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(Oregon Live)   Dildonian defendant says he only "borrowed" government truck, didn't steal it. Bonus: says the feds have no authority, God is his lawyer, and he's never won in court   ( oregonlive.com) divider line
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7156 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2016 at 12:06 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2016-03-12 10:41:28 AM  
God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.
 
2016-03-12 10:43:38 AM  
Also insists that he didn't take the last cookie, and that the front window was broken before he and his friends started playing ball.
 
2016-03-12 10:43:52 AM  
Representing himself... This dildo is a genius.
 
2016-03-12 10:44:37 AM  
i1.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

 
2016-03-12 10:51:47 AM  
Pretty much exactly what I would expect a Sovereign Dingbat to say.

I'm a little surprised it wasn't nuttier, actually.

Oh, by the way, Ken. You're definitely going to farkin prison.
 
2016-03-12 10:58:50 AM  
I don't accept that answer from the kindergarteners so I'm going to have to say no on this one. :p
 
2016-03-12 11:00:32 AM  
They slapped their own "HARNEY COUNTY RESOURCE CENTER" decals (the new name they gave they gave the 'liberated' Malheur National Wildlife Refuge) over the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service insignia on the trucks.

Which is something you totally do with a vehicle you're merely borrowing.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2016-03-12 11:04:59 AM  

CipollinaFan: God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.


It was a cross, not a hook.
 
2016-03-12 11:19:02 AM  
In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.
 
2016-03-12 11:29:34 AM  

Doctor Funkenstein: In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.


No way, man, she's going to love it. It'll be hilarious. I'd pay admission to be in that courtroom every day.
 
2016-03-12 11:29:36 AM  
Because there's no such thing as the federal government, it was technically a wild truck.  He roped it himself, tamed it to do his bidding, and now Obummer comes along and takes it from him.
 
2016-03-12 11:30:56 AM  

SundaesChild: CipollinaFan: God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.

It was a cross, not a hook.


So maybe god did get him off the hook.
 
2016-03-12 11:31:22 AM  

koder: Because there's no such thing as the federal government, it was technically a wild truck.  He roped it himself, tamed it to do his bidding, and now Obummer comes along and takes it from him.


It belongs to "We the people"!

As long as you leave it unlocked, it's okay!
 
2016-03-12 11:45:44 AM  

Sgt Otter: They slapped their own "HARNEY COUNTY RESOURCE CENTER" decals (the new name they gave they gave the 'liberated' Malheur National Wildlife Refuge) over the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service insignia on the trucks.

Which is something you totally do with a vehicle you're merely borrowing.

[img.fark.net image 850x637]


Since they had those magnets made in advance and brought them along, this sounds like a premeditated crime.
 
2016-03-12 11:48:32 AM  
"Why would we the people of the United States'' Medenbach asked, reading from prepared statements, "give the Judicial Department the power to tell We the People what the Constitution means?''

What is this I don't even...?

You're supposed to shove the dildo up your asshole, genius.  Not through your ears.
 
2016-03-12 11:54:29 AM  

ransack.: Doctor Funkenstein: In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.

No way, man, she's going to love it. It'll be hilarious. I'd pay admission to be in that courtroom every day.


They could easily sell tickets to this. Or maybe put it on pay-per-view.
 
2016-03-12 11:57:51 AM  

Doctor Funkenstein: In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.


I like how he thinks he's entitled to a handicap because he's an amateur lawyer:

"As a pro se litigator, I'm not held to as strict standards as an attorney would be,'' Medenbach said.
The judge told him he was incorrect. She'd hold him to the same standards as the other lawyers in the case. "You can't expect to get a pass so to speak,'' Brown told him.
 
2016-03-12 11:58:57 AM  

nekom: [i1.kym-cdn.com image 565x346]


This will never stop being hilarious.
 
2016-03-12 12:03:06 PM  
wordsinsquares.comView Full Size
 
2016-03-12 12:05:12 PM  

Sgt Otter: Doctor Funkenstein: In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.

I like how he thinks he's entitled to a handicap because he's an amateur lawyer:

"As a pro se litigator, I'm not held to as strict standards as an attorney would be,'' Medenbach said.
The judge told him he was incorrect. She'd hold him to the same standards as the other lawyers in the case. "You can't expect to get a pass so to speak,'' Brown told him.


It's like faking an injury at work, getting caught for false disability, then claiming the punishment is discriminatory to the handicapped.
 
2016-03-12 12:08:54 PM  
"Kenneth Medenbach, charged with federal conspiracy and theft of government property in the takeover of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, waived his right to a lawyer Friday, citing his deeply held religious beliefs."

"waived his right to a lawyer Friday"

Good!  I hope that they all take this route.
 
2016-03-12 12:09:23 PM  

Sgt Otter: They slapped their own "HARNEY COUNTY RESOURCE CENTER" decals (the new name they gave they gave the 'liberated' Malheur National Wildlife Refuge) over the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service insignia on the trucks.
Which is something you totally do with a vehicle you're merely borrowing.
[img.fark.net image 850x637]


I bet they thought nobody would even notice those government plates.

/WTF is wrong with those clowns?
 
