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(Ars Technica)   SpaceX will try to launch the mysterious Zuma satellite. Well, it is a crappy adult beverage and this might take care of it   ( arstechnica.com) divider line
    More: Cool, Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Space Launch Complex-40, dynamic launch environment, Spaceflight, Canaveral Air Force, Zuma payload, launch attempt, launch pad  
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2759 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2018 at 1:20 PM (28 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2018-01-02 11:22:57 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

If anything happens, Ryder can send Sky to fix it.
 
2018-01-02 11:26:12 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 11:37:54 AM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 11:38:57 AM  
If they're shooting Jacob Zuma into space South Africa will thank them for it.
 
2018-01-02 11:50:57 AM  
fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
img.fark.netView Full Size

img.fark.netView Full Size


Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
img.fark.netView Full Size

v. the ZUMA patch...
img.fark.netView Full Size

...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.
 
2018-01-02 01:23:40 PM  
I don't have an opinion on the satellite but Zuma is one of my favorite Neil Young records. The remastered vinyl sounds amazing.
 
2018-01-02 01:23:43 PM  
The Space X Zuma will be shipped directly to you in plan, discrete wrapping so no one can tell what you bought.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:25:08 PM  
Well, it is a crappy adult beverage and this might take care of it

*WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*
 
2018-01-02 01:26:16 PM  
Needs moar pics of women doing zumba:

i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:28:18 PM  

sno man: fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
[img.fark.net image 600x600]
[img.fark.net image 600x599]

Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
[img.fark.net image 550x541]
v. the ZUMA patch...
[img.fark.net image 468x534]
...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.


The fact that an agency is launching a clandestine satellite without going through the NRO has got to make for some interesting backroom conversations.  They probably aren't very happy.
 
2018-01-02 01:28:24 PM  
While you're at it, launch this guy and his hat into space as well.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:29:44 PM  
All I wanna do is Zuma zoom zoom zoom.
 
2018-01-02 01:31:46 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:32:44 PM  

ohdontbeshy: I don't have an opinion on the satellite but Zuma is one of my favorite Neil Young records. The remastered vinyl sounds amazing.


It doesn't hold a candle to the original gold master.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:33:15 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


/good one Subby
 
2018-01-02 01:33:49 PM  
I think you're thinking of Zima, subby.
 
2018-01-02 01:34:07 PM  
My money is on one of these, with Best Korea's name on it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fractio​n​al_Orbital_Bombardment_System
 
2018-01-02 01:36:35 PM  

Sugarbombs: sno man: fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
[img.fark.net image 600x600]
[img.fark.net image 600x599]

Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
[img.fark.net image 550x541]
v. the ZUMA patch...
[img.fark.net image 468x534]
...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.

The fact that an agency is launching a clandestine satellite without going through the NRO has got to make for some interesting backroom conversations.  They probably aren't very happy.


NRO denied it's theirs. Doesn't mean they don't know what it is
 
2018-01-02 01:37:13 PM  
Launching them into space seems a bit extreme, burning them where you find them would suffice.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:38:08 PM  
The Derpers are going to be conflicted when NASA astronauts are sitting on top of a rocket built by the guy they hate for stupid tribal reasons. I'd like to think that the majority will be able to suppress the derp enough to hope that the mission succeeds but I've been over-estimating my fellow Americans a lot lately.
 
2018-01-02 01:38:28 PM  
Say what you will subby but, it was still better than this swill.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 01:38:37 PM  
They're ready to DIVE IN!!
 
2018-01-02 01:41:31 PM  
imagesvc.timeincapp.comView Full Size

"Made from only the finest of out-of-date Fresca, lightly fermented."
 
2018-01-02 01:48:17 PM  

fifthhorseman: All I wanna do is Zuma zoom zoom zoom.


All they wanna do is make a Zuma zoom soon without a big boom!
 
2018-01-02 02:00:42 PM  

SuperChuck: Sugarbombs: The fact that an agency is launching a clandestine satellite without going through the NRO has got to make for some interesting backroom conversations.  They probably aren't very happy.

NRO denied it's theirs. Doesn't mean they don't know what it is


True, but they're like the GSA of non-DoD spy satellites.  Independently sourcing and coordinating a launch for one would mean their relevancy is being challenged.
 
2018-01-02 02:03:35 PM  

Sugarbombs: sno man: fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
[img.fark.net image 600x600]
[img.fark.net image 600x599]

Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
[img.fark.net image 550x541]
v. the ZUMA patch...
[img.fark.net image 468x534]
...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.

The fact that an agency is launching a clandestine satellite without going through the NRO has got to make for some interesting backroom conversations.  They probably aren't very happy.


Well there are only so many agencies that it could potentially be that aren't affiliated with the NRO doing government launches.  CIA, DARPA, US Navy, US Air Force would be the best guess as the intended user.  After that it gets increasingly unlikely.  However most of those agencies would tend to acknowledge it is their payload even if they don't provide any further information.
 
