Skip to content
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(   Kentucky, Indiana inch closer to war over disgruntled employee ham incident   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

5335 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2001 at 9:09 AM (18 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

70 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2001-12-30 9:30:07 AM  
Go Hoosiers
2001-12-30 9:36:20 AM  
It's about time we destroyed those Kentucky hicks...
2001-12-30 9:37:32 AM  
Get me the hell out of dodge.
2001-12-30 9:37:59 AM  
"Pine Mountain Brand Mild Sweet Mountain Cure Naturally Hickory Smoked Fully Cooked Ham Water Added" is such a catchy name.
2001-12-30 9:47:01 AM  
and if you don't eat the ham, you can always use the nails to hang a picture.
2001-12-30 9:55:06 AM  
I think it was the line "Hail the size of canned hams.." that got David Letterman fired from his weatherman job in Indiana...
2001-12-30 9:56:35 AM  
" "Pine Mountain Brand Mild Sweet Mountain Cure Naturally Hickory Smoked Fully Cooked Ham Water Added"

I saw them play at Ozzfest once. It was awesome
2001-12-30 9:58:18 AM  
erm..and the second act, Tag Closers, rocked as well
2001-12-30 10:12:40 AM  
I thought the Christmas ham tasted a little funny this year.
2001-12-30 10:26:46 AM  
We're contaminating Bluegrass hicks, doo dah, doo dah...
2001-12-30 10:38:06 AM GOD! Do you know what this means?! Kentucky will have to pull troops from the southern border to guard against a possible attack from Indiana!
2001-12-30 10:41:05 AM  
Wow, this highlights how one disgruntled employee (or one pissed-off Islamic fundie) could really deal quite a bit of damage, if they use something less obvious than nails.


I think I'll go back to bed.
2001-12-30 10:43:37 AM  
Lets go Hoosiers, We outnumber those bastards a lot. And we always win in Basketball. Represent Owen County. The whole state of Indiana will defeat all those damn Snuffy Smiths and other Blue Grass idiots.
2001-12-30 10:46:38 AM  
Also one of those Bastards whose on the top 20 FBI wanted Terrorists is from Indiana. Think about it.
2001-12-30 10:47:18 AM  
NEWSFLASH: Logansport is full of mexicans. They all work at IBP.

Somehow "Y'all dam hoosiers spiked my ham!" doesn't sound as good as "Remember the alamo!"
2001-12-30 10:50:40 AM  
In July of 1911, the Sugar Planters' Storage and Distributing Company leased a sixty-year-old water reservoir on the corner of Saint Thomas and Market Streets in New Orleans. Two million gallons of molasses were stored in four huge compartments made of bricks and concrete.
At ten-thirty in the morning of September 11, 1911, two young women, walking by the resevoir, saw molasses trickling through a corner of the structure and told the employees of the plant. The men told them not to worry and actually continued to pump molasses from tank cars into the very same storage area that the women had mentioned.
An hour later that same storage area had burst open and with a huge roar 600,000 gallons of molasses flooded into the streets. Within minutes the neighbourhood was knee-deep in the black stuff. All sorts of people descended on the dark liquid and with utensils filled up their pitchers and buckets. The molasses that was left over was gradually cleaned up and washed down into drainage culverts and gutters.
The molasses company was not insured and lost $50,000. Back in early July the company had the reservoir inspected by engineers who claimed that the structure was perfectly sound.

The United States Alcohol Company owned 2.3 million gallons of molasses and the largest storage tank in Boston that contained it. The steel structure was ninety feet in diameter and fifty-two feet in height. Then around noon, on January 15, 1919, the tank blew up with a tremendous roar.
Chunks of metal flew everywhere, piercing into people and buildings for hundreds of feet around. A twenty foot wave of molasses was sent out that travelled at 35 miles per hour. It splashed onto city streets in all directions, drowning all sorts of people and animals. Molasses was smeared onto trees, rooftops and overhead wires.
Rescue workers soon rushed into the area. Salt water was sprayed onto cobblestone streets, homes and other buildings. Hydraulic pumps were used to pump the molasses out of basements. In all, 21 people died and 150 people were injured.
The distillery was brought to court; 125 different suits of damages were brought against them. In 1925 the distillery had to pay out more than a million dollars in damages.
On the day of the explosion the temperature was 40 degrees fahrenheit. On the day before the explosion the temperature was 2 degrees fahrenheit. It is believed that the sudden increase in temperature caused the molasses to expand and the tank to explode.

