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(Fark)   Just cranked "You Could Be Mine" on the home stereo and now the 4 year old is running around saying "cocaine tongue" repeatedly. Wife isnt home yet. Am I in trouble?   ( fark.com) divider line
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315 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 22 Nov 2017 at 12:58 AM (34 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



26 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-11-21 06:03:38 PM  
Teach the kid to say "I want a divorce." It will distract from the cocaine.
 
2017-11-21 06:08:32 PM  
Judging from the Urban Dictionary definition of "cocaine tongue", could be.

Cocaine Tongue, from the Urban Dictionary

As you know cocaine is a kind of bitter drug, someone who's got a cocaine tongue makes you upset and angry when s/he speaks
1.She has a cocaine tongue, I ain't ever gonna talk to her again 

2.get outta my face you really freak me out with your cocaine tongue
#cocaine#tongue#bitter#freak out#pissed off
by Arman Vicious October 10, 2006

I does my research and then I does my speel.
 
2017-11-21 06:10:37 PM  
Of course, it all depends on whether the kid has tired itself out by the time your wife gets home, whether she knows what cocaine tongue is supposed to mean, whether she is in one of her moods, etc.

So many variables.

Reenforces my believe that the world is chaos with only a narrow edge of order called life.
 
2017-11-21 06:13:16 PM  
Alternatively, act as confused as she is and blame whoever does childcare. Set up meetings and angrily confront them about their drug use.
 
2017-11-21 06:30:54 PM  
She's not my mother, Todd!
 
2017-11-21 07:01:22 PM  
At least the kid isn't saying "with your biatch slap rapping you get nothing done".
 
2017-11-21 07:01:51 PM  

naughtyrev: Alternatively, act as confused as she is and blame whoever does childcare. Set up meetings and angrily confront them about their drug use.


Damn your good.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2017-11-21 07:15:08 PM  
Don't send the kid to school, pre-school, the doctor, or any place with mandatory reporters who have to inform the authorities that the kid has a parentally-induced drug problem.
 
2017-11-21 07:18:01 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: At least the kid isn't saying "with your biatch slap rapping you get nothing done".


This.
 
2017-11-21 07:28:55 PM  
No, but you'll never have sex again.
 
2017-11-21 07:35:07 PM  
You should let the kid listen to some Bob Marley before your better half gets home...
 
2017-11-21 07:47:46 PM  
Break out the leftover Halloween candy and juice that kid!
 
2017-11-21 08:43:39 PM  
Subby, don't you wish Jimmy Carter was POTUS again? Do you have any Allman Brothers?
 
2017-11-21 08:49:20 PM  

blender61: naughtyrev: Alternatively, act as confused as she is and blame whoever does childcare. Set up meetings and angrily confront them about their drug use.

Damn your good.


I've been successfully avoiding problems of my own creation for decades.
 
2017-11-21 09:42:04 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: At least the kid isn't saying "with your biatch slap rapping you get nothing done".


Or "why you hoes calling here for my daddy?"
 
2017-11-21 10:29:34 PM  

naughtyrev: blender61: naughtyrev: Alternatively, act as confused as she is and blame whoever does childcare. Set up meetings and angrily confront them about their drug use.

Damn your good.

I've been successfully avoiding problems of my own creation for decades.


Preach and spread the word.
 
2017-11-21 11:48:08 PM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: No, but you'll never have sex again.


He already admitted he was married.
 
2017-11-22 01:01:41 AM  

stan unusual: Subby, don't you wish Jimmy Carter was POTUS again? Do you have any Allman Brothers?


Try taking some vitamin B complex, vitamin C complex. If you have a beer, go ahead and drink it.
 
2017-11-22 02:02:21 AM  
There's a rule that the answer to a question in a headline is always no.

This looks like the exception that proves the rule.
 
2017-11-22 04:08:48 AM  
Get another song stuck in her head. The wheels on the bus go round and round... There you go, it's already stuck in yours. ;)
 
2017-11-22 05:07:44 AM  

turboke: Get another song stuck in her head. The wheels on the bus go round and round... There you go, it's already stuck in yours. ;)


♫ The driver on the bus has a cocaine tongue, a cocaine tongue, a cocaine tongue...♫

♫ The baby on the bus...

♫ The mommy on the bus...

♫ The people on the bus...

/raised two sons, raising two grandkids
//this is how it goes
///all through the town
 
2017-11-22 07:03:02 AM  
Subby here.

Wife was out visiting friends in town for the holiday. I was home babysitting my crotchfruit. Decided to play some music and this was first song on playlist. Cranked it up and started singing along. Of all the lyrics in the song, the 4 year old picks up on "cocaine tongue", thinks its funny sounding, and starts running around the house saying it repeatedly. I thought it was hilarious and so I did what any responsible parent would do and immediately went to Fark and started this topic (then watched it languish in the queue all night unable to respond because I don't TF).

GnR was apparently a big hit; I played several of their songs and the house was full of energy and running around and dancing. When I switched to something else, everything kinda died down and the 4 year old stopped saying it. Wife came home a while later and it hasn't been repeated yet. I'm sure it will come out again at some point, but by then, I'll play dumb and blame it on someone/something else. Wife isn't a GnR fan, so she won't be any the wiser.
 
2017-11-22 07:44:17 AM  
The Millennials running around freaked out their parents by singing "Sexual Healing" when they were toddlers. You're good.
 
2017-11-22 08:22:02 AM  

Dick Gozinya: I was home babysitting my crotchfruit.


You mean, looking after your own children?
 
2017-11-22 08:38:37 AM  

Bedstead Polisher: Dick Gozinya: I was home babysitting my crotchfruit.

You mean, looking after your own children?


Yes. I know its a novel concept these days, a parent taking responsibility for their kids.
 
2017-11-22 09:52:01 AM  

Dick Gozinya: Bedstead Polisher: Dick Gozinya: I was home babysitting my crotchfruit.

You mean, looking after your own children?

Yes. I know its a novel concept these days, a parent taking responsibility for their kids.


I think they meant that a father doesn't babysit their own kids, they just be a father.
 
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