Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Like a floating red balloon, the 2017 "Fark Scary Stories" thread is waiting for you. Top 10 voted Smart or Funny stories get a sponsored month of TotalFark. We all float down here   (fark.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Danny, 2007 albums, door, Rick, Hot Wheels tracks, room, Danny Nero, house  
•       •       •

5144 clicks; posted to Main » and Discussion » on 31 Oct 2017 at 11:57 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



361 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-11-01 11:59:52 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: Harlee: The concept of this came to me last Wednesday, from a casual remark I saw in an online comment, that nobody actually knows what the hell goes on in Heaven

The Methodists say everyone stands around all day singing praises to God.  Which sounds awful.  Which is why, at the age of 10, when I was scammed into thinking I was going to hell by my older brother, it was oddly liberating.  If I had to go to Heaven®, I would no doubt spend every day in Hell regardless, just out of sheer boredom.  That's much more interesting than singing hymns.


I donate to a number of dog-centric charities each year.  When asked why only those and not people ones my reason has been animal charities (at least the ones I donate to) have less Admin expenses so more help goes directly to the intended recipient.

If pressed, I will admit I just prefer animals over people.

If super pressed, kinda drunk, and not on an anonymous forum I will admit that if there is even the slightest chance a person like me can get into heaven, I want a shot at going to the one dogs or ferrets go to.  Running around all day sounds a lot better than hymn singing. *shudder*
 
2017-11-01 12:00:30 PM  

xxBirdMadGirlxx: Skyd1v: Here is mine:

[img.fark.net image 800x640]

Boo.

I now officially hate you: At 7.15 EST this morning, I saw my first 'holiday' themed Target advert on the television.

My second -also Target but a different one, on a different channel- was at 7.22 AM.

::le sigh::


We were at the toy store the day before Halloween letting the kid pick out something for her birthday. Wall to wall Christmas decorations and reminders about when Santa will be there for pictures. Halloween was already being clearanced out.

I love Chrismas, but can I at least take the kid TOTing before moving on to the next holiday?
 
2017-11-01 12:00:36 PM  
Fantastic job, everyone!!!

Tallying votes now.
 
2017-11-01 12:23:52 PM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: ObscureNameHere: farking_texan: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

YES. At least they used to blend in better.

^THIS.   Sorry aspiring writers, but as a long time FARK'er, what made this thread work were short to  reasonable length, contained tales to chill, amuse or creep out.   Not long extended chapter arcs, and this is the first year that I've notice such a prevalence of such things.

You can, of course, post them if you want.  But, know that I (and I suspect many others), are simply rocking the 'Page Down / Page Down' until the walls of text are passed by.

A'yup..

Mayhaps next Halloween, the Admin/Mods could see fit to have both a "Scary (True) Stories" thread and a "Scary Story Writer's" thread (the latter as a new annual tradition)..  Just a thought..


I like this idea as well.
 
2017-11-01 12:27:26 PM  
Wow everyone. This was fantastic as always. Thank everyone for being awesome.

Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.

If you're a TFer and you'd like me to hold your sponsored month for a few weeks, we can do that as well.

Smartest
GRCooper (TF) with 92 votes (waiting)
Uncle Eazy (TF)(repeat from Funniest) with 55 votes (waiting)
DoBeDoBeLurk with 41 votes (gifted)
ms_lara_croft (TF) with 32 votes (waiting)
TheLastFrontiersman with 32 votes (gifted)
toraque (TF) with 31 votes (waiting)
hobbes0022 with 26 votes (sponsored)
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Funniest) with 24 votes (sponsored)
Fireproof with 23 votes (sponsored)
SomeFarkinFarmgirl with 21 votes (sponsored)
--------------------------------------​-----
Flt209er with 21 votes
Psychopusher (TF) with 20 votes
tenalquot with 19 votes
Free Radical with 18 votes
girlygirlmpls with 18 votes
Harry Freakstorm (BF) with 18 votes

Funniest
mikaloyd with 51 votes (sponsored)
thatguyoverthere70 (TF) with 48 votes (waiting)
Uncle Eazy (TF)(repeat from Smartest) with 43 votes (waiting)
nmrsnr (TF) with 34 votes (waiting)
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Smartest AND Funniest) with 30 votes (already sponsored so waiting)
blatz514 (TF) with 29 votes (waiting)
SlipWilly with 29 votes (sponsored)
cman (TF) with 25 votes (waiting)
Mentat (TF) with 21 votes (waiting)
wademh (TF) with 20 votes (waiting)
----------------------------------
Double_B (TF) with 18 votes
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Smartest AND Funniest) with 16 votes
Clemkadidlefark (BF) with 14 votes
GRCooper (TF) with 14 votes
kdawg7736 (TF) with 14 votes
Gergesa with 14 votes
BullBearMS with 13 votes
dragonchild (TF) with 13 vote
Parthenogenetic (again) with 12 votes
tuffsnake(TF) with 12 votes
Jster422 with 11 votes
 
2017-11-01 12:37:21 PM  

Turing_Machine: Wow everyone. This was fantastic as always. Thank everyone for being awesome.

Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.

If you're a TFer and you'd like me to hold your sponsored month for a few weeks, we can do that as well.

Smartest
GRCooper (TF) with 92 votes (waiting)
Uncle Eazy (TF)(repeat from Funniest) with 55 votes (waiting)
DoBeDoBeLurk with 41 votes (gifted)
ms_lara_croft (TF) with 32 votes (waiting)
TheLastFrontiersman with 32 votes (gifted)
toraque (TF) with 31 votes (waiting)
hobbes0022 with 26 votes (sponsored)
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Funniest) with 24 votes (sponsored)
Fireproof with 23 votes (sponsored)
SomeFarkinFarmgirl with 21 votes (sponsored)
--------------------------------------​-----
Flt209er with 21 votes
Psychopusher (TF) with 20 votes
tenalquot with 19 votes
Free Radical with 18 votes
girlygirlmpls with 18 votes
Harry Freakstorm (BF) with 18 votes

Funniest
mikaloyd with 51 votes (sponsored)
thatguyoverthere70 (TF) with 48 votes (waiting)
Uncle Eazy (TF)(repeat from Smartest) with 43 votes (waiting)
nmrsnr (TF) with 34 votes (waiting)
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Smartest AND Funniest) with 30 votes (already sponsored so waiting)
blatz514 (TF) with 29 votes (waiting)
SlipWilly with 29 votes (sponsored)
cman (TF) with 25 votes (waiting)
Mentat (TF) with 21 votes (waiting)
wademh (TF) with 20 votes (waiting)
----------------------------------
Double_B (TF) with 18 votes
Parthenogenetic (repeat from Smartest AND Funniest) with 16 votes
Clemkadidlefark (BF) with 14 votes
GRCooper (TF) with 14 votes
kdawg7736 (TF) with 14 votes
Gergesa with 14 votes
BullBearMS with 13 votes
dragonchild (TF) with 13 vote
Parthenogenetic (again) with 12 votes
tuffsnake(TF) with 12 votes
Jster422 with 11 votes


Congrats to the winners and welcome to TFD!
 
2017-11-01 12:39:34 PM  

witzend52: omg bbq: farking_texan: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

YES. At least they used to blend in better.

probably not, mine was real and put me on the edge of a breakdown but it appears to not be very popular.

But if I wrote a story about the nightmare I had when a Polish gypsy woman cursed me with a Steamer Trunk full of Haunted Dicks it would probably be a slam dunk.
Fake stuff always goes over better, while the real stuff that has really traumatized us has no actual conclusion or reason (unlike stories or movies) so it leaves the reader unable to find that closure.

I just want to say my son had the same reaction to strattera that you did. most frightening time of his life. He did not find out about the (less than 2% of the population who have this) reaction for several years. I'm glad you came through OK.


Didn't have the hallucinations, but I tried Strattera for a while and I got...either really tired or depressed. All my friends would be at the house playing in the pool and I just wanted to grumpily lie on the couch inside and try to nap. Probably because of the whole "gradual ramp up the dosage" thing, I didn't even think it could have been related to the drug, because I had been on it for several weeks at this point. Fortunately, I was only 17 at the time and my mom saw this behavior as a red flag and got me off of it.

I haven't heard the thing about Adderall being banned "offshore" before. I worked on a cruise ship and had it cleared by both the ship's doctor and even his supervisor (some kind of chief medical guy not even on board the ship) once I presented a note from my doctor at home. Maybe it varies from one employer to another.
 
2017-11-01 12:40:24 PM  
Thank you turing machine
 
2017-11-01 12:43:46 PM  

Turing_Machine: Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.


This.  Please pass mine down the list to the next person needing TF.

Thanks again!
 
2017-11-01 12:46:57 PM  
Thanks, Turing_Machine and everyone who voted.
 
2017-11-01 12:48:03 PM  

toraque: Turing_Machine: Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.

This.  Please pass mine down the list to the next person needing TF.

Thanks again!


Ditto and ditto!
 
