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(Babe)   Today's celebrity accused of sexual harassment is a master of none   ( babe.net) divider line
    More: Creepy, Human sexual behavior, Debut albums, Ansari, Apartment, 2008 singles, Tower block, Sexual intercourse, Grace  
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7537 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 14 Jan 2018 at 6:24 AM (40 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-01-13 10:23:15 PM  
What a jerk! You'd think after the second time she went down him he would've taken the hint.
 
2018-01-13 11:01:39 PM  

dailygrinds: What a jerk! You'd think after the second time she went down him he would've taken the hint.


Yeah, I don't think that this one is going to have the impact that the author was hoping for....
 
2018-01-13 11:20:11 PM  
the lad is a flaming trainwreck. i'm glad she made it home alive.
 
2018-01-13 11:42:14 PM  

Torgo_of_Manos: dailygrinds: What a jerk! You'd think after the second time she went down him he would've taken the hint.

Yeah, I don't think that this one is going to have the impact that the author was hoping for....


This.  Are we at the point where a bad date is now considered harassment?  Even from her POV it's clear there were a lot of mixed signals.  Yes, consent can be withdrawn at any time, but in the heat of the moment an academic understanding of that isn't necessarily going to be at the forefront of anyone's mind.

At worst, according her her recollection of the event, he was a bit pushy and didn't read whatever cues she thought she was sending out.  At the same time, if you don't want to engage in sexual activity with someone, don't start engaging in sexual activity with someone.
 
2018-01-14 01:59:29 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Torgo_of_Manos: dailygrinds: What a jerk! You'd think after the second time she went down him he would've taken the hint.

Yeah, I don't think that this one is going to have the impact that the author was hoping for....

This.  Are we at the point where a bad date is now considered harassment?  Even from her POV it's clear there were a lot of mixed signals.  Yes, consent can be withdrawn at any time, but in the heat of the moment an academic understanding of that isn't necessarily going to be at the forefront of anyone's mind.

At worst, according her her recollection of the event, he was a bit pushy and didn't read whatever cues she thought she was sending out.  At the same time, if you don't want to engage in sexual activity with someone, don't start engaging in sexual activity with someone.


Yeah. There's a massive gulf between "Oh, God! Take your paws off me you filthy pervert!" and "I decided I wasn't really into it so as I was blowing him I stopped staring him in the eyes and using my lips as much. When he proceeded to ask me for consensual, protected sex, I realized I'd been sexually assaulted right away (well not RIGHT away but definitely right after he won a major award and I then asked everyone I know if they thought it was worth trading a bit of my dignity for some temporary fame).
 
2018-01-14 03:41:02 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-14 04:31:33 AM  
Wait, so he just handed her some white wine and expected her to drink what he had open?
 
2018-01-14 06:43:07 AM  
d3gqcw3zb9f3ml.cloudfront.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-14 06:53:01 AM  
Done in one.
 
2018-01-14 07:01:27 AM  
Is not problem with Russian woman. She let you know if not interested.

If lucky, even escape unharmed.
 
2018-01-14 07:01:43 AM  
Aziz Ansari and male feminists: snakes in the grass.
Youtube YxwwzNN1lLI
 
2018-01-14 07:02:50 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Yes, consent can be withdrawn at any time, but in the heat of the moment an academic understanding of that isn't necessarily going to be at the forefront of anyone's mind.


And the multiple times at which she backed off, told him no, and then he followed her bent her over in front of a mirror, after repeatedly trying to get closer to her, and her repeatedly moving away?

You have to agree that the dude is a bit of a creepy date, and really could stand to keep a better eye on the signals his partner is sending, at the very least. A person trying to put distance between you and them is never body language for "find a full-body mirror so you can watch yourself put your penis in my butt."

Never.
 
2018-01-14 07:35:09 AM  
I'm starting to think the problem here is women being naive enough to think a man you just met inviting you to his apartment after "rushing" through the dinner portion of the date isn't solely in it to hump and dump. Dinner is cursory. He wants to fark. You, your sister, anyone will do in a lot of cases.

