FARK.com: (9319903) It's been thirty years now so please, whoever stole the bodies of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's parents, just put them back in their tombs and there will be no questions asked

		It's been thirty years now so please, whoever stole the bodies of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's parents, just put them back in their tombs and there will be no questions asked (portland.bangordailynews.com)		27
		More: Weird, Portland, Maine, Zilpha Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, granite family tomb, long happy life, old iron gate, Longfellow House, Peleg Wadsworth

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2246 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2016 at 5:32 AM (7 years ago) | Favorite | share: Copy Link

27 Comments (+0 »)

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Two Dogs Farking

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 1:59:52 AM

I'm sure they'll get those Longfellows straightened out in no time.

AverageAmericanGuy

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 5:40:08 AM

I'll give you a wad's worth of my long fellow.

If you catch my drift.

Feel_the_velvet

Smartest (0) Funniest (3)

2016-10-05 5:51:37 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: I'll give you a wad's worth of my long fellow.

If you catch my drift.

Come again?

All Latest

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 6:09:26 AM

Put them back? But I use them for Halloween decorations!

Pointy Tail of Satan

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 6:22:38 AM

Longfellow tried to move back in with his parents, and they bailed.

Bigdogdaddy

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 6:28:25 AM

I'm a poet and didn't know it. My feet are Longfellows.

Bigdogdaddy

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 6:29:08 AM

I guess they said so Longfellow!

Shirley Ujest

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 6:34:41 AM

What means to an end does one think they will achieve by stealing the corpses of a famous poet's parents? Reanimating them so they can do poetry slams?

dittybopper

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 6:53:44 AM

Shirley Ujest: What means to an end does one think they will achieve by stealing the corpses of a famous poet's parents? Reanimating them so they can do poetry slams?

Maybe it was a bisexual necrophiliac.

cleveoh

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 6:54:45 AM

Return 1 by land.

Or both by sea.

big pig peaches

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 6:55:45 AM

You can have Mr. Longfellow. I ain't done with the Mrs. yet.

kdawg7736

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 7:05:07 AM

big pig peaches: You can have Mr. Longfellow. I ain't done with the Mrs. yet.

OK....

winedrinkingman

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 7:14:31 AM

I was trying to remember if he wrote Walden, but then I remembered that was Henry David Thoreau. I was going to make a joke about the mother not wanting to do his laundry anymore, or cook for him, while he wrote about how rugged he is. I confused them, because both authors are referenced in Fallout 4.

grokca

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 7:22:50 AM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier

Smartest (0) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 7:42:58 AM

All Latest: Put them back? But I use them for Halloween decorations!

And I'm on the list after that. We're doing "The Merchant of Venice" in marionette theater.

Foundling

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 8:49:16 AM

Thirty years?

That's longer than Hiawatha!

Astorix

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 9:06:22 AM

Be a good fellow and return the longfellows.

BitwiseShift

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 9:25:57 AM

You know how I can tell you're not in Skull and Bones Subby?

MBooda

Smartest (1) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 9:53:40 AM

Henry, yo momma was so butch, she had large and sinewy hands; and the muscles of her brawny arms are strong as iron bands.

booger42

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 10:52:52 AM

What about John Laroquette's spine? Can I still keep that?

Fano

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 11:37:33 AM

Leaves of Grass my ass!

WelldeadLink

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 12:55:42 PM

I'll check my closet.

kcfarker

Smartest (1) Funniest (1)

2016-10-05 1:30:30 PM

Found 'em!

MBooda

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 2:01:23 PM

Not sure where Longfellow's parents are, but Wordsworth's still under the stairs.

Monty Python - Poets

brantgoose

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 3:45:17 PM

Somebody stole my 5th cousin 7 times removed and her husband! Wicked, wicked people!

Sorry. I can never resist the genealogical angle. Maybe they thought they were stealing Henry Wadsworth and his wife. Still not an excuse for very bad behaviour.

Her name was Zilpah. Perhaps it was a scavenger hunt.

Item 47. A Zilpah and accessories

brantgoose

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 3:49:56 PM

Zilpha. My mistake.

Jayseauxfocci

Smartest (0) Funniest (0)

2016-10-05 7:00:01 PM

kcfarker: Found 'em!

[img.fark.net image 500x286]

"They're fine. In fact, they're better than fine. They're not aging anymore."

Well played. Love that movie.

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