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(Washington Post)   Ten ways to attend a play as the worst theatergoer you can be   ( washingtonpost.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, largest possible circle, Juilliard-trained leading lady, Washington Monument, head-swaying chain reaction, unobstructed view, unsuspecting people, super-puffy down coat, climactic scene  
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2288 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 02 Feb 2018 at 2:20 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-02-02 01:43:58 PM  
I'll let you finish and all that, but I think John Wilkes Booth has the title of Worst Theatergoer tied up.
 
2018-02-02 01:46:51 PM  
Don't worry, folks. With the way performing arts attendance is dropping, and has been for the last decade, if you give it another decade, you can perform to a perfectly quiet, perfectly respectful empty theater.

Give it a decade, and you'll probably beg for folks to attend, no matter what they're wearing or doing.
 
2018-02-02 01:55:29 PM  
My favorite trick is to eat a couple hard boiled eggs and a 3 bean salad before going
 
2018-02-02 02:09:15 PM  
Do you want to burn in a special level of hell?  Because this is how you burn in a special level of hell.

A special level of hell
Youtube WI39ZkreFLE
 
2018-02-02 02:14:58 PM  
A few years ago a guy threw up over the balcony at a Broadway play.
 
2018-02-02 02:22:19 PM  
Deadline time!   Let's co-opt every other article about the movie theater, but apply it to plays because its classier.
 
2018-02-02 02:29:57 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-02 02:30:09 PM  
Winner winner chicken dinner

Broadway theater-goer jumps on stage to charge phone - in fake outlet

I see hats or high hair are covered... same with hogging the armrest and puffy coats, but what about people who smell?  Thats no fun either.
 
2018-02-02 02:30:13 PM  
Heck, if West Virginia has its way, you can pretty much kiss performing arts goodbye in that state. Imagine how quiet and respectful performing in a theater there will be...
 
2018-02-02 02:31:40 PM  
Challenge accepted
 
2018-02-02 02:34:48 PM  
Jesus, I hate these waste of space articles that just talk about points of etiquette that everyone knows.  Tell us about about the questions that are on real peoples minds like what acts it's appropriate to masturbate during and if it's okay to yell "Oh Fark!" when you orgasm is children are present.
 
2018-02-02 02:36:10 PM  
Went to a production of rosencranz and guildenstein are dead, where we knew both the stage manager and one of the actors.  Apparently our audience (of 12?  Small theatre) was a bad audience.  We didn't laugh at the jokes.


The whole thing struck me as amusing for people in the industry- not regular theatre-goers who attend a handful a year, if that.
 
2018-02-02 02:38:22 PM  
I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.
 
2018-02-02 03:00:58 PM  
A friend once took me to see a Dracula musical.
He fell asleep and began to snore loudly.
I laughed for a moment or two before I nudged him.


/I sincerely apologize to my fellow theater goers.
 
2018-02-02 03:02:15 PM  
...A few years ago somebody's cell phone went off in a theater...while they were pretty close to if not in the front row...and Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman were on stage.  Can't find the video of it right now, but it's epic.
 
2018-02-02 03:10:35 PM  

Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.


And Nothing Of Value Was Lost
Youtube IVXJmfd3cmg

CSB:  Wound up with similar style VIP tickets to "Hamilton" when it was in Chicago thanks to my parents. The VIP area with free snacks, open bar, coat room, and its own bathrooms were well worth the extra money (I think it was $50 per person).  Also, because ot was "Hamilton" and not "Cats," I had no trouble staying awake and engaged.  Damn good show.
 
2018-02-02 03:11:22 PM  

Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.


If it was one of the productions where the cats prowl the audience at the end, you're lucky you were  awake or you might have started screaming or attacked one of the cats.
 
2018-02-02 03:16:39 PM  
make like it's a panto and yell "HE'S BEHIND YOU"

or like it's rocky horror and dress up like one of the characters and throw shiat
 
2018-02-02 03:17:42 PM  

CarnySaur: Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.

If it was one of the productions where the cats prowl the audience at the end, you're lucky you were  awake or you might have started screaming or attacked one of the cats.


So what's the downside?
 
2018-02-02 03:19:06 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-02 03:29:13 PM  

Tax Boy: [img.fark.net image 720x410]


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-02 03:34:02 PM  
I prefer the classic Shakespeare experience.


img.fark.netView Full Size


If I can't throw a rotten cabbage at the cast, I ain't going.


/Shamelessly stolen from some high school kid's presentation, apparently.
 
2018-02-02 03:35:21 PM  
My mom likes musicals so when I was a kid/teenager I went to a bunch of Broadway shows with her, which usually involved getting whatever back-row tickets were on the cheap at the "tkts" stand. I'd probably spend the money one day to be near the front just to see what it's like, why not, it's probably a gazillion times better.
 
2018-02-02 03:44:41 PM  

Polish Hussar: Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.

[Youtube IVXJmfd3cmg image 480x360][Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/IVXJmfd3​cmg]
CSB:  Wound up with similar style VIP tickets to "Hamilton" when it was in Chicago thanks to my parents. The VIP area with free snacks, open bar, coat room, and its own bathrooms were well worth the extra money (I think it was $50 per person).  Also, because ot was "Hamilton" and not "Cats," I had no trouble staying awake and engaged.  Damn good show.


I'm going to wait until Hamilton is performed by people wearing cat costumes.
 
2018-02-02 03:49:17 PM  

FormlessOne: Don't worry, folks. With the way performing arts attendance is dropping, and has been for the last decade, if you give it another decade, you can perform to a perfectly quiet, perfectly respectful empty theater.

Give it a decade, and you'll probably beg for folks to attend, no matter what they're wearing or doing.


and they'll still charge $150 a ticket.
 
