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(Shanghaiist)   The bestest of best men blows up the groom's butt with firecrackers after tying him to a lamppost   ( shanghaiist.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, English-language films, firecrackers, groom, bloody backside, American films, small explosions, best man, poor guy  
•       •       •

5786 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2017 at 10:10 PM (40 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2017-10-11 07:53:15 PM  
'blow' and 'butt' in the same sentence can't be good.

No matter how you think about it.
 
2017-10-11 07:55:13 PM  
Story with both an ass and dumb. Excellent tag choice, subs.
 
2017-10-11 08:17:24 PM  

nvmac: 'blow' and 'butt' in the same sentence can't be good.

No matter how you think about it.


And then you throw in a Flash video....
 
2017-10-11 08:20:03 PM  
Me Chinese. Me play joke. Me put firecrackers in your butt.

/Doesn't have quite the same ring to it
 
2017-10-11 08:31:06 PM  
That really burns my ass
 
2017-10-11 08:56:41 PM  
Once I had a love and it was a gas
Soon turned out to be a pain in the ass
Seemed like the real thing only to find
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind
 
2017-10-11 10:12:15 PM  
What, what?
 
2017-10-11 10:15:00 PM  
I may run in different circles but I know plenty of guys who I'd bet wished they'd had their asses blown up by their best men before marrying their wife.
 
2017-10-11 10:19:09 PM  
Guys in fraternities are a little young to get married.
 
2017-10-11 10:21:49 PM  
It's good luck, banishes the demons from his ass
 
2017-10-11 10:21:57 PM  
The awkward part was when it was time for the best man to hand over the ring.
 
2017-10-11 10:22:39 PM  
Ha ha, scarred for life!
 
2017-10-11 10:22:42 PM  
I need some clarification.  "Blows up" like explodes, "blows up" like the wind blows up the river valley, or "blows up" like a balloon?
 
2017-10-11 10:28:47 PM  
My wife's family has a bunch of Polish males that think it is absolutely hi-ar-e-ous to play tricks like this on the couple.  I heard these assholes bragging about how funny it was when they sabotaged the groom's car with onions in the heater, putting stinky stuff in the clothing the couple were to take on the honeymoon, cancelled the first hotel night, really nasty dickish things that would totally mess up the couple's plans.

They seemed to think it was part of their Polish heritage to do this horrifying crap. My (future) wife also seemed okay with this (fark CULTURE!). Foiled them by storing my car on the wedding day with the suitcases in the parking compound where I worked, with a security guard, lights and cctv. If those ignorant knuckle-draggers had touched my car they'd be called from jail to be bailed out.

Needless to say, I DESPISE these relatives of mine and their stupid "heritage". Fortunately their younger generation have moved away from this crap.
 
2017-10-11 10:32:44 PM  
If it caused the wedding to be rescheduled, I would strongly suggest the bride-to-be use this time to run like hell.
 
2017-10-11 10:36:30 PM  

nvmac: 'blow' and 'butt' in the same sentence can't be good.

No matter how you think about it.


Idk. Sound kind of romantic...
 
2017-10-11 10:37:52 PM  
See, the closest thing my best man came to trying to blow up my butt was buying me a LOT of Guinness and bourbon the night before the wedding...
 
2017-10-11 10:38:08 PM  
Ok, this obsession the younger generation has with "butt stuff" has gone too far.
 
2017-10-11 10:40:42 PM  

Salmon: I may run in different circles but I know plenty of guys who I'd bet wished they'd had their asses blown up by their best men before marrying their wife.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-10-11 10:44:09 PM  
snake firework... in HD
Youtube yKOxMb8qe_w
 
2017-10-11 10:53:26 PM  
At my wedding my best man was having his insurance company sue me after he got drunk at my apartment, threw my 20 inch alligator garfish against the wall killing it, falling down a set of stairs and having a car accident because he was that stupid. Said it was my fault.
 
2017-10-11 10:56:05 PM  
L7 - Shitlist (HQ Audio)
Youtube VCZVRQ3z5qE
 
2017-10-11 10:57:12 PM  

uber humper: [Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/VCZVRQ3z5qE]


such a good song.
 
2017-10-11 10:57:49 PM  

The Irresponsible Captain: Ok, this obsession the younger generation has with "butt stuff" has gone too far.


You don't want to know what's next.
 
