

Nancypants: Period at 11 (THAT IS LIKE 5TH GRADE! DOES NOT YET KNOW MULTIPLICATION TABLES!) Sex at 15.  (8TH GRADE)
Giant Yeast Infection. Harvey Wienstien is Definitely Involved. Am I the only one thinking crime?


Um. I was a junior when i was 15. Did you stay back a couple years, because I started uni at 17.
 
2018-02-09 07:47:52 AM  

turbidette: Somebody flushed their support hamster.
Somebody sold their wife's kidney without her knowledge.
Somebody drank weed lube.
You know what? The world is really messed up, because these aren't the strangest thing going on at the moment. I'm seriously wondering if I'm on some weird drugs, because I just don't see how anything is real.


Somebody shot a farking car into space the other day and that stuff somehow surprises you?
 
2018-02-09 08:15:40 AM  
Rogan and Diaz 500mg edibles story
Youtube hFtKkQEn8Ew


/Uncle Joey has all the Baby Pirates Booty.
 
2018-02-09 08:17:38 AM  

knobmaker: What a truly stupid person and a truly pointless piece of masturbatory semi-writing.  I'd wonder what the hell is wrong with her, but I can't bring myself to give a shiat.

I hope no one paid her for that crap.


We all did with our clickity click...

The appropriate thing to do when your gal drinks a whole bottle of lube is to stick your dick down her throat.

The last time I ate mj, she loved me for 28 hours, it was the best night sleep i ever had but was sick of being stoned around lunch the next day, by three days I would have been arrested for rubbing twinkies on my naked body in the front lawn.
 
2018-02-09 08:43:37 AM  

Millennium: Take the enablers away,


You misspelled 'social network'.

It's like nobody ever had a hangover so bad they pulled a Blue-Flu for a couple of days, I swear.
 
2018-02-09 08:45:35 AM  
You put your weed in there!
 
2018-02-09 09:23:40 AM  
That woman needs to cut back on sugar and carbs.
 
2018-02-09 09:24:05 AM  

camaroash: turbidette: Somebody flushed their support hamster.
Somebody sold their wife's kidney without her knowledge.
Somebody drank weed lube.
You know what? The world is really messed up, because these aren't the strangest thing going on at the moment. I'm seriously wondering if I'm on some weird drugs, because I just don't see how anything is real.

Somebody shot a farking car into space the other day and that stuff somehow surprises you?


Things are just feeling surreal, and I mean this in more than the obvious political way.
It's gone from goofy and bungled burglary attempts to somewhere past eleven on the charts.
 
2018-02-09 09:26:26 AM  

wildcardjack: Puts me in mind of a rule about how much floride you can put in a single bottle of mouthwash. If 25mg THC is what people expect in something, then portioning your consumable just sounds responsible.

At least it wasn't Kentucky jelly.


I'm wondering why people would put enough weed in a cookie that you can only eat 1/4 of it? Why not just put 1/4 the weed in there so I can eat the whole cookie? I'm going to eat it after I'm high anyways.
 
2018-02-09 10:09:25 AM  

Chevello: wildcardjack: Puts me in mind of a rule about how much floride you can put in a single bottle of mouthwash. If 25mg THC is what people expect in something, then portioning your consumable just sounds responsible.

At least it wasn't Kentucky jelly.

I'm wondering why people would put enough weed in a cookie that you can only eat 1/4 of it? Why not just put 1/4 the weed in there so I can eat the whole cookie? I'm going to eat it after I'm high anyways.


Maybe they based it on the British Government's ruling on what is 1 'unit' of alcohol?
 
2018-02-09 10:12:54 AM  

uttertosh: ruling on what is 1 'unit' of alcohol


F*ck english grammar in teh butt. It made sense in my head.
 
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