2016-03-12 12:10:21 PM  

koder: Because there's no such thing as the federal government, it was technically a wild truck.  He roped it himself, tamed it to do his bidding, and now Obummer comes along and takes it from him.


More deranged obsessive micromanagement from FartBongo - why won't he get out of the way of private business?
 
2016-03-12 12:10:45 PM  

ransack.: Doctor Funkenstein: In her 24 years handling criminal cases, Brown said she's "never once seen a person benefit'' from choosing to represent himself.

This woman is about to earn her farking paycheck.  I hope the government offers her the option of an early retirement with full benefits when this shiatshow is over.

No way, man, she's going to love it. It'll be hilarious. I'd pay admission to be in that courtroom every day.


As a spectator, I'd be right there with you but this poor woman has to do everything she can to maintain order and civility with these idiots.  That's like asking someone to clear a highway after a blizzard using nothing more than a spoon.  That aside, I really, really hope one of them tries to introduce the dildos as evidence.
 
2016-03-12 12:10:48 PM  
How often does someone represent themselves and somehow actually manage to win? Because it can't be very often.
 
2016-03-12 12:11:56 PM  
Advice from Gomez Addams
Youtube nF-SR2UwGQ8
 
2016-03-12 12:12:12 PM  
"Why would we the people of the United States'' Medenbach asked, reading from prepared statements, "give the Judicial Department the power to tell We the People what the Constitution means?''

The Constitution gives the Judiciary Branch the power to determine what the Constitution means.  That is actually written in the Constitution.

Article III,
Section 1.
The judicial power of the United States, shall be vested in one Supreme Court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The judges, both of the supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behaviour, and shall, at stated times, receive for their services, a compensation, which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office.

Section 2.

The judicial power shall extend to all cases, in law and equity, arising under this Constitution, the laws of the United States, and treaties made, or which shall be made, under their authority;--to all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls;--to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction;--to controversies to which the United States shall be a party;--to controversies between two or more states; --between citizens of different states;--between citizens of the same state claiming lands under grants of different states, and between a state, or the citizens thereof, and foreign states, citizens or subjects.

In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be party, the Supreme Court shall have original jurisdiction. In all the other cases before mentioned, the Supreme Court shall have appellate jurisdiction, both as to law and fact, with such exceptions, and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.

The trial of all crimes, except in cases of impeachment, shall be by jury; and such trial shall be held in the state where the said crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any state, the trial shall be at such place or places as the Congress may by law have directed.

Section 3.
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.

The Congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason, but no attainder of treason shall work corruption of blood, or forfeiture except during the life of the person attainted.
 
2016-03-12 12:12:56 PM  
"Joke is on YOU, judge! I failed the bar exam so I'm not limited like a regular lawyer is!"
 
2016-03-12 12:13:17 PM  

Gosling: How often does someone represent themselves and somehow actually manage to win? Because it can't be very often.


Short of them actually being a Lawyer? This side of never. I'm sure there is a few fluke cases but you'd be much better off with the most overworked public defender.
 
2016-03-12 12:14:32 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2016-03-12 12:15:21 PM  
 . . . waived his right to a lawyer Friday, citing his deeply held religious beliefs.  "I have a Holy Spirit that lives in me and will guide me through this. He's the creator of heaven and Earth. This is a small thing for him,'' Medenbach told the court. "This life is immaterial to a future life in heaven. It's small stuff.''

The Holy Spirit must want your ass in jail REAL bad.
 
2016-03-12 12:16:00 PM  
They're armed. You're not.
 
2016-03-12 12:16:11 PM  

Mock26: "Why would we the people of the United States'' Medenbach asked, reading from prepared statements, "give the Judicial Department the power to tell We the People what the Constitution means?''

The Constitution gives the Judiciary Branch the power to determine what the Constitution means.  That is actually written in the Constitution.

Article III,
Section 1.
The judicial power of the United States, shall be vested in one Supreme Court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The judges, both of the supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behaviour, and shall, at stated times, receive for their services, a compensation, which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office.

Section 2.

The judicial power shall extend to all cases, in law and equity, arising under this Constitution, the laws of the United States, and treaties made, or which shall be made, under their authority;--to all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls;--to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction;--to controversies to which the United States shall be a party;--to controversies between two or more states; --between citizens of different states;--between citizens of the same state claiming lands under grants of different states, and between a state, or the citizens thereof, and foreign states, citizens or subjects.

In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be party, the Supreme Court shall have original jurisdiction. In all the other cases before mentioned, the Supreme Court shall have appellate jurisdiction, both as to law and fact, with such exceptions, and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.

The trial of all crimes, except in cases of impeachment, shall be by jury; and such trial shall be held in the state where the said crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any state, the trial shall be at such place or places as the Congress may by law have directed.

Section 3.
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.

The Congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason, but no attainder of treason shall work corruption of blood, or forfeiture except during the life of the person attainted.


That part was left out of their little pocket constitutions.
 
2016-03-12 12:16:33 PM  
If your going to quote the Constitution put quotes around it or italicize it.
 
2016-03-12 12:19:06 PM  

Mock26: That is actually written in the Constitution.


