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(Detroit Free Press)   The right way to complain about a bad meal at a restaurant   ( divider line
    More: Interesting  
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11251 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jan 2002 at 6:20 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

70 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-01-01 06:21:55 PM  
Tell them you only like your dog fresh?
2002-01-01 06:22:03 PM  
Oh great. More cheerful news out of utopia.
2002-01-01 06:23:50 PM  
We no dog here. Cat only. Four dollar.

<he is righteously SMACKED DOWN>
2002-01-01 06:25:21 PM  
I specifically ordered this dog with the wonton soup, now are you gonna bring me the soup, or do I have to shame your ancestors?
2002-01-01 06:25:43 PM  
I once had such a biatchy waitress in Detrolit that I left her half of a five dollar bill for a tip. It was worth the fiver to see the look on her face as I was leaving.
I'm a former waitress, so I have a high tolerance, but this chick was the biatchiest.
2002-01-01 06:30:02 PM  
I've always found it best to inform the server of their poor service in a subtle and non-threatening way, by vomiting on their shoes.
2002-01-01 06:30:14 PM  
Maybe the meal wasn't worth the money, but seeing the ritual suicide after you dishonor his name would be worth it.
2002-01-01 06:30:42 PM  
What, no "Waiter, this food tastes like shiat"? DAMN!

I didn't understand this:""The saying, 'The customer is always right,' is still generally the norm in the industry," he said."

Errr...if the customer is ALWAYS right, it shouldn't be "generally the norm". Always means always.

Then again, I hate customers. Fark 'em.
2002-01-01 06:30:52 PM  
So I guess jumping on top of your table, dropping your drawers, pinching a loaf, and telling the wait staff that your dinner tastes like the tip, that oozed out of your ass, you left them wouldn't be considered constructive criticism, huh?
2002-01-01 06:31:39 PM  
There are very few things that unnerve me as much as eating with my dad when he decides he's going to take on the waiter.
2002-01-01 06:34:10 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Waiter ? There is a little bug in my soup.
2002-01-01 06:35:05 PM  
Python reference in 5... 4... 3...
2002-01-01 06:35:33 PM  
"Being a waiter or waitress is harder than most people think," he said. "They have to have the managing skills of an air-traffic controller, the entertaining skills of a Broadway actor and the diplomatic skills of an ambassador. Doing each one separately is difficult, but it's very tough when you put them together."

And apparently writing about them requires you to have the dramatic skills of a soap opera writer.
2002-01-01 06:36:31 PM  
You mean asking the waiter for a sharp knife then sticking it in his neck is not a good way to complain about a bad meal at a restaurant?
2002-01-01 06:39:26 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
When you order vegetables from Kathmandu, you have to expect they'll pick up a few passengers along the way.
2002-01-01 06:40:11 PM  
I dont think Ill ever understand why people tip.
Theres no excuse for it.
2002-01-01 06:40:15 PM  
"Rothschild said servers should be trained in five things when dealing with unhappy guests: listening, empathizing, prioritizing options, coming up with a solution and acting."

The first four ... debatable. But number five, acting - yea. As in, acting as if you really cared. Heh.

("You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards!") (welcome)
2002-01-01 06:40:26 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-01-01 06:41:48 PM  
Okay, Reservior Dogs reference in 5... 4... 3...
2002-01-01 06:46:47 PM  
So, who's a girl gotta give a blowjob to get some service in this place?

Best. Line. Ever.
2002-01-01 06:49:29 PM  
Here's more common sense tips from the Christina Minor, author of "Chew on this: There's a right way to complain about a bad meal."

1) If you lose your car keys in a pool of lava, forget it, they're gone.

2) Being a garbageman requires the patience of Ghandi, the strength of Mr. T., and the mind of Forrest Gump.

3) Monkeys are funny.
2002-01-01 06:51:05 PM  
Here ya go Wintermute:

"Waitressing is a tough job." "Well so is working at MacDonalds, but you don't feel the need to tip them, do yah? Well why not? They're servin' yah food! Society says, tip these guys over here, but don't tip these guys over here?! It's bull $%&@!"
- Mr. Pink from Resevoir Dogs.

2002-01-01 06:53:48 PM  
From the Monty Python "Dirty Fork" Sketch:

MONGO THE COOK: You Bastards! You vicious heartless bastards! He (referring to sobbing manager) worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is and you come in here with your quibbling! This fine, honorable man who's boots you are not worthy to kiss! oooohh It makes me MAD... mmmmAd! Stark Staring MAD!

MAITRE-D: No Mongo! Never kill a customer!
2002-01-01 06:54:00 PM  
The only reason not to tip is if you're not going to eat at that restauraunt again. Otherwise, your next meal will probably come with "secret sauce."
2002-01-01 06:57:14 PM  
Dumbest. Article. Ever.

2002-01-01 07:00:02 PM  
This is why I always bring a tiny bag of my own poop with me when I go out to eat. Well, one of the reasons anyway.
2002-01-01 07:00:59 PM  
Here's what happens when you're mean to the food-service people (or just happen to be a cop)

SnotBurgers 'R' Us or check out Phlegm-on-a-bun
(NSWE - Not Safe While Eating)
2002-01-01 07:03:12 PM  
Hmmm. That 2nd link didn't work... One more time...Phlegm-on-a-bun
2002-01-01 07:06:07 PM  
Underhill reportedly took three bites into his hamburger when he noticed ''nasal mucus'' on his hands and face

I don't understand
2002-01-01 07:08:17 PM  
Don't send several servers on one errand. If the first server hasn't returned with the teaspoon you asked for 20 minutes ago, then ask another. But have some patience, Cyrelson said.

