If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(KSTU FOX 13)   MormonLeaks claims LDS Church members baptized President Trump's dead parents and grandparents   ( fox13now.com) divider line
    More: Strange, LDS Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Joseph Smith, Jr., Latter Day Saint movement, Succession crisis, LDS Church members, Christianity, temple ordinances  
•       •       •

2672 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2017 at 8:50 AM (31 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



155 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-12-07 08:15:23 AM  
You can't baptise dead people!
 
2017-12-07 08:20:00 AM  
Of course they did, and that's what they're going to do to pretty much any quasi famous person and everyone who uses Ancestry dot com
 
2017-12-07 08:28:06 AM  
Well, they might have the right religion, so it could be helpful.
 
2017-12-07 08:33:19 AM  
Strange, Silly, Stupid, Facepalm, Creepy, Weird ... so many tags to choose from.
Except Florida.
This time.
 
2017-12-07 08:39:47 AM  
In other words, geese flew South.
 
2017-12-07 08:45:23 AM  
thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 08:47:52 AM  
What mormons do is they batiste all these dead people in name only because that allows them to move from purgatory to heaven if they choose to. They believe that just because you didn't get to hear the "truth" while you were in your earthly form and weren't baptized that you should be denied entrance to heaven.
At least they give the heathens a chance after they die. (why anyone wouldn't believe in god after you faceplant into a semi at 80mph and find yourself talking to your dead mom is another story)
Nobody cut my penis up so the jews wont let  me in and the christians don't like bastards
all gods are false until the wheel of life stops spinning and the marble drops in the slot that proves you rightk
 
2017-12-07 08:53:39 AM  
Welsh Mormons?
 
2017-12-07 08:54:40 AM  
But did they provide the corpses with magic underwear?
 
2017-12-07 08:59:18 AM  

Wookie_Jesus: What mormons do is they batiste all these dead people in name only because that allows them to move from purgatory to heaven if they choose to. They believe that just because you didn't get to hear the "truth" while you were in your earthly form and weren't baptized that you should be denied entrance to heaven.
At least they give the heathens a chance after they die. (why anyone wouldn't believe in god after you faceplant into a semi at 80mph and find yourself talking to your dead mom is another story)
Nobody cut my penis up so the jews wont let  me in and the christians don't like bastards
all gods are false until the wheel of life stops spinning and the marble drops in the slot that proves you rightk


What would know?, The only spiritual experience you had is a VR set with a Diahann Carroll and you
celebrate Life Day.
Star Wars Holiday Special, The Mind Evaporator, This Minute Now
Youtube _CRTow8hFvM


/ Joking as you know
 
2017-12-07 08:59:38 AM  

naughtyrev: Of course they did, and that's what they're going to do to pretty much any quasi famous person and everyone who uses Ancestry dot com


OK done. I thought I heard something about them doing this for Obama too.

/Much funny, since he's black, LOL, and dem Mormons don't like black people.
 
2017-12-07 09:00:17 AM  
Kinda like those prostitutes baptized Obama's bed?
 
2017-12-07 09:01:06 AM  
"Any rite performed in a Latter-day Saint temple on behalf of a deceased person, who yet lives as a spirit being, is a rite of offering only, exacting no forced compliance nor acceptance of the rite. There is no imposed change of identity, heritage or religious belief, nor is the individual's name added to the membership rolls of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

So why even bother?    The whole thing just seems silly to me.

I wonder how many fictional characters are on their rolls, along with Hugh Jass, Jack Mehoff, Ivana Tinkle, and I.P. Freely?
 
2017-12-07 09:01:08 AM  
Is this surprising?. Mormons have a crazy mission to baptise everyone into their faith whether they like it or not and have been gathering death records for years in order to do it.
 
2017-12-07 09:01:16 AM  

RJReves: You can't baptise dead people!


Oh ye of little faith!

No seriously, they posthumously baptize everyone.  Millions.  Jews, Poles, Roma and others who died in the Holocaust, even.  That's the whole point of the genealogy project: to baptize all the souls without their say so or consent.  It's stupid, it's insulting, it's weird, and it even has that little tinge of compassion because some of them think they are genuinely doing a good thing.  It's Mormon, in other words.
 
2017-12-07 09:04:29 AM  

pueblonative: Kinda like those prostitutes baptized Obama's bed?


That's more of a christening...
 
2017-12-07 09:06:38 AM  
What if hell is just being sentenced to Mormon heaven
 
2017-12-07 09:06:46 AM  
Although it's weird and stupid, you gotta have to admit it's a pretty cool thing for them to do.  I mean, imagine they are right.  There you are standing there waiting to get into the pearly gates looking back over your life thinking "there must have been a clerical error here...I should be ughh...somewhere else" when this Angel Doorman comes over and says "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar?  Yeah, your ticket is over there at the will call window"
 
2017-12-07 09:11:55 AM  
" I don't reall want to be part of your cult religion"

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 09:12:08 AM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Although it's weird and stupid, you gotta have to admit it's a pretty cool thing for them to do.  I mean, imagine they are right.  There you are standing there waiting to get into the pearly gates looking back over your life thinking "there must have been a clerical error here...I should be ughh...somewhere else" when this Angel Doorman comes over and says "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar?  Yeah, your ticket is over there at the will call window"


But then, what if they're wrong and you get into heaven and somebody stops you on a golden street and says, "Hey, we don't let Mormons in here."  And you're all, "But I'm not a Mormon." And then they're like *holds up mirror to your face* "What's with the big 'M' on your forehead?" *trap door opens* And you go, "Mother Fuuuuu........."  You have to think about these things.
 
