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(X-Entertainment)   X-E locates the worst hotel arcade in the United States   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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36307 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Apr 2004 at 2:25 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

103 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-04-05 04:46:46 PM  
Hilarious, as always.

On another note, I think Matt must have gotten an old, nasty bag of those Snyder's Buffalo Wing Chips. I've had those and they're pretty good. That's probably a result of me getting them from a vending machine in an arcade that doesn't blow. That's the only place I've ever seen them though and they aren't in the machine any more, so maybe all the buffalo wing chips retired from Beach Gameland to go north and die at the Quality Inn.
2004-04-05 04:56:56 PM  
This guy can write. Funny ass stuff.
2004-04-05 04:57:24 PM  
I am gonna be sick for passover, thx dik.
2004-04-05 06:28:20 PM  
That does look like a pretty bleak hotel, They must ask you to check your soul at the door.

/X-E is awesome!
2004-04-05 10:55:28 PM  
but the faint smell of rotting broccoli and dead fish...

Oh that's just wrong.
2004-04-06 01:35:59 AM  
Matt has obviously not been to the Azteca off 320th St. in Federal Way, WA.
2004-04-06 02:35:37 AM  
I was gonna say the game room at my local bowling alley (Babylon Bowl), but after reading...THAT...It just seemed a hell of a lot better!

/At least Bowling Aley game machines WORK and have somewhat decent prizes in the prize-grabbers
2004-04-06 02:36:52 AM  
That ice cream machine scares me.

If he's never seen vending machines with something other than food in it, he hasn't travelled much. A vending machine at a nearby bowling alley has an assortment of bowling junk inside it.
2004-04-06 02:41:22 AM  
They have games in the washroom too, I won a balloon!
2004-04-06 02:42:47 AM  
Man, I thought I'd been in some bad hotel arcades before, but I don't think I've ever been in one that didn't have something of at least marginal value, even if it is just an old Galaga or Pac-Man machine. The worst I can even think of is the one were the only two working machines were Crusin' USA and Mad Dog McGree 2.
2004-04-06 02:43:48 AM  
I shouldn't care about this, but I do, just because of how brilliantly it's written.
2004-04-06 02:43:59 AM  
Ok ok... It was I who shat in the ice cream machine!
2004-04-06 02:44:42 AM  
But I have, El_Presdente, and I'm scarred because of it.
2004-04-06 02:46:15 AM  
The scary part is I have been in that game room. It was probably about 7 years ago so I wasn't on the gambling end and that game room was all I had. To tell you the truth as a 14 year old kid that game room didn't seem that bad. The funny part is that hotel cost more to stay at than the more luxurious hotels in AC.

/Not fnorgbying.
2004-04-06 02:46:58 AM  
Jeez and I thought I was pissed when I had to spend $5 an hour to play Tiger Woods golf in my hotel room.
2004-04-06 02:48:51 AM  
The worst I've been in was the Days Inn at Elysburg, PA.

It had a hacked Ms. Pac-Man, a few other mid-to-old school games, one broken pinball machine, and a pool table.

It wasn't bad for hotel gamerooms, but compared to the arcade at nearby Knoebel's Amusement Park, it was a pit.

It's now ambrosia to that hellhole.

As an aside, who here HATES playing Ms. Pac-Man machines that have been hacked with new levels and stuff. It's sickening!
2004-04-06 02:49:14 AM  
One thing about those buffalo wing chips: they are ridiculously, nauseatingly SALTY.

What's great is those Pac-Man machines that have been left on so long that the ghostly image of the maze is permanently burned onto the CRT.
2004-04-06 02:50:46 AM  


I consider myself a bit of a Pac-Man afficitionado. Seeing a burned in Pac-Man screen makes me sick. I love those games, but kids these days DON'T FARKING CARE! It's OOOOOOOOOOLD! It's BOOOOOOOOOORING! You only need ONE QUARTER!

And of course, the new Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga thing is a fifty-cent machine. Greedy bastards.
2004-04-06 02:54:19 AM  
Regarding the chips.....

First bag I purchased from a vending machine was great, and I thought it was one of the best bag of chips I had ever had.

