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(Thought Catalog)   I need advice, article is based on topic of advice needed   ( thoughtcatalog.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Feces, vigilant bodily control, perpetual motion sickness, 210th Street, fecal explosion, subway station, NYC subway, painful physical  
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663 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 03 Feb 2018 at 3:14 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

26 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2018-02-03 02:03:21 PM  
The battle between your brain and the rectal sphincter is a real one. Sometimes you lose. Just pray the battle occurs within shuffling distance to a toilet.
I speak from experience.
2018-02-03 02:10:42 PM  
Don't eat terrible Mexican food and 5 margharitas and decide that you only live a mile away and that you can walk it.

You won't make it

/Errrrr advice from a friend
2018-02-03 02:21:43 PM  
advice for pooping yourself? depends.
2018-02-03 02:31:08 PM  
Do you need help soonish, or can it wait?  Strategy will differ.
2018-02-03 02:32:21 PM  
1. Stool softeners and/or fiber to regulate your movements. A relatively empty colon will never betray you in such a way.
2. Careful scheduling.
2018-02-03 02:55:33 PM  
Oh, good; a greened poop thread.

Not a green poop thread.  That's probably an iron intake problem.
2018-02-03 02:58:11 PM  
There are guys looking for you on alt dot com, honey.
2018-02-03 03:06:20 PM  
NSFW language

The Pope of Greenwich Village.Cop shit his pants
Youtube Qoh7ltbBUDU
2018-02-03 03:08:24 PM  
Duct tape your cheeks shut. Duct tape, it fixes everything.
2018-02-03 03:20:57 PM  
Take a poop before you need a poop.
2018-02-03 03:27:24 PM  
Assuming this is not a regular thing, you can either be traumatized, or laugh it off with some humor, own it, and just be honest.  We all do embarrassing things, sometimes in public...

2018-02-03 03:33:23 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
2018-02-03 03:37:45 PM  
It's hell getting old. See a doctor. Get a colonoscopy
2018-02-03 03:45:29 PM  
Been there done that, I will spare you the details of the explosion and clean up. The only saving grace was that I made it home before hand.
2018-02-03 03:50:31 PM  

FrancoFile: Take a poop before you need a poop.

Here I sit, all broken hearted, I tried to shiat but only farted
Then one day I took a chance and thought I'd fart but shiat my pants.

/happened to me a few years ago
//it was quite a surprise
///luckily I was at home
2018-02-03 04:12:04 PM  
Don't go swimming
Azz [TotalFark]
2018-02-03 05:04:26 PM  
I shat myself in first grade, in front of the entire class. I was then sent home. This was my one and only true walk of shame.
2018-02-03 05:24:44 PM  

Azz: I shat myself in first grade, in front of the entire class. I was then sent home. This was my one and only true walk of shame.

I remember a girl in 3rd grade peed her pants.  A boy shouted, "xxxxx yyyyyy (not her real name) peed her pants!" and I felt sorry for her as everybody turned around and looked at her.  Then I felt sorry for the boy who sat beside her who the teacher told to get some paper towels and clean it up.
2018-02-03 06:32:20 PM  
So I guess I'll start off. I was an adult that shiat my pants. The circumstance is farking hilarious.
So it's my last day in the army and I'm at my going away. I was drinking all the night before and now I'm at this shindig of everyone leaving. I ate a greasy burger that was rare and delicious.  Gave a few comments as my stomach started to rebel. Sweat is starting to appear on my forehead. All I can think is I'm two miles from home and there is a shiatter here. I'm good.  The speeches end and I bolt for the toilet. What's this I find?  The shiatter is out of order. Well no problem. I'll shiat at the house. I run to the car clinching. I speed out of the parking lot and hit a stop light. A homeless lady is there blocking traffic. Freaking out the cops are blocking my lane. Just half a mile and I can make it to a crapper. Sweat is now pouring down my face.  I just want relief. 20 minutes later I make it that half mile.  Fully knowing I made it to the house I jump out of the car and hit the front door. As I sprint up the stairs I shiat my pants full stop. All I can think is well now I've done everything as an adult
2018-02-03 06:36:35 PM  
When you're not sure, it's usually a fart. But there is the occasional own goal, so be careful out there.

Speaking of which, there's a sense that doesn't ever get listed along with the big five, but is pretty remarkable if you think about it. The lining of your rectum can usually distinguish between solid and gas and your brain just sort of knows. That's at least got to be up there in the second tier of senses along with balance, hunger, thirst and sleepiness.
2018-02-03 06:47:29 PM  
If it's occurring often, make an appointment with a gastro doc. Could be a few different things.

/ I'm assuming you still have a colon
// if not, still take that advice
2018-02-03 06:50:17 PM  

Butternut Squanch: Assuming this is not a regular thing, you can either be traumatized, or laugh it off with some humor, own it, and just be honest.  We all do embarrassing things, sometimes in public...


🎵Everybody poops...
Everybody at least tries...
Everybody poops...
2018-02-03 07:38:20 PM  

Housewarming party at my first house, and my first "adult" party, meaning I made my friends promise to not draw weenies on the faces of people that passed out. It was a fun time, with food, music, and booze. At the end of the night I found a strange woman asleep in my bed, cuddled up with my dog. She was a friend of a friend and i remembered briefly talking with her earlier, but couldn't remember who had brought her. I put a blanket over her and figured I would sleep on the sofa.

As I left the room, she farted. I giggled. A few seconds later she farted again but longer, and followed by a wet, splurting noise. I stopped laughing. I nudged her a few times to wake her up, but she was well and truly sloshed and all I got was a few mumbles. Her phone was locked, so I couldn't use it to find someone to claim her.

Now I had a predicament. There was a drunk chick with a full load passed out on my new sheets. I couldn't wake her to clean herself up and I couldn't in good conscience let her lay in her mess all night. I damn sure wasn't going to clean her up myself and possibly be accused of sexual assault. Luckily I have a female friend who is a nurse. She deals with poo situations all the time, so I gave her a call. Between the two of us, we got the girl upright and coherent enough that my friend could get her cleaned up, showered, and back to bed. We even washed her clothes, minus the dirty britches.

My friend stuck around until the girl woke up so she could fill in any missing gaps. She didn't stick around for breakfast, just grabbed her stuff and took off in a hurry. I found out later that the person that brought her thought she had left when she looked for her and couldn't find her. I never did see her again. That was almost a disappointment, because she wad kind of cute even if she didn't smell very good. It definitely was one of the few times I've had a woman in my bed and all I could think about was getting her out.
2018-02-03 07:51:15 PM  
I am going to have to answer this as "Depends..."
2018-02-04 05:44:40 AM  
A terrible buffet followed by car trouble.
I had to bathe and wash my pants in the bathroom sink of the gas station that I walked to.
2018-02-04 01:41:34 PM  
Unfortunately, I've shat myself a couple times.

The worst: Late one night I was on the train and I began to feel "in distress." The train stops at a station, but the doors don't open. It felt like hours, but it was probably minutes, and I lost my battle. I have just shat myself. I'm trying to figure out my next move when the doors open and several cops board the car, apparently looking for someone. Mind you I was high as a kite and probably had weed on me. So I sheepishly slid out onto the platform and into the night. I ended up walking about 3.5 miles home, pants full of shiat, because I couldn't get back on the train or hail a cab.
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