2017-11-01 1:04:00 PM  

toraque: Turing_Machine: Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.

This.  Please pass mine down the list to the next person needing TF.

Thanks again!


Flt209er has been sponsored by you!
 
2017-11-01 1:06:15 PM  

GRCooper: toraque: Turing_Machine: Having done this for a few years now, I've noticed that some folks who already have TF will pass their sponsored month down to the highest ranking Liter, so you'll notice I have more than 10 in each list.

This.  Please pass mine down the list to the next person needing TF.

Thanks again!

Ditto and ditto!


tenalquot has been sponsored by you!
 
2017-11-01 2:14:11 PM  
I give thanks to both Turing_Machine and toraque! My employer, on the other hand, most definitely does not.
 
2017-11-01 3:16:16 PM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: Not done yet..need to sleep soon and wanna finish up, but wanted to note..

I see we got 'Ted the Caver', a 'Fishy' reference (don't recall iff'n it was a link), the 'Desert Accident' story..all classics..     =)      I don't see the story about 'Danny'..don't think there's a link and too long fer copypasta on a Chromebook, not my story t'do so with anyways..or 'The Dionaea House'..  That one I can link and it's one o'my faves..be warned, it's a rabbit-hole t'be sure..

Hope y'all had a great Halloween and thanks fer all the wonderful/scary tales..real and written..  Off to finish the thread..see you all back next year..!!


Thanks for remembering my story about Danny. I almost reposted it, but some people complained last year that I was overdoing it, so I let it go.

I just noticed that the "More" links under the headline of this thread heavily reference it for some reason (Danny, Hot Wheels tracks, Rick, Danny Nero).

I'm kind of bummed that my entry this year didn't get more votes. Ever notice that posts near the top of the thread get the most votes?
 
2017-11-01 3:43:56 PM  

omg bbq: farking_texan: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

YES. At least they used to blend in better.

probably not, mine was real and put me on the edge of a breakdown but it appears to not be very popular.

But if I wrote a story about the nightmare I had when a Polish gypsy woman cursed me with a Steamer Trunk full of Haunted Dicks it would probably be a slam dunk.
Fake stuff always goes over better, while the real stuff that has really traumatized us has no actual conclusion or reason (unlike stories or movies) so it leaves the reader unable to find that closure.


Nightmares sound less scary when explained.
(Few things more hurtful than someone laughing at your traumatic experience once you screw up the courage to share)
 
2017-11-01 3:57:30 PM  

witzend52: omg bbq: farking_texan: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

YES. At least they used to blend in better.

probably not, mine was real and put me on the edge of a breakdown but it appears to not be very popular.

But if I wrote a story about the nightmare I had when a Polish gypsy woman cursed me with a Steamer Trunk full of Haunted Dicks it would probably be a slam dunk.
Fake stuff always goes over better, while the real stuff that has really traumatized us has no actual conclusion or reason (unlike stories or movies) so it leaves the reader unable to find that closure.

I just want to say my son had the same reaction to strattera that you did. most frightening time of his life. He did not find out about the (less than 2% of the population who have this) reaction for several years. I'm glad you came through OK.


HOLY shiat! For real???
Like he had auditory and visual hallucinations????
I'd be interested to hear about what he experienced if you're ever willing to share.  I've been wavering between thinking I have been going crazy to "it must be the pills" for the last three years
 
2017-11-01 4:02:28 PM  

a particular individual: CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: Not done yet..need to sleep soon and wanna finish up, but wanted to note..

I see we got 'Ted the Caver', a 'Fishy' reference (don't recall iff'n it was a link), the 'Desert Accident' story..all classics..     =)      I don't see the story about 'Danny'..don't think there's a link and too long fer copypasta on a Chromebook, not my story t'do so with anyways..or 'The Dionaea House'..  That one I can link and it's one o'my faves..be warned, it's a rabbit-hole t'be sure..

Hope y'all had a great Halloween and thanks fer all the wonderful/scary tales..real and written..  Off to finish the thread..see you all back next year..!!

Thanks for remembering my story about Danny. I almost reposted it, but some people complained last year that I was overdoing it, so I let it go.

I just noticed that the "More" links under the headline of this thread heavily reference it for some reason (Danny, Hot Wheels tracks, Rick, Danny Nero).

I'm kind of bummed that my entry this year didn't get more votes. Ever notice that posts near the top of the thread get the most votes?


Not a prob..!    =)    ..and, yer story would have even been short, almost, compared to some (that I'm not criticizing fer being such)..as well as, clearly, it's one o'the ones I consider a classic in the FARK tradition..  I did, too, notice the keyword selection and it struck me a bit odd..heh..