2018-02-02 03:54:43 PM  
I saw the "Chicago" revival on Broadway, I want to say 20 years ago now, starring Bebe Neuwirth.

She walks on stage and the guy in front of me (wearing shorts and a Hawaiian shirt to evening performance no less) cups his hands over his mouth and SHOUTS "HEY LILITH!!  WHERE'S FRASIER!?!?!"

Awful!
 
2018-02-02 04:10:48 PM  

Geoff Peterson: FormlessOne: Don't worry, folks. With the way performing arts attendance is dropping, and has been for the last decade, if you give it another decade, you can perform to a perfectly quiet, perfectly respectful empty theater.

Give it a decade, and you'll probably beg for folks to attend, no matter what they're wearing or doing.

and they'll still charge $150 a ticket.


$150? That's midrange for a middling Broadway show. Keep going higher! (Disclosure: I'm a theater geek who is bitter now hat good seats cost a minimum of $250.)
 
2018-02-02 04:15:46 PM  
I agree with everything the writer said...but christ on a cross, I don't think he could've sounded like bigger farking douchebag if he had studied up on douchebaggery for an entire semester.
 
2018-02-02 04:43:05 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2018-02-02 04:46:25 PM  

This text is now purple: CarnySaur: Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.

If it was one of the productions where the cats prowl the audience at the end, you're lucky you were  awake or you might have started screaming or attacked one of the cats.

So what's the downside?


Zoo Animals On Wheels- Chris Elliott - Get a Life
Youtube dUK6rY7X1Gs
 
2018-02-02 04:47:45 PM  
8.  Couples who can't live a waking moment without snuggling should feel free to be all over each other, regularly shifting the angles at which their heads nestle into the other's shoulder. The head-swaying chain reaction in the rows behind you provides a bonus form of neck exercise from which playgoers of all ages will benefit.

I worked at a theater for several years, and noticed a woman giving her fellow a handy. She'd covered him up with a jacket, but it was obvious what was going on. We had a laugh about it and didn't make a fuss. No point in stopping the show over a little fun
 
2018-02-02 04:48:52 PM  
I saw Rocky Horror before it left Broadway post 9-11.  Audience participation is fun.  Don't have time for that stuffy crap.  DNRTFA.
 
2018-02-02 05:15:37 PM  
My favorite thing when I was doing comedies, was when somebody delivered a line really well and people started laughing there would be some self-appointed Hall Monitor in the crowd who would noisily "Shush!" them.  I'm sure the thinking was "This is a PLAY!  Your job is to just sit there grimly and let the culture wash over you, not participate!"  What a joy those houses were.
 
Ant
2018-02-02 05:36:00 PM  
When we went to see The Book of Mormon, a lady behind us kept squeezing an empty plastic water bottle and making a cracking noise with it.
 
2018-02-02 05:52:08 PM  

Fingerware Error: I'll let you finish and all that, but I think John Wilkes Booth has the title of Worst Theatergoer tied up.


Yeah shooting another theatergoer in the back of the head does top the list.   Mind if you do to that to an asshat with his smartphone turned on you just might get a pass.
 
2018-02-02 07:21:31 PM  

buntz: I saw the "Chicago" revival on Broadway, I want to say 20 years ago now, starring Bebe Neuwirth.

She walks on stage and the guy in front of me (wearing shorts and a Hawaiian shirt to evening performance no less) cups his hands over his mouth and SHOUTS "HEY LILITH!!  WHERE'S FRASIER!?!?!"

Awful!


That's not what I would have yelled.  Either way, they would escort me out.

//My kind of lady.
 
2018-02-02 08:36:11 PM  
Was "shooting Lincoln and jumping onto the stage while yelling 'sic semper tyrannis'" an option?
 
2018-02-02 09:20:45 PM  
The Marx Brothers called -- they want their screenplay back:

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-02 10:19:06 PM  
At the show I worked at someone in the audience took a dump on one of the seats.
 
2018-02-02 10:22:36 PM  

Lumber Jack Off: I went to see CATS in Chicago once. we somehow got special VIP tickets and  had access to an open bar and free snacks before the show. to say I got loaded is an understatement.

several beers and whiskey shots later I found myself being jabbed in the ribs by my wife because I fell asleep during the play and apparently was snoring loudly.

on the plus side I missed most of the play and was awake for the finale.


That's sad, since 'Cats' is quite entertaining, especially when they murder Griselda and pretend that she adcendea to heaven.

Poor broken cat Griselda, but that song.
 
2018-02-02 10:32:05 PM  
Ten Ways to Attend a Play Board an Airplane as the Worst Theatergoer Passenger You Can Be

(Pretty much repeat the same article.)
 
2018-02-02 10:45:03 PM  

Fingerware Error: I'll let you finish and all that, but I think John Wilkes Booth has the title of Worst Theatergoer tied up.


He shot just one single guy, Paul Reubens shot the entire row directly in front of him during his famous theatre experience.
 
2018-02-03 02:43:38 AM  
I think the most fun I've had at a play was at an old-school melodrama where the audience could boo and heckle the cast.
 
2018-02-03 11:56:34 AM  
Granny Weatherwax frowns at shenanigans
 
2018-02-03 07:25:50 PM  

Susan'sLittleAdamsApple: Fingerware Error: I'll let you finish and all that, but I think John Wilkes Booth has the title of Worst Theatergoer tied up.

He shot just one single guy, Paul Reubens shot the entire row directly in front of him during his famous theatre experience.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-02-03 07:50:26 PM  
As the father of two young children, I frequently go to boring children's movies. My daughter was watching "Boss Baby" on Netflix recently, and I noticed a whole section of the movie I didn't remember from seeing it in the theater because I fell asleep. I watched about five minutes of the part I missed and realized I had made the right choice the first time.
 
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