The third molasses flood happened in Bruges, Belgium, on December 18, 1938. More than 1,280,000 gallons of molasses were drained from a steamer into a storage tank owned by the firm Zeematex. The molasses burst out and toppled another tank that contained 440,000 gallons of molasses. This in turn overturned another tank containing 30,000 gallons of creosote.
This mess then burst through a brick wall into a coke factory; where it overturned several boxcars of coke. Then it flowed across the flat open countryside where it just missed the electrical works.
An emergency meeting was held with the mayor, the director of Zeematex, and the director of the coke factory.
The firemen, army and sanitation department worked together to rinse out the molasses with pumps and water. Canals were dug to lead away the dark liquid.
The next day the temperature went down and the molasses froze over and the water couldn't rinse it away. The problem was solved by using steam from the coke factory. The mixture proved so difficult to clean that some experts said that it should be used by the military as a defensive weapon.
2001-12-30 11:13:10 AM  
Quick, send in Henry Kissenger!
2001-12-30 11:15:32 AM  
...and Henry Kissenger would be Henry Kissinger's lesser-known companion. Or something.
2001-12-30 11:20:05 AM  
if tree huggers spike trees to save them then ham lovers must .....

wait the trees are still alive.
2001-12-30 11:24:46 AM  
O'bannon has authorised surveillance overflights of Kentucky airspace.

Also in the news:

Kentucky yokels report alarming rise in UFO sightings and Uncle Jesse donates his camel points for the war effort........
2001-12-30 11:35:06 AM  
Next...X-Ray machines at the market.
2001-12-30 11:36:49 AM  
...just wait till PETA gets their hands on this one!
2001-12-30 11:41:29 AM  
Ham water? Ham water?
What kind of nails? Galvanized? Finishing? Finger? Toe?
And, for cryin out loud, did the hammery have a fence around it?
I am so wearied by amateur reporting that leaves me with more questions than I started with.
2001-12-30 11:42:13 AM  

No kidding, right...
2001-12-30 11:46:59 AM  

I'm sure what you had to say was nice but no way am I reading such a long post to find out. No offense.

Where's the Photoshop today? I finally have time.

For all the flamers: "Whiners" is spelled "whiners", not "whinners". Ok, you may proceed.
2001-12-30 11:47:14 AM  
You all do know that is located in Kentucky, right?
2001-12-30 11:47:58 AM  
Well, shiat. I was going to go spend New Year's Eve in Louisville. Now instead of going down there and partying, I guess it is my sworn duty as a Hoosier to go down and kick some inbred ass. Oh well, drinking beer...killing and maiming...I guess it all works out for an entertaining evening.
2001-12-30 11:49:50 AM  
The nails are to keep their dwellings from turning over in high winds.
[image from too old to be available]
2001-12-30 11:53:05 AM  
Sweet! I'm a Hoosier myself. When I was in high school, a bunch of friends and I decided to swim accross the Ohio River for the sole purpose of pooping on Kentucky. One of us cramped up halfway accross and had to be carried by my buddy and I, and the rest of us almost got hit by a Navy barge, but hey, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! We ended up having to float back accross the river on a big log (of wood, not poop) as passing motorboats pelted us with (unfortunately empty) beer cans and the occaisional frisbee. We were finally rescued by one of the more polite speedboats and incurred nasty looks from the driver as his wife looked too fine in a bikini for our own good. Ahh, good times, good times. So anyway, I hope my 8 year-old poop is doing it's best to help the war. Darn Kentucks. Er, except Drew and the other Farkers down there. Sorry about the poop.
2001-12-30 12:01:06 PM  
Obviously a Zionist plot. Diabolical, since Jews don't eat pork. Oh, wait, neither do Muslims. Maybe it was Osama bin Steinmetz.
2001-12-30 12:09:05 PM  
Indiana and Kentucky are filled with Hicks.


