If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NFL)   Are the 7-1 Eagles ready to Brock? How big of a dumpster fire will we get in Houston? Who the FARK booked Dolphins/Raiders for Sunday Night? Your NFL Week 9 thread begins @ 1pm EST on CBS, FOX   ( nfl.com) divider line
    More: Live, Nov, National Football League, TICKETS, Sun, Pittsburgh, fox GET TICKETS, Indianapolis Colts, 1979  
•       •       •

335 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 05 Nov 2017 at 12:00 PM (36 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



1628 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | » | Newest

 
2017-11-05 12:36:32 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


GOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING FARK DOT COM!!! XD



Hope you enjoyed your extra hour of sleep. Unless your one of those dopes who set their clocks FORWARD an hour. By now, you're probably ready to kill someone. :P

Well, DON'T! You'll miss the football action courtesy of the National Football League! This is Captain Steroid's...

img.fark.netView Full Size



My picks for today are as follows:

- No DeShawn Watson means Colts and Texans ends in a 3-3 tie! Bring booze! :-(

- Jaguars assert their territorial dominance over the Bengals in Cat Bowl 2K17!

- No salvation for pirates! Saints top the Buccaneers in N'awlins!

- L.A. Rams headbutt the N.Y. Giants!

- Panthers further embarrass the Falcons in their broken-ass new stadium! XD

- Eagles fall to Brock "The Last Resort" Osweiler and his PONIES! :D

- Titans toppled by Baltimore! Quoth the Ravens, "5-4!"

- UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

- Seahawks win over the [REDACTED]! Dan Snyder sucks!

- Chiefs pick off the Dallas Cowboys from the School Book Depository building!

- Dolphins drown the Raiders on a rare Sunday edition of Waste Management's "Dumpster Fire of the Weektm"!

Those are my picks for today. As always, use them if you want, but don't blame me if you get them wrong. ^_-
 
2017-11-05 12:40:19 AM  

Captain Steroid: Unless your one of those dopes who set their clocks FORWARD an hour.


Dammit! I thought I fixed that! :-(
 
2017-11-05 04:05:13 AM  

Captain Steroid: - Chiefs pick off the Dallas Cowboys from the School Book Depository building!

That's a proven way to get ahead
 
2017-11-05 04:57:54 AM  
I get to work later. So, yay. At least there's bad football to watch! Hopefully some of it isn't bad.
 
2017-11-05 05:58:32 AM  
BREAKING NEWS:

The Cleveland Browns have managed to lose to their bye week by a score of 2 to 0.  The bye week scored a safety when the Browns managed to spike the ball in their own end zone while prematurely celebrating their trade of two draft picks for Cincinnati backup quarterback AJ McCarron.  Due to the resulting penalty, the clock ran out before the trade could be completed.

As a result, the Browns are on track to become the first 0 and 17 team in NFL history.
 
2017-11-05 08:27:56 AM  

Captain Steroid: Eagles fall to Brock "The Last Resort" Osweiler and his PONIES! :D


You are a very funny man.
 
2017-11-05 08:36:06 AM  
In SNF's defense, when Tannehill was in one piece and Ajayi was a Dolphin, and the Raiders were still coming off a decent year, this made sense.
 
2017-11-05 09:16:43 AM  
Fire.  Todd.  Haley.

And I'm hoping Houston's troubles cause the termination of Bill O'Brien.
 
2017-11-05 11:49:30 AM  

Hardy-r-r: Captain Steroid: - Chiefs pick off the Dallas Cowboys from the School Book Depository building!
That's a proven way to get ahead


i1182.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 12:05:54 PM  
Pittsburgh's on a bye, but I'm hoping that they will still increase their lead in the AFC North. As I have expressed before, I hope the damn Ratbirds never win another game for the entirety of their existence and that the franchise folds. Alas, that's more likely to happen to the team in the city Modell betrayed, but one can still hope.
 
2017-11-05 12:10:34 PM  
 
2017-11-05 12:10:58 PM  
Well, no Steelers and I ain't watching the Eagles. It's raining all day so I'll just be productive and do the summer/winter clothes switch up.
Look out closets, here I come!
 
2017-11-05 12:12:26 PM  
Hai all!  Won't be commenting much until the Redskins game....see ya then! :)
 
2017-11-05 12:12:34 PM  
Did you guys see Young Sheldon speaking to all young NFL quarterbacks?
 
2017-11-05 12:12:49 PM  

jaylectricity: So it's still entirely possible that Garrappalo will be the Patriots QB of the future.


