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(Fark)   Voting ends 1pm Eastern Time today Last chance to get your votes in Headline of the Year Final Round - Main - Story Headlines   ( fark.com) divider line
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8354 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jan 2018 at 10:41 AM (28 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2017-12-28 01:46:22 AM  
Here are your Headlines of the Year finalists for the Main page.  We've sorted the headlines from the Main page this year into four contests: Context, Puns and Wordplay, Politics on the main page, and Story Headlines.  Some headlines fit in more than one category, so we debated and put them where we felt they fit best.

For this category, we chose the title "Story Headline" - the kind of headline that extends or improves on the story or looks at it in a different way or takes it in another direction - and above all, makes us laugh.

The Headlines of the Year come from the collected Headlines of the Week, usually 10 headlines chosen for Main and Politics, and 3 chosen for each of the other tabs - Sports, Entertainment, Geek, Business, and Discussion.  Some weeks we choose a few extra headlines when we have a lot that stand out.  All these headlines are chosen by multiple criteria, including originality, creativity, intelligence, and looking at the article in a new and sometimes sideways way -- and above all: humor.  The headlines that you can show to anyone and tell them *this* is Fark.

For Headline of the Week we are influenced greatly by TotalFark voting - so vote early, vote often when you see a headline you love!  We notice!  Voting isn't the only thing we take into account in Headline of the Week though, we also consider every headline individually.  Just a couple of the things we consider: some great headlines get posted at lower traffic times and get less notice, and some decent headlines get an abundance of votes because people like the article.  We do our best to balance these and other factors to bring you the Headlines of the Week.  We do a pretty darn good job if we do say so ourselves, but we know we'll never pick all the best. We apologize if we missed yours!

Headline of the Year is all *your* votes.  Every December we collect the Headlines of the Week into multiple voting round preliminaries, where TotalFarkers get to read, enjoy and vote for all your favorites.  For the past month, TotalFarkers have been voting on multiple categories of headlines for the main page, and are currently finishing voting in the tab preliminary contests for Sports, Entertainment, Geek, Politics, Business, and Discussion.

This post is the Final round for this Main page category for Story Headlines.  We take the top voted headlines in each category from the preliminary rounds in TotalFark, and post these top voted headlines for *all* Farkers to vote, and your votes will determine the winners!

Voting will remain open until Monday, January 1, 2018 at 13:00:00 Eastern Time.
Enjoy reading and voting!
2017-12-28 02:15:12 AM  
Texas lawmaker never thought 'celebratory gunfire' to be reckless, dangerous and worth banning. Then, one day, it hit him

2017-12-28 02:15:16 AM  
Year of the Cock starts Saturday, January 28, not January 20th as previously thought

2017-12-28 02:15:19 AM  
A toddler has shot someone in the U.S. every week for the past two years. Can we lock that damn kid up already?

2017-12-28 02:15:22 AM  
Police in New Jersey seek overweight, excessively hairy, naked man. That narrows it down

2017-12-28 02:15:25 AM  
After you open a bottle of red wine, it's okay to store it in the refrigerator. Although why anybody would put an empty bottle of wine in the fridge is beyond me

2017-12-28 02:15:28 AM  
Autopsy being performed to identify the exact cause of death for man who was run over by bulldozer. I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing 'bulldozer'

2017-12-28 02:15:32 AM  
Cat bites sleeping owner to wake her up when house fire breaks out, or more likely to check if she was done yet

2017-12-28 02:15:35 AM  
Google reports over 1 billion YouTube videos now have closed captions, generated by computer is grains and that allows a sense in its ability to understand the united daily work, selects of closing time tracker

2017-12-28 02:15:38 AM  
Harrison Ford to air traffic control: "Everything is perfectly alright now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"

2017-12-28 02:15:41 AM  
Expert fortune cookie writer quits due to "writer's block" in bed

2017-12-28 02:15:44 AM  
Trials to begin using dogs to detect bowel cancer. First challenge: cold noses

2017-12-28 02:15:47 AM  
After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontari -- CAR -- Hamilton, Ontario legalizes stre -- CAR -- legalizes street ho -- CAR -- After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontario legalizes street hockey a -- CAR -- AFTER 60 YEARS, HAMILTON, ONTARIO LEGALIZES STREET HOCKEY AGAIN

2017-12-28 02:15:50 AM  
Cobra has escaped and is terrorizing a residential neighborhood. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle

2017-12-28 02:15:53 AM  
White Evangelicals believe they are more persecuted than Muslims. Also believe the earth is 6000 years old and Donald Trump has a fine head of hair, so you know, take it as you will

2017-12-28 02:15:57 AM  
Woman demanded to be injected with heroin or meth during labor, police say. Every woman who's ever given birth says 'That was an option?'