Stupid Headline.
2001-12-30 12:09:17 PM  
Contaminating ham with nails is not funny. It's not fun.
It is neither funny or fun.
2001-12-30 12:10:41 PM  
"The recalled products, processed on Dec. 18 and Dec. 19, were packaged as "Olde Kentucky Boneless Full Cooked Hickory Smoked Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Cumberland Gap Smoked Hickory Hills Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Martin's Hickory Smoked Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Cumberland Gap Boneless Smoked Mini Ham Water Added," and "Pine Mountain Brand Mild Sweet Mountain Cure Naturally Hickory Smoked Fully Cooked Ham Water (and nails) Added."
2001-12-30 12:11:24 PM  
2001-12-30 12:14:38 PM  
"The recalled products, processed on Dec. 18 and Dec. 19, were packaged as "Olde Kentucky Boneless Full Cooked Hickory Smoked Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Cumberland Gap Smoked Hickory Hills Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Martin's Hickory Smoked Ham Water (and nails) Added," "Cumberland Gap Boneless Smoked Mini Ham Water (and nails) Added," and "Pine Mountain Brand Mild Sweet Mountain Cure Naturally Hickory Smoked Fully Cooked Ham Water (and nails) Added."
2001-12-30 12:31:56 PM  
BORG9: You feeling OK,buddy?..or just chomping at the bit for a PhotoShop?..Hee..Happy New Year,Dude!
2001-12-30 12:40:38 PM  
A few Daisy Cutters would take care of both states.
2001-12-30 12:53:11 PM  

Newport Chemical Depot in Indiana has enough nerve gas to take out all you sonsabiatches..........
2001-12-30 12:58:08 PM  
Hoosier - Not if the Daisy Cutters get ya first. Wait Wait Wait...lets not fight...It's Xmas time. But can ya all take out Tucky?
2001-12-30 12:59:15 PM  
Supposedly there's some silos with nukes in 'em at the bottom of Monroe Reservoir.
2001-12-30 1:18:41 PM  
Here in Indiana we are the Racing capital of the world. Hoosiers race cars. Where as Kentukians race horses. See the difference?
2001-12-30 1:23:16 PM

for more news on the great ham scare. Kentucky Surrenders
2001-12-30 2:05:35 PM  
"We were confident there wasn't a problem, but the USDA -- probably as a result of all this terrorist thing -- they're very paranoid and asked us to recall."

Anyone else slightly disturbed by that sentence?
2001-12-30 2:22:05 PM  
Interesting how the IRA isn't yet mentioned in this anti-terrorism war.


Islamic Fundamentalists aren't our only problem BigPhilly

Any mainstream fanatical group can be dangerous.
2001-12-30 2:35:32 PM  
The terrorists have already won...
2001-12-30 2:41:12 PM  
Kurt Warner says that his proudest moment was back at the supermarket when he tossed a canned ham all the way from the meat department to a bagboy on register No. 1
[image from too old to be available]
2001-12-30 3:27:47 PM  
Working on Sundays is no fun, as it's a ghost town. Men at Work is on Comedy Central. I forgot what a lame movie that was...
sigh bored..bored..bored.

Oh yeah Greenbeetle that was a pretty disturbing sentence. No doubt.
2001-12-30 3:33:06 PM  
Hey, I live 30 miles from Newport. Plus...we have enough hicks in West Terre Haute. God, someone get me out of this state!
2001-12-30 3:55:59 PM  
So wait, Kentucky... Indiana... Hmm Who really cares about them? I've barely even heard of them. Kevin Costner probably comes from one of them.
2001-12-30 3:56:55 PM  
Indiana isn't just the racing capital, I'd consider it the basketball capital as well. We may not have any Arabs, but we do have a hell of a lot of Mexicans hiding in our cornfields....
Displayed 50 of 70 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.