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(Miami Herald)   Tennis instructor who took a 5-year-old's racket away from him and hit the child with it wants the charges dismissed because he was standing his ground against the kid   ( miamiherald.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Miami, instructor Osmailer Torres, Ground self-defense law, 5-year-old child approach, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge, various violent altercations, lawyer Eduardo Pereira, defense lawyer  
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5177 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Dec 2017 at 8:20 AM (32 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-12-06 07:58:45 AM  
If our forefathers could see this, they'd be vomiting whatever chestnut-based food they ate back then.  Are we going to take away the right of an adult athlete to assault a five year old in self-defense?  Really?  What happens when the average five year old finds out that he is free to do as he wishes and will never get clonked on the head with a tennis racket?  Not to mention the above-average five year olds who are even more capable of planning EVIL.  They'll be running everything and we'll be powerless to stop them... EVEN THOSE OF US WITH TENNIS RACKETS.  We'll be standing around helpless while five-year olds slowly absorb all of our private industry and government institutions.  And, they don't have the experience to run a large multinational corporation, not to mention their lack of skill in maintaining the bureaucracy involved with overseeing regulatory agencies.

I predict that, in ten years, we will desperately yearn for a time machine so that we could go back and warn the judge and the world.

Besides that, I don't like the way dogs are, today.  When I was a kid, they had dog-faces.  Now, it's anybody's guess... some have faces like dogs, others have faces like George Gobel... a few look like author Dorothy Parker and NOBODY IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.  And, nothing will be done about it...

The five year olds have seen to that...
 
2017-12-06 08:25:05 AM  
Son of a biatch shot him in the ass!
 
2017-12-06 08:25:17 AM  
Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.
 
2017-12-06 08:28:51 AM  
If I was that kid's daddy, Osmailer Torres would be changing his name to "Ieatthruafeedingtube Torres". Call my kid out for doing the wrong thing? Sure. Kick him out of the class? Fine. Assault my child and I'll show you what your brains look like.
 
2017-12-06 08:29:27 AM  
The real key to stand your ground defense is not to leave a witness who might contradict you.
 
2017-12-06 08:30:10 AM  
Sounds like "zero - love" to me.
 
2017-12-06 08:30:17 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-06 08:30:25 AM  
Was the five year old holding the racket like a guitar or like a sub-machinegun?  It's all in the intent.  Maybe the five year old wanted to play some air-Clapton for the guy.  Maybe he wanted to gun him down, take his wallet and teabag him.
 
2017-12-06 08:31:04 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


Irony:  Learn to recognize it...
 
2017-12-06 08:32:11 AM  
That's not how racketeering really works.
 
2017-12-06 08:32:33 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


... I'm not sure how much more sarcastic bigfatbuddhist coulda been with that, frankly.  Although I guess with the way things are lately, people's ability to tell is a bit damaged.

/gotta say though, a 5 year old can do some frickin' damage.  Known a few that were ... less than socially well adjusted at that age.  Kicking, punching, all kinds of fun shiat - and harder than you'd figure
//that being true though, I can't imagine why the fark you'd need to smack the kid with the racquet after taking it away - no matter how tempting.  (In the past, there were times it woulda been tempting)
///sometimes you gotta stop and remember that they aren't really humans yet as far as how their minds work - no matter how frustrating the little buggers can be
////this is not a fourth slashie: just in case I haven't beaten the point to death yet - no one has any reason to hit a 5 year old with any kind of weapon unless they're engaged in life threatening behavior and there's no other way to stop that
 
2017-12-06 08:36:41 AM  
Shame on the instructor.

Everyone knows the correct response is to beat the tyke 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 and talk shiat and on the way back to the locker room.
 
2017-12-06 08:37:20 AM  
someone should take a deuce in her gym bag
 
2017-12-06 08:38:04 AM  
Pretty sure it's never OK to hit a child. No matter the circumstances. Find the defendant guilty. Sentencing to be conducted at a later date.

All rise, dismissed.

salaryandnetworth.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-06 08:40:04 AM  
Wow, someone actually used the "to be fair, the baby was being a dick" defense IRL.
 
2017-12-06 08:41:48 AM  

fappomatic: If I was that kid's daddy, Osmailer Torres would be changing his name to "Ieatthruafeedingtube Torres". Call my kid out for doing the wrong thing? Sure. Kick him out of the class? Fine. Assault my child and I'll show you what your brains look like.


