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(BBC)   North Yorkshire probably isn't a good place to hide noisy kidnapped penguins in your garden   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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6405 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 May 2004 at 12:22 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

56 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-05-18 10:25:24 AM  
Bodies on the otherhand...
2004-05-18 11:23:50 AM  
Unless you're a yeti.
2004-05-18 12:27:43 PM  
I'll be the sad git then ... I hate morons who hurt defenceless critters... I say hack off their legs and let them beg for food in the gutter.
2004-05-18 12:29:35 PM  
"When compared to non-english speaking humans, Penguins performed remarkably equal on standard intelligence tests"

/obligatory python reference
2004-05-18 12:29:59 PM  
As this is just down the road from me, i'd like to point out I was elsewhere at the time. Doing... something else.

*whistles innocently, discards recently purchased fish*
2004-05-18 12:30:20 PM  
"What is the next number in this sequence?"
2004-05-18 12:30:55 PM  
Oh, poop. borist beat me to it.
2004-05-18 12:31:36 PM  
" Mr Hawkins said the thieves probably do not realise they have put the lives of Piglet and her partner George at risk because penguins are highly susceptible to stress if separated from their partner or their familiar environment."

hahahah, lest we upset a penguin...
2004-05-18 12:31:52 PM  
Stress? I wonder if Prozac works on penguins.
2004-05-18 12:32:15 PM  
I want to reassure my legion of Fark fans, contrary to what has been reported, I was not one of the kidnapped penguins.

However, our family has not heard from our cousins across the pond, Trevor McGillivray and Sir Nigel Wyckingham (the third Duke of Gloucester) and his penguinservant Clive Pembrokeshire.

We ask that you keep our family in your prayers, and please respect our privacy in this trying time.
2004-05-18 12:32:41 PM  
"What's on the telly?"

/more Python
2004-05-18 12:33:26 PM  
"Eat penguin shiat you ass spelunker..."

/obligatory southpark preference
2004-05-18 12:34:25 PM  
"North Yorkshire probably isn't a good place to hide noisy kidnapped penguins in your garden"

Especially, when you have Arrkham Asylum to keep them in.
"Old chum, the Penguin is on the loose again. Quick, to the Limeymobile !"
[image from too old to be available]

2004-05-18 12:34:48 PM  
"Police are investigating the theft."

I'd check out that Mr. Popper guy...
2004-05-18 12:34:51 PM  
Waiting for an Opus picture. Too lazy to do it myself.
2004-05-18 12:36:03 PM  
Staff at the sanctuary realised Piglet was missing from her enclosure after arriving for work in the morning on Monday 17 May.

Wait a minute, the penguin arrived for work and then was missing?
2004-05-18 12:36:49 PM  
Penguins are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals

/paraphrasing. come on, it's fun
2004-05-18 12:36:58 PM  
South Yorkshire on the other hand...
2004-05-18 12:39:16 PM  
I keep my penguins in the refrigerator.

Never had a problem. except for that one penquin that used to sit on top of the telly.
2004-05-18 12:39:48 PM  
Uh... why would anyone steal a penguin? This article needs a quote from the penguin-napper.
2004-05-18 12:40:38 PM  
But it IS a good place to hide the salami.
2004-05-18 12:41:58 PM  
Anybody here ever eaten a penguin?
2004-05-18 12:43:04 PM  
Them penguins is good eatin'.
2004-05-18 12:45:09 PM  

Anybody here ever eaten a penguin?

I heard they taste like beaver.
2004-05-18 12:46:26 PM  
P-P-P-Pilfer a penguin!

/obscure 1980's biscuit commercial.
2004-05-18 12:46:44 PM  
Penguins is prac-tically chickens...
2004-05-18 12:46:45 PM  
It's bad enough that doctors prescribe antibiotics to people for viruses, now they are prescribing antibiotics to penguins for STRESS??

Don't they have Xanax over there?
2004-05-18 12:48:49 PM  
2004-05-18 12:50:01 PM  
I would have tried to sell it on Ebay ...

/revises business model
2004-05-18 12:50:20 PM  
"Laura! A penguin grabbed Karl Rove's loins!"

Sundays are fun again.
2004-05-18 12:53:11 PM  
Of course a garden isn't a good place to keep penguins. They prefer to stand on top of your telly - at least until they explode.

/too much Python
2004-05-18 12:54:46 PM  
According to yahoo the penguin made a donkey like sound.

Hey getting drunk and stealing a penguin that is making a donkey like sound sounds like good time to me!!!!!