As to the bolded, I just figger it's due to time of exposure..  I never had a clue the thread could be available to TFers up to 6 days early..!    0.o    I've always thought along the lines of it going live at something like 00:01 on October 31st..  The early posters have days and days for people to read and vote on..others, like mine, didn't even have 24 hours..      =P
 
2017-11-01 4:26:01 PM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED


As to the bolded, I just figger it's due to time of exposure.. I never had a clue the thread could be available to TFers up to 6 days early..!


It wasn't just available to TF. I saw it on the main page at that time.

Maybe it wasn't *supposed* to be there six days early, but it was.
 
2017-11-01 4:38:31 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED

As to the bolded, I just figger it's due to time of exposure.. I never had a clue the thread could be available to TFers up to 6 days early..!


It wasn't just available to TF. I saw it on the main page at that time.

Maybe it wasn't *supposed* to be there six days early, but it was.


An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.
 
2017-11-01 5:07:24 PM  

Turing_Machine: Wow everyone. This was fantastic as always. Thank everyone for being awesome.


Thank you, Turing_Machine, and Fark as well. ::bows:: See you next year, maybe with something happy.
 
2017-11-01 5:11:09 PM  

a particular individual: An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.


I think participation was really down this year. It had nothing to do with the time of the posting and everything to do with a tab to the right called "Politics" with much greater and more important Horrors.
 
2017-11-01 5:37:55 PM  

basicstock: It had nothing to do with the time of the posting


Go the latest Fark NotNewsletter. Check out the top-voted comments. 90% of them are in the first dozen or so comments.

Maybe that's because the best jokes and comments are the most obvious, so they naturally get posted first. I think it has more to do with people not bothering to read every post in a thread, so people read the first few, and then skip to the end after they've seen what they came for.
 
2017-11-01 5:43:20 PM  

basicstock: a particular individual: An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.

I think participation was really down this year. It had nothing to do with the time of the posting and everything to do with a tab to the right called "Politics" with much greater and more important Horrors.


A link to it was posted on last Wednesday's Writers' Thread. IIRC you could post in it back then.
 
2017-11-01 5:45:38 PM  

omg bbq: witzend52: omg bbq: farking_texan: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

YES. At least they used to blend in better.

probably not, mine was real and put me on the edge of a breakdown but it appears to not be very popular.

But if I wrote a story about the nightmare I had when a Polish gypsy woman cursed me with a Steamer Trunk full of Haunted Dicks it would probably be a slam dunk.
Fake stuff always goes over better, while the real stuff that has really traumatized us has no actual conclusion or reason (unlike stories or movies) so it leaves the reader unable to find that closure.

I just want to say my son had the same reaction to strattera that you did. most frightening time of his life. He did not find out about the (less than 2% of the population who have this) reaction for several years. I'm glad you came through OK.

HOLY shiat! For real???
Like he had auditory and visual hallucinations????
I'd be interested to hear about what he experienced if you're ever willing to share.  I've been wavering between thinking I have been going crazy to "it must be the pills" for the last three years


Well, I mean, a good place to start would be "did it stop when you stopped taking the pills?"
 
2017-11-01 5:48:12 PM  

Kirzania: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

Mine was real. I'm definitely no writer.

/tried
//sad
///sugar crashing now


Oh yeah, not meaning to imply that your story wasn't real. Was talking about the ones written in third person, etc.
 
2017-11-01 5:50:02 PM  

Fireproof: Kirzania: Fireproof: Even as a writer, I have to ask:

Anyone else like these threads better when every story was supposedly real, as opposed to being full of five-page long things that with fictional characters and drafts in the Writers Threads?

Mine was real. I'm definitely no writer.

/tried
//sad
///sugar crashing now

Oh yeah, not meaning to imply that your story wasn't real. Was talking about the ones written in third person, etc.


It's all good. This year's thread may not have lived up to its predecessors but there's always next year.
 
2017-11-01 6:08:55 PM  
This thread has been great reading.
 
2017-11-01 6:41:51 PM  
Turing_Machine, I would like to pass on my TF sponsorship(s) to the next available Liter.

Thank you very much, but I have been, and will be for the near future, too busy to fully partake of the delights of TF, and will remain among my fellow filthy Liters.
 
2017-11-01 7:14:59 PM  

Parthenogenetic: Turing_Machine, I would like to pass on my TF sponsorship(s) to the next available Liter.

Thank you very much, but I have been, and will be for the near future, too busy to fully partake of the delights of TF, and will remain among my fellow filthy Liters.