If they don't re-sign him at the end of the season, or trade him for a pick higher than what they gave up for him, every single person in that entire organization should be executed
 
2017-11-05 12:12:50 PM  
Dolphins drown the Raiders on a rare Sunday edition of Waste Management's "Dumpster Fire of the Weektm"!

I hope so.  Both teams are coming off losses and need a win.  I'll be out of the house most of the day running errands, and going out with friends tonight, so I'll probably miss most of the games.  Happy football Sunday to everyone else!

GO FISH!
 
2017-11-05 12:13:55 PM  

Captain Steroid: - Eagles fall to Brock "The Last Resort" Osweiler and his PONIES! :D

Those are my picks for today. As always, use them if you want, but don't blame me if you get them wrong. ^_-


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 12:16:30 PM  
Zeke Elliot will pound the chiefs like they were his girlfriend
 
2017-11-05 12:17:48 PM  
Hrm, a young quarterback with a propencity for bad decisions on the football field versus a defense looking to firmly state "Yes we are really for real, for real guys".

Let's say I'm hoping the Saints buries the Bucs early so we get the full Famous Jaemis experience.
 
2017-11-05 12:17:56 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Pittsburgh's on a bye, but I'm hoping that they will still increase their lead in the AFC North. As I have expressed before, I hope the damn Ratbirds never win another game for the entirety of their existence and that the franchise folds. Alas, that's more likely to happen to the team in the city Modell betrayed, but one can still hope.


Had Art Model stayed in Cleveland we'd likely be looking at the 7 time SB champion Cleveland Browns.
 
2017-11-05 12:19:11 PM  
It's double bye day for me. Haven't even looked to see what the football gods are giving me for "enteryainment" today,  seeing as they can't possibly give me another AFC East game.
 
2017-11-05 12:22:19 PM  

lindalouwho: Well, no Steelers and I ain't watching the Eagles. It's raining all day so I'll just be productive and do the summer/winter clothes switch up.
Look out closets, here I come!


Irony of ironies... on a day that Pittsburgh is on a bye the Eagles are blacked out here by the Rats. After years of hearing Eagles fans calling us whiners because the Rats black Pittsburgh out almost weekly they get their turn and the furor is deafening around here.

Go to a bar like we have to almost every damn week and shut the fark up.
 
2017-11-05 12:27:16 PM  

jaylectricity: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Pittsburgh's on a bye, but I'm hoping that they will still increase their lead in the AFC North. As I have expressed before, I hope the damn Ratbirds never win another game for the entirety of their existence and that the franchise folds. Alas, that's more likely to happen to the team in the city Modell betrayed, but one can still hope.

Had Art Model stayed in Cleveland we'd likely be looking at the 7 time SB champion Cleveland Browns.


I think we can thank the Irsays for vacating Baltimore with their Colts and heading to Indy.Without that you wouldnt have seen Baltimorians with tears in their eyes over losing their team and trading in all their empathy and humanity for a new attitude of" FARK the world Imma burn this sucker down and make somebody else cry by stealing THEIR mnotherfuqing team." You can see and feel that same sorta broken logic evil Satanic vibe today in the eyes of Seattle Supersonics fans.
 
2017-11-05 12:27:49 PM  
BREAKING NEWS:

URGENT - IMMEDIATE BROADCAST REQUESTED
Tornado Watch Number 511
NWS Storm Prediction Center Norman OK
1210 PM EST Sun Nov 5 2017
The NWS Storm Prediction Center has issued a

* Tornado Watch for portions of
Central Indiana
Northern and Western Ohio
Lake Erie

* Effective this Sunday afternoon and evening from 1210 PM until 700 PM EST.

* Primary threats include...
A few tornadoes possible
Scattered large hail likely with isolated very large hail events to 2 inches in diameter possible
Scattered damaging wind gusts to 70 mph likely

SUMMARY...Thunderstorms are intensifying over Indiana, and will track eastward across the watch this afternoon and early evening. Damaging wind gusts and a few tornadoes are the main threats.

The tornado watch area is approximately along and 75 statute miles east and west of a line from 15 miles southeast of Bloomington IN to 45 miles west northwest of Cleveland OH. For a complete depiction of the watch see the associated watch outline update (WOUS64 KWNS WOU1).

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

REMEMBER...A Tornado Watch means conditions are favorable for tornadoes and severe thunderstorms in and close to the watch area. Persons in these areas should be on the lookout for threatening weather conditions and listen for later statements and possible warnings.  In the event of tornado or funnel cloud sightings, persons in the vicinity of Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana, or FirstEnergy Stadium in Cleveland, Ohio, should evacuate to those facilities, as there will be no touchdowns there.