2017-12-28 02:16:00 AM  
Three bear cubs found locked inside a public washroom. Which means the answer to the age old question is not always in the woods

2017-12-28 02:16:03 AM  
Body of a man who witnesses say was tossed out an airplane lands on the roof of a Mexican hospital. Well, if nothing else, you DO have to admire their aim

2017-12-28 02:16:06 AM  
U.S. Intelligence says ISIS has developed undetectable laptop computer explosives. Samsung immediately sues for copyright infringement

2017-12-28 02:16:09 AM  
Racist church shooter Dylann Roof will receive the death penalty and 9 life sentences just in case he's a cat or something

2017-12-28 02:16:12 AM  
Harry Potter arrested for marijuana possession, netting negative ten points for Gryffindor. Man, that seems more like a HufflePuff thing

2017-12-28 02:16:15 AM  
Man found nailed to a tree. Jesus, that has got to hurt

2017-12-28 02:16:18 AM  
Crusades-era hand grenade found in Israel. And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu -

2017-12-28 02:16:22 AM  
Man dies taking a selfie with his girlfriend at a waterfall. He should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that he was used to

2017-12-28 02:16:25 AM  
Police arrest man for running over a flock of seagulls. Even though he ran so far away, he couldn't get away

2017-12-28 02:16:28 AM  
United flight delayed after 'scorpion reportedly emerged from a customer's clothing' First words reportedly 'Here I am'

2017-12-28 02:16:31 AM  
Boy rescued from claw machine after firefighters spend 30 minutes and $20 trying to win him back

2017-12-28 02:16:34 AM  
More adults have died from eating laundry pods than kids. Why adults are eating either one remains a mystery

2017-12-28 02:16:37 AM  
Dad overdoses on heroin to teach his addict son a lesson. Glad my son's a sex addict

2017-12-28 02:16:40 AM  
Theresa May couldn't meet with Grenfell Tower victims due to security concerns. The Queen: "Hold my crown"

2017-12-28 02:16:43 AM  
Otto Warmbier's family declines autopsy, possibly because they're still alive

2017-12-28 02:16:46 AM  
80-person human chain saves family from drowning. Link to the left, link to the right

2017-12-28 02:16:49 AM  
Chesapeake Bay area residents warned of waterspouts coming on shore. Eensy weensy spiders hardest hit

2017-12-28 02:16:53 AM  
Fark rankinged to be webcite having 6th most higher educatation amount by analyzation

2017-12-28 02:16:56 AM  
Who shows up on beaches on French northern shores? / SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS / Leading the people to shout, "Zut alors" / SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS / If puzzling mysteries appeal much to you / Then click on the link here and check out the view

2017-12-28 02:16:59 AM  
Instead of potato chips, package contained king cobra. Would not buy again

2017-12-28 02:17:02 AM  
Class ring found in lake, returned to owner 35 years after being lost. Owner now living in a cave, eating raw fish, chasing hobbit

2017-12-28 02:17:05 AM  
Like a good neighbor, stay over there

2017-12-28 02:17:08 AM  
19 things you can learn on a mushroom walk, including which ones are safe to eat, how to pull them out of the ground, and the meaning of life as told by a cosmic jungle penguin surrounded in a cloak of Aztec bats circling the lunar vortex of peace

2017-12-28 02:17:11 AM  
Google cancels its "All Hands on Deck" sexism meeting to make damn sure there wasn't a typo in the title

2017-12-28 02:17:14 AM  
Christians are nearly twice as likely to think people are poor because they don't work hard enough. You don't think Jesus just had heaven and earth handed to him by his dad, do you?

2017-12-28 02:17:17 AM  
Women who begged for help and rescue during Katrina rescued during Harvey. That's a long wait

2017-12-28 02:17:21 AM  
A mandatory evacuation order has been issued for residents of Southern Florida with special needs. So, pretty much everyone

2017-12-28 02:17:24 AM  
Lingerie-clad Miami high school cheerleaders .... and you're gone. I have 184 characters remaining. Anything you want to talk about? How's the weather? it's a hot one for the first week of fall here.... Jeez, still have 40 remaining characters

2017-12-28 02:17:27 AM  
Swift Dam fire prompts damn swift evacuation

2017-12-28 02:17:30 AM  
1/3 of parasites could go extinct from climate change. The rest will continue to claim that there's no proof and science is bad

2017-12-28 02:17:33 AM  
Video shows naked woman in sweltering nursing home, illustrating the importance of reading the entire headline before clicking

2017-12-28 02:17:37 AM  
University bookstore employee stole over $20,000 worth of books. Officials did not turn up either textbook when searching his residence

2017-12-28 02:17:40 AM  
500 years ago today, Martin Luther had a dream

2017-12-28 02:17:43 AM  
Novelist Margaret Atwood receives Franz Kafka prize, or at least she will once the paperwork makes it through a nightmarish bureaucracy run by shadowy, malevolent forces

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