20 MINUTES??????!
what am I supposed to do for 20 minutes while waiting for my spoon?? watch my ice cream melt??
2002-01-01 07:12:11 PM  
better than anal mucus I suppose.
2002-01-01 07:13:40 PM  
there is never a reason not to tip, unless the service was terrible. in many places that tip is their livelyhood. waitresses make like $2.75/hour in my area. if they work their ass off to make you happy,shouldn't they get paid?
2002-01-01 07:15:36 PM  
I think the experience I had one summer takes the cake:

I had gotten a second degree sunburn, and couldn't even take off my bathing suit (I had a longish shirt on over it) for two weeks. Went with some friends to eat at a local Big Boy restaurant. I ordered a sandwich and a large cherry coke. I mentioned to my friends that our waiter dyed his hair. This wasn't meant in a snobby or mean-spirited way; heck, in fact, I dyed my own hair at that time to a rust colored orange (I was in my early 20's what can I say?).

Anyway, one of the other waiters heard me say it, and ran off to tell this guy what I had said. When he brought our orders to the table, he deliberately set my drink on the edge of the table, and dramatically let it fall over -- into my second degree sunburned lap! Then he sweetly cooed, "Oh, I am so sorry! Let me bring you another drink." And he sashayed off (he was also gay...).

Talk about bad service! My friends wouldn't let me complain to the manager because they didn't want to cause a scene, and so I went with the peer pressure and didn't do a thing. He's lucky, because today I'd have slapped him with a lawsuit.
2002-01-01 07:17:06 PM  
Sure there's a reason not to tip: I don't farking feel like it. My money, my choice.

$2.75 an hour? What a joke. Quit & get a real job, like stripping. Now THERE'S some tipping!
2002-01-01 07:21:00 PM  
I didn't say I was doing it. I at least make min. wage.
2002-01-01 07:21:21 PM  
couldn't even take off my bathing suit (I had a longish shirt on over it) for two weeks.

I don't understand.
2002-01-01 07:34:43 PM  
Um, that bathing suit musta been getting a little hummy after 2 weeks?
2002-01-01 07:36:56 PM  
That's what I'm stinkin, I mean thinkin
2002-01-01 07:46:39 PM  
Ummm, the fark did you pee?? This is surely a tale for all to hear.
2002-01-01 07:52:51 PM  
(to Mr. Orange)
Shut up!
(to Mr. Pink)
Cough up the buck, ya cheap
bastard, I paid for your goddamn
2002-01-01 07:54:26 PM  
"the entertaining skills of a Broadway actor" no thank you. the entertaining skills of a mime would be nice however. i have no desire to get to know my "server" rudy/judy/whoever and less desire to tell them how i am except hungry. take the order, bring the food and check. thanks. and dammit don't try sitting down with me while you take the order. ok that only happened once but it was once too often.
2002-01-01 07:58:39 PM  
One time I had a waitress straighten my collar. Trying to substitute humor for rage, I handed her my comb and she got pissed. I was probably eating nasal AND anal mucous later.
2002-01-01 08:21:39 PM  
Had some really bad service at a restaurant... Two parties eating at the place (noon) and we weren't getting any service.

The tip was a handful of change left under the fullest water glass (we filled it ourselves - no service) on the bare table.

That place closed down a couple of weeks later. Great service.
2002-01-01 08:28:51 PM  
EvilKitty: I pulled the crotch out of the way.

I think you missed the point...I brought up the fact that I couldn't get out of the suit for two weeks to illustrate that I was badly burned...and getting an ice cold cherry coke poured onto my second-degree sunburn was excruciating. Not my idea of good customer service...
2002-01-01 09:01:05 PM  
"I see you! You don't eat till you full! you eat till you tired! you go now!"
2002-01-01 09:37:56 PM  
Myron Moose Preserve. Unlike Camp Ticonderoga, owned by the same co.
This chick was completely a biatch, seriously. Whenever she deigned to grace us with her presence, she was basically rolling her eyes at the same time. When I asked her for a box for my burger, you would have thought I was asking for a kidney. Oh, and that was after we had to flag her down 5 times.
I hope she frames that half fiver.
2002-01-01 09:51:43 PM  
Sweater Girl: Great use of the word deigned
2002-01-01 10:02:34 PM  
Hmm, Tipping, that strange behaviour they do in other countries. Here we rely on their employers to pay them, through the money we already pay for the food.

If you have to rely on volentary contributions from the public, you may as well quit and take the dole.
2002-01-01 10:19:33 PM  
A friend of my husband's has this way of tipping for bad service. One time he placed the placemat on top of a full glass of water...then tipped it upside down. So you have a full glass of water that's upside down and the moment you pick it up you know something's gonna get wet....

Kinda mean though....
2002-01-01 10:26:52 PM  
a friend of mine (Enterrupt actually) told me this really good idea for tipping.. when you first sit down, lay out on the table in plain sight 5 $1 bills, or whatever an average tip at that place would be. as the meal goes on, add or remove bills according to how good their service is and their attitude and stuff.. it makes great visual reminder for them.. :P
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