Actually, you're already a TFer for the next month. Enjoy the tremendous prestige of the TF tag next to your name!
 
2017-11-01 8:07:02 PM  

spoontasic: xxBirdMadGirlxx: Skyd1v: Here is mine:

[img.fark.net image 800x640]

Boo.

I now officially hate you: At 7.15 EST this morning, I saw my first 'holiday' themed Target advert on the television.

My second -also Target but a different one, on a different channel- was at 7.22 AM.

::le sigh::

We were at the toy store the day before Halloween letting the kid pick out something for her birthday. Wall to wall Christmas decorations and reminders about when Santa will be there for pictures. Halloween was already being clearanced out.

I love Chrismas, but can I at least take the kid TOTing before moving on to the next holiday?


I knew a guy who had a ferret. It escaped its cage, and lived in the spaces between the floors of the house. It only came out at night, when it would crawl into his bed and bite him. Bite him on the part of his body that most resembled another ferret. The thought that you might have a part in promoting such an animal to carry on such an act in the hereafter makes you a hero in my books.
 
2017-11-01 9:53:43 PM  

goat012006: This is COMPLETELY 100% true and just happened to me not three hours ago.

After dropping my kids off my kids in the area they were going to loot for their annual candy raid, I came home. Satisfied that they and their friends were safe (my 17 year old son was reluctantly voluntold to accompany them) I settled down in front of the TV with some beers to handle my duties of answering the door for trick or treaters and consuming an admittedly unhealthy amount of alcohol for a Tuesday.

Quick description of my street: it's an average suburban neighborhood. The houses at the beginning of my approximately 200 yard street are fairly "halloweeny" but once you get towards my end the lights are perennially dark. On my end, the residents are aging and generally in the "get off my lawn" stage of their lives. We are the lone exception. That being said, even though we decorate, we rarely get more than a handful of kids coming to our door. Probably because on All Hallows Eve our end of the street is pitch dark.

About two beers in and veering towards 8pm we've gotten no hits. Not a single child has graced our home with their adorable countenances masked in something either fiendish or Strawberry Shortcake, almost cloying sweetness. Sigh, such is our lot at the end of Dacono Drive.

I'm about 3 beers in. It's going down quick. I know it's not an official holiday but something about Halloween always brings a joy to my steadily darkening, aging heart. Perhaps a last tendril of my joyous youth desperately grasping at bygone times. Perhaps I'm not the curmudgeon I like to pose as. As Mike Myers pops out from behind a neatly shorn, suburban bush to stare at Jamie Lee Curtis menacingly on my flat screen, I hear a knock! Oh joy, I think to myself, some pioneering group of thrill seekers has decided to brave my end of the street. Happily, I grab the bag of Dum Dums and the bag of Reese's minis, ready to pretty much dump the whole thing into their plastic pumpkin baskets. What follows affect ...


This f*cked with me more than a little. Well said and well done.
 
2017-11-01 10:02:47 PM  

Nooster: .


This one gave me the willies too. Perhaps you should discuss with CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED....
 
2017-11-01 10:03:28 PM  
And while we're at it, has anyone ever heard anything further from Tharkin (Turkeyfeathers)?
 
2017-11-01 10:40:23 PM  

Honest Geologist: And while we're at it, has anyone ever heard anything further from Tharkin (Turkeyfeathers)?


 Found another by his handle on Sons of Sam Horn website. He claims to be from Maine and is active on that site.
http://sonsofsamhorn.net/index.php?me​m​bers/tharkin.26310/
 
2017-11-01 10:47:49 PM  

a particular individual: Englebert Slaptyback: CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED

As to the bolded, I just figger it's due to time of exposure.. I never had a clue the thread could be available to TFers up to 6 days early..!


It wasn't just available to TF. I saw it on the main page at that time.

Maybe it wasn't *supposed* to be there six days early, but it was.

An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.


..okay, I like that..  I will henceforth always think of FARK as operating on Steampunk principles, behind the curtain..   ;)
 
2017-11-01 10:54:25 PM  

Honest Geologist: And while we're at it, has anyone ever heard anything further from Tharkin (Turkeyfeathers)?


THAT'S the 'Classic' I wanted to include in my list, far above, but couldn't remember..  I'll has'ta make a standing text file to cover for my sketchy memory or sumptin'..   =P
 
2017-11-01 11:50:13 PM  

basicstock: a particular individual: An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.

I think participation was really down this year. It had nothing to do with the time of the posting and everything to do with a tab to the right called "Politics" with much greater and more important Horrors.


