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(McSweeney's)   Sheesh, it's like some of you don't want to die from preventable medical issues   ( mcsweeneys.net) divider line
    More: Satire, Affordable Health Care for America Act, Buffalo Bills, Medicine, United States Congress, health care, Legislature, United States, American people  
•       •       •

2253 clicks; posted to Politics » on 24 Sep 2017 at 2:04 AM (42 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-09-23 10:16:35 PM  
I'd also like to avoid dying from unpreventable ones.
 
2017-09-23 10:26:04 PM  
azquotes.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-24 02:08:46 AM  
Sounds like a modest proposal.
 
2017-09-24 02:10:41 AM  
I've got a pretty good start on cirrhosis
 
2017-09-24 02:14:06 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-24 02:20:37 AM  

Snapper Carr: I've got a pretty good start on cirrhosis


I got a late start on it but I'm catching up as fast as I can...
 
2017-09-24 02:21:00 AM  

Snapper Carr: I've got a pretty good start on cirrhosis


They discovered they can 3D print livers that don't require drugs to reject the organ in the past week or two.  By the time we'll need it I think it will be like an oil change at the Quik-E-Lube, and least that's what I'm banking on.
 
2017-09-24 02:22:01 AM  

TedCruz'sCrazyDad: [img.fark.net image 850x613]


I don't see Trump and the rest of the Republicans spending money conveying corpses that could go toward a tax cut or to their Russian premiers owners.
 
2017-09-24 02:26:04 AM  
Satire is dead. The current GOP senators said almost exactly what the tfa did when Grassley said "I can think of 10 reasons why this bill shouldn't come to the floor", but that ass-butt is still voting for it.
 
2017-09-24 02:41:02 AM  
Well, yes, so long as it's those people who die, then that is exactly what the Republicans want.
 
2017-09-24 02:42:40 AM  
Its like that time my stupid libby lib fascist Marxist pedophile (allegedly) neighbor of mine wouldn't give me his truck.  Its a nice truck, I could never afford it on my non-governmental disability due to my diabeetus.  Im the victim of systematic white male prosecution.  I demand that truck!  I have a right to it!
 
2017-09-24 02:47:25 AM  
Can God make a disease so preventable that a Republican won't even do it?
 
2017-09-24 02:56:01 AM  
Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-gop-donors​-​health-care-taxes-20170626-story.html

With a literal money shot FTFA:

the "Dallas piggy bank" is closed until he sees major action on health care and taxes. . .

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."
 
2017-09-24 02:59:18 AM  

uh...nobody: Its like that time my stupid libby lib fascist Marxist pedophile (allegedly) neighbor of mine


In other words, he went to college and he eats pizza.
 
2017-09-24 03:00:05 AM  

Witty_Retort: Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-gop-donors-​health-care-taxes-20170626-story.html

With a literal money shot FTFA:

the "Dallas piggy bank" is closed until he sees major action on health care and taxes. . .

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."


fark whoever that guy is.
 
2017-09-24 03:00:31 AM  

Witty_Retort: Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes


Well, that's a real conundrum. Surely a government founded on rejection of the plutocracy and "For the People" wouldn't prize aristocrats over the *snnrrrkk*.

Over the... hah... hahahaha..

.... Yeah, can't do it.
 
2017-09-24 03:04:55 AM  
A bunch of guys named Bradley and Ralph will not rest until working class Americans are screwed over real badly even more than we already are because no matter how much we manage to save for retirement if we aren't covered by a worthwhile healthcare plan one major illness or accident will wipe it all out anyway but f**k you you stupid lazy entitled Americans go to pinko commie Canada if you want your government to give any kind of farks about its taxpayers

/fixed it for the guys named Bradley and Ralph
//just come right out and say you don't give a f**k; we'll appreciate the honesty for once
///for about an hour before the shivs and pitchforks and homemade Molotovs come out
 
2017-09-24 03:09:00 AM  

Krieghund: uh...nobody: Its like that time my stupid libby lib fascist Marxist pedophile (allegedly) neighbor of mine

In other words, he went to college and he eats pizza.


My pastor tells me that college is the devils work!  Damn devil worshipers and their book learning!  What has college ever done except TEAR souls away from The Almighty!  And dont get me started on the liberal evils of pizza.
 
2017-09-24 03:09:19 AM  
I just wanted to live long enough to go before the Death Panel, but now they're going to repeal it.
 
2017-09-24 03:13:16 AM  

Lenny_da_Hog: I just wanted to live long enough to go before the Death Panel, but now they're going to repeal it.


Ain't that some shiat?
 
2017-09-24 03:20:58 AM  
 
433 [TotalFark]
2017-09-24 03:27:07 AM  

UsikFark: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-boy-from-jurassic-parks-colle​g​e-application-essay

There's gold in them there 'Sweeneys.


The VCR instruction manual as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk is pretty good, too.
 
2017-09-24 03:28:00 AM  

Witty_Retort: Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-gop-donors-​health-care-taxes-20170626-story.html

With a literal money shot FTFA:

the "Dallas piggy bank" is closed until he sees major action on health care and taxes. . .

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."


