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(NBC New York)   Obese, thieving squirrel raids family's Ghirardelli stash, also steals Blistex. The video evidence is quite compelling   ( nbcnewyork.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Boudreaux, Theft, Michele Boudreaux, Chocolate, Thumb, Primate, holiday treat tray, lip balm  
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6008 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2017 at 9:20 AM (32 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-12-07 08:16:59 AM  
A New Jersey family was stunned to find the holiday treat tray they put on their front stoop each year ransacked

Who the hell does that, and why?
 
2017-12-07 08:26:01 AM  
What an obese squirrel might look like
ww2.hdnux.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 08:29:52 AM  

RJReves: What an obese squirrel might look like[ww2.hdnux.com image 850x460]


Correction: I did not realize this was New Joisey.
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 09:12:02 AM  

Munden: A New Jersey family was stunned to find the holiday treat tray they put on their front stoop each year ransacked

Who the hell does that, and why?


You don't go wandering about your neighborhood collecting treats off of front door steps?  What kind of hellhole do you live in?
 
2017-12-07 09:24:26 AM  
That squirrel is plump but not obese.
 
2017-12-07 09:25:28 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

If I'm not Boobieser of this I blame my extremely long password and the stupid desire to type this.  No time to spellceeck
 
2017-12-07 09:28:13 AM  
Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 09:28:45 AM  
That squirrel is going to be good eating. I bet there is some fine marbling on that meat.
 
2017-12-07 09:29:45 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

"Suck it, biatches".
 
2017-12-07 09:31:29 AM  
You do not leave food on your front stoop. Do you want rabid raccoons? Because this is how you get rabid raccoons.
 
2017-12-07 09:31:40 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


/loved this card, except the cost.  It should be 3 mana, not 4!
 
2017-12-07 09:32:09 AM  
family's Ghirardelli stash

That is one trusting family. The freakstorm family would be swing the bat'leths at each other over that last delicious morsel. Our house has honor over everything not related to chocolates. It's in one of our songs.
 
2017-12-07 09:32:46 AM  

Munden: A New Jersey family was stunned to find the holiday treat tray they put on their front stoop each year ransacked

Who the hell does that, and why?


FTFA

It's for the mail man/delivery drivers/service people coming by the house.
 
2017-12-07 09:32:56 AM  

idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]


That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 09:34:19 AM  
I'm more upset that this woman was home and filming this for a long period of time and never once removed the basket and considered an alternate way to do this. For example, placing the basket (or one that fits better) between her screen door and front door with a sign inviting delivery people to help themselves. Or wrapping up a handful of items individually in cellophane and labeling them "UPS driver" or whatever, again placing the items behind a screen door or something.
 
2017-12-07 09:34:40 AM  
And thus Pilz-E is born.
 
2017-12-07 09:40:56 AM  
"security tape??"

how about "lady with cell phone standing at the window"?
 
2017-12-07 09:41:02 AM  
">

Fat squirrels? One of my favorite webcomics has those!

http://shotgunshuffle.com/  Click if you like things that are funny, art that improves drastically over time, and an archive providing several years of artwork to enjoy. Also, a long-term story with a lot of callbacks. Also, some characters have large boobs.
 
2017-12-07 09:41:24 AM  
The GIS for "fat squirrel" does not disappoint.

assets3.thrillist.comView Full Size

Can someone photoshop a jar of mayonnaise in there?
 
2017-12-07 09:42:21 AM  
Mine's fatter.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 09:43:36 AM  

MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]


Human hand is clearly visible operating the squirrel-launcher. I DEMAND FULLY AUTOMATED ANIMAL CRUELTY!
 
2017-12-07 09:50:02 AM  
Why does this not have the Newsflash tag?
 
2017-12-07 09:52:50 AM  
Quit fat shaming the squirrels.
 
2017-12-07 09:52:53 AM  

Marksrevenge: MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]

Human hand is clearly visible operating the squirrel-launcher. I DEMAND FULLY AUTOMATED ANIMAL CRUELTY!


I've seen squirrels jump and fall out of the top-most part of very tall trees.  They would sometimes hit the ground so hard they would *bounce* 5 feet, land again, then take off running like a bat out of hell.  They are incredibly resilient.
 