Don't want to fark him that night? Or, ever? Don't put yourself in HIS home/hotel/car and especially don't go alone.

There is a huge difference between a guy ignoring supposedly "clear non-verbal cues"...what the fark is that anyway? A clear non-verbal cue would be to puke what little dinner you had onto the fingers he supposedly rammed down your throat several times. Or bite his dick just hard enough to make him jolt back into a shared reality.

I'll buy he was being a horny farkboy but she isn't claiming blackout drunk or being drugged nor does she say she was intoxicated enough to not be in control of her own body. She could have got up and gone to the lobby at ANY time. And should have.
 
2018-01-14 07:36:38 AM  
***dorky thin almost Urkel-like voice***. "Oh nooooooooooooooooooo! "

***5 minute story set up where you expect it's a joke but there's no punchline***

***Urkel voice*** "Oh noooooooooooooooo!"
 
2018-01-14 07:37:44 AM  
The image of him chasing her around sticking his fingers down her throat made me laugh.   Isn't he like five feet tall?  She should have just beat the hell out of him after the third bj and before the harassment.
 
2018-01-14 07:38:35 AM  

malle-herbert: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/YxwwzNN1​lLI]


Your Vlog sucks.
 
2018-01-14 07:41:03 AM  

The Googles Do Nothing: The image of him chasing her around sticking his fingers down her throat made me laugh.   Isn't he like five feet tall?  She should have just beat the hell out of him after the third bj and before the harassment.


It's such a ridiculous porn cliche. I rolled my eyes a few times reading this piece.
 
2018-01-14 07:41:39 AM  
I think we're missing the big story here: that he has a "move" he calls, "the Claw", and that it's something straight out of any comedy bit/show he's ever done. Also, it sounds annoying at best, and not at all funny, which is right in character for him, in my estimation.

Seriously, a grown man outside of a Seinfeld episode has a sexual 'move' he's named, and proudly says so out loud?
 
2018-01-14 07:45:40 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-14 07:46:32 AM  

This Face Left Blank: I think we're missing the big story here: that he has a "move" he calls, "the Claw", and that it's something straight out of any comedy bit/show he's ever done. Also, it sounds annoying at best, and not at all funny, which is right in character for him, in my estimation.

Seriously, a grown man outside of a Seinfeld episode has a sexual 'move' he's named, and proudly says so out loud?


She called it the claw, but you're spot on about the rest of it
 
2018-01-14 07:46:42 AM  

This Face Left Blank: I think we're missing the big story here: that he has a "move" he calls, "the Claw", and that it's something straight out of any comedy bit/show he's ever done. Also, it sounds annoying at best, and not at all funny, which is right in character for him, in my estimation.

Seriously, a grown man outside of a Seinfeld episode has a sexual 'move' he's named, and proudly says so out loud?


The article says she, Grace [the accuser], called it "the claw".

The article does not reference Ansari's stand-up routine outside of saying his strikeouts with women are because he is too respectful of women and is often material for his sets.
 
2018-01-14 07:46:55 AM  

ODDwhun: malle-herbert: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/YxwwzNN1​lLI]

Your Vlog sucks.


It's not my vlog... dumbass...

Assumption is the mother of all farkups...
 
2018-01-14 07:54:10 AM  

Naido: This Face Left Blank: I think we're missing the big story here: that he has a "move" he calls, "the Claw", and that it's something straight out of any comedy bit/show he's ever done. Also, it sounds annoying at best, and not at all funny, which is right in character for him, in my estimation.

Seriously, a grown man outside of a Seinfeld episode has a sexual 'move' he's named, and proudly says so out loud?

She called it the claw, but you're spot on about the rest of it


Well shiat, a perfectly average funny ruined by an ugly truth.  I blame Aziz.

/ Good name for it though.
// Aziz - LIGHT!
 