2018-01-02 02:06:07 PM  
Isn't it Zima? Fark be getting lazy.
 
2018-01-02 02:09:11 PM  

TheKingHippo: Isn't it Zima? Fark be getting lazy.


Zuma is a Neil Young album
 
2018-01-02 02:20:40 PM  

Broktun: TheKingHippo: Isn't it Zima? Fark be getting lazy.

Zuma is a Neil Young album


And a PopCap game from MSN, and the President of South Africa.  Read the thread for crying out loud.
 
2018-01-02 02:29:13 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: Well, it is a crappy adult beverage and this might take care of it

*WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*


Zo, I zay to myzelf "Nize Zpace Ztation..."

/Do not thump the book of G'Quan
 
TWX
2018-01-02 02:33:29 PM  
Garibaldi doesn't seem to mind...

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 02:39:31 PM  

TWX: Garibaldi doesn't seem to mind...

[img.fark.net image 500x355][View Full Size image _x_]


It was their last, best, hope for product placement.
 
2018-01-02 02:42:57 PM  

Snarfangel: ohdontbeshy: I don't have an opinion on the satellite but Zuma is one of my favorite Neil Young records. The remastered vinyl sounds amazing.

It doesn't hold a candle to the original gold master.
[img.fark.net image 850x531][View Full Size image _x_]


I bet that thing would destroy my needle!
 
2018-01-02 02:46:04 PM  

SuperChuck: Sugarbombs: sno man: fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
[img.fark.net image 600x600]
[img.fark.net image 600x599]

Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
[img.fark.net image 550x541]
v. the ZUMA patch...
[img.fark.net image 468x534]
...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.

The fact that an agency is launching a clandestine satellite without going through the NRO has got to make for some interesting backroom conversations.  They probably aren't very happy.

NRO denied it's theirs. Doesn't mean they don't know what it is


They denied it's their "satellite", it could still be a new payload or supply run for the spaceplane launched back in May, it is supposed to be taking the same unusual NE trajectory off the pad...
Or it could be something for the Air Force's upcoming Space Corps...
Or [adjusts tin foil hat, as one does] it could be a support mission for Gary McKinnon's secret space fleet that had been in existence since the 1980s.
 
2018-01-02 02:46:34 PM  

Cheron: The Space X Zuma will be shipped directly to you in plan, discrete wrapping so no one can tell what you bought.

[img.fark.net image 468x534][View Full Size image _x_]


Why did they include the four leaf clover at the bottom of the patch? Do they think it will bring them good luck that it won't blow up? They should also attach a horseshoe to the rocket and put a rabbit's foot on the ignition button.
 
2018-01-02 02:51:34 PM  
Spy satellite for NK with advanced nuclear isotope detection. It will aide us in our upcoming war later this year.

/adjusts Reynolds Wrap cap.
 
2018-01-02 02:55:25 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
Yeah, Zima will be in space long after the rest of us are gone...
 
2018-01-02 03:00:43 PM  

anustart: TWX: Garibaldi doesn't seem to mind...

[img.fark.net image 500x355][View Full Size image _x_]

It was their last, best, hope for product placement.


To a certain extent, I don't mind product placement, so long as it's not overdone. Think Days of Thunder and Demolition Man. The generic beverages and such kind of lessened the immersiveness of older movies.
 
2018-01-02 03:07:01 PM  

MythRender: /Do not thump the book of G'Quan


"And they made a very satisfying thump when they hit the floor."
 
TWX
2018-01-02 03:09:51 PM  

anustart: TWX: Garibaldi doesn't seem to mind...

[img.fark.net image 500x355][View Full Size image _x_]

It was their last, best, hope for product placement.


It failed.
 
2018-01-02 03:14:44 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
screw you sunny, it's delicious!
 
2018-01-02 03:20:21 PM  
The only person I hear going on about Zima these days is Phil Dunphy.
 
2018-01-02 03:30:34 PM  
As long as it's not a Zuni.  Those things are deadly.
 
2018-01-02 03:30:59 PM  
The story behind this launch is, to say the least, unusual.

As alluded to up thread, we launch spy satellites all the time, and it's no secret. They're on the manifest months or even years in advance. We don't know what they are or where they are going, but we know that they are spy satellites, and the NRO makes weird mission patches for them.

This is not that. NRO is not claiming this one, and in fact no agency is. This is unusual; I believe it has only happened before on two occasions.

And this didn't show up on the manifest at all. We didn't even know it existed until a month before it was scheduled to launch when SpaceX had to file the launch license. And this is being launched by SpaceX instead of by ULA, which is the launcher of choice for the military industrial complex. The primary difference between ULA and SpaceX is that SpaceX is constantly building rocket cores and therefore can be nimble and provide launch services at short notice, while ULA builds their rockets to order, for their (essentially exclusively) government clients as the need arises. And in spite of this, this launch "stole" a rocket core from a NASA flight that was scheduled to launch in December (they scrambled to replaced their core with a reused booster).