/the warning is real
//the italicized and underlined part is NOT
///but it nevertheless is still true
 
2017-11-05 12:28:26 PM  
I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. And by that I mean, I had a shot or two of whiskey a couple hours ago and I foresee a small amount of maintenance buzzing the rest of the day.
 
2017-11-05 12:28:59 PM  
OHHAIGUIZE!

Since I know you're ALL just waiting...panting...with baited breathless anticipation over my picks for the week, let's get them out here early:
img.fark.netView Full Size
It looks like the Pathers/Failcons is the only remotely competitive game of the early slate ... bleh.

Ah well. First world problems.

SO what else is going on, gang? Let's see...my house smells like garlic and soy sauce, as I'm trying out my new dehydrator:
img.fark.netView Full Size

By the time the late game kicks off, I'll either have teriyaki jerky or food poisoning. We'll see.

Let's see, what else. Oh, yea, I managed to mangle my right thumb with a box grater yesterday. I shiat you not, I have no idea how the hell I managed this one. I mean, this is extreme derp even for *me*. So it took like an hour to get the bleeding stop, and I've got butterfly bandages smooshing the bits of it back together....I'm hoping I don't need to go get staples later in the week.

What else.

I tried out the new Wolfenstein Colossus game this morning. Briefly, anyways. 15 minutes of crappy cutscenes with bad animation and worse model work that dumps you unceremoniously into a bad UI with crappy controller-esque movement keys that you can't remap? fark that noise. Thank goodness Steam is good about refunds, so I got my $80 back.

What's new in y'alls worlds?
 
2017-11-05 12:29:21 PM  

mikaloyd: jaylectricity: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Pittsburgh's on a bye, but I'm hoping that they will still increase their lead in the AFC North. As I have expressed before, I hope the damn Ratbirds never win another game for the entirety of their existence and that the franchise folds. Alas, that's more likely to happen to the team in the city Modell betrayed, but one can still hope.

Had Art Model stayed in Cleveland we'd likely be looking at the 7 time SB champion Cleveland Browns.

I think we can thank the Irsays for vacating Baltimore with their Colts and heading to Indy.Without that you wouldnt have seen Baltimorians with tears in their eyes over losing their team and trading in all their empathy and humanity for a new attitude of" FARK the world Imma burn this sucker down and make somebody else cry by stealing THEIR mnotherfuqing team." You can see and feel that same sorta broken logic evil Satanic vibe today in the eyes of Seattle Supersonics fans.


I think people are sick of all the winning the Supersonics have done over the last decade.
 
2017-11-05 12:33:07 PM  
Well after watching the Bills get embarrassed, it's time to root for my FF team.

Go Isotopes!
i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 12:34:59 PM  

xaks: OHHAIGUIZE!

Since I know you're ALL just waiting...panting...with baited breathless anticipation over my picks for the week, let's get them out here early:
[img.fark.net image 834x1500]It looks like the Pathers/Failcons is the only remotely competitive game of the early slate ... bleh.

Ah well. First world problems.

SO what else is going on, gang? Let's see...my house smells like garlic and soy sauce, as I'm trying out my new dehydrator:
[img.fark.net image 850x1133]
By the time the late game kicks off, I'll either have teriyaki jerky or food poisoning. We'll see.

Let's see, what else. Oh, yea, I managed to mangle my right thumb with a box grater yesterday. I shiat you not, I have no idea how the hell I managed this one. I mean, this is extreme derp even for *me*. So it took like an hour to get the bleeding stop, and I've got butterfly bandages smooshing the bits of it back together....I'm hoping I don't need to go get staples later in the week.

What else.

I tried out the new Wolfenstein Colossus game this morning. Briefly, anyways. 15 minutes of crappy cutscenes with bad animation and worse model work that dumps you unceremoniously into a bad UI with crappy controller-esque movement keys that you can't remap? fark that noise. Thank goodness Steam is good about refunds, so I got my $80 back.

What's new in y'alls worlds?


That thing looks way too big. (TWSS)
 
2017-11-05 12:35:13 PM  

mikaloyd: jaylectricity: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Pittsburgh's on a bye, but I'm hoping that they will still increase their lead in the AFC North. As I have expressed before, I hope the damn Ratbirds never win another game for the entirety of their existence and that the franchise folds. Alas, that's more likely to happen to the team in the city Modell betrayed, but one can still hope.

Had Art Model stayed in Cleveland we'd likely be looking at the 7 time SB champion Cleveland Browns.