You made me curious..  (yes, yes..everyone was told there would be no Math..but is there anything more scary..?   BOO..!)..

Just playing with numbers here..not even bar napkin/back of the envelope level..but, lets start with the annual posts fer the Halloween thread, per year, since its inception:

2004   -  196
2005   -  255
2006   -  422
2007   -  529
2008   -  609
2009   -  568
2010   -  380
2011   -  409
2012   -  553
2013   -  358
2014   -  310
2015   -  602
2016   -  338

Dropping 2004-5 as clear outliers (people were just learning the brand new 'tradition'), the average overall Halloween post count stands at ~462..

Now, as of time o'typing this, we're at 339 this year..but..its been 44 posts since the last actual (attempted, I think the post got chopped) post of any type o'scary story..soooo, this year's post count sits ~295 in-topic posts..  It's pretty clear that this year is well below average..barely above 2005 levels..

Now, there's alot not considered here:  how much of the tail end of each year's posts should be discounted for purposes of relevance..?  what was the level of 'true' vs fiction each year..?  what (since the Politics tab was brought up as a reason fer low posting, this year (and, to an extent, I muchly agree)) was going on in the world/on FARK each year that may have affected participation..?

Even so, it's more than clear that 2017 ranks all the way at the bottom of the participation list..currently only underperformed by 2004 and 2005..    It's also clear, if you've been in this thread (   =D    ) that fiction is more than heavily present this year..  I'd say 50-65%+, but I've not gone thru t'be specific..

Mind, fiction is great..there's alot of awesome stuff in/out there..  The "thing wearing Mommy's skin" always freaks me right out and I include several works of fiction in my "Classics" recounting, above..and the original offerings are wonderful..  I'm just thinkin', if you go back to 2015..2nd highest count in the list..that most (70%+) would be shared personal stories..and so on and so on, back thru the years..

I'm thinkin' two things:

1)  this year's political batshaite (halloween theme..!) took alot of people away from posting, creativity, sharing and joy and..
b)  there's *nothing* wrong with fiction and creepypasta..but everyone comes to this thread expecting something and, mostly until relatively recently, that was 'true' scary stories..  It makes more than a fair bit of sense to start up (next year) a separate thread for what's 'real' and one for the best of old ghost stories and aspiring horror writers..

..my overly long $0.02..

/..iff'n anyone is really curious, I'll parse out each year by the variables listed above (and more) for a proper comparison.
//..IF at least three of you email me asking fer such..   EIP
///..but don't expect results anytime sooner than "Before next FARK Halloween Thread(s)"..    =)
 
2017-11-02 12:00:49 AM  

Honest Geologist: Nooster: .

This one gave me the willies too. Perhaps you should discuss with CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED....


Agreed..

EIP, Nooster..   I said something to my cat after reading yer post and now he keeps giving me 'knowing' glances..tho', my warm bed, lap and the fact I feed and pet him seem to take supremacy..  My concern is the 9 cats downstairs (two adults, seven kittens) who may not be so unnerstanding..

Not poking fun or being facetious..  My cat, for certain, knows 30+ human words (that he lets on to) and near as many 'hiss' and hand gesture commands..the little fuzzy guy's got a brain in him..  I'd be most interested in talkin' with you on this..
 
2017-11-02 12:10:59 AM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: 2004   -  196
2005   -  255
2006   -  422
2007   -  529
2008   -  609
2009   -  568
2010   -  380
2011   -  409
2012   -  553
2013   -  358
2014   -  310
2015   -  602
2016   -  338

Dropping 2004-5 as clear outliers (people were just learning the brand new 'tradition'), the average overall Halloween post count stands at ~462..

Now, as of time o'typing this, we're at 339 this year..but..its been 44 posts since the last actual (attempted, I think the post got chopped) post of any type o'scary story..soooo, this year's post count sits ~295 in-topic posts..  It's pretty clear that this year is well below average..barely above 2005 levels..


I don't give a damn if there weren't as many posts this year or last, I won and there'd damn well better not be an asterisk next to my Fark ID in the Fark Hall of Fame.

/when does Drew send the sculptor to carve my bust?
 
2017-11-02 12:37:36 AM  

GRCooper: CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: 2004   -  196
2005   -  255
2006   -  422
2007   -  529
2008   -  609
2009   -  568
2010   -  380
2011   -  409
2012   -  553
2013   -  358
2014   -  310
2015   -  602
2016   -  338

Dropping 2004-5 as clear outliers (people were just learning the brand new 'tradition'), the average overall Halloween post count stands at ~462..