And then, when this launch came out of nowhere, we were told that it needed to be launched in the month of November at any cost. But then, a few days before it was scheduled to launch, we were told that the launch was being postponed due to "data about fairings". And in spite of the requirement to launch in November, and in spite of the fact that three weeks remained in November, no attempt was made to get it launched in November after this point. We haven't heard any other issues about fairings from SpaceX, and indeed there has already been another SpaceX launch using a fairing.

I'm not saying there's some crazy shiat going on with this launch, but there's some crazy shiat going on with this launch.
 
2018-01-02 03:37:31 PM  

sno man: fta:  "One source told Ars that SpaceX is launching the payload for the National Reconnaissance Office, but the NRO has denied that Zuma is its satellite. (But really, would you expect anything less from the spy satellite agency?)"

No, NRO is usually pretty good about having their name on their [most, umm interesting] mission patches..
[img.fark.net image 600x600]
[img.fark.net image 600x599]

Or this actual NRO SpaceX launch back in May with that mini shuttle spaceplane thing..
[img.fark.net image 550x541]
v. the ZUMA patch...
[img.fark.net image 468x534]
...that looks more like it was done by and for SpaceX than even for the payload.


Maybe it's their satellite for spying on Trump. After all, the patch features a giant, phallic object that demands attention by being in the middle of everything.
 
2018-01-02 03:51:36 PM  

sno man: They denied it's their "satellite", it could still be a new payload or supply run for the spaceplane launched back in May, it is supposed to be taking the same unusual NE trajectory off the pad...
Or it could be something for the Air Force's upcoming Space Corps...
Or [adjusts tin foil hat, as one does] it could be a support mission for Gary McKinnon's secret space fleet that had been in existence since the 1980s.


Every published launch attempt for this mission in November and now the ones in January were a 4 or 5 hour window starting at 8PM eastern.

If they were planning a rendezvous with the X-37B, it'd be an instantaneous launch (or very close to one) that moved up about 20 minutes every day it moved out, just like the space station resupply missions do. A window this long at the same time regardless of day means they don't care about the exact orbital plane it ends up in, just the ground track, but a rendezvous would require hitting the exact same plane the target is already in.
 
2018-01-02 03:53:16 PM  
Yes, at least on person mentioned the album:

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-02 03:55:18 PM  

joe714: sno man: They denied it's their "satellite", it could still be a new payload or supply run for the spaceplane launched back in May, it is supposed to be taking the same unusual NE trajectory off the pad...
Or it could be something for the Air Force's upcoming Space Corps...
Or [adjusts tin foil hat, as one does] it could be a support mission for Gary McKinnon's secret space fleet that had been in existence since the 1980s.

Every published launch attempt for this mission in November and now the ones in January were a 4 or 5 hour window starting at 8PM eastern.

If they were planning a rendezvous with the X-37B, it'd be an instantaneous launch (or very close to one) that moved up about 20 minutes every day it moved out, just like the space station resupply missions do. A window this long at the same time regardless of day means they don't care about the exact orbital plane it ends up in, just the ground track, but a rendezvous would require hitting the exact same plane the target is already in.



Putting on my tin foil hat, perhaps a satellite for surveillance for the Air Force over North Korea for a potential strike.  Don't need a precise target window, just in general placement that gives coverage over the theater. Get something in place for target selection and BDA if Trump is serious about doing a strike.  Planned attack in November was scrubbed so they pushed it to January so it would be available for the rescheduled attack.
 
2018-01-02 04:16:32 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: Well, it is a crappy adult beverage and this might take care of it

*WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*


Nice to see the Narn Bat Squad is still around.

/"Zo, I zays to thiz guy, nize ztation..."
 
2018-01-02 04:38:22 PM  

joe714: sno man: They denied it's their "satellite", it could still be a new payload or supply run for the spaceplane launched back in May, it is supposed to be taking the same unusual NE trajectory off the pad...
Or it could be something for the Air Force's upcoming Space Corps...
Or [adjusts tin foil hat, as one does] it could be a support mission for Gary McKinnon's secret space fleet that had been in existence since the 1980s.

Every published launch attempt for this mission in November and now the ones in January were a 4 or 5 hour window starting at 8PM eastern.

If they were planning a rendezvous with the X-37B, it'd be an instantaneous launch (or very close to one) that moved up about 20 minutes every day it moved out, just like the space station resupply missions do. A window this long at the same time regardless of day means they don't care about the exact orbital plane it ends up in, just the ground track, but a rendezvous would require hitting the exact same plane the target is already in.


The X-37B is highly manoeuvrable and can adjust orbit or do 'close up' fly-by's of other satellites and even the ISS on someone's whim in real time, there's no need to hit a instantaneous window for it.
 
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