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(Metro)   Actual headline: Pensioner tries to batter cock after it kept him up all night   ( metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Amusing, cockerel, 65th birthday, English-language films, golf club, urgent appeal, impoverished children, classic film, miniature villages  
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2463 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Dec 2017 at 3:11 PM (30 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



33 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-12-15 12:07:47 PM  
If I had a nickel...
 
2017-12-15 12:08:29 PM  
Mmmmmmm, battered cock.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 01:02:44 PM  
Oh, yay! We are doing phrasing still!
 
2017-12-15 01:48:04 PM  
Cock makes its own batter.
 
2017-12-15 01:57:58 PM  
Dude, if it's such a problem, cut back on the Viagra.
 
2017-12-15 02:22:16 PM  
Somebody at Metro didn't go through the proper editing process before uploading this story
 
2017-12-15 02:25:41 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 02:28:58 PM  

slackananda: [i.imgur.com image 300x300][View Full Size image _x_]


The best cock soup can be found in the hot tub on gay cruises.

/wanda sykes
 
2017-12-15 03:16:08 PM  

kdawg7736: Somebody at Metro didn't go through the proper editing process before uploading this story


Or, just maybe, people outside of the US don't giggle like 6 year old boys when an animal is called by it's proper name.
 
2017-12-15 03:18:40 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:19:22 PM  
When that happens to me I usually do the battering pretty early, then I can get right to sleep with no problems.
 
2017-12-15 03:21:26 PM  
How to batter a cock:

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:22:33 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Him having to drag the Hamster around Manhattan and that other place was hilarious.
 
2017-12-15 03:23:03 PM  
humoropedia.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:23:27 PM  
s2.quickmeme.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:23:36 PM  
Men have cocks, women have pet beavers.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:31:06 PM  
Man, I hate having to change the sheets the next morning when that happens to me.
 
2017-12-15 03:32:53 PM  

Diogenes: Dude, if it's such a problem, cut back on the Viagra.


If your cock is still up after 4 hours, call a doctor.
 
2017-12-15 03:34:22 PM  
Ivor Biggun - Anybody Seen My Cock
Youtube ln4QojnG7G8
 
2017-12-15 03:34:34 PM  
We've all been there, buddy.
 
2017-12-15 03:43:15 PM  
Cock batter?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 03:43:16 PM  
This is my second favorite headline of the year. The first?
"Sloppy Second costs Senators" in reference to the Ottawa Senators loss last month. If you know hockey, you'll ROFL at that headline.
 
2017-12-15 03:44:54 PM  
In these situations we always refer to it as a cock, not the possessive your cock
 
2017-12-15 03:46:51 PM  
Add a waffle, and now we're talking !

/will settle for a biscuit
 
2017-12-15 04:04:21 PM  
Having spent sleepless nights with roosters outside, I understand this man's frustration. When there are multiple roosters in an area, they crow all farking night. No joke. After a few nights of that shiat, curbstomping every feral rooster you come across feels like a basic human right.
 
2017-12-15 04:22:14 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 05:10:56 PM  

slackananda: [i.imgur.com image 300x300][View Full Size image _x_]


If your cock is spicy, you might want to get that checked out.
 
2017-12-15 05:23:24 PM  

AngryDragon: slackananda: [i.imgur.com image 300x300][View Full Size image _x_]

If your cock is spicy, you might want to get that checked out.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-15 05:33:59 PM  
He apparently had beef with the cockerel because it was keeping him up all night with its squawking.
We have no idea why the man was so grumpy on his birthday


Maybe he's grumpy from reading your terrible writing.
 
2017-12-15 05:37:04 PM  
Did he attempt to choke the chicken?
 
2017-12-15 06:34:37 PM  

AngryDragon: slackananda: [i.imgur.com image 300x300][View Full Size image _x_]

If your cock is spicy, you might want to get that checked out.


Is that why it hurts when I pee?

Frank Zappa Why does it hurt when I pee 1978
Youtube 3vmPwZT-9zY
 
2017-12-15 06:36:19 PM  

kdawg7736: Somebody at Metro didn't go through the proper editing process before uploading this story


======================================​===========

The editor is typically the one who comes up with the headline.

But... based on how terribly pathetic of an article this is, I feel like the editor thought of that headline, chuckled to himself for 5 minutes, and in that time forgot to check the rest of the article.
 
2017-12-15 09:06:48 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


Drink this.  Problem solved
 
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