2004-05-18 12:55:31 PM  
Thank God they found Danny Devito.
2004-05-18 12:55:51 PM  

I hope your family is safe.
2004-05-18 12:57:40 PM  
chillywilly indeed
2004-05-18 12:58:13 PM  
Stop! That screamapenguin is protected by the Reversal of Freedoms Act.

"Without constant reassurance, it will die. It is sexually attracted to fire..."
2004-05-18 01:02:35 PM  
2004-05-18 01:04:30 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2004-05-18 01:11:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]
2004-05-18 01:13:43 PM  
I'm almost prepared to add this animal to my list of pre-approved fark anti-flamewar tools for today.
2004-05-18 01:25:00 PM  
"They probably nicked it and then thought what do we do with this?"

/I nicked the Census Man!

//Now There's a good boy, is-is your Daddy about?

///I know, I know...just reminded me of that is all
2004-05-18 01:30:34 PM  
Piglet is on antibiotics to help her recover from the stress of the ordeal.

I reckon a cold beer would work better.

Down the road? Whereabouts?

/West Yorkshire
2004-05-18 01:33:57 PM  
Actually, people in UK eat Penguins all the time..
2004-05-18 01:36:10 PM  
maybe she flew there...
2004-05-18 01:40:02 PM  
TV Announcer:
That was episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", adapted radio by Bernard Hollowood and Brian London. And now, Radio 4 will explode.


(The radio explodes
Two old women are sitting on the couch listening to the radio when it explodes. One looks at the other.)

First Old Women (Graham Chapman):
We'll have to watch the telly then.

Second Old Women (John Cleese):

First Old Women:
Well, what's on the television then?

Second Old Women:
It looks like a penguin.

(On the TV set there is indeed a penguin. It sits contentedly looking at them in a stuffed sort of way. There is nothing on the screen.)

First Old Women:
No, no, no, I didn't mean what was on the television set, I meant what programme?

Second Old Women:

(The Second Old Women goes to the TV, switches it on and returns to her chair. The set takes a long time to warm up and produce a picture. During this pause the following conversation takes place.)

Second Old Women:
It's funny that penguin being there, innit?
What's it doing there?

First Old Women:

Second Old Women:
I can see that!

First Old Women:
If it lays an egg it will fall down the back of the Television set.

Second Old Women:
We'll have to watch that.
Unless it's a male.

First Old Women:
Ooh, I never thought of that.

Second Old Women:
Yes, looks fairly butch.

First Old Women:
Perhaps it comes from next door.

Second Old Women:
Penguins don't come from next door,
they come from the Antarctic.

First Old Women:
(sound of tea spoon being dropped into tea cup)

Second Old Women:
Why did you say Burma?

First Old Women:
I panicked.

Second Old Women:
Oh. Perhaps it's from the Zoo.

First Old Women:
Which zoo?

Second Old Women:
How should I know which Zoo?
I'm not Dr. Bloody Bronowski!!

First Old Women:
How does Dr. Bronowski know which zoo it came from?

Second Old Women:
He knows everything!

First Old Women:
Oh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life. Anyway if it was from the zoo it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it!

Second Old Women:
No it wouldn't, They don't stamp animals 'Property of the Zoo'!!! You couldn't stamp a huge lion.

First Old Women:
They stamp them when they're small.

Second Old Women:
What happens when they moult?

First Old Women:
Lions don't moult!

Second Old Women:
No, but penguins do. There, I've run rings around you logically.

First Old Women:

(On the TV screen there now appears an announcer)

TV Announcer:
Hello. It's just gone 8 o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.

(The penguin on top of the set now explodes.)

First Old Women:
How did he know that was going to happen?!

TV Announcer:
It was an inspired guess. And now ...
2004-05-18 01:45:02 PM  
Apparently stealing garden gnomes wasn't quite good enough for this lady...
2004-05-18 01:51:54 PM  
How do antibiotics help a penguin cope with stress? Candlelight and a massage work for me. . .

I don't know if it was your intent (I'm home with a cold and may be a little retarded), but I heard that in Gollum's voice and almost shot Diet Pepsi out my nose.
2004-05-18 02:05:07 PM  
I'm thinking the police should check for a 9-fingered man in the area... I bet he was the one that did it.
2004-05-18 02:19:10 PM  
skinink, the limeymobile...tee hee hee. :-)
2004-05-18 02:29:24 PM  
why not just disguise them as chickens?
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