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(Boing Boing)   "No business idea can be worse than a $400 juicer squeezing packets of DRM-locked fruit pulp." Juicero inventor: Challenge accepted   ( boingboing.net) divider line
    More: Followup, raw water, Water, Dysentery, Doug Evans, Spring, Hot spring, Stream, Silicon Valley  
•       •       •

4589 clicks; posted to Business » on 02 Jan 2018 at 4:50 PM (28 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-01-02 03:24:22 PM  
...so, his business model is "I now trespass to steal unfiltered water from a spring and resell it as 'Live Water'"?

Seriously?! What in the hell is wrong with these folks? Honestly, the whole "I think you're dumb enough to fall for this" marketing tactic is revolting enough, but, there's a goddamned reason civilization was invented.
 
2018-01-02 03:36:06 PM  
This guy needs some raw Ganges water pumped into both ends until he's completely full.
 
2018-01-02 03:36:32 PM  
"I'm extreme about health, I know, but I'm not alone with this," Mr. Evans said. "There are a lot of people doing this with me. You never know who you'll run into at the spring."

i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 03:55:43 PM  
Meanwhile, three decades ago....

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 03:57:10 PM  
There are several springs in the Ozarks people go to for "fresh" water without checking what's at the top of the hill.
 
2018-01-02 04:32:29 PM  
All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.

You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...

/Nicaragua 1992
 
2018-01-02 04:41:41 PM  

Barfmaker: All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.
You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...
/Nicaragua 1992


Fark handle checks out
 
2018-01-02 04:45:32 PM  
Mmmm, diarrhea!
 
2018-01-02 04:46:28 PM  
People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.
 
2018-01-02 04:49:06 PM  
If I didn't live on the same planet as Donald Trump, that would be the stupidest thing i've heard all day.

As it is, it doesn't even crack the top 3.
 
2018-01-02 05:02:45 PM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: If I didn't live on the same planet as Donald Trump, that would be the stupidest thing i've heard all day.

As it is, it doesn't even crack the top 3.


You are smart for saying that.
 
2018-01-02 05:06:21 PM  
And if that fails, how about marketing unpasteurized milk then
 
2018-01-02 05:10:43 PM  

LowbrowDeluxe: "I'm extreme about health, I know, but I'm not alone with this," Mr. Evans said. "There are a lot of people doing this with me. You never know who you'll run into at the spring."

[i.imgflip.com image 850x477]


That's a dolled up "many people are saying...".  I can only hope the Venn diagram of people sucking down "raw" water and people who railed against the ACA because "I'm healthy, why do I need health care?" is something close to a circle so they can weed themselves out.

It's interesting times we live in that some random kook can instantly fire up a Facebook page and say dumb shiat like "fluoride is mind control", and they have hundreds of sycophants within days, buying whatever it is that they're selling.
 
2018-01-02 05:17:01 PM  

sigdiamond2000: People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.


The Juicero wasn't even a juicer. It was a $400 bag squeezer.

Wouldn't the best "raw water" be distilled water? I mean, if you want nothing but H2O then distilled cannot be beat.
 
2018-01-02 05:20:37 PM  

Comic Book Guy: I can only hope the Venn diagram of people sucking down "raw" water and people who railed against the ACA because "I'm healthy, why do I need health care?" is something close to a circle so they can weed themselves out.


Anti-vaxxers as well.  What is it about civilization that these people find so repulsive?  Clean drinking water is farking AWESOME.  I hope that if these people show up in the ER spewing from both ends, the hospital turns them away on account of their asshattery.
 
2018-01-02 05:22:16 PM  
wait, idiots would by unfiltered water from unproven sources?

How much do pallets of bottles cost, and anyone want to go into a venture, the plant will be just feet from the water source
 
2018-01-02 05:22:46 PM  
You want Raw Water???

img.fark.netView Full Size
 That'll be tree-fitty.
Cash only...
 
2018-01-02 05:24:18 PM  
Real quote from a guy running a company that sells "live" water:

"It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery.  If it sits around too long, it'll turn green. People don't even realize that because all their water's dead, so they never see it turn green."
 