2017-12-07 09:17:33 AM  

cryinoutloud: naughtyrev: Of course they did, and that's what they're going to do to pretty much any quasi famous person and everyone who uses Ancestry dot com

OK done. I thought I heard something about them doing this for Obama too.

/Much funny, since he's black, LOL, and dem Mormons don't like black people.


No, no God changed his mind about black people in 1978.  The same year BYU was scheduled to get kicked out of the NCAA over discrimination.
 
2017-12-07 09:22:38 AM  
The good news is... it's all meaningless nonsense, so who cares.

Anyone can cast any magic spells on me they like. Hav at it.
 
2017-12-07 09:28:04 AM  
Geez.  They'll take anyone, huh?
 
2017-12-07 09:28:43 AM  

Lady J: The good news is... it's all meaningless nonsense, so who cares.

Anyone can cast any magic spells on me they like. Hav at it.


Expelliarmus Knickerus!
 
2017-12-07 09:29:34 AM  
Yeah, sounds like the kind of kooky shiat they do.

Also, take a minute to realize that things have gotten so bugfark insane that the Mormons seem like one of the more sane and compassionate conservative blocs in the country right now.
 
2017-12-07 09:30:02 AM  
People actually believe in magic. We are in the 21st century and people still think magic is real

Hahahhaha
 
2017-12-07 09:30:12 AM  

Lady J: The good news is... it's all meaningless nonsense, so who cares.

Anyone can cast any magic spells on me they like. Hav at it.


*shrugs*

Well hell, it's going to end up a flame war anyway...

*casts Polymorph to turn Lady J into a red dragon*
 
2017-12-07 09:30:21 AM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Although it's weird and stupid, you gotta have to admit it's a pretty cool thing for them to do.  I mean, imagine they are right.  There you are standing there waiting to get into the pearly gates looking back over your life thinking "there must have been a clerical error here...I should be ughh...somewhere else" when this Angel Doorman comes over and says "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar?  Yeah, your ticket is over there at the will call window"

But then, what if they're wrong and you get into heaven and somebody stops you on a golden street and says, "Hey, we don't let Mormons in here."  And you're all, "But I'm not a Mormon." And then they're like *holds up mirror to your face* "What's with the big 'M' on your forehead?" *trap door opens* And you go, "Mother Fuuuuu........."  You have to think about these things.


Does baptism make you that specific religion?  I thought it was just washing off original sin.  I'm not well versed in such things.
 
2017-12-07 09:31:33 AM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Although it's weird and stupid, you gotta have to admit it's a pretty cool thing for them to do.  I mean, imagine they are right.  There you are standing there waiting to get into the pearly gates looking back over your life thinking "there must have been a clerical error here...I should be ughh...somewhere else" when this Angel Doorman comes over and says "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar?  Yeah, your ticket is over there at the will call window"

But then, what if they're wrong and you get into heaven and somebody stops you on a golden street and says, "Hey, we don't let Mormons in here."  And you're all, "But I'm not a Mormon." And then they're like *holds up mirror to your face* "What's with the big 'M' on your forehead?" *trap door opens* And you go, "Mother Fuuuuu........."  You have to think about these things.

Does baptism make you that specific religion?  I thought it was just washing off original sin.  I'm not well versed in such things.


For the purpose of this particular joke.  Absolutely.
 
2017-12-07 09:32:13 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size


Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
 
2017-12-07 09:32:19 AM  

GRCooper: Lady J: The good news is... it's all meaningless nonsense, so who cares.

Anyone can cast any magic spells on me they like. Hav at it.

Expelliarmus Knickerus!


lol. Get your checkbook out, then we'll talk.

/obviously jk... I'm not stripping for money. Or indeed any other reason.
 
2017-12-07 09:33:38 AM  
You missed the opportunity to use "trump's parents now share the same honor as Adolph Hitler. " as a headline. Low effort. Sad!
 
2017-12-07 09:36:26 AM  

RJReves: You can't baptise dead people!


According to their beliefs, they think they can.

naughtyrev: Of course they did, and that's what they're going to do to pretty much any quasi famous person and everyone who uses Ancestry dot com


This for those of you that didn't already know, they been doing this for decades.  There's a reason they have the biggest family tree database on the planet.
 