I hope you like prison, Mr ITG.
 
2017-12-06 08:44:20 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: Irony:  Learn to recognize it...


Do you mean satire maybe?

Regarding the incident this is talking about - I watched the video several times, and I can honestly say that in that grainy mess, were I on the jury, I'd have a hard time convicting on intentional assault.

Yes he swung back, but it really does look like he was trying to take the racquet away and the kid walked into the swing.

The question then becomes one of character - has this guy done things like this before? Does he have a history of violence? Are there any complaints against him? If the answer is no and he has a long history of teaching kids, I'd lean towards "this was an accident"

Seems like the lawyer is relying on the self defense ruling because it's about the only option he has - because when it comes to kids these days, everyone is guilty until they're dead. Sometimes you get proven innocent.

You couldn't pay me enough to work with children. Too likely to get accused of every possible thing.

People suck.
 
2017-12-06 08:45:06 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: And, they don't have the experience to run a large multinational corporation, not to mention their lack of skill in maintaining the bureaucracy involved with overseeing regulatory agencies.


So, pretty much status quo, then?
 
2017-12-06 08:46:19 AM  
This guy made two crucial mistakes which is going to send him up the river:
1. He didn't use a gun, hallowed be thy name, to defend himself
2. He's black
 
2017-12-06 08:46:38 AM  

Arkanaut: Wow, someone actually used the "to be fair, the baby was being a dick" defense IRL.


How many farkers in this thread are thinking about assaulting a five year old right now?

Be honest!
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-06 08:46:56 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-06 08:48:43 AM  
Pretty sure 5-year-olds aren't toddlers. Could just be me though. I'm not one of those fancy college-educated podiatrists.
 
2017-12-06 08:49:30 AM  

AVDev: bigfatbuddhist: Irony:  Learn to recognize it...

Do you mean satire maybe?

Regarding the incident this is talking about - I watched the video several times, and I can honestly say that in that grainy mess, were I on the jury, I'd have a hard time convicting on intentional assault.

Yes he swung back, but it really does look like he was trying to take the racquet away and the kid walked into the swing.

The question then becomes one of character - has this guy done things like this before? Does he have a history of violence? Are there any complaints against him? If the answer is no and he has a long history of teaching kids, I'd lean towards "this was an accident"

Seems like the lawyer is relying on the self defense ruling because it's about the only option he has - because when it comes to kids these days, everyone is guilty until they're dead. Sometimes you get proven innocent.

You couldn't pay me enough to work with children. Too likely to get accused of every possible thing.

People suck.


Oxford defines "satire" as:  The use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
 
2017-12-06 08:49:51 AM  

steklo: Pretty sure it's never OK to hit a child. No matter the circumstances. Find the defendant guilty. Sentencing to be conducted at a later date.

All rise, dismissed.


Spoken like someone who does not currently have a child between 0 and 10 years of age.

/ most kids deserve to be beaten to death many times over
// gotta rise above that, and exhibit self-restraint.
 
2017-12-06 08:51:23 AM  
If the kid is black he should also be guilty of breaking a tennis racquet with his face, just to be safe
 
2017-12-06 08:54:09 AM  
Kid got bruised on the playground. He was fine.

The End

/ In a reasonable world
 
2017-12-06 08:55:02 AM  

rubi_con_man: Spoken like someone who does not currently have a child between 0 and 10 years of age.

/ most kids deserve to be beaten to death many times over
// gotta rise above that, and exhibit self-restraint.


It's why I keep a steady stock of Nyquil and Duct Tape at my house. I really don't want to hit my kids. This is the best option.

/just kidding, I don't use Nyquil. It's really Benadryl.
 
2017-12-06 08:58:26 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


I think he's trying to be PocketNinja but there can be only one.
 
2017-12-06 09:00:09 AM  
I hope this tennis instructor has someone stand their ground against him with a metal baseball bat.
 
2017-12-06 09:02:21 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


You should never post before your first cup of coffee.
 
2017-12-06 09:03:57 AM  
Who the hell hires a tennis instructor for a 5 y/o?
 
2017-12-06 09:04:58 AM  

Lady J: fappomatic: If I was that kid's daddy, Osmailer Torres would be changing his name to "Ieatthruafeedingtube Torres". Call my kid out for doing the wrong thing? Sure. Kick him out of the class? Fine. Assault my child and I'll show you what your brains look like.