2018-01-02 05:35:20 PM  

Barfmaker: All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.

You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...

/Nicaragua 1992


The handle checks out
 
2018-01-02 05:40:32 PM  

Teufelaffe: Real quote from a guy running a company that sells "live" water:

"It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery.  If it sits around too long, it'll turn green. People don't even realize that because all their water's dead, so they never see it turn green."


Damn, that's a whole lot of insufferable packed into three short sentences. I can't choose with part annoys me the most but it might be calling the shelf life "one lunar cycle".
 
WGJ [TotalFark]
2018-01-02 05:45:43 PM  
After this attempt at a cash grab fails he will go on to market jenkum next.
 
2018-01-02 05:47:33 PM  
Missed his opportunity, could have run a concession stand at the Rio Olympics.
 
2018-01-02 05:55:06 PM  

HMS_Blinkin: What is it about civilization that these people find so repulsive?  Clean drinking water is farking AWESOME.


Before we had clean drinking water people just drank beer all day long. Who wouldn't want to go back to that?
 
2018-01-02 06:04:10 PM  

Barfmaker: All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.

You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...

/Nicaragua 1992


My buddy coined the term 'the screaming 180's' for just that malady. You're constantly doing 180's to keep the exploding end pointed at the toilet.
 
2018-01-02 06:05:43 PM  
LOL, so his entire business model is to hike out at night and trespass so he can come back with a whopping 50 gallons of water? He's gonna have to outdo the pricing on his juicer for this to even come close to making him money. Especially after the trespassing charges.
 
2018-01-02 06:06:18 PM  

Redh8t: You want Raw Water???

[img.fark.net image 425x328] That'll be tree-fitty.
Cash only...


GIT OUTTA HERE, GOT-DAMN LOCH NESS MONSTER!!!!1!
 
2018-01-02 06:08:49 PM  

shpritz: HMS_Blinkin: What is it about civilization that these people find so repulsive?  Clean drinking water is farking AWESOME.

Before we had clean drinking water people just drank beer all day long. Who wouldn't want to go back to that?


Yes, go back to that. Mmmhmm. Not doing thatvcurrwntly but I can support going back to that.
 
2018-01-02 06:09:50 PM  
static.deathandtaxesmag.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 06:15:41 PM  

Obscure Login: Teufelaffe: Real quote from a guy running a company that sells "live" water:

"It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery.  If it sits around too long, it'll turn green. People don't even realize that because all their water's dead, so they never see it turn green."

Damn, that's a whole lot of insufferable packed into three short sentences. I can't choose with part annoys me the most but it might be calling the shelf life "one lunar cycle".


But... You don't want your water to turn green. Why the f*ck would you drink green water?
 
2018-01-02 06:17:18 PM  

Mikey1969: LOL, so his entire business model is to hike out at night and trespass so he can come back with a whopping 50 gallons of water? He's gonna have to outdo the pricing on his juicer for this to even come close to making him money. Especially after the trespassing charges.


If you believe the story he's telling. I have the feeling the actual "source" of his product might be a different one:
img.fark.netView Full Size

on the plus side: the explosive diarrhea will only be in form of cash flow from the customer's wallet
 
2018-01-02 06:17:35 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 06:30:47 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: This guy needs some raw Ganges water pumped into both ends until he's completely full.


img.fark.netView Full Size

Yum, people stew.
 
2018-01-02 06:36:12 PM  

Snarfangel: ecmoRandomNumbers: This guy needs some raw Ganges water pumped into both ends until he's completely full.

[img.fark.net image 850x550]
Yum, people stew.


I wonder what the auras and psychic vibrations would look like there if they could be seen.
 
2018-01-02 06:51:33 PM  
memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 06:59:29 PM  

sigdiamond2000: People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.


That's because they use the devices to add superfood supplements to their vegan diets following a daily Crossfit routine.

Self-justification should be kept to one's self, if you ask me.
 
2018-01-02 06:59:53 PM  
If this wasn't a plot idea from South Park, it should be.
 