I think we can thank the Irsays for vacating Baltimore with their Colts and heading to Indy.Without that you wouldnt have seen Baltimorians with tears in their eyes over losing their team and trading in all their empathy and humanity for a new attitude of" FARK the world Imma burn this sucker down and make somebody else cry by stealing THEIR mnotherfuqing team." You can see and feel that same sorta broken logic evil Satanic vibe today in the eyes of Seattle Supersonics fans.


Baltimore never had any empathy when it came to the Colts. By all means, look up the history of the move. Keywords: Baltodome, Hyman Pressman, Question P, and eminent domain.

I refuse to let Baltimore pretend that they got screwed so it was OK to screw Cleveland. They allowed it to happen and in fact made it inevitable.
 
2017-11-05 12:37:16 PM  

Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!


This would not surprise me.
 
2017-11-05 12:39:09 PM  
Cool old school boombox.

I went in to Newbury Comics yesterday and found that they're selling cassette tapes. Stuff that came out when cassette tapes were the rule.

And they were selling a mix-tape which I'm sure is completely illegal. They took a blank tape, recorded a bunch of songs on it and the track list was hand-written on the cover. But there were two of them, kind of identical.

As I type this I wonder if it's a commercially produced mixtape designed to look like your friend made it for you.
 
2017-11-05 12:40:12 PM  
Oh FFS. Guardians of the Galaxy.

I take back my respect for Newbury Comics.
 
2017-11-05 12:41:03 PM  

ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.


The Niners and LOLPhins feel like surprises waiting to happen
 
2017-11-05 12:41:45 PM  

ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.


Says a lot when you trust Jimmy G to come out better after 1 week in the system, without his primary receiver, than Drew Stanton on permanent standby behind the ever breakable Carson Palmer.
 
2017-11-05 12:41:56 PM  
OK, I need to go grab some celery for my pot roast.

If you asked me in week 3 how excited I'd be to see the Broncos play the Eagles I'd say very. Because it's so very.

But alas, the Donkies are not looking good and they're in Philadelphia. Which means they'll win in a blowout because that's what the NFL is scripting this year.
 
2017-11-05 12:42:18 PM  

xaks: ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.

The Niners and LOLPhins feel like surprises waiting to happen


Which technically wouldn't be surprises if we're expecting them to surprise.

cdn.antiquiet.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-05 12:42:46 PM  

FriarReb98: ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.

Says a lot when you trust Jimmy G to come out better after 1 week in the system, without his primary receiver, than Drew Stanton on permanent standby behind the ever breakable Carson Palmer.


Is he playing today? I thought they were going to give him another week of practice to get on the same page.
 
2017-11-05 12:43:42 PM  

xaks: OHHAIGUIZE!
What's new in y'alls worlds?


I have that same Oneida timer. I don't know what the hell I did with the temp probe though.

My excitement has been my dog getting skunked Monday. My other dog got skunked the week before and my basement flooding the week before that. So my house stinks really bad right now.

I was seeing that farking skunk in my yard at least three times a week. Now the trapper came out and set a trap on Wednesday and all I've caught so far is a squirrel and a racoon this morning.

The guy told me what bait to use and how to do it. (liver sausage and grape jelly wrapped in tin foil) so I didn't have to pay $75 for them to come out and re-bait. I would take care of it myself but I don't think my neighbors  would appreciate me firing a shotgun in my back yard in the middle of the night.

I'm taking today off and doing nothing but drinking beer and watching football.
 
2017-11-05 12:45:08 PM  

null: BREAKING NEWS:

The Cleveland Browns have managed to lose to their bye week by a score of 2 to 0.  The bye week scored a safety when the Browns managed to spike the ball in their own end zone while prematurely celebrating their trade of two draft picks for Cincinnati backup quarterback AJ McCarron.  Due to the resulting penalty, the clock ran out before the trade could be completed.

As a result, the Browns are on track to become the first 0 and 17 team in NFL history.


Ya know the Browns are still paying Brock to not play for them, what's up with that?
 
2017-11-05 12:45:38 PM  

FriarReb98: ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.

Says a lot when you trust Jimmy G to come out better after 1 week in the system, without his primary receiver, than Drew Stanton on permanent standby behind the ever breakable Carson Palmer.


Yeah, it says I'm depressed and naturally pessimistic about our chances.  Sometimes being pessimistic in situations like this is the best way for fans of teams outside the top 16 to keep their sanity.
 
2017-11-05 12:45:50 PM  
xfinity's blurb on our late game:

The Chiefs and Cowboys square off for just the fourth time in the 2000s. Dallas has won two of those three games, despite playing twice on the road.