2017-12-07 09:36:42 AM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Although it's weird and stupid, you gotta have to admit it's a pretty cool thing for them to do.  I mean, imagine they are right.  There you are standing there waiting to get into the pearly gates looking back over your life thinking "there must have been a clerical error here...I should be ughh...somewhere else" when this Angel Doorman comes over and says "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar?  Yeah, your ticket is over there at the will call window"

But then, what if they're wrong and you get into heaven and somebody stops you on a golden street and says, "Hey, we don't let Mormons in here."  And you're all, "But I'm not a Mormon." And then they're like *holds up mirror to your face* "What's with the big 'M' on your forehead?" *trap door opens* And you go, "Mother Fuuuuu........."  You have to think about these things.

Does baptism make you that specific religion?  I thought it was just washing off original sin.  I'm not well versed in such things.

For the purpose of this particular joke.  Absolutely.


sounds good to me!
 
2017-12-07 09:37:46 AM  
people still don't know what Ancestry.com and MyFamily.com were created for?  LOL

keep sending them your DNA.
 
2017-12-07 09:38:05 AM  
well, bless their hearts.  They do try so very, very hard.
 
2017-12-07 09:41:55 AM  
So there I am in Mormon Heaven telling all those guys about what they missed.  Well, it'll be Heaven for me and, you know, Mormon hell for them.

"Naw.  Really. For five bucks, this hawt chick I don't know grinds on my junk and cries about her kid needing an appendectomy.  I give her a fiver and tell her to take the kid across state lines, dump him at a hospital without ID and then dispute the bill.  She thinks I'ma freaking genuis and gives my junnk and extra couple oof tugs.  Plus I stole her thong.  I told her she kicked it under over there when she was doing the last big grind, you know, where they arch their back and moan like their enjoying it?  Oh, I guess you don't.  Anyhoo, I got home, wrapped the Johnson in the thong, put a plastic bag over my head and went to town.  Yeah.  That's why I'm here. I guess for once, it took me longer than three minutes."
 
2017-12-07 09:42:52 AM  
...and?

Seriously, who cares? Only other religious kooks think that entrance into their "good place" or "bad place" depends on a game of ideological "last taps."
 
2017-12-07 09:43:08 AM  
Little do they know that I:
ln -s /Mormon/LDS/ /CHURCH_OF_SATAN
chown -R devil:devil /CHURCH_OF_SATAN
chmod -R 666 /CHURCH_OF_SATAN

Done with Devil Linux
/😈
 
2017-12-07 09:45:07 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: So there I am in Mormon Heaven telling all those guys about what they missed.  Well, it'll be Heaven for me and, you know, Mormon hell for them.

"Naw.  Really. For five bucks, this hawt chick I don't know grinds on my junk and cries about her kid needing an appendectomy.  I give her a fiver and tell her to take the kid across state lines, dump him at a hospital without ID and then dispute the bill.  She thinks I'ma freaking genuis and gives my junnk and extra couple oof tugs.  Plus I stole her thong.  I told her she kicked it under over there when she was doing the last big grind, you know, where they arch their back and moan like their enjoying it?  Oh, I guess you don't.  Anyhoo, I got home, wrapped the Johnson in the thong, put a plastic bag over my head and went to town.  Yeah.  That's why I'm here. I guess for once, it took me longer than three minutes."


o.0
 
2017-12-07 09:46:08 AM  
Alone and childless as I am, I guess I'm fine with someone (very abstractly) remembering me for 30 seconds after I'm dead.  Shrug.
 
d23 [BareFark]
2017-12-07 09:47:17 AM  

DarnoKonrad: What if hell is just being sentenced to Mormon heaven


No dancing and the booze is made behind a curtain and you aren't allowed to know what is in it.
 
2017-12-07 09:49:15 AM  
They did nothing. Feel free to "baptize" me, my parents, my dog, whatever. Don't care.
 
2017-12-07 09:49:48 AM  
Mitt Romney gonna freak now that Trump is a Mormon
 
2017-12-07 09:50:40 AM  
Who cares
 
2017-12-07 09:50:53 AM  
How is voodoo and religion different?
 
2017-12-07 09:52:51 AM  

winedrinkingman: cryinoutloud: naughtyrev: Of course they did, and that's what they're going to do to pretty much any quasi famous person and everyone who uses Ancestry dot com

OK done. I thought I heard something about them doing this for Obama too.

/Much funny, since he's black, LOL, and dem Mormons don't like black people.

No, no God changed his mind about black people in 1978.  The same year BYU was scheduled to get kicked out of the NCAA over discrimination.


Wow...I thought BYU changed so they could sign Jim McMahon
 
2017-12-07 09:52:55 AM  
Moron Mormons baptize the dead from all over the world to swell the ranks of their invisible sky wizard club.  It's not special that they also baptized trump's folks.  It's all absolutely meaningless.
 
2017-12-07 09:53:04 AM  

Circusdog320: How is voodoo and religion different?


It isn't...voodoo is a religion
 
2017-12-07 09:56:02 AM  

TheSubjunctive: Alone and childless as I am, I guess I'm fine with someone (very abstractly) remembering me for 30 seconds after I'm dead.  Shrug.


Don't you have friends?
 
Displayed 50 of 155 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report