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(The Weekly Standard)   I know what you are thinking: Are 7 pats to the crotch by the TSA enough? Are 9 too many?   ( weeklystandard.com) divider line
    More: Creepy, Kansas City airport, new universal procedure, previous pat-down tactics, TSA, TSA officials, passenger unhappiness, previous TSA pat-downs, first-hand experience  
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5446 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2017 at 12:20 PM (32 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



123 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-09-12 09:08:16 AM  
I don't know but I told my wife if she want's to have sex, yank my jizzer once.  If she doesn't, yank my jizzer 150 times.
 
2017-09-12 09:24:10 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


Uh uh. I know what you're thinking. "Did he pat me six times or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a Nair, the most powerful depilatory in the world and would make your pubes fall clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
 
2017-09-12 09:26:32 AM  
I would apply a modified Urinal Shake Rule precedent here: Any more than 3 pats and it's a handjob.
 
2017-09-12 09:40:04 AM  
Just having a TSA is an embarrassment.
 
2017-09-12 10:12:21 AM  
subtly gyrate hips and moan softly
 
2017-09-12 10:12:31 AM  

vudukungfu: Just having a TSA is an embarrassment.


Just another example of what happened because we didn't go after Hitler after the war.
 
2017-09-12 10:22:48 AM  
Could be worse...or better?

미샤 콜린스 :: TSA 아메리카 한글자막
Youtube zPn30BGh6ac
 
2017-09-12 11:12:02 AM  
So the TSA is now not only legalized theft, but also legalized molestation.  Good to know.

The agent described exactly what he was going to do before he did it and seemed to be simply carrying out the government's policy. I'm sure he'd like a job that involves less groping.

Based on the history of leering at back-scatter scanners and proven use of those pat-downs to target attractive individuals, I find your claim unlikely.
 
2017-09-12 11:34:38 AM  
Just smile and say "oh yeah...oh yeah...harder baby"
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 11:36:52 AM  
Three pats.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 11:53:57 AM  
Land of the free, home of the brave!
 
2017-09-12 12:21:55 PM  
When conservatives want government overreach.
 
2017-09-12 12:23:22 PM  
You owe me a dollar, Mr. Touchie-Muchie.
 
2017-09-12 12:23:51 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: So the TSA is now not only legalized theft, but also legalized molestation.  Good to know.

The agent described exactly what he was going to do before he did it and seemed to be simply carrying out the government's policy. I'm sure he'd like a job that involves less groping.

Based on the history of leering at back-scatter scanners and proven use of those pat-downs to target attractive individuals, I find your claim unlikely.


I always get in line behind an attractive women to avoid that random selection.
 
2017-09-12 12:24:44 PM  
lifezette.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:25:07 PM  
Just cup my balls with a loving caress, then we can have some extended eye contact.
 
2017-09-12 12:26:34 PM  
It's a tough job, but someone has to enforce the rules.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:27:02 PM  
I only fly about once a year but i've never had the grope/patdown.  I always have the luck to just go in the little phone booth 'sniffer' thing.  I did get flagged once for 'enhanced security' or whatever but they just went through my carry-on and wanded me.  don't recall getting my balls juggled or a Mag-Lite up my ass.
 
2017-09-12 12:27:39 PM  
That may crotch grabs, and I'll need fresh undies.
 
2017-09-12 12:27:40 PM  
They should add this to their repertoire too:
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:28:05 PM  

LarryDan43: When conservatives want government overreach.


Overreach around. Missed opportunity. Boo.
 
2017-09-12 12:28:50 PM  
Every time I go through security, they show me my scan, with a box over my junk and explain their handy procedure before rubbing me down. I don't mind the PDA; I can tell the other travelers are jealous from their stares.
 
2017-09-12 12:28:53 PM  
I got patted down the sides going into a football game once. I started rubbing the guy back and wooing. His hands came off me immediately and he told me to get the hell out of here, pointing towards the stadium.

/wooo!
 
2017-09-12 12:29:10 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:29:30 PM  
I paid good money for my ticket.  I'll decide how many is too many.
 
2017-09-12 12:29:38 PM  
I just fart lots while going through the process.
 
2017-09-12 12:30:47 PM  

rickythepenguin: I only fly about once a year but i've never had the grope/patdown.  I always have the luck to just go in the little phone booth 'sniffer' thing.  I did get flagged once for 'enhanced security' or whatever but they just went through my carry-on and wanded me.  don't recall getting my balls juggled or a Mag-Lite up my ass.


I get the crotch grab every farking time. Really looking forward to the new and better crotch grab.

/not looking forward
//stupid backscatter machines
 
2017-09-12 12:31:30 PM  
Last time I got on a plane, the little TSA girl said that she'd have to swab me. I said, "Isn't that more of a second date thing?". She almost smiled.

