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(Boomstick Comics)   'The Cloverfield Paradox' should have been titled 'The Cloverfield Potato'   ( boomstickcomics.com) divider line
    More: Cool, Film, Cloverfield Paradox', 'The Cloverfield Paradox', 'The Cloverfield Potato', Aksel Hennie, 'The God Particle', space crew, Earth  
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3367 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Feb 2018 at 3:05 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-02-05 02:37:51 PM  
I can count to potato
 
2018-02-05 02:45:05 PM  
This movie was in production hell for years and suddenly it's released on Netflix without any previous advertising/screening? Yea, I don't think anyone thought it would be well done.

"Netflix Release" is the "Direct-to-DVD" of the 21st century.
 
2018-02-05 02:47:37 PM  
Don't care.  Gugu Mbatha-Raw is in it.
 
2018-02-05 02:52:01 PM  
The second you apply "Cloverfield" to any movie name, I automatically assume that a) it stinks worse than the armpit of an undead jogger after a hard day chasing a garter-wearing Milla Jovovich around, and; b) it has nothing to do with a mediocre kaiju movie that focused more on piss-poor writing between the worst slacker couple and their hanger-on film-making farkface than the goddamned kaiju itself.
 
2018-02-05 03:04:21 PM  
It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.

/Plus had Chris O'Dowd.
 
2018-02-05 03:09:05 PM  
the guy who wrote the 'review' definitely has a FARK handle. SO much "Stop liking what I dont like"

It was good, not great, and ties into the other two movies...and it boggles my mind that people can't see how.
 
2018-02-05 03:09:25 PM  
I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.
 
2018-02-05 03:09:52 PM  

enry: It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.


The second statement in no way whatsoever proves the first one.
 
2018-02-05 03:10:58 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2018-02-05 03:12:12 PM  

FormlessOne: The second you apply "Cloverfield" to any movie name, I automatically assume that a) it stinks worse than the armpit of an undead jogger after a hard day chasing a garter-wearing Milla Jovovich around, and; b) it has nothing to do with a mediocre kaiju movie that focused more on piss-poor writing between the worst slacker couple and their hanger-on film-making farkface than the goddamned kaiju itself.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-05 03:13:07 PM  

phalamir: enry: It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.

The second statement in no way whatsoever proves the first one.


Cloverfield Potato > EH > Cloverfield

/Not really saying much, I know
 
2018-02-05 03:15:33 PM  

enry: It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.

/Plus had Chris O'Dowd.


I don't get people who are confused by Event Horizon.  It's a stupidly simplistic story...experimental star drive opens gateway into dimension of chaos, driving the crew and ship AI to homicidal insanity, rescue ship crew falls victim the the lingering effects of the other dimension and the killer ship AI.  That's it.  That's the whole thing.  It's 2001 meets Warhammer 40k.
 
2018-02-05 03:16:19 PM  

Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.


That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"
 
2018-02-05 03:20:12 PM  
just call label it a new "Star Wars" movie and all the problems can be handwaved away with a bunch of "cry moar fanboy" arguments.
 
2018-02-05 03:22:41 PM  

EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"


Yeah, but most of the complaints are "It was a low budget sci-fi film without all the A-list talent, top notch writing, or extreme scientific accuracy I expect from a low budget sci-fi film."
 
2018-02-05 03:23:20 PM  

EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"


No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.
 
2018-02-05 03:24:04 PM  
For the record I've never been to Cloverfield so don't go layin' this mess on me.
img.fark.netView Full Size

/potato
 
2018-02-05 03:24:44 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

TAYTO!
 
2018-02-05 03:25:15 PM  

EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"


Meh...some of us really only care if a movie is entertaining and think the rest of y'all who spend absurd amounts of time and energy arguing about whether or not a given movie was objectively "good" are a bit daft.  Did you like the flick, yes or no?  Why the fark would you care about anything else from a thing that only exists to entertain?
 
2018-02-05 03:25:32 PM  

Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.


I enjoyed it. Is it going in my all time best sci fi list? No. But I enjoyed it and easily made it through it. I cared about the characters. Plot was easy to follow. And the visuals were good.
 
2018-02-05 03:27:11 PM  

foo monkey: Don't care.  Gugu Mbatha-Raw is in it.


What the fark did you just say? Was that a hex? Did you put a hex on me you bastard?
 
2018-02-05 03:28:05 PM  
I watched today. I don't know, I enjoyed it for what it was worth.
 
2018-02-05 03:31:20 PM  

FormlessOne: The second you apply "Cloverfield" to any movie name, I automatically assume that a) it stinks worse than the armpit of an undead jogger after a hard day chasing a garter-wearing Milla Jovovich around--


img.fark.net
 
2018-02-05 03:31:34 PM  
The second Cloverfield movie shouldn't really be considered a sequel. Originally it was just its own film, unconnected to anything else.

Cloverfield Paradox was just okay.  I would have been better off watching Altered Carbon or Babylon Berlin.
 