2018-01-02 07:04:17 PM  
I would have gone with "hold my juice and watch this" for the headline.
 
2018-01-02 07:07:42 PM  
How next venture will be an Internet of Things device that kicks you in the nuts and steaks your wallet.  Then requires you to pay overnight shipping to send him the wallet.

Nonzero people will buy it.
 
2018-01-02 07:08:45 PM  

Lando Lincoln: sigdiamond2000: People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.

The Juicero wasn't even a juicer. It was a $400 bag squeezer.

Wouldn't the best "raw water" be distilled water? I mean, if you want nothing but H2O then distilled cannot be beat.


No, distilled lacks minerals and it's not good for you. Distilled is meant for your car's radiator.
 
2018-01-02 07:13:06 PM  
I should set up an eBay alert for an empty Juicero box.

That would make an incredible outer layer of a 2018 joke White Elephant gift.
 
2018-01-02 07:36:59 PM  
I would hope the FDA/USDA would step in and stop this.  I mean what the actual fark.
 
2018-01-02 07:42:02 PM  

Lando Lincoln: The Juicero wasn't even a juicer. It was a $400 bag squeezer.


My wife and I would say it's like K-cups for juice, but even K-cups can be genuinely useful in the right circumstances. Coffee needs filters, and tea needs some kind of diffuser, but juice doesn't need little bags. Well, actually, that's not true: juice does need little bags. But it already comes in little bags. They're called FRUIT.

Also, DRM food is farking terrifying. You want a way to starve Earth's population, this is how.
 
2018-01-02 07:48:17 PM  

Barfmaker: All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.

You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...

/Nicaragua 1992


Get a video doing that and put it on YouTube. The volume of views would break Youtube
 
2018-01-02 07:50:48 PM  
This is the exact opposite of why humanity invented sanitation.
 
2018-01-02 07:54:17 PM  

itcamefromschenectady: Lando Lincoln: sigdiamond2000: People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.

The Juicero wasn't even a juicer. It was a $400 bag squeezer.

Wouldn't the best "raw water" be distilled water? I mean, if you want nothing but H2O then distilled cannot be beat.

No, distilled lacks minerals and it's not good for you. Distilled is meant for your car's radiator.


It hydrates you?
 
2018-01-02 08:04:38 PM  

Lando Lincoln: sigdiamond2000: People who own expensive juicers/blenders really, really love talking about them.

The Juicero wasn't even a juicer. It was a $400 bag squeezer.

Wouldn't the best "raw water" be distilled water? I mean, if you want nothing but H2O then distilled cannot be beat.


Naw man, distilling the water takes all the aura out.  Give me all-natural water.
 
2018-01-02 08:08:03 PM  
"You have to be agile and tactile, and be available to experiment," he said. "Literally, you have to carry bottles of water through the dark."

Or, you could do like everyone else and just walk to your kitchen sink. Oh, and it's not "raw water", it's just spring water. Stop making shiat up.
 
2018-01-02 08:22:34 PM  
If you want to watch a fantastic youtube channel, this guy is great.

His teardown of the juicero is amazing.  NSFW language on the channel.

BOLTR: Juicero, Cold Press Juicer for Rich Weirdos
Youtube _Cp-BGQfpHQ
 
2018-01-02 08:23:16 PM  

ReapTheChaos: "You have to be agile and tactile, and be available to experiment," he said. "Literally, you have to carry bottles of water through the dark."

Or, you could do like everyone else and just walk to your kitchen sink. Oh, and it's not "raw water", it's just spring water. Stop making shiat up.


Bet your asshole feels raw after a day of the shiats.
 
2018-01-02 09:08:47 PM  

ongbok: Barfmaker: All you need is to get one bout of explosive vomit simultaneous with explosive diarrhea and you'll never touch unfiltered, untreated water again.

You'll also be amazed at how from a bent over barfing position you can somehow shiat on the ceiling...

/Nicaragua 1992

Get a video doing that and put it on YouTube. The volume of views would break Youtube


I would send it to everybody I know.
 
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