2018-01-14 07:56:12 AM  
Pervert.
 
2018-01-14 08:01:33 AM  
Oh, and marble countertops stain super easy.  If you have sex on one you better mop up quick or the santorum will forever make it look like you let a scoop of rocky road ice cream melt overnight on it.
 
2018-01-14 08:02:20 AM  
"The move he kept doing was taking his two fingers in a V-shape and putting them in my mouth, in my throat to wet his fingers, because the moment he'd stick his fingers in my throat he'd go straight for my vagina and try to finger me." Grace called the move "the claw."

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the claw like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
 
2018-01-14 08:02:56 AM  
I agree that his behavior was wildly inappropriate and that he, of all people, should have picked up her cues, but at what point do you decide you're gonna take control of the situation and leave?

At the risk of sounding defensive of the often terrible behavior of men, every woman I've ever met has VAST differences in how they communicate attraction, approval, disapproval. And that can make it extremely difficult to judge a situation.  It's nothing compared to the bullshiat women have to deal with, of course, but for a well-intentioned man who hasn't mastered the art of romantic communication, it can be a real minefield.
 
2018-01-14 08:04:40 AM  
// Aziz - LIGHT!

I guess if I saw aliens as a kid, it might turn me into a stupid horny jerk too.

/maybe he thought they were due back any minute & needed to get in as many farks as possible
 
2018-01-14 08:05:53 AM  
I actually thought that was satire when she was whining that 'he made me drink white wine'.
 
2018-01-14 08:08:10 AM  

usahole: I actually thought that was satire when she was whining that 'he made me drink white wine'.


And the article review a pic of her outfit and confirming that it was, in fact, a great outfit.  Jeez.
 
2018-01-14 08:13:09 AM  

Torgo_of_Manos: dailygrinds: What a jerk! You'd think after the second time she went down him he would've taken the hint.

Yeah, I don't think that this one is going to have the impact that the author was hoping for....


Kind of have to agree with that. It appears she could have just left, instead of going down on him more than once, if she was so violated. And if she was uncomfortable with his speed of getting them out of the restaurant, why did she go back to his apartment with him? He may be famous, but he's a total stranger, and a guy who doesn't even want to finish the meal and drinks, in a mad rush to get home? Let's be honest: that was his non-verbal cue as to what he wanted to happen.

Nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted or raped. Nobody. I'm the first to say it. I've had awkward and unfortunate sexual encounters in my life. I'd assume most of us have. Missed signals. Incompatibility. Just plain old "I wish I hadn't done that."  But I have never gone down on anyone, of my own volition (she says she "felt pressured," but not forced which are two different things.

Additionally: maybe he did misread her non-verbal cues. After all, they were total strangers who spoke at a party and had a quick dinner together. He's not a goddamned mind reader. Saying "no," and not engaging him, and not giving him oral sex, and getting that Uber before she did so would probably have made for a "well, that was a horrible date", I'm glad I left, than what sounds like a badly written scene from a 1980s movie where the woman was sending mixed signals all over the place.

I'm not saying he was behaving entirely appropriately, either. I mean... sticking his fingers down her throat is a bit too much for a first date where sexual preferences have clearly not been discussed. Keeping asking where she wants to be farked is incredibly tacky, but she did, by her own admission, give him oral sex, so I am not sure what to think, since one often leads to the other.

Maybe the lesson here is for everyone: strangers are not going to know your non-verbal cues. People you know may not. And you can never be too careful when trying to sexually engage a stranger, as well, because you may not be able to read their cues, which may well be conflicting.

No means no. Always. Even in the middle of an agreed-upon gang bang. No means no. It means stop.  Not voraciously kissing someone, but then giving them oral sex? That is one hell of a grey area.
 
2018-01-14 08:15:02 AM  
Beginning a sexual encounter does not surrender a woman's right to withdraw consent.

I am not surprised the MRA contingent here doesn't get this yet.
 