The second bag sucked. I don't think any of the seasoning actually stayed on the chips. Probably needed more MSG.
2004-04-06 02:54:33 AM  
The best old school game was that ET game on Atari. I mean it sucked SO MUCH how can you not like its idiotic simplicity?
2004-04-06 02:56:15 AM  
It wasn't much more than seven or eight blocks, but when you consider that every part of Atlantic City not literally attached to a casino is a slum filled with murderers and space aliens who moonlight as murderers, walking seven or eight blocks in the dark of night might cost you a lot more than 300 bucks.

LMAO! Damn funny all around
2004-04-06 02:56:36 AM  
I dared someone at my dorm 10$ to finish those Snyder's Buffalo Wing one could do it.

I tasted one and i almost vomited.

They are nasty.

2004-04-06 02:58:27 AM  
The best part is the table in the corner
2004-04-06 02:58:59 AM  
Why bother with arcades anymore? Between MAME, MESS, and Visual Pinball (with or without VPinMAME), there's not many games out there that have ever existed for any platform that a PC can't play.
2004-04-06 03:01:36 AM  
COMALiteJ, can those give you the fun of playing random people in Marvel vs Capcom 2? Or is your computer screen big enough to emulate Time Crisis 2, much less support a decent light gun? Can your emulator give you the arcade feel of a good DDR session?

I'm all for emulation, but the computer can't perfectally copy some of the best parts of the arcade.
2004-04-06 03:04:07 AM  

Because it really is just not the same Emulated. It's not the same without the arcade experience. Try playing in a good, well maintained arcade, and you'll see. (They exist. Try "Gateway 26" on the Wildwood Boardwalk.)
2004-04-06 03:04:56 AM  
holy crap, that IS crappy. where's the ddr machine?
2004-04-06 03:07:29 AM  
Considering the state of the arcade room, I'm surprised he left the building without getting tuberculosis, ringworm, and cancer.
2004-04-06 03:08:23 AM  
The best old school game was that ET game on Atari. I mean it sucked SO MUCH how can you not like its idiotic simplicity?

Simple. Watch your older sister play it for HOURS on end while growing up.

The funny part is, she became a chemical engineer, and I was the one who did a lot of drugs in high school.
2004-04-06 03:09:30 AM  
Gateway 26

ah, my favorite arcade of all time

that place should be a shrine for video gamers.

its the mecca of video games
2004-04-06 03:11:48 AM  

For years, I used to love Variety Corner, but then it changed owners and became Variety Casino. Too many friggin token dispensing machines, and not enough GAMES.

Gateway 26 has been my surrogate. I miss the Speedy Ms. Pac-Man at Variety Corner, though.
2004-04-06 03:22:50 AM  
Police 911 is the only modern arcade game I'll even look at these days.
2004-04-06 03:25:11 AM  
I have Street Fighter 2 on this computer with the original game pad. My computer screen is huge, and it does it justice.

Computer show and sales rule.
2004-04-06 03:28:55 AM  

Heh that game was pretty hilarious. You spend half the time with the guy having his arm cocked in a ready to punch position that looked incredibly silly. Was an interesting precursor to NBA Jam.
2004-04-06 03:29:58 AM  
About the X-Men VS Street Fighter machine.

That thing has probably been out of order now for at least 2 or 3 years. Those Capcom bastards built a self-destruct system into all those type of machines (CPS-2) that makes them stop working after about 5 years. The only way to make them work again is to send the board back to Capcom, where they reset it (for a price obviously).
2004-04-06 03:32:10 AM  
Another absolutly shiatty game was anything on an Apple IIe...anyone remember bibbit and gribbit? ugh...
2004-04-06 03:34:42 AM  
Needs some Hard Drivin'

[image from too old to be available] (click for readable goodness)
2004-04-06 03:35:08 AM  
I really like Ms Pac Man with the speed hack. I can still play that for an hour or so. I'd think galaga would be my second fav old game. Namco classics volume 3 is probably the best $20 I've ever spent. Well except for that time in San Carlos Mexico.
2004-04-06 03:42:30 AM  
No, no.

I got you all beat.

X-E, send a crew to Hawaii, island of O'ahu. Have them look up a place called 99 Ranch.

Despite its midwestern-sounding name, this place is all Asian. Asian foods, Asian goods...

Asian gameroom.

Oh yes, oh yes indeed. If they have not changed from my last visit several months ago, you are in for a treat.