HA!

"Area man reasoned defender of what the Constitution actually contains"
 
2016-03-12 12:19:29 PM  
I'm gonna go borrow some of his stuff.  BRB.
 
2016-03-12 12:21:15 PM  
"A man who represents himself in court has a fool for his client."  Abraham Lincoln.
 
2016-03-12 12:23:47 PM  

thatboyoverthere: Gosling: How often does someone represent themselves and somehow actually manage to win? Because it can't be very often.

Short of them actually being a Lawyer? This side of never. I'm sure there is a few fluke cases but you'd be much better off with the most overworked public defender.


moviemezzanine.comView Full Size
 
2016-03-12 12:23:59 PM  
imbibeingestinscribe.files.wordpress.com
apologies for family circus, but it seems  the appropriate level of sophistication for these chuckleheads.
 
2016-03-12 12:25:02 PM  

CipollinaFan: God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.


I don't know what you mean.  Jesus nailed it.
 
2016-03-12 12:25:19 PM  
"Why would we the people of the United States'' Medenbach asked, reading from prepared statements, "give the Judicial Department the power to tell We the People what the Constitution means?''

LOLWUT

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2016-03-12 12:26:12 PM  

CipollinaFan: God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.


He's  mean judge, though; he nailed him !
 
2016-03-12 12:27:55 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Joke is on YOU, judge! I failed the bar exam so I'm not limited like a regular lawyer is!"


ACTUAL ARGUMENT. He actually did say that because he wasn't a lawyer, he wasn't bound by the rules of lawyers. (A point on which the judge immediately begged to differ.)
 
2016-03-12 12:28:42 PM  
Earlier:

After the judge explained their rights to a trial and their presumption of innocence, several of the defendants directly challenged her assertions.

"It's difficult to understand the presumption of innocence when I've spent the last month in a jail cell and led around in chains wherever I go,'' Payne said.

Brown said she understood his concerns, but noted that his detention was a separate matter.

Co-defendant Ryan Bundy, standing beside his lawyer in the jury box, grabbed hold of a wireless microphone that the lawyers were passing from one to another and told the court that he shared the same reservation. He is Ammon Bundy's older brother.

"We're being treated as we're guilty,'' he said. "So I don't understand the presumption of innocence.''


Link
 
2016-03-12 12:28:50 PM  

lennavan: I'm gonna go borrow some of his stuff.  BRB.


Pick me up a blue tarp while your there. I feel that the blue tarp is required for noting down treasons. Otherwise, I just don't feel militia-ey when I'm making up my list of targets.

img.fark.netView Full Size


http://www.iiigear.com/
 
2016-03-12 12:29:52 PM  

Mock26: "Why would we the people of the United States'' Medenbach asked, reading from prepared statements, "give the Judicial Department the power to tell We the People what the Constitution means?''

The Constitution gives the Judiciary Branch the power to determine what the Constitution means.  That is actually written in the Constitution.

Article III,
Section 1.
The judicial power of the United States, shall be vested in one Supreme Court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The judges, both of the supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behaviour, and shall, at stated times, receive for their services, a compensation, which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office.

Section 2.

The judicial power shall extend to all cases, in law and equity, arising under this Constitution, the laws of the United States, and treaties made, or which shall be made, under their authority;--to all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls;--to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction;--to controversies to which the United States shall be a party;--to controversies between two or more states; --between citizens of different states;--between citizens of the same state claiming lands under grants of different states, and between a state, or the citizens thereof, and foreign states, citizens or subjects.

In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be party, the Supreme Court shall have original jurisdiction. In all the other cases before mentioned, the Supreme Court shall have appellate jurisdiction, both as to law and fact, with such exceptions, and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.

The trial of all crimes, except in cases of impeachment, shall be by jury; and such trial shall be held in the state where the said crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any state, the ...


You don't actually expect these people to have READ the Constitution, do you?  They carry around copies of them just as fashion accessories, not as things for study.
 
2016-03-12 12:29:55 PM  

thatboyoverthere: you'd be much better off with the most overworked public defender.


Especially because public defenders on average produce better case outcomes for their clients than private defense lawyers do. Except for the wealthiest of defendants who can afford world class legal talent, most defendants would be better off with a public defender representing them than private counsel.
 
2016-03-12 12:31:38 PM  

grokca: SundaesChild: CipollinaFan: God is a shiatty lawyer, he couldn't even get Jesus off the hook.

It was a cross, not a hook.

So maybe god did get him off the hook.


He negotiated down to a crucifixion because it was a first offense.
 
2016-03-12 12:32:41 PM  
More recently:

Ammon Bundy's attorneys told the judge that he wanted to be advised of his rights. U.S. District Court Judge Anna Brown denied the request, noting that they were read at three prior court appearances.

"I know I have no rights, so thank you," Bundy said.


Link
 
2016-03-12 12:33:26 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: They're armed. You're not.


They're in jail and awaiting trial, so I'm pretty sure they actually aren't armed, while a ton of guards and bailiffs at the courthouse are.

And when they were armed, they still did little more than have the world's longest, stupidest slumber party, and one of them was still killed by cops.
 
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