Now, as of time o'typing this, we're at 339 this year..but..its been 44 posts since the last actual (attempted, I think the post got chopped) post of any type o'scary story..soooo, this year's post count sits ~295 in-topic posts..  It's pretty clear that this year is well below average..barely above 2005 levels..

I don't give a damn if there weren't as many posts this year or last, I won and there'd damn well better not be an asterisk next to my Fark ID in the Fark Hall of Fame.

/when does Drew send the sculptor to carve my bust?


He's (the sculptor) busy figgerin out how to fit yer face onto Mt Rushmore..  Patience..these things take time..
 
2017-11-02 2:41:00 AM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: basicstock: a particular individual: An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.

I think participation was really down this year. It had nothing to do with the time of the posting and everything to do with a tab to the right called "Politics" with much greater and more important Horrors.

You made me curious..  (yes, yes..everyone was told there would be no Math..but is there anything more scary..?   BOO..!)..

Just playing with numbers here..not even bar napkin/back of the envelope level..but, lets start with the annual posts fer the Halloween thread, per year, since its inception:

2004   -  196
2005   -  255
2006   -  422
2007   -  529
2008   -  609
2009   -  568
2010   -  380
2011   -  409
2012   -  553
2013   -  358
2014   -  310
2015   -  602
2016   -  338

Dropping 2004-5 as clear outliers (people were just learning the brand new 'tradition'), the average overall Halloween post count stands at ~462..

Now, as of time o'typing this, we're at 339 this year..but..its been 44 posts since the last actual (attempted, I think the post got chopped) post of any type o'scary story..soooo, this year's post count sits ~295 in-topic posts..  It's pretty clear that this year is well below average..barely above 2005 levels..

Now, there's alot not considered here:  how much of the tail end of each year's posts should be discounted for purposes of relevance..?  what was the level of 'true' vs fiction each year..?  what (since the Politics tab was brought up as a reason fer low posting, this year (and, to an extent, I muchly agree)) was going on in the world/on FARK each year that may have affected participation..?

Even so, it's more than clear that 2017 ranks all the way at the bottom of the participation list..cur ...


I agree 100%, I don't post very often but I've lurked forever and the creepy true life stories were always the best. Not always unexplainable, but creepy, which is what's great about Halloween.
 
2017-11-02 2:46:01 AM  
Also, there are a lot of very talented people here on fark. They deserve their own thread for their original stories. Perhaps a special Halloween night writers thread? I guarantee we'll all love it.
 
2017-11-02 7:33:22 AM  

Ima4nic8or: Here's a scary one. There was once a wonderful state.  It had beautiful scenery, low crime and an intelligent,  educated citizenry. Then an evil monster showed its face. The state was called Colorado and the monster was called legalized dope. The monster tricked the less moral and less intelligent with promises of cures for all sorts of ailments and an endless state of euphoria.  But what it ended up bringing was skyrocketing crime, addiction and homelessness.  It slowly started to destroy the formerly great state and nobody was able to stop it since most of the population had been rendered brainless and morally bankrupt.  The End.

Not a very uplifting story I guess but I thought it my duty to share it since I have seen it firsthand.  I have been in Denver the last couple days for a conference and the number of drug dens was shocking. In the poor sections between the airport and downtown there was a "dispensary" every block or so and there were homless drug fiends everywhere.


Please never come back.

And Fark you for bringing this to the Halloween thread you ignorant count.
 
2017-11-02 8:31:24 AM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: .


On the one hand, I really agree with this, because I think a lot of us enjoy the tales that are most plausible, "real", or at least believed to be real by those who are telling them.

But on the other, I think it's a real tough call deciding where on the spectrum of fiction to bullshiat to poor memory and embellishment to genuine reporting of the facts to draw the line.

On the third hand (oooh, spooky!), the CSB threads have really scratched my itch for good storytellin' lately. Maybe if it's framed as such, it'd be more what we're after.

And on the fourth hand, it just wouldn't be the same without the Russian Sleep Experiment, Ted the Caver, the Korean webcomic, some of the "greatest hits" we've come to expect.

And I should of course say that I've enjoyed a lot of the fiction that's been posted here this year.
 
2017-11-02 8:33:17 AM  
I also wonder if the fact that the thread stayed up so long had the opposite effect to what was intended. Maybe they should advertise it in the NotNewsletter but only leave it up for 3 days or so... make it more of an "event".  It also didn't help that it's been a busy November and I have a young kid.... I certainly didn't participate much these last two years.
 