So checking the scores, the Cowboys won at home and went 1-1 at KC. That second sentence would have more meaning if they won both road games.
 
2017-11-05 12:46:42 PM  
I have no feeling about this Titans vs Ravens game, other than i'm excited we might finally see Corey Davis again.
 
2017-11-05 12:46:55 PM  
OK, for real this time, I'm heading to the grocery store. I just bought an album of today's rap crap. A$AP Ferg...Trap Lord. Don't give a shiat about the lyrics. Only thing that matters is the thumping beat on the subwoofers in my work van.
 
2017-11-05 12:47:34 PM  

AdamK: null: BREAKING NEWS:

The Cleveland Browns have managed to lose to their bye week by a score of 2 to 0.  The bye week scored a safety when the Browns managed to spike the ball in their own end zone while prematurely celebrating their trade of two draft picks for Cincinnati backup quarterback AJ McCarron.  Due to the resulting penalty, the clock ran out before the trade could be completed.

As a result, the Browns are on track to become the first 0 and 17 team in NFL history.

Ya know the Browns are still paying Brock to not play for them, what's up with that?


They are gonna regret that if Brock Lobster leads the Ponies to victory, that's all I can say.

Ownership went ballistic after the trade failed to go through, Dee Haslam was apparently flipping tables....
 
2017-11-05 12:47:34 PM  

abhorrent1: xaks: OHHAIGUIZE!
What's new in y'alls worlds?

I have that same Oneida timer. I don't know what the hell I did with the temp probe though.

My excitement has been my dog getting skunked Monday. My other dog got skunked the week before and my basement flooding the week before that. So my house stinks really bad right now.

I was seeing that farking skunk in my yard at least three times a week. Now the trapper came out and set a trap on Wednesday and all I've caught so far is a squirrel and a racoon this morning.

The guy told me what bait to use and how to do it. (liver sausage and grape jelly wrapped in tin foil) so I didn't have to pay $75 for them to come out and re-bait. I would take care of it myself but I don't think my neighbors  would appreciate me firing a shotgun in my back yard in the middle of the night.

I'm taking today off and doing nothing but drinking beer and watching football.


Now I'm picturing you drinking beer and watching football with a shotgun in your lap ready to take care of that danged 'ol skunk whenever he shows up.
 
2017-11-05 12:48:38 PM  

AdamK: null: BREAKING NEWS:

The Cleveland Browns have managed to lose to their bye week by a score of 2 to 0.  The bye week scored a safety when the Browns managed to spike the ball in their own end zone while prematurely celebrating their trade of two draft picks for Cincinnati backup quarterback AJ McCarron.  Due to the resulting penalty, the clock ran out before the trade could be completed.

As a result, the Browns are on track to become the first 0 and 17 team in NFL history.

Ya know the Browns are still paying Brock to not play for them, what's up with that?


Guaranteed contracts, baby. Yea, offset by the amount he's getting from Denver, but since they signed him for the minimum, Cleveland's Factory of Sadness is pumping an extra million a week out to the kid
 
2017-11-05 12:48:45 PM  
Football or catching up on 'The Good Place'?
 
2017-11-05 12:49:12 PM  

jaylectricity: FriarReb98: ariseatex: Captain Steroid: UPSET ALERT! Jimmy Garoppolo leads 49ers to 1st win of the season over the Cardinals!

This would not surprise me.

Says a lot when you trust Jimmy G to come out better after 1 week in the system, without his primary receiver, than Drew Stanton on permanent standby behind the ever breakable Carson Palmer.

Is he playing today? I thought they were going to give him another week of practice to get on the same page.


I thought i saw that Beat-Hard already got dropped?
 
2017-11-05 12:50:29 PM  

xaks: AdamK: null: BREAKING NEWS:

The Cleveland Browns have managed to lose to their bye week by a score of 2 to 0.  The bye week scored a safety when the Browns managed to spike the ball in their own end zone while prematurely celebrating their trade of two draft picks for Cincinnati backup quarterback AJ McCarron.  Due to the resulting penalty, the clock ran out before the trade could be completed.

As a result, the Browns are on track to become the first 0 and 17 team in NFL history.

Ya know the Browns are still paying Brock to not play for them, what's up with that?

Guaranteed contracts, baby. Yea, offset by the amount he's getting from Denver, but since they signed him for the minimum, Cleveland's Factory of Sadness is pumping an extra million a week out to the kid


I like that people are still pretending that the Browns signed that contract, and didn't simply take it on to eat up useless cap space in exchange for a draft pick
 
Displayed 50 of 1628 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | » | Newest


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report