2018-02-05 03:31:39 PM  

JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.


If you think the Oscars provide any actual measure of whether a movie is good or bad, I can see how objective film criticism might seem puzzling to you.
 
2018-02-05 03:31:58 PM  

scottydoesntknow: This movie was in production hell for years and suddenly it's released on Netflix without any previous advertising/screening? Yea, I don't think anyone thought it would be well done.

"Netflix Release" is the "Direct-to-DVD" of the 21st century.


I have fond memories of some of those Direct-to-VHS movies from the video rental stores in the 80s and 90s.  I'm happy that the Cloverfield brand is saving these small genre films that might otherwise get no release at all.  Netflix has plenty of original prestige content.  If they want to also have a run of Full Moon Pictures quality movies as well, I'm on board.
 
2018-02-05 03:32:34 PM  

EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.

If you think the Oscars provide any actual measure of whether a movie is good or bad, I can see how objective film criticism might seem puzzling to you.


I don't give two shiats about the Oscars. That's simply the metric the poster I was replying to was using.
 
2018-02-05 03:35:21 PM  

EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"


What's weird is having high expectations of every movie you see. Some of us want to see movies because we know they're going to be bad. (See: Thankskilling, sharknado, or pretty much any other B movie schlockfest)

There's an entire niche genre dedicated to making ridiculous movies that no self-respecting critic would admit is fun to watch.
 
2018-02-05 03:36:53 PM  

enry: It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.


A bad acid trip makes more sense than Even Horizon.
 
2018-02-05 03:37:10 PM  

JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.

If you think the Oscars provide any actual measure of whether a movie is good or bad, I can see how objective film criticism might seem puzzling to you.

I don't give two shiats about the Oscars. That's simply the metric the poster I was replying to was using.


I was the poster you were replying to. You were using the metric of the poster my reply was replying to. This post chain has gone full Human Centipede. (8 award wins, 3 nominations.)
 
2018-02-05 03:40:26 PM  

EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.

If you think the Oscars provide any actual measure of whether a movie is good or bad, I can see how objective film criticism might seem puzzling to you.

I don't give two shiats about the Oscars. That's simply the metric the poster I was replying to was using.

I was the poster you were replying to. You were using the metric of the poster my reply was replying to. This post chain has gone full Human Centipede. (8 award wins, 3 nominations.)


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-05 03:40:26 PM  

Cthulhu Theory: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

What's weird is having high expectations of every movie you see. Some of us want to see movies because we know they're going to be bad. (See: Thankskilling, sharknado, or pretty much any other B movie schlockfest)

There's an entire niche genre dedicated to making ridiculous movies that no self-respecting critic would admit is fun to watch.


Except what if a movie is not fun to watch and is bad? Or else it seems like you would bad mouth some one for hating A Serbian Film because that person had high expectations, and not because that movie is just trash.
 
2018-02-05 03:41:07 PM  
Since Netflix owns this, maybe they can repurpose it into a new episode of MST3K.
 
2018-02-05 03:42:20 PM  
It was shiat. Complete shiat. The special effects were okay, but the story and the writing were garbage. It was a direct-to-dvd generic sci-fi movie with Cloverfield stapled on to get people to watch it.
 
2018-02-05 03:44:00 PM  

Geoff Peterson: the guy who wrote the 'review' definitely has a FARK handle. SO much "Stop liking what I dont like"

It was good, not great, and ties into the other two movies...and it boggles my mind that people can't see how.


By "ties in" you must mean a reused set and the last scene in a the movie. And the word Cloverfield in the title.

Other than that... not so much.
 
2018-02-05 03:46:53 PM  

Flaumig: enry: It wasn't terrible.  It made more sense than Event Horizon.

/Plus had Chris O'Dowd.

I don't get people who are confused by Event Horizon.  It's a stupidly simplistic story...experimental star drive opens gateway into dimension of chaos, driving the crew and ship AI to homicidal insanity, rescue ship crew falls victim the the lingering effects of the other dimension and the killer ship AI.  That's it.  That's the whole thing.  It's 2001 meets Warhammer 40k.


It was a black hole drive.

/my god its... not full of stars.
 
2018-02-05 03:49:47 PM  

Mad_Radhu: Since Netflix owns this, maybe they can repurpose it into a new episode of MST3K.


That's actually genius!!!
 
2018-02-05 03:51:42 PM  
I just watched it, and I liked it
 
2018-02-05 03:52:50 PM  
There were some stupid bits but I'm not sad/mad I sat through it as it had some cool stuff as well.
 
2018-02-05 03:53:00 PM  

skinink: Cthulhu Theory: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

What's weird is having high expectations of every movie you see. Some of us want to see movies because we know they're going to be bad. (See: Thankskilling, sharknado, or pretty much any other B movie schlockfest)

There's an entire niche genre dedicated to making ridiculous movies that no self-respecting critic would admit is fun to watch.

Except what if a movie is not fun to watch and is bad? Or else it seems like you would bad mouth some one for hating A Serbian Film because that person had high expectations, and not because that movie is just trash.