2017-12-07 09:53:12 AM  

MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]


PULL!
 
2017-12-07 09:55:22 AM  
What exactly did this idiot think would happen?
 
2017-12-07 09:55:41 AM  

Marksrevenge: ">

Fat squirrels? One of my favorite webcomics has those!

http://shotgunshuffle.com/  Click if you like things that are funny, art that improves drastically over time, and an archive providing several years of artwork to enjoy. Also, a long-term story with a lot of callbacks. Also, some characters have large boobs.


Dammit, between that and cathing up on Questionable Content, there go my months of getting paid for not working...
 
2017-12-07 09:56:01 AM  

MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]


omg that's terrible in a hilarious way.  I don't want to launch the squirrel to the next town, just discourage his pilfering, lol.  I hope the little guy was ok.
 
2017-12-07 09:56:48 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 10:01:18 AM  

Tyrosine: What exactly did this idiot think would happen?


Well, if you RTFA, you'd learn that they did this for two years and never had a problem before.
 
2017-12-07 10:01:25 AM  
Obese? Nah,  the squirrel's just big-boned.
 
2017-12-07 10:05:11 AM  

Corneille: Obese? Nah,  the squirrel's just big-boned.


dammit - was just starting to type that
 
2017-12-07 10:07:31 AM  

UberDave: Marksrevenge: MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]

Human hand is clearly visible operating the squirrel-launcher. I DEMAND FULLY AUTOMATED ANIMAL CRUELTY!

I've seen squirrels jump and fall out of the top-most part of very tall trees.  They would sometimes hit the ground so hard they would *bounce* 5 feet, land again, then take off running like a bat out of hell.  They are incredibly resilient.


Depends on the surface. When I was in 5th grade I had to put one down after it fell from a really tall hickory tree onto pavement. Shattered a back leg.
 
2017-12-07 10:12:49 AM  

Badgerlad: Marksrevenge: ">

Fat squirrels? One of my favorite webcomics has those!

http://shotgunshuffle.com/  Click if you like things that are funny, art that improves drastically over time, and an archive providing several years of artwork to enjoy. Also, a long-term story with a lot of callbacks. Also, some characters have large boobs.

Dammit, between that and cathing up on Questionable Content, there go my months of getting paid for not working...


QC is on my webcomics list too! Even though it doesn't have fat squirrels as far as I know.
 
2017-12-07 10:14:34 AM  
My wild pack of dachsunds would have cleaned that tray out is a minute.  Those little bastards can open the cellophane packaging, too.

The nearly toothless 16-year-olds would get a pass.
 
2017-12-07 10:18:10 AM  
StrikitRich:
The nearly toothless 16-year-olds would get a pass.

New Jersey, not Kentucky.
 
2017-12-07 10:23:49 AM  

Munden: A New Jersey family was stunned to find the holiday treat tray they put on their front stoop each year ransacked

Who the hell does that, and why?


Had you read the article you would know that they leave them for delivery people.
 
2017-12-07 10:31:15 AM  

Thingster: Munden: A New Jersey family was stunned to find the holiday treat tray they put on their front stoop each year ransacked

Who the hell does that, and why?

FTFA

It's for the mail man/delivery drivers/service people coming by the house.


That's actually a good idea, don't know why I hadn't thought of it. That's also a lot of treats. That family must get a lot of packages. My packages just disappear, don't know if I want to be rewarding the porch pirates.
 
2017-12-07 10:49:49 AM  
Squirrel Nut Zippers 'Put A Lid On It'
Youtube VdAt4qWvz_8
 
2017-12-07 10:58:33 AM  

buntz: "security tape??"

how about "lady with cell phone standing at the window"?


This.

Security cameras don't move that way. I call shenanigans on the whole story.
 
2017-12-07 10:58:53 AM  
Really thought this was going to be a chocolate snob thread, and the comments would be full of "serves the squirrel right; he's gonna die from eating trash chocolate, the only stuff worth eating is..."

Because Fark.