2017-10-11 10:59:25 PM  

vudukungfu: That really burns my ass


The groom was sorely bummed.
 
2017-10-11 11:07:36 PM  

nvmac: 'blow' and 'butt' in the same sentence can't be good.

No matter how you think about it.


Suit yourself but you sound vanilla and boring
 
2017-10-11 11:09:44 PM  

Conservative Evangelical Millennial Cyclist: nvmac: 'blow' and 'butt' in the same sentence can't be good.

No matter how you think about it.

Suit yourself but you sound vanilla and boring


Ha! Just read the last line in your bio... touché
 
2017-10-11 11:11:19 PM  
Is it me or do those bandages look like maxi-pads?
 
2017-10-11 11:21:08 PM  
Knoxville got married??
 
2017-10-11 11:24:45 PM  

hubiestubert: See, the closest thing my best man came to trying to blow up my butt was buying me a LOT of Guinness and bourbon the night before the wedding...


Did you pass out? Cuz he may have acheived greater success than you realize...
 
2017-10-11 11:24:51 PM  
What a beast man may look like.
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
2017-10-11 11:27:23 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: At my wedding my best man was having his insurance company sue me after he got drunk at my apartment, threw my 20 inch alligator garfish against the wall killing it, falling down a set of stairs and having a car accident because he was that stupid. Said it was my fault.


You chose the worst best man.

You should change your handle to AlmostAlwaysRightBoy.
 
2017-10-11 11:44:48 PM  

Thong_of_Zardoz: hubiestubert: See, the closest thing my best man came to trying to blow up my butt was buying me a LOT of Guinness and bourbon the night before the wedding...

Did you pass out? Cuz he may have acheived greater success than you realize...


Actually...Gods Above and Below love the bastiche, I had to carry him in to his sweet Babboo...who has ALWAYS given me the stink eye for the fact that every time we go on a bender, I'm the one who has to carry him home. Mind you, the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my Geoff is almost a foot taller than me, and my 5'6" frame has to balance him over my shoulder to lug him. Luckily, he has always been a tall THIN bastiche, so it's remained a relatively easy task.

Chefs versus grocery managers...we pretty much always win the drinking games. Just sayin'...it's all the practice...
 
2017-10-11 11:47:04 PM  
media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2017-10-11 11:57:58 PM  

Salmon: AlwaysRightBoy: At my wedding my best man was having his insurance company sue me after he got drunk at my apartment, threw my 20 inch alligator garfish against the wall killing it, falling down a set of stairs and having a car accident because he was that stupid. Said it was my fault.

You chose the worst best man.

You should change your handle to AlmostAlwaysRightBoy.


I disinvested everything I owned over to  my so-to-be wife and got the vulture insurance company off my back. Am I right  (and smart ) now 27 years later. Still happily married with all my original assets.
 
2017-10-12 12:08:24 AM  

SwiftFox: It's good luck, banishes the demons from his ass


Wouldn't a laxative been easier?

/and less painful?
 
2017-10-12 12:12:10 AM  

hubiestubert: See, the closest thing my best man came to trying to blow up my butt was buying me a LOT of Guinness and bourbon the night before the wedding...


One or the other...not both!  Even the Irish know better than to mix alcohols.
 
2017-10-12 12:24:07 AM  

MSBFDffpm: hubiestubert: See, the closest thing my best man came to trying to blow up my butt was buying me a LOT of Guinness and bourbon the night before the wedding...

One or the other...not both!  Even the Irish know better than to mix alcohols.


Beer and a shot. Beer and a shot. That's how this M*ck rolls...
 
2017-10-12 01:16:04 AM  

AlwaysRightBoy: Salmon: AlwaysRightBoy: At my wedding my best man was having his insurance company sue me after he got drunk at my apartment, threw my 20 inch alligator garfish against the wall killing it, falling down a set of stairs and having a car accident because he was that stupid. Said it was my fault.

You chose the worst best man.

You should change your handle to AlmostAlwaysRightBoy.

I disinvested everything I owned over to  my so-to-be wife and got the vulture insurance company off my back. Am I right  (and smart ) now 27 years later. Still happily married with all my original assets.


you posted your shiat, I just tried to make it funny.

Turn the weird and serious knob to the left a bit and join the party.
 