2018-01-14 08:19:36 AM  

usahole: I actually thought that was satire when she was whining that 'he made me drink white wine'.


That stood out to me, as well. Especially since they had lobster rolls - isn't seafood generally paired with white wine?  And was he stopping her from ordering red? Another case where he probably should have read her "non-verbal cues" and known she preferred red wine.
 
2018-01-14 08:21:45 AM  
"Dude, it's not happening....and if you get that thing near me again, I'm ripping it off. Understand?"

"Now, be a sweetheart and grab me a glass of red....I haven't seen this Seinfeld before."


Unambiguous verbal cues.
Use them.
Frequently.
Use them as soon as you get uncomfortable.
 
2018-01-14 08:24:54 AM  

God_Almighty_Himself: Beginning a sexual encounter does not surrender a woman's right to withdraw consent.

I am not surprised the MRA contingent here doesn't get this yet.


His apartment has a door.
 
2018-01-14 08:31:46 AM  
I always thought he was a creepy guy and this just helps fuel that belief but from the story she had plenty of chances to leave & kept hanging around and going back to making out with him. She should have just left as soon as she felt uncomfortable & he should have let her go, gone to the nearest bar & I am sure he could have found 4 or 5 people willing to sleep with him. Sounds like a bad date gone wrong more than anything.

 And somehow, it reminded me of this:
Edinburgh and Beyond - Reginal D Hunter
Youtube xxV0Gp4_6_0
 
2018-01-14 08:33:35 AM  
The guy whose famously woke comedy reduces the female lead to a manic pixie dream girl has issues with communication with women, sexual attentiveness/awareness, and is kinda creepy? That's surprising.
 
2018-01-14 08:36:19 AM  

God_Almighty_Himself: Beginning a sexual encounter does not surrender a woman's right to withdraw consent.

I am not surprised the MRA contingent here doesn't get this yet.


Please point out anything in the thread contrary to the above.
 
2018-01-14 08:36:35 AM  

devilskware: God_Almighty_Himself: Beginning a sexual encounter does not surrender a woman's right to withdraw consent.

I am not surprised the MRA contingent here doesn't get this yet.

His apartment has a door.


Yes, it's her fault.
 
2018-01-14 08:39:23 AM  

Sasquach: "Dude, it's not happening....and if you get that thing near me again, I'm ripping it off. Understand?"

"Now, be a sweetheart and grab me a glass of red....I haven't seen this Seinfeld before."


Unambiguous verbal cues.
Use them.
Frequently.
Use them as soon as you get uncomfortable.


I read a lot of things lately implying that wondering if a woman should say, aloud, something like "I'm uncomfortable" when made to feel uncomfortable is victim blaming somehow.  I think that anyone who thinks a woman can't claim even that much agency has a much lower opinion of women than I do
 
2018-01-14 08:40:53 AM  

SirMadness: Please point out anything in the thread contrary to the above.


You mean aside from the "well she shouldn't have started blowing him..."?
 
2018-01-14 08:42:53 AM  

God_Almighty_Himself: SirMadness: Please point out anything in the thread contrary to the above.

You mean aside from the "well she shouldn't have started blowing him..."?


That is not what was said, that is a paraphrase, and an innacurate one of the sentiment at that.
 
2018-01-14 08:44:51 AM  

serpent_sky: But I have never gone down on anyone, of my own volition (she says she "felt pressured," but not forced which are two different things.


Ummmm... I should have finished that thought. I have never gone down on someone, of my own volition, and claimed, after the fact, they were a horrible pervert who weren't understanding that I had no interest in having sex with them. I've definitely been with people where I had to say "whoah, that is not happening tonight and that's that" and they respected it, or the date ended because that was all they wanted. It happens.

But yeah... the first "non verbal cue" was "this guy is in an awful hurry to get past the courtesy dinner and drinks and get me back to his apartment" and she missed that.  Or she didn't, and  discovered they were sexually incompatible because he likes it rougher or differently than she does. It happens.