I hope you like prison, Mr ITG.


ITGs by definition never face charges.
 
2017-12-06 09:08:39 AM  

steklo: rubi_con_man: Spoken like someone who does not currently have a child between 0 and 10 years of age.

/ most kids deserve to be beaten to death many times over
// gotta rise above that, and exhibit self-restraint.

It's why I keep a steady stock of Nyquil and Duct Tape at my house. I really don't want to hit my kids. This is the best option.

/just kidding, I don't use Nyquil. It's really Benadryl.


Nyquil is for me, Benadryl for the kids.
 
2017-12-06 09:10:56 AM  

Nurglitch: Pretty sure 5-year-olds aren't toddlers. Could just be me though. I'm not one of those fancy college-educated podiatrists.


5-year-olds are only toddlers if they're drunk.
 
2017-12-06 09:15:59 AM  
I am in favor of beating children twice a day.  Even if you don't know what they did wrong, they know what the did wrong.
 
2017-12-06 09:18:57 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


I am 100% serious when I say that I can't tell if you're not getting the joke or I'm not getting the joke.
 
2017-12-06 09:19:33 AM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size

I guess you could say he's Iraqi...
 
2017-12-06 09:24:06 AM  
I have a 3 year old (well 3 and a half now) and if he was at nursery school and went to whack the teacher with some item, and the teacher took that item from him, and then gave him a light whack with it, I would be perfectly fine with it.  Even if it left a slight welt or bruise.  It's not like he's being beaten and abused. He's being taught that people will hit back and that shiat hurts.
 
2017-12-06 09:29:05 AM  

fappomatic: Assault my child and I'll show you what your brains look like.


Your kid runs around hitting kids and adults?

Fark you and your misbegotten offspring.

Come at me bro. We'll see who cries uncle first. Bring the holy terror. Some lessons in life are best learned the hard way.
 
2017-12-06 09:36:05 AM  

fappomatic: Assault my child and I'll show you what your brains look like.


imgc.allpostersimages.comView Full Size



/csb...I actually have this poster hanging in my man-cave.
 
2017-12-06 09:40:45 AM  
Some lessons children learn are harder than others.  The village is helping him grow and learn to go be an asshole someplace else.
 
2017-12-06 09:47:18 AM  
I could buy the "I yanked the racket out of his hands and accidentally hit him" defense if the video didn't show him grab the racquet and smash the kid with it and then send the kid packing holding his arm.

Dudes a lying sack of tennis balls.
 
2017-12-06 09:51:51 AM  
That'll teach that kid to stop making such a racket.
 
2017-12-06 10:11:15 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: Looks like bigfatbuddhist took the click bait, made a series of assumptions based on it, and decided to go off on a rant worthy of a fox news conservative blonde "commentator" based on that.


Internet humor...do you even?
 
2017-12-06 10:51:21 AM  
Look.  The answer is pretty clear in these scenarios right now.  If the kid is being a dick, just grab the kid by the genitalia and then announce your candidacy for public office.  Kid stops being an asshole and you're richer by a few hundred thousand.
 
2017-12-06 11:32:42 AM  
Just like to reiterate 5-year-olds not being toddlers.
 
2017-12-06 11:37:26 AM  
Osmailer?
 
2017-12-06 12:33:21 PM  
Meh.  This is so *not* a court case.
a) Kid wasn't seriously injured. Bumps and bruises are part of most childhoods.
b) If it turn ups kid was actually weaponizing the racquet first.
c) Instructor is not an habitual abuser.
d) if "b)" is true, my pop wouldn't be in court but my ass woulda been beat a lot worse than the instructor gave.

/there are four men in Yorkshire who will agree with me, but try'n tell kids these days and the won't believe ya.
 
2017-12-06 01:14:33 PM  
Teaching a 5 year old tennis? Why?
 
2017-12-06 02:12:10 PM  

jfivealive: I have a 3 year old (well 3 and a half now) and if he was at nursery school and went to whack the teacher with some item, and the teacher took that item from him, and then gave him a light whack with it, I would be perfectly fine with it.  Even if it left a slight welt or bruise.  It's not like he's being beaten and abused. He's being taught that people will hit back and that shiat hurts.


No. If you need to use a weapon to discipline a kid, you're doing it way farking wrong
 
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