2017-11-02 9:03:28 AM  

CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED: a particular individual: Englebert Slaptyback: CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED

As to the bolded, I just figger it's due to time of exposure.. I never had a clue the thread could be available to TFers up to 6 days early..!


It wasn't just available to TF. I saw it on the main page at that time.

Maybe it wasn't *supposed* to be there six days early, but it was.

An admin pulled the wrong lever and accidentally posted it a week early. Last year I submitted the headline on 10/30, and it went green that night. It was just a clerical error this year that led to, like, 65 posts before I even saw it. Then it got yanked, so only TFers could see it in the Greenlit queue.

..okay, I like that..  I will henceforth always think of FARK as operating on Steampunk principles, behind the curtain..   ;)


Why do we even have that lever?
 
2017-11-02 11:47:10 AM  

Harlee: Harlee: All righty then! This is my last submission. The idea came to be

Oops. I was rushing so fast on getting this posted and proofing it (when the hell is the deadline?) that I forgot to finish the intro. So here goes:

The concept of this came to me last Wednesday, from a casual remark I saw in an online comment, that nobody actually knows what the hell goes on in Heaven. That seemed like an eminently reasonable concept, so I started thinking about what might be "reasonable" alternatives for doing stuff in Heaven.

I started writing Friday evening. I finished an hour ago. Call it about 30 hours, a good chunk of which was taken up with Internet research for background accuracy. The effort was fueled by copious and constant amounts of coffee and high quality weed. (Various Indicas for the weirdness; Sativas for the focus and powering out the writing.)

I was tempted to re-title it as Drama but my wife said that All Writers Go To Heaven is perfect. But now I've got ideas for at least four more stories and possibly a novel or two set in this "All Writers Go To Heaven" universe, so I feel this story should have both titles, with Drama as the subtitle. What say you, Farkers?

This comes in at 5,337 words, so, sorry, it is a little long. I've tried to pare down wherever possible, but the Art of it sometimes demands less sparse language. What say you, Farkers? Too wordy? What would you cut? Or have I missed something and need to add another 100 or 1,000 words?

Enjoy.


I'd read a book series like that. I've read similar ones too, and enjoyed the hell out of them.
 
2017-11-02 11:52:08 AM  

jakrabit: Went with the wife and a couple friends to see "IT" the weekend it opened. One of the friends was on call and couldn't make it (wife's best friend).

So, they went later in the next week.

I couldn't pass the opportunity up, so i waited 30 minutes after they left, and headed out... hit Party City, and got one red balloon.

took the wife's spare key and headed to the theater. then went home and waited patiently. She's got one of those proximity keys... so when she approached the car, the dome lights came on and this was what she saw. apparently, the scream was startling to quite a few folks exiting the theater.
[img.fark.net image 843x1500]
wife calls "Honey, have you been busy tonight?"
with a tremendous amount of effort, i played innocent... but wound up cracking up on the phone.


Now I'm wondering what would have happened if you had tied it behind her seat and she only saw it in the rear view mirror when on the road.
:D

/don't scare people, folks!
 
2017-11-02 2:17:15 PM  

washington-babylon: Harlee: Harlee: All righty then! This is my last submission. The idea came to be

Oops. I was rushing so fast on getting this posted and proofing it (when the hell is the deadline?) that I forgot to finish the intro. So here goes:

The concept of this came to me last Wednesday, from a casual remark I saw in an online comment, that nobody actually knows what the hell goes on in Heaven. That seemed like an eminently reasonable concept, so I started thinking about what might be "reasonable" alternatives for doing stuff in Heaven.

I started writing Friday evening. I finished an hour ago. Call it about 30 hours, a good chunk of which was taken up with Internet research for background accuracy. The effort was fueled by copious and constant amounts of coffee and high quality weed. (Various Indicas for the weirdness; Sativas for the focus and powering out the writing.)

I was tempted to re-title it as Drama but my wife said that All Writers Go To Heaven is perfect. But now I've got ideas for at least four more stories and possibly a novel or two set in this "All Writers Go To Heaven" universe, so I feel this story should have both titles, with Drama as the subtitle. What say you, Farkers?

This comes in at 5,337 words, so, sorry, it is a little long. I've tried to pare down wherever possible, but the Art of it sometimes demands less sparse language. What say you, Farkers? Too wordy? What would you cut? Or have I missed something and need to add another 100 or 1,000 words?

Enjoy.

I'd read a book series like that. I've read similar ones too, and enjoyed the hell out of them.


I'm putting it on my list.
 
Displayed 50 of 361 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.