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(kold.com)   Barbeque safety tips, No. 1: Wash your hands, even if it gives the burgers more flavor. Post your own tips   ( kold.com) divider line
    More: PSA  
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5396 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2004 at 1:09 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2004-05-30 12:17:12 PM  
Especially if you're Moises Alou.
2004-05-30 01:12:15 PM  
The quickest way to light your charcoal is with
liquid oxygen:
2004-05-30 01:14:17 PM  
Use lighter fluid sparingly, especially with gas grills.
2004-05-30 01:14:19 PM  
leaving your propane tank open all day will cause the grill to heat much faster
2004-05-30 01:17:26 PM  
Never...no, always check your references.
2004-05-30 01:18:25 PM  
Tip #5: Soylent Green is made of PEOPLE. PEEEEEOPLLLE!!!

/enable voting?
2004-05-30 01:18:49 PM  
Stay away from that sissy lighter fluid. Gasoline works much better.
2004-05-30 01:19:07 PM  
don't start drinking at 11AM and grill at 1PM... did this yesterday and i was asleep at 3PM. oh well, today's another day
2004-05-30 01:19:43 PM  
To avoid simultaneously tenderizing and shredding the bird, when preparing beer-can chicken,

[image from photoshop.superdownloads.net too old to be available]

2004-05-30 01:19:43 PM  
Have plenty of col'beer on hand.
2004-05-30 01:21:10 PM  
Sign in front of a building supply store here:

We have:
Kerosene Propane Firelogs

Wow. Imagine how much fun those would be at a cookout!
2004-05-30 01:21:42 PM  
Wear sleeves, no shorts. Them spatters sting.
2004-05-30 01:22:39 PM  
if you're new at it, don't try to grill soup, please leave that for us professional grillers.

if your grill isnt meant to be used as a charcoal grill, but you think you can use it that way by turning the pan upside down and stacking coals on it, make sure u clean out the burners from ash buildup.
or else, you may cause a flash flame large enough to burn the tarp covering your sport quad.

-walks away shaking head-
2004-05-30 01:29:30 PM  
Tips on grilling with charcoal

Pissing on the food is not basting.

Empty the entire can of lighter fluid on the charcoal until it pools in the bottom of the grill. Then don't drop the lit match but gently place it on a well-soaked briquet. Be sure to wear a long-sleaved shirt for safety.

If local ordinances forbid grass and leaf burning... here's your chance.

Even though it's not made of wood, marijuana can be used as a "smoke wood" but not inside the grill.

Cooking with beer is a great idea but again don't put it inside the grill. Put it inside your mouth.

Before cooking, be sure to let turkey and chicken thaw completely. Overnight. Outside.

You can never put enough Tobasco on the food. Like alcohol, any excess will merely burn off. Ditto for salt.

Just for kicks, put small bones in your hamburgers. The bone heats up to help them cook faster and you'll be surprised by the looks on faces of your guests. Kids especially love this trick.

When done, dump the coals and ashes in the (neighbor's) yard. Be sure not to wait for them to cool off completely.

Lift the lid frequently to check if the food is done.
2004-05-30 01:29:37 PM  
Also, don't do what Alton Brown did on one of his shows. Do not light a gas grill with the lid closed. I know Alton hates gas grills, but don't take it out on your viewers by encouraging them to blow themselves up from built up propane gas.
2004-05-30 01:30:17 PM  
Always use charcoal...not that wussy new-fangled propane stuff
2004-05-30 01:31:34 PM  
tip#11: don't barbeque, it gives you cancer
2004-05-30 01:31:41 PM  
Drink lotsa beer while cooking, giving that extra red barbeque look.
2004-05-30 01:33:03 PM  
Thank a soldier or vet. at least don't make him buy his own beer. it is memorial day afterall.....
2004-05-30 01:33:45 PM  
Dry rub, Nancy. Sauce is for Yankees and other effete types.
2004-05-30 01:34:21 PM  
[image from wvah.com too old to be available]

Taste the food, not the fuel.
2004-05-30 01:38:53 PM  
Keep a fire extinguisher nearby.

It's just good sense.
2004-05-30 01:39:05 PM  
Start charcoal with a chimney. All you'll need is a piece of news paper and coals will be ready in 10 minutes without the chemicals.

Charcoal Chimney
2004-05-30 01:39:55 PM  
sauce the meat down real good... then dump it in a paper bag with rock salt (a good layer at the bottom to start with.... then dump the rest of the rock salt in to completely encompass the meat... toss the paper bag in some coals and leave it for... oh, 15 minutes for a tri-tip maybe. pull it out with a shovel, crack off the salt shell with a hammer, slice up and serve. (the salt traps in the juice sorta like a pressure cooker, forces the sauce about a half inch into the meat all the way around) combine with marinade... IRON MAN STEAK
2004-05-30 01:40:05 PM  
2004-05-30 01:40:36 PM  
screw saftey tips...
2004-05-30 01:40:56 PM  
iamscotto, taste the meat not the heat.
2004-05-30 01:40:57 PM  
Lighter fluid evaporating from one's genitals provides a cooling sensation that will counteract the burning sensation of unrination.
2004-05-30 01:42:03 PM  
Urination, even.
2004-05-30 01:42:08 PM  
When cooking chicken on the grill, place a cinderblock on top of the grill until the chicken stops flapping. They can easily open most grills.
2004-05-30 01:42:31 PM  
VTSquire that sounds like a really good way to use up leftover salt that didn't make it to the sidewalks or driveway! And people with water softeners know where to get salt. Unless you use that awful potassium chloride stuff.
2004-05-30 01:42:59 PM  
Scotto, isn't it "taste the meat, not the heat"?