The niche isn't just a little nook in the movie industry, it's a full blown crevasse where the further into the crap you go the harder it can be to enjoy it, and yet even at the furthest depths, Uwe Boll still somehow manages a fan base.

Personally I can't say too much because I revel in certain god awful movies like Batman & Robin. Movies so awful they are fun to watch for the spectacle. All in all it's purely subjective anyway.
 
2018-02-05 04:00:16 PM  

Cthulhu Theory: Thankskilling


Well, it has finally happened. I have seen a written reference to someone else who has apparently sat through Thankskilling.
 
2018-02-05 04:01:02 PM  
I think it would have been better received if it had been a series instead of a movie.  It had a series feel to it as far as production quality, but it was rushed in many parts so they could pack it into an hour and 40 minutes.  But it was a good popcorn flick if you don't dissect it too much and enjoy it for the surface value.
That arm was silly, though, and should have been left out.
 
2018-02-05 04:01:11 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-05 04:05:21 PM  
Meh. I liked it just for the cast.

I don't watch these things for a haute cinema experience. If I can eat popcorn and turn my brain off for two hours, the movie has done its job.
 
2018-02-05 04:05:57 PM  

JohnBigBootay: Cthulhu Theory: Thankskilling

Well, it has finally happened. I have seen a written reference to someone else who has apparently sat through Thankskilling.


Personally, I think it should be a thanksgiving day tradition. Like Rudolph, or Die Hard, or a Christmas Carol is for Christmas.
 
2018-02-05 04:06:16 PM  

biggamehickman: EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: JohnBigBootay: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

No. That's not what they were saying. 99 percent of the films you think are good also do not merit Oscar consideration.

If you think the Oscars provide any actual measure of whether a movie is good or bad, I can see how objective film criticism might seem puzzling to you.

I don't give two shiats about the Oscars. That's simply the metric the poster I was replying to was using.

I was the poster you were replying to. You were using the metric of the poster my reply was replying to. This post chain has gone full Human Centipede. (8 award wins, 3 nominations.)

[img.fark.net image 425x340]


Your inability to follow a simple conversation reflects poorly on one of us, but it isn't me. Or the dog.
 
2018-02-05 04:07:34 PM  

FormlessOne: The second you apply "Cloverfield" to any movie name, I automatically assume that a) it stinks worse than the armpit of an undead jogger after a hard day chasing a garter-wearing Milla Jovovich around, and; b) it has nothing to do with a mediocre kaiju movie that focused more on piss-poor writing between the worst slacker couple and their hanger-on film-making farkface than the goddamned kaiju itself.


I completely agree with your mostly accurate assessment.

/10 Cloverfield lane needed to drop the name and the alien crap, and it would have been fine as a movie on its own.
 
2018-02-05 04:07:49 PM  

Harbinger of the Doomed Rat: EdgeRunner: Farce-Side: I liked it ok.  I didn't expect an oscar worthy film like some of you did, though.

That's always such a weird defense of a film.

"It was fine! I wasn't looking for anything good like you picky film snobs, just pictures and noise and talking!"

Meh...some of us really only care if a movie is entertaining and think the rest of y'all who spend absurd amounts of time and energy arguing about whether or not a given movie was objectively "good" are a bit daft.  Did you like the flick, yes or no?  Why the fark would you care about anything else from a thing that only exists to entertain?


Some of us like to think and want more from a film than bright lights and 'splosions. Andre Tarkovsy's Stalker is brilliant science fiction, but it doesn't reward short attention spans. Ditto for The Quiet Earth, Brazil, Seconds, and The Man Who Fell to Earth, movies that demand the viewer's attention. Although cinematic junk food can be fun and comforting, you need to demand higher quality to be an engaged, thoughtful movie watcher and not just a passive consumer.   

Now go away, batin'.
 
2018-02-05 04:08:19 PM  
Haven't seen it or 10 Cloverfield Lane yet and not sure i want to. They should have stuck with the original intended sequel idea, which was going to follow a different group filming with a cellphone on the same night the first film took place or possibly afterwards.

"While we were on set making the film we talked about the possibilities and directions of how a sequel can go. The fun of this movie was that it might not have been the only movie being made that night, there might be another movie! In today's day and age of people filming their lives on their iphones and handy cams, uploading it to youtube...That was kind of exciting thinking about that."
 
2018-02-05 04:12:12 PM  

Cthulhu Theory: JohnBigBootay: Cthulhu Theory: Thankskilling

Well, it has finally happened. I have seen a written reference to someone else who has apparently sat through Thankskilling.

Personally, I think it should be a thanksgiving day tradition. Like Rudolph, or Die Hard, or a Christmas Carol is for Christmas.


Not sure how I found that. Probably a 'customers also watched' after seeing Ginger Dead Man. I found Ginger Dead Man to be superior but that's not really fair because it had Gary Busey. If you find yourself considering "Evil Bong" I'd like to encourage you to skip it.
 
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