The first thing you will see upon entering the door is a Video Game Mardi Gras machine. The goal: to shake your maracas to the beat. Yes, maracas where an American game would have guns, or a dance pit. Shake em, boy!

You turn right. There are a collection of low-slung Japanese video games, perhaps one is even being idly played by the shopkeeper. Feel free to look over his shoulder and see if you can figure out the point of a Japanese video game. Perhaps it's a card game featuring polygonal half naked women...if you're lucky. If you're not, it's a card game featuring polygonal half naked men. Either way, there's bound to be plenty of flashing lights and screaming, coming from a machine that you either crouch (if you have strong Japanese legs) or sit on a chair (if you have weak, flabby American legs) to play.

More scary than an American game room full of broken and filthy machines is a spic-and-span gameroom full of Japanese video games. The flashing, screaming, and general psychoticness is getting to you quickly. You turn to leave, feeling the telltale whispers of impending psychotic hallucinations.

It's too late! You've gone insane! Strains of Napoleon XIV float through your head as your eyes attempt desperately to reconcile what they insist on seeing with your known reality. There, originally hidden from you by the giant screen of the Happy Mardi Gras Maraca machine, is a crane game. The first thing that strikes you as odd is that you've never seen a crane game that's filled with water before. Then your eyes set upon the prize.

A live LOBSTER. No wait, two or three LIVE LOBSTERS.

Blink. Close your eyes and count to five. The lobsters and water are still there.

Look up. Ah yes, indeed. Taped around the title sign of the game are dozens of photographs of of grinning winners, grasping their prize lobsters. Then your eyes realize the name of the game is written in English.

The fluorescent-backlit sign is unmistakeable.
It reads:

2004-04-06 03:44:09 AM  
bhcompy, that reminds me of Vette.

[image from too old to be available]

(click for the full-sized version)

There were two different floppy disks in the box. One was the CGA version, the other was EGA. If anyone can tell me what those acronyms refer to, I won't feel like an old, useless codger.
2004-04-06 03:46:17 AM  
I remember when a tabletop Phoenix machine was rare technological gold.

I had one of the 1980s best jobs--arcade guy with the keys. Yeah, I was the guy you'd ask to get your quarter back, and I'd sling my amazing keychain to the correct key and slingaty-sloop! You're in gaming goodness, and maybe I gave you an extra credit for being nice.

Later, after we'd closed, we'd drink beer and smoke bowls and play Xevious until our eyes bled.

Damn those WERE good times. I was so pissed off about girls to notice.
2004-04-06 03:46:36 AM  

That reminded me of mortal Kombat II's ultimate code. If I remember right, at the end of a game it would bring up a code section. Of course we all just tapped away at the buttons hoping to do something.

Finally gamepro and the rest of the gaming mag's published the code. When it was entered, Mortal Kombat II was perma-free play until the arcade/owner either upgraded or bought some other code. (Don't know exactly) Man... Were those arcade owners upset! The game was off for a few days because they didn't want it out for free. A local casino would ban any kid bringing a video game mag into the arcade.

I thought that was pretty damn funny! I wonder if that was legal?
2004-04-06 03:47:33 AM  
We have an asian shopping center here in Phoenix with "99" in the name. What's up with that?
2004-04-06 03:50:03 AM  
Stonedonkey I think that refers to the quality of the graphics, EGA being better than CGA. The only thing that I've ever purchased that made a difference in graphics to me was a 4mb monster add on card for Open Gl Quake.
2004-04-06 03:54:24 AM  
AC is ok, if you hole yourself up inside an expensive hotel and never leave without an armed escort.

maybe two.
2004-04-06 03:54:46 AM  
2004-04-06 03:44:09 AM stonedonkey

There were two different floppy disks in the box. One was the CGA version, the other was EGA. If anyone can tell me what those acronyms refer to, I won't feel like an old, useless codger.

Computer Graphics Array and Extended Graphics Array, if memory serves. 4 and 16 colours respectively, right?
2004-04-06 03:59:46 AM  
I thought it was Color Graphics Adapter and Extended Graphics Adapter.
2004-04-06 04:03:07 AM  
2004-04-06 04:04:11 AM  
"Feeling winded? Take an imaginary seat."

Hhahah. This cracked me up for some reason.
2004-04-06 04:11:19 AM  
That little table used to hold a TV, if anyone cares.
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