This is the 0-100 thing I was talking about. A bad date with missed cues and awkwardness.... with a stranger? That should not be news. It shouldn't be a "me too moment" - anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted can tell you it's not some exclusive club anyone wants to be in. I'd love to not have a "survivor story", so to speak. I really would. I also did not have the option to walk away, or to go to a bathroom and splash water on my face or get the guy to stop. I was overpowered, crying, trying to get someone off me who did a hell of a lot more than ask me to fark him. In fact, he didn't ask at all. So forgive me if I am calling this bullshiat, but it really feels like this accusers has no clue what it is like to truly be assaulted and hurt by someone, and is conflating and uncomfortable date with someone with whom she was incompatible with assault.
 
2018-01-14 08:46:20 AM  
It's getting to the point of Crying Wolf in Hollywood.
 
2018-01-14 08:51:56 AM  

Unikitty: I'm starting to think the problem here is women being naive enough to think a man you just met inviting you to his apartment after "rushing" through the dinner portion of the date isn't solely in it to hump and dump. Dinner is cursory. He wants to fark. You, your sister, anyone will do in a lot of cases.

Don't want to fark him that night? Or, ever? Don't put yourself in HIS home/hotel/car and especially don't go alone.

There is a huge difference between a guy ignoring supposedly "clear non-verbal cues"...what the fark is that anyway? A clear non-verbal cue would be to puke what little dinner you had onto the fingers he supposedly rammed down your throat several times. Or bite his dick just hard enough to make him jolt back into a shared reality.

I'll buy he was being a horny farkboy but she isn't claiming blackout drunk or being drugged nor does she say she was intoxicated enough to not be in control of her own body. She could have got up and gone to the lobby at ANY time. And should have.


Well done.  I'm sure Benny treats you like a princess.
 
2018-01-14 08:51:57 AM  
Sorry you had a bad date cupcake.
 
2018-01-14 08:53:16 AM  
Kuch Be bakwass.

This sounds as real as a letter to Penthouse, #metoo edition
 
2018-01-14 08:57:55 AM  
How would I go about contacting the author? I'd like to find out which episode of Seinfeld she hadn't seen before.

"What are you doing?"
"Uh...pleasuring you."
 
2018-01-14 09:00:08 AM  

serpent_sky: serpent_sky: But I have never gone down on anyone, of my own volition (she says she "felt pressured," but not forced which are two different things.

Ummmm... I should have finished that thought. I have never gone down on someone, of my own volition, and claimed, after the fact, they were a horrible pervert who weren't understanding that I had no interest in having sex with them. I've definitely been with people where I had to say "whoah, that is not happening tonight and that's that" and they respected it, or the date ended because that was all they wanted. It happens.

But yeah... the first "non verbal cue" was "this guy is in an awful hurry to get past the courtesy dinner and drinks and get me back to his apartment" and she missed that.  Or she didn't, and  discovered they were sexually incompatible because he likes it rougher or differently than she does. It happens.

This is the 0-100 thing I was talking about. A bad date with missed cues and awkwardness.... with a stranger? That should not be news. It shouldn't be a "me too moment" - anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted can tell you it's not some exclusive club anyone wants to be in. I'd love to not have a "survivor story", so to speak. I really would. I also did not have the option to walk away, or to go to a bathroom and splash water on my face or get the guy to stop. I was overpowered, crying, trying to get someone off me who did a hell of a lot more than ask me to fark him. In fact, he didn't ask at all. So forgive me if I am calling this bullshiat, but it really feels like this accusers has no clue what it is like to truly be assaulted and hurt by someone, and is conflating and uncomfortable date with someone with whom she was incompatible with assault.


Fark needs a BRAVO button.
 
2018-01-14 09:00:51 AM  

HST's Dead Carcass: It's getting to the point of Crying Wolf in Hollywood.


If this makes you decide not to believe future reports of sexual misconduct, that's your choice.
 
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