Also,

ltdanman44: [img.fark.net image 186x271][View Full Size image _x_]

/loved this card, except the cost.  It should be 3 mana, not 4!


img.fark.netView Full Size

Some designer at Popcap apparently agrees.
 
zez
2017-12-07 10:59:49 AM  

TenJed_77: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/VdAt4qWv​z_8]


That's smart and funny!
 
2017-12-07 11:11:14 AM  
Correction: the squirrel took the only acceptable chocolate on the tray.

Is Ghirardelli really all that expensive on the east coast? While I'm sure it drives up the cost to export the stuff all the way from San Francisco, I would assume that gets done in high enough quantities to make it easily affordable.
 
2017-12-07 11:19:10 AM  

UberDave: Marksrevenge: MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]

Human hand is clearly visible operating the squirrel-launcher. I DEMAND FULLY AUTOMATED ANIMAL CRUELTY!

I've seen squirrels jump and fall out of the top-most part of very tall trees.  They would sometimes hit the ground so hard they would *bounce* 5 feet, land again, then take off running like a bat out of hell.  They are incredibly resilient.


Them running away doesn't mean they lived. They may have died later from injuries. Adrenaline is powerful in the short term, but you won't last very long with ruptured things inside you and - being an animal - no health care prospects.
 
2017-12-07 11:20:46 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Tyrosine: What exactly did this idiot think would happen?

Well, if you RTFA, you'd learn that they did this for two years and never had a problem before.


When they send squirrels they aren't sending their best. They're sending animals that have lots of problems. Lots of problems. They're bringing rabies. They're bringing crime. They're thieves and vandals.And some, I assume, are good people.

/it was only a matter of time until the wildlife found the buffet line
//trash pandas will figure out how to open the jar
///hope that area doesn't have bears
 
2017-12-07 11:30:38 AM  

Badgerlad


Dammit, between that and cathing up on Questionable Content


Ew. Get up and walk to the bathroom, you lazy f*ck.
 
2017-12-07 11:32:21 AM  

mongbiohazard: UberDave: Marksrevenge: MechaPyx: idrow: Our squirrels are pretty damn fat, I've noticed that for years.  We also have a groundhog that lives in our yard who I nicknamed 'Fat Bastard', although his name is really Phil.

That lady should put her snacks in a modified yankee flipper.
[img.fark.net image 300x215][View Full Size image _x_]

That....doesn't really help. The squirrel will learn it can spin the dispenser to fling seed out everywhere and then just eat it off the ground.

You need something like this:
[img.fark.net image 322x241][View Full Size image _x_]

Human hand is clearly visible operating the squirrel-launcher. I DEMAND FULLY AUTOMATED ANIMAL CRUELTY!

I've seen squirrels jump and fall out of the top-most part of very tall trees.  They would sometimes hit the ground so hard they would *bounce* 5 feet, land again, then take off running like a bat out of hell.  They are incredibly resilient.

Them running away doesn't mean they lived. They may have died later from injuries. Adrenaline is powerful in the short term, but you won't last very long with ruptured things inside you and - being an animal - no health care prospects.


Having dressed many a squirrel, I've never seen this but I'm not really paying *that* close attention.  But still, a rupture injury is usually obvious.  I won't go into the details of how.

I had a friend in the service that was into falconry.  It was amazing to watch the hawks hunt as the squirrel would see the people first and go to the top of the tree.  Then they would spot the hawks coming in and simply jump out of the tree looking like some furry skydiver.
 
2017-12-07 11:33:53 AM  

cyberspacedout: Correction: the squirrel took the only acceptable chocolate on the tray.

Is Ghirardelli really all that expensive on the east coast? While I'm sure it drives up the cost to export the stuff all the way from San Francisco, I would assume that gets done in high enough quantities to make it easily affordable.


It's in the same general category as Lindt, but a little lower. Exalted above Hershey's but not "fancy".
 
2017-12-07 11:38:16 AM  
"I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What's the n**ger gonna do? He's Samoan.
 
2017-12-07 12:13:01 PM  

Badgerlad: StrikitRich:
The nearly toothless 16-year-olds would get a pass.

New Jersey, not Kentucky.


I see you've never been to either Newark or Trenton.
 
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