My grill goes to 11. And more cowbell is always a good idea.
2004-05-30 01:44:09 PM  
Leave da funk on da grilling grate. This is a flavor enhancer, and should never be removed
2004-05-30 01:44:22 PM  
If your meat is still making a "meowing" noise, close the cover on your grill until the noise stops.

/Do you still hear the silence to the kittens, Clarice?
2004-05-30 01:47:27 PM  
Ensure children wait at least one hour after eating before allowing them to play with charcoal lighter fluid and matches.
2004-05-30 01:48:13 PM  
iamscotto, when I finished laughing at your post, I was going to vote for you.
2004-05-30 01:48:47 PM  
If you see screaming people and huge flames coming from your neighbor's yard head over there. They probably have beer.
2004-05-30 01:49:44 PM  
Use a real wood fire, not the pussy charcoal or propane shiat.
2004-05-30 01:49:56 PM  
To evenly disperse the coals along the bottom of the grill, kick the side of the grill wearing rubber-soled shoes.

On a more serious note, girls who want to grill have to answer two very serious questions: How do you know the coals are ready? and How do you know the food is ready? If her answer is anything other than "Fark you. Go get me a beer." don't let her have it.

(I'm a Grill Girl so I can say this.)
2004-05-30 01:50:39 PM  
If someone asks you to throw on a vegetarian burger, slap her across the face with the spatula. That's what it's for.
2004-05-30 01:51:29 PM  
Don't invite the vegan family from next door.
2004-05-30 01:52:13 PM  
My grilling manifesto...

Vegggies do not make contact with the grilling surface!!! If your some kinda freak that thinks veggies have a place on the grill along with the meat, use aluminium foil. The grill surface is meant for meat and meat alone!
2004-05-30 01:53:17 PM  
Have enough skewers handy.

Sometimes shish-ke-babs are the way to go. We put them in this order:
Hunk of onion,cherry tomato,hunk of steak,portobello mushroom pieces,clove of garlic,steak,2 quarter sides of bell pepper(red and/or green),steak,cherry tomato,onion.
Liberally brush on your favorite BBQ sauce. Awesome.
2004-05-30 01:54:37 PM  
well yay - I am an awesome grill/smoke/bbq'er and I was thinking that somehow this would be a good informative thread full of real talk about real things.

#1 = stop using lighter fluid at all. get a chimney starter.

#2 = gas grills are to bbq's as wine coolers are to drinking.

#3 = clean the ashes out of your grill and put them in a galvanized bucket with a lid. This does two things. One - the ashes, when mixed with moisture, create lye and eat through the metal. Keeping it clean with extend the life of your grill by several years. Second, you can (if you want to be frugal) re-use the half burned charcoals and save alot of money (or only a little money if you arent a frequent griller).

#4: Get a pair of welding gloves. The grill is hot as are the coals and the logs. Welding gloves give you the ability to move the fire anywhere you like.

#5: learn your meat cuts. I have a friend at work who asked me over and over why his briskets werent coming out good and I explained it to him a hundred times and I finally went to his house to see what he was doing wrong. Corned Beef brisket isn't a good meat to smoke.

#6: make your own stuff. Sausages are easy to make from scratch and you get to say whats in there. bbq sauces are easy to make from scratch and I decide what kind of peppers and hot sauce and how much. it's just worth it.

feh - everybody is good at something. This is my passion. I dont know shiat about cars. I am only moderately knowledgable about computers. I suck at trivia and I can't sing a note. The grammar police and spelling police live at my house. Having said all that, my neighbors are my best friends on the weekends when they smell the smoker lighting up.

(upon refreshing - there've been a few good other real fact tips here)

My dog wants - and gets - steak!

OK - this was fun. In fact, I have pork outside on the smoker right now and need to go revel in the smokey goodness. If you are in the neighborhood stop by - the Glen in San Antonio.
2004-05-30 01:55:18 PM  
Mimes, while hideous abominations, are people and are not to be eaten.... in certain counties with restrictions on that sort of thing.
2004-05-30 01:55:30 PM  
#1 - enable voting
2004-05-30 01:56:22 PM  
for cooking with charcoals, which is the only way to do it, get some tongs with rubber handles to move the coals around. proper coal placement is very important, but you don't want to burn your hand moving them, and you don't want to use your food tongs for moving coals.

also be sure to grill your corn.
carefully peel back the husk but don't remove it. pull out the silk and rinse off the corn. smoosh a tablespoon of button onto the cob to cover it completly (if any ladies are assisting have them do this part, then chuckle to yourself as you watch them rubbing butter onto your cob). press springs of basil or cilantro into the butter, dried also works. close up the husks and tie off the end with cotton string. place them on the grill and cook for 25 to 30 minutes, turning occasionally. the husks should be all chared by the time you finish, but the corn will be perfect.

unless you are cooking some huge piece of meat the corn will probably be the longest cooking thing, so throw on your burgers or steak halfway through the corn cooking and everything should be done around the same time.

oh, and shishkabob skewers are great for grilling onions and peppers. a little olive oil, salt and pepper before you put them on and they are wonderful. i've been eating an onion a night like this for the past two days (with other things, burgers friday and a marinated portabello mushroom last night). it's either really good for me or i'm gonna die from it. i'm not sure which.
2004-05-30 02:00:59 PM  
[image from ebenezerbaptist.com too old to be available]

i'm loving it...
2004-05-30 02:04:59 PM  
Mmmmmm, save me the forehead.
2004-05-30 02:05:16 PM  
The less you flip your steaks and burgers, the more juicy they'll be. The master flips only once.

/first holy law of the BBQ
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