2017-10-12 01:32:23 AM  

Salmon: AlwaysRightBoy: Salmon: AlwaysRightBoy: At my wedding my best man was having his insurance company sue me after he got drunk at my apartment, threw my 20 inch alligator garfish against the wall killing it, falling down a set of stairs and having a car accident because he was that stupid. Said it was my fault.

You chose the worst best man.

You should change your handle to AlmostAlwaysRightBoy.

I disinvested everything I owned over to  my so-to-be wife and got the vulture insurance company off my back. Am I right  (and smart ) now 27 years later. Still happily married with all my original assets.

you posted your shiat, I just tried to make it funny.

Turn the weird and serious knob to the left a bit and join the party.


That's like just your opinion, man. Fark is serious business.
 
2017-10-12 01:34:44 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: My wife's family has a bunch of Polish males that think it is absolutely hi-ar-e-ous to play tricks like this on the couple.  I heard these assholes bragging about how funny it was when they sabotaged the groom's car with onions in the heater, putting stinky stuff in the clothing the couple were to take on the honeymoon, cancelled the first hotel night, really nasty dickish things that would totally mess up the couple's plans.

They seemed to think it was part of their Polish heritage to do this horrifying crap. My (future) wife also seemed okay with this (fark CULTURE!). Foiled them by storing my car on the wedding day with the suitcases in the parking compound where I worked, with a security guard, lights and cctv. If those ignorant knuckle-draggers had touched my car they'd be called from jail to be bailed out.

Needless to say, I DESPISE these relatives of mine and their stupid "heritage". Fortunately their younger generation have moved away from this crap.


"Gift" them a once in a lifetime experience: a 2 hour trip on a submarine.

Only it's one of "their" submarines. The kind with the screen doors.

/yeah, I totally went there
 
2017-10-12 02:14:27 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-10-12 06:12:46 AM  
Oh for crying out loud, fark.

Rectum?
 
2017-10-12 07:45:23 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: My wife's family has a bunch of Polish males that think it is absolutely hi-ar-e-ous to play tricks like this on the couple.  I heard these assholes bragging about how funny it was when they sabotaged the groom's car with onions in the heater, putting stinky stuff in the clothing the couple were to take on the honeymoon, cancelled the first hotel night, really nasty dickish things that would totally mess up the couple's plans.

They seemed to think it was part of their Polish heritage to do this horrifying crap. My (future) wife also seemed okay with this (fark CULTURE!). Foiled them by storing my car on the wedding day with the suitcases in the parking compound where I worked, with a security guard, lights and cctv. If those ignorant knuckle-draggers had touched my car they'd be called from jail to be bailed out.

Needless to say, I DESPISE these relatives of mine and their stupid "heritage". Fortunately their younger generation have moved away from this crap.


You know who else despised Polish heritage?
 
2017-10-12 07:50:09 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: My wife's family has a bunch of Polish males that think it is absolutely hi-ar-e-ous to play tricks like this on the couple.  I heard these assholes bragging about how funny it was when they sabotaged the groom's car with onions in the heater, putting stinky stuff in the clothing the couple were to take on the honeymoon, cancelled the first hotel night, really nasty dickish things that would totally mess up the couple's plans.

They seemed to think it was part of their Polish heritage to do this horrifying crap. My (future) wife also seemed okay with this (fark CULTURE!). Foiled them by storing my car on the wedding day with the suitcases in the parking compound where I worked, with a security guard, lights and cctv. If those ignorant knuckle-draggers had touched my car they'd be called from jail to be bailed out.

Needless to say, I DESPISE these relatives of mine and their stupid "heritage". Fortunately their younger generation have moved away from this crap.


A taser and a baseball bat can solve all your in law problems.
 
2017-10-12 11:43:12 AM  
This just demonstrates that China will make worthy successors to the US as masters of the world.
 
2017-10-12 11:51:37 AM  

Zero Exponent: Ha ha, scarred for life!


thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2017-10-12 11:54:47 AM  
FIRE IN THE HOLE!

/how did nobody else say that yet?
 
2017-10-12 01:36:59 PM  
rectum? Damn near killed him.  Total farkers my ass.
 
2017-10-12 02:36:07 PM  
FTFTA: An explosive disposal unit was brought in to help with the removal of the shells. Police say they were taken away and disposed of.

Benny Hill Theme
Youtube MK6TXMsvgQg
 
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