Yep, satire is dead
 
2017-09-24 03:34:01 AM  

433: UsikFark: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-boy-from-jurassic-parks-colleg​e-application-essay

There's gold in them there 'Sweeneys.

The VCR instruction manual as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk is pretty good, too.


Link?
 
2017-09-24 03:46:20 AM  

baron von doodle: Witty_Retort: Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-gop-donors-​health-care-taxes-20170626-story.html

With a literal money shot FTFA:

the "Dallas piggy bank" is closed until he sees major action on health care and taxes. . .

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."

Yep, satire is dead


Bullshiat. Satire only requires turning reality upside down, like an hour glass. When the hour glass runs out, you flip it over. If shiat gets fully weird, like 100% nutballs, than you satirize it by cutting back the weirdness and portraying the weird as mundane. Like a satire piece titled "GOP holds healthcare vote" during a nuclear Armageddon.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2017-09-24 04:20:20 AM  

UsikFark: 433: UsikFark: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-boy-from-jurassic-parks-colleg​e-application-essay

There's gold in them there 'Sweeneys.

The VCR instruction manual as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk is pretty good, too.

Link?


My DVD Player's User Manual (as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk)
 
2017-09-24 04:54:41 AM  

Witty_Retort: Donors tell GOP they'll withhold cash until action is taken on health care, taxes

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-gop-donors-​health-care-taxes-20170626-story.html

With a literal money shot FTFA:

the "Dallas piggy bank" is closed until he sees major action on health care and taxes. . .

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."


Man, it's almost like working for decades to fill the GOP with evil, incompetent, selfish assholes might have backfired, and they're too evil, incompetent and selfish to actually accomplish anything besides fling shiat at the walls.
 
2017-09-24 07:24:44 AM  
Preventable my butt. Nothing preventable about having an overactive immune system. Had to take a pay cut at work in hours because I end up not being able to walk because of arthritis. Using a walker at 33 is not my idea of good time. 

But, I honestly feel single payer is more inevitable than that nuclear war Rocket Man and Toddler in Chief keep trying to start. I hate the Trump presidency with every atom in me, but at the very least it's helped a large group of American define what is unacceptable for them in terms of behavior and rhetoric.
 
2017-09-24 07:28:19 AM  
So many of those that succumb to the perils of overweight, heavy smoking, and GOPism are the ones that vote these people to elected office. See "http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/09/12/alabama-senate-primary-mo​or​es-popularity-shakes-gop-establishment.html " Link may incite laughter, dismay or sadness.

I think my mouse just looked at me, like, foxnws? Really dude?
 
2017-09-24 07:56:59 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-24 08:21:25 AM  
That's not even satire. That's just a literal reading of exactly what's happening.

You can't satirize the GOP anymore. It's not possible. No matter what crazy, far-out cockamamie bullshiat you come up with, they will outstupid your joke with their actual opinions within days, assuming they hadn't already done so to that point.
 
2017-09-24 08:54:40 AM  
It's like Lucy, Charlie Brown and the football, except Charlie Brown says, "Will you hold the football for me?" and Lucy says, "F*ck you gimme a dollar." So he does, and she says, "I'm going to yank the ball just before you kick," and he pretends not to hear, and ends up flat on his back.

He lifts his head upon regaining consciousness.

"Will you hold the football for me?"

"F*ck you gimme a dollar."

haha.jpg
 
2017-09-24 08:57:22 AM  
Because I'm trying to die of easily preventable diseases, subby! No vaccines for anyone!
 
2017-09-24 09:33:28 AM  

uh...nobody: What has college ever done except TEAR souls away from The Almighty!


I thought that reading the Bible was the main driver of atheism.

/actually reading the whole thing, not just your favorite three verses four times a day. (based on actual neighbor)
 
2017-09-24 10:30:03 AM  

Mister Buttons: Snapper Carr: I've got a pretty good start on cirrhosis

They discovered they can 3D print livers that don't require drugs to reject the organ in the past week or two.  By the time we'll need it I think it will be like an oil change at the Quik-E-Lube, and least that's what I'm banking on.


They'll sell it to you as an oil change at the Quik-E-Lube, but it will still be a big, highly unpleasant surgery with real risks. Drinking less remains the better option.
 
2017-09-24 03:11:09 PM  

Peki: Preventable my butt. Nothing preventable about having an overactive immune system. Had to take a pay cut at work in hours because I end up not being able to walk because of arthritis. Using a walker at 33 is not my idea of good time. 

But, I honestly feel single payer is more inevitable than that nuclear war Rocket Man and Toddler in Chief keep trying to start. I hate the Trump presidency with every atom in me, but at the very least it's helped a large group of American define what is unacceptable for them in terms of behavior and rhetoric.


Unfortunately, it has also shown what way too many Americans see as acceptable.
 
2017-09-25 08:18:57 AM  

433: UsikFark: 433: UsikFark: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-boy-from-jurassic-parks-colleg​e-application-essay

There's gold in them there 'Sweeneys.

The VCR instruction manual as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk is pretty good, too.

Link?

My DVD Player's User Manual (as written by Chuck Pahlaniuk)


https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-bostonians-loved-other-local-i​n​stitutions-the-way-they-love-their-local-sports-franchises
 
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