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(Fark)   Fark's 2016 Headline of the Year contest: Puns and Wordplay headlines   ( divider line
    More: HOTY, Main Belligerent Canadian, Friday College Bowl, FarkUs Bowl season, Dollar General Bowl, Armed Forces Bowl, Sports Jaromir Jagr, Jaromír Jágr, all-time NHL scoring, Contests  
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2406 clicks; posted to Main » and FarkUs » on 23 Dec 2016 at 2:58 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2016-12-23 2:52:20 PM  
This year I played this contest a little different, and left in the puns during the regular year, but pulled out the ones that made it through the voting rounds. So these are the ones that made it through the voting threads in their respective tabs and elsewhere for your enjoyment. Because of that, there are a few more here than the regular contests. I'll let you decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Have fun.

Trigger warning: if you hate puns, this is not the contest for you. Negative reactions may include eye-rolling, audible groaning, and feelings of general stabbiness.
2016-12-23 2:55:14 PM  
Amber Heard will stand trial in Australia for dog smuggling, the first salvo in what some are calling the War on Terrier

2016-12-23 2:55:17 PM  
Red 5 runs out of green. Employees are blue, purplexed, and taking umberage

2016-12-23 2:55:20 PM  
Sperm thieving scandal throws greyhound race into a spin, as a bunch of jerks stole a dog to try to come into money

2016-12-23 2:55:23 PM  
Madrid hairdressers have homeless line up for free haircuts. It's a lovely day for a barber queue

2016-12-23 2:55:27 PM  
Man reunited with prized canoe after serious oar deal

2016-12-23 2:55:30 PM  
Italian 'coffee king' buried in coffee pot. Must be one of the perks

2016-12-23 2:55:33 PM  
Man has a bruschetta with danger on Valentine's Day at Olive Garden after his Prego girlfriend found out he gave his free breadstick to another scampi

2016-12-23 2:55:36 PM  
Person on payroll of pothole patching producer patches potholes in pavement preceding private parkway to pad. Public paper pushers prefer pitch, propose pointless and petty procedures

2016-12-23 2:55:39 PM  
Burglars in monkey masks break into marijuana dispensary. Officials say the situation is evolving

2016-12-23 2:55:42 PM  
Woman's addiction causes her to eat her armchair foam. She hopes eventually to recover

2016-12-23 2:55:45 PM  
Three people injured in head-on collision on Curry highway, naan killed

2016-12-23 2:55:48 PM  
Texas man purloins steaks, has beef with cops leading to high-speed chase. Police use flanking maneuvers and attempt to T-bone suspect before he's finally cut off. Strip search reveals evidence

2016-12-23 2:55:51 PM  
East African Coral reefs struggling, now harder to see shells in Seychelles by the sea shore

2016-12-23 2:55:55 PM  
Here is someone new to sue now. Will GOOG choose to sue Sue Googe now? Or will Google see the Seussing of the Sue Googe? Suessers do, sirs. Mix the fonts, Sue? I won't do it. I can't say it, I won't sue it

2016-12-23 2:55:58 PM  
"Sometimes toes spontaneously fall off and nobody knows why." You asshole. Oh, sorry--I'm lack toes intolerant

2016-12-23 2:56:01 PM  
Man who poached endangered fish is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice, may get jail time to mullet over

2016-12-23 2:56:04 PM  
Noseless man sought in scentsless crime

2016-12-23 2:56:07 PM  
Parisians evacuating as flooding is causing the city to go in Seine

2016-12-23 2:56:10 PM  
"Berserk" cow attacks firefighters after they pulled it from well. Baffled emergency crews say the cow had no violent history and rescue workers had never seen herbivore

2016-12-23 2:56:13 PM  
Truck crash covers road in thousands of baby chickens. Owners desperately try to re-coop any losses

2016-12-23 2:56:16 PM  
Bay Area geologists cry out after curb, pulled out of alignment by seismic forces, that they've been watching for 40 years, is destroyed by city work crew. Work crew says it wasn't their fault

2016-12-23 2:56:19 PM  
Thieves smash into beauty supply store, steal $50K worth of hair. Witnesses report seeing getaway car weaving in and out of traffic

2016-12-23 2:56:22 PM  
Lewd dudes feud nude, brew rude moods, prude food and crude tubes

2016-12-23 2:56:25 PM  
There once were six sharks from Cape Cod, getting turnt up on blubber and scrod. Not quite yet sated, for tourists they waited, while scientists studied rotten whale bod

2016-12-23 2:56:28 PM  
Hardened criminal who stole penis pump still at large

2016-12-23 2:56:32 PM  
Man arrested for having sex with a horse fears he'll never again have a stable relationship

2016-12-23 2:56:35 PM  
Customs officials stop woman who had packed dead husband's intestines in a suitcase. Would that qualify as carrion luggage?

2016-12-23 2:56:38 PM  
Indian authorities capture pair of Pakistani spy pigeons before they could plot coo

2016-12-23 2:56:41 PM  
Strip club plans a voter outreach program in hopes of getting everyone to the poles

2016-12-23 2:56:44 PM  
Expert believes dogs can detect the passage of time with their noses by noticing changes in scent. Oh, so a watch dog

2016-12-23 2:56:47 PM  
Sadly, women can be disqualified from a chess tournament for showing too much cleavage. Apparently there are rules against soft pawn

2016-12-23 2:56:50 PM  
Man once again found guilty of illegally possessing dead wild animals, will try to carrion with his life

2016-12-23 2:56:53 PM  
A woman in Portland splashed laundry detergent on protesters last night. This is the first recorded use of the little known martial art of Tide-kwon-do

2016-12-23 2:56:56 PM  
After learning via text he'd been fired, truck driver dumps 1000 bushels of corn on highway, earning him a trip to kernel clink

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