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(Some Wanker)   So, subby got a UV flashlight.... What's the best way to remove stains that glow under a blacklight from furniture?   ( lmgtfy.com) divider line
    More: Awkward  
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415 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 05 Nov 2017 at 2:26 PM (37 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-11-05 01:25:08 PM  
A bonfire should do the trick.
 
2017-11-05 01:27:20 PM  
You can never unsee those sort of stains
 
2017-11-05 01:27:35 PM  
Sperm. Definitely sperm.
 
2017-11-05 01:27:47 PM  
Turn off the light.
 
2017-11-05 01:29:29 PM  
DO A BARREL ROLL
 
2017-11-05 01:37:16 PM  
And to prevent further stains... aim for your chest Subby.
 
2017-11-05 01:43:04 PM  
I don't know how to get rid of them.  I do know how to avoid them.  Pay the hooker and let her go home and don't stab her, you cheapskate.
 
2017-11-05 01:47:28 PM  
Subby, ignore everything.  Your answer is Folex.

mobileimages.lowes.comView Full Size


Just pour over a stain and put paper towels on top with a weight.  You're welcome.
 
2017-11-05 02:10:00 PM  
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:18:42 PM  
autogiga.comView Full Size
autogiga.comView Full Size
autogiga.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:24:51 PM  

TheOmni: Turn off the light.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:32:06 PM  
People, we need assurances from someone (not the subby) that we're not talking about blood.
 
2017-11-05 02:36:14 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:37:57 PM  
img.buzzfeed.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:38:22 PM  

yakmans_dad: People, we need assurances from someone (not the subby) that we're not talking about blood.


Blood, per se, is not a problem. It's the amount of blood that would be an issue.
 
2017-11-05 02:45:02 PM  
You ain't got no problem, subby. I'm on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them nubians out, and wait for the cavalry, which should be coming directly.
 
2017-11-05 02:45:22 PM  
Cat piss.  Get a mean dog.
 
2017-11-05 02:46:54 PM  
Heh.

I had three letters of that changed and, nubians?
 
2017-11-05 02:47:04 PM  
I'm thinking burning the place to the ground might work.
 
2017-11-05 02:52:20 PM  
Except no substitutes....
img.fark.netView Full Size


Protein Stain Remover
Youtube hig118LV2LQ
 
2017-11-05 02:52:26 PM  
Stop doing it on the couch
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2017-11-05 02:53:13 PM  
yakmans_dad: People, we need assurances from someone (not the subby) that we're not talking about blood.

I took my car in for detailing. Asked if they could get the stain off the passenger seat.

"Do you know what it is?"

"Blood."

I could tell he wanted to know, but didn't want to know. So he just asked, "Fresh?"

"Less than two weeks old."

"No problem."
 
2017-11-05 02:53:40 PM  

Man On A Mission: yakmans_dad: People, we need assurances from someone (not the subby) that we're not talking about blood.

Blood, per se, is not a problem. It's the amount of blood that would be an issue.


Enough to paint the walls with?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 02:56:48 PM  
Stop nutting on the furniture.
 
2017-11-05 02:59:51 PM  
Another solution: make sure every surface is completely covered in stains.
 
2017-11-05 03:00:31 PM  
Craigslist.
 
2017-11-05 03:01:18 PM  

Army dude: Stop nutting on the furniture.


Whoa.... let's not go saying things we can't take back.
 
2017-11-05 03:04:47 PM  
Call in these cops!

CSI Searches for Semen with Blacklight
Youtube b266NeGU15I
 
2017-11-05 03:05:01 PM  
Anent blood, I've never tried  this with furniture, but I used to have a problem with nosebleed at night and would need to get blood stains out of my pillowcase. Hydrogen peroxide was a champ. Disclaimer: I never checked the results under UV. For all I know, under UV, the bed looks Andrew Borden slept there.
 
2017-11-05 03:05:16 PM  
I bought one from amazon years ago for amusement purposes (posters, reflective paint, etc).

UV light causes a lot of things to glow, not just blood/semen/etc.

// it also causes common household dust and fuzz from most textiles to glow. Works really well to let me know when too much dust has built up on countertops and television sets.

// I have this one (https://www.amazon.com/Escolite-Flas​hl​ight-Ultraviolet-Blacklight-Detector/d​p/B008133KB4/ref=cm_wl_huc_item)

images-na.ssl-images-amazon.comView Full Size


And it falls into the 'do not stare into with remaining eye' category.
 
2017-11-05 03:09:50 PM  
^ also, the ad copy in the amazon images is hilarious
Especially the bit about scorpions having 'no place to hide'.

If scorpions are hiding in your house well enough that you need a UV flashlight to highlight them, well ... I dunno.
 
2017-11-05 03:12:10 PM  

ZAZ: yakmans_dad: People, we need assurances from someone (not the subby) that we're not talking about blood.

I took my car in for detailing. Asked if they could get the stain off the passenger seat.

"Do you know what it is?"

"Blood."

I could tell he wanted to know, but didn't want to know. So he just asked, "Fresh?"

"Less than two weeks old."

"No problem."


I had that happen with a girl I wasn't dating in college.

I mean, she was having her period.

She's still alive. I swear!
 
2017-11-05 03:13:17 PM  
Use diet tonic water.
 
2017-11-05 03:16:38 PM  

zimbach: Use diet tonic water.


As lube?
 
2017-11-05 03:20:25 PM  
It works on under wear should work on the couch as well.
Billy Mays "Chipotlaway" Commercial (South Park)
Youtube aU52dvVvt_o
 
2017-11-05 03:22:00 PM  
A nice even coat of more semen should cover it up quite nicely.
 
2017-11-05 03:29:38 PM  

DannyBrandt: zimbach: Use diet tonic water.

As lube?


That tickles!
 
2017-11-05 03:38:13 PM  

jasonvatch: DannyBrandt: zimbach: Use diet tonic water.

As lube?

That tickles!


You have to take it out of the bottle!
 
2017-11-05 03:39:30 PM  

festus: Call in these cops!

[YouTube video]


Gah, beat me to it

/so to speak
 
2017-11-05 03:46:42 PM  
And now I'm wondering what jerking off with tonic water would be like.

Maybe add some pop-rocks.
 
2017-11-05 04:17:17 PM  
Maybe cover it up with shoe polish?
 
2017-11-05 04:37:00 PM  

lordargent: UV light causes a lot of things to glow, not just blood/semen/etc.


A friend uses one to find phosphorescent minerals
We came with us camping one time and brought it out on a trail at night.
He found used condoms and a broken orange cockring.
 
2017-11-05 05:07:13 PM  

optikeye: lordargent: UV light causes a lot of things to glow, not just blood/semen/etc.

A friend uses one to find phosphorescent minerals
We came with us camping one time and brought it out on a trail at night.
He found used condoms and a broken orange cockring.


Camps there often, then?
 
2017-11-05 05:17:58 PM  
Honest answer: any oxy based cleaner will do it.

Out! Oxy for pets works great.

Saturate, wait 10 minutes, blot up, rinse with fresh water, blot again, allow to dry.
 
2017-11-05 05:24:21 PM  

DannyBrandt: You ain't got no problem, subby. I'm on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them nubians out, and wait for the cavalry, which should be coming directly.


applause.gif
 
2017-11-05 05:50:24 PM  
Get some fabuloso
 
2017-11-05 06:05:41 PM  
Just use what they use in the Havana American embassy.
 
2017-11-05 07:03:23 PM  
ravenfoundation.orgView Full Size



SEMEN!
 
2017-11-05 07:28:14 PM  
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-06 08:47:56 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
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