/ I got swabbed anyway
 
2017-09-12 12:34:29 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:34:53 PM  
How am I going to cum on just 7 pats?   If you're going to touch it, you're going to finish the job!
 
2017-09-12 12:34:55 PM  
All I know is that she was too pat to open and too cool to bluff.
 
2017-09-12 12:35:30 PM  

Walker: Just smile and say "oh yeah...oh yeah...harder baby"
[i.imgur.com image 500x667]


Wasn't there a story on Fark sometime ago about some dude who was arrested for 'sexual assault' after having an orgasm whilst being 'patted down' by the tsa?
 
2017-09-12 12:36:12 PM  
Can I pay extra for nine?
 
2017-09-12 12:36:20 PM  
And yet I'll be the one who gets in trouble for getting a chubby even though it's their fault.
 
2017-09-12 12:36:41 PM  

Walker: Just smile and say "oh yeah...oh yeah...harder baby"
[i.imgur.com image 500x667]


Will it help if I shudder a little when he/she does it?  Maybe a subtle little groan?
 
2017-09-12 12:37:52 PM  
I've been posted down numerous times. They always tell you they're going to move their hands up my inner thigh until they meet resistance. At this point, that's my pet name for my junk.
 
2017-09-12 12:39:39 PM  
I am Grope
 
2017-09-12 12:41:37 PM  
This is where having an active and vivid imagination comes in handy. TSA Pervert grabs my junk, I just close my eyes, think dirty thoughts, and have a full on raging boner within 10 seconds. Amazing how fast they'll whisk you through when they've got your fully erect dick bulging through your pants.  If i look down at them and give them a creepy smile as they realize....well that's just icing on the cake. Thick. White. Icing.
 
2017-09-12 12:43:15 PM  
FTA:  "I'm not a crazy ACLU-type "

WTF?
 
2017-09-12 12:43:16 PM  

rickythepenguin: I only fly about once a year but i've never had the grope/patdown.  I always have the luck to just go in the little phone booth 'sniffer' thing.  I did get flagged once for 'enhanced security' or whatever but they just went through my carry-on and wanded me.  don't recall getting my balls juggled or a Mag-Lite up my ass.


I've had TSA agents (or more probably, one of the private security agencies hired by TSA) over step their guidelines.  And like a traffic stop, if you get "lippy", protesting or complaining, expect them to delay you and make your life difficult.

Years ago, our family was flying with our 6 year old twins, and our daughter was "randomly selected" for enhanced screening... And they wanted to take her behind a makeshift partitioned room.  Mrs Earguy flipped her shiat. Our girl was not leaving her sight so they could do lord knows what to a now-frightened child.  Finally a supervisor was called, and it was agreed that Mrs Earguy could stand at the doorway and watch them pat down our kid.  I was only allowed nearby, but at one point I heard, "oh no, don't you dare block my view with your body, step back and let me see what you're doing every second."

Mrs Earguy can be a real mamma bear, let me tell you.
 
2017-09-12 12:43:17 PM  
My secret is to remain fat and ugly. This does wonders on helping to avoid unwanted physical human contact.
 
2017-09-12 12:43:21 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-12 12:44:52 PM  
The important question is, Does this story have a happy ending?
 
2017-09-12 12:46:33 PM  

silvervial: Could be worse...or better?

[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/zPn30BGh6ac - 480x270]


I don't understand much of what's going on in this (At work, no audio) but it amuses me no end that the agent is Misha Collins.
 
2017-09-12 12:48:01 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: rickythepenguin: I only fly about once a year but i've never had the grope/patdown.  I always have the luck to just go in the little phone booth 'sniffer' thing.  I did get flagged once for 'enhanced security' or whatever but they just went through my carry-on and wanded me.  don't recall getting my balls juggled or a Mag-Lite up my ass.

I get the crotch grab every farking time. Really looking forward to the new and better crotch grab.

/not looking forward
//stupid backscatter machines


They're only supposed to crotch grab if the rapiscan shows something in your pockets.  Like how they're also only supposed to boob grope if it shows something in your upper torso area.

Make sure you have nothing in your pockets- not you license, not a boarding pass, not a receipt for gum from the gas station- and you should fly right on through.
 
2017-09-12 12:48:29 PM  
I like that TFA admits the TSA is part of the airline industry.
 
2017-09-12 12:49:03 PM  

Willy Wacker: The important question is, Does this story have a happy ending?


Happy ending... surprise ending... It all depends if you're the TSA agent or or not.
 
2017-09-12 12:49:36 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Found him!
 
2017-09-12 12:49:55 PM  
I forgot to remove my belt before going through the scanner. Which produced a squeal from the machine. Which prompted a pat down. No opportunity to remove the belt and go back through the scanner.

I think they enjoy it. Although patting down a male geezer nearing 70 is probably nobody's idea of a good time.
 
2017-09-12 12:49:57 PM  

Munden: subtly gyrate hips and moan softly


Wear a kilt and no underwear if male.
 
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