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(Crawley Observer)   Woman complains to police that a man in a BMW was naked from the waist down. Police tell her that if they had to investigate every dick in a BMW, they'd never have time to do any other police work   (crawleyobserver.co.uk) divider line
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2079 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jul 2015 at 1:03 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2015-07-31 10:51:18 AM  
+1, Subby.

/poor
 
2015-07-31 11:05:06 AM  
Yeah I drove on I-95 yesterday from NYC to New Haven. Every other car was a BMW. I kinda don't mind though. They know they're dicks and I actually think they buy BMWs as a courtesy to let us all know. It is really just a $80,000 semaphore.
 
2015-07-31 11:19:18 AM  
It's funny because it's true.
 
2015-07-31 11:19:27 AM  
great headline

although I seem to come across a lot more dicks in Cadillac Escalades than in BMWs lately
 
2015-07-31 11:51:58 AM  
CSB:  Got stuck behind a real asshole in a Beemer in Bethesda once.  His vanity plate?  "MY FEE"
 
2015-07-31 12:06:59 PM  
as the owner of two BMWs, i just stopped in to say hi.

/actually i try to drive as courteously as possible at all times.
//i'm very aware that i don't want to be THAT guy.
 
2015-07-31 12:10:11 PM  

FlashHarry: as the owner of two BMWs, i just stopped in to say hi.

/actually i try to drive as courteously as possible at all times.
//i'm very aware that i don't want to be THAT guy.


I think the brand attracts assholes.  It doesn't make them ;-)
 
2015-07-31 12:20:11 PM  
Not a beamer story, but yesterday I'm on my way home and there's an intersection ahead and it's rush hour so there's like 40 cars waiting in the right/straight turn lane. Well some asshole in a bright-blue cube of an SUV decides he's going to get in the straight lane and just cut in line closer to the intersection to turn right.

Fortunately he was behind me so I didn't have to deal with any of the drama. Anyway light turns green, cars start moving, but no one in the right lane will let this asshole in. I'm waiting in the same lane he's in to cross straight over, but I can see him in my mirror, just absolutely going ballistic, arms flailing, you can tell he's cussing. He still can't get in. I cross over, light turns red, he's stuck at the intersection.

Couldn't help but chuckle. Wish I could have licked his tears.
 
2015-07-31 12:35:27 PM  
See, I was trying to make a comment here in my own lane, but I had to wait two minutes to post after FlashHarry TOTALLY CUT ME OFF!

*lays on horn for five solid seconds*
 
2015-07-31 1:05:06 PM  
Guy sounds like a wanker.
 
2015-07-31 1:05:38 PM  
HEADLINE OF THE YEAR!
 
2015-07-31 1:06:32 PM  
 
2015-07-31 1:08:07 PM  
Ya know the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

With porcupines the prick is on the outside.

/ya I know
 
2015-07-31 1:09:03 PM  
Wish I'da thot of That one, Great!
 
2015-07-31 1:09:35 PM  
I enjoy driving my BMW.
 
2015-07-31 1:13:01 PM  
BMW. When extra padding 'down there' just isn't enough
 
2015-07-31 1:14:03 PM  
What, no one else has ever had to change into sweatpants while driving?

Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!
 
2015-07-31 1:14:37 PM  
Man, ain't that the truth.

I kid. Kinda. It probably just SEEMS like everybody who drives a BMW is an asshole, rather than that actually being the case.

But too many of you BMW owners also seem determined to fulfill the stereotype. And there's no real reason for it.
 
2015-07-31 1:14:56 PM  
My own limited observation seems to be the 3 series owners are the dickheads. That line is for people that want the status of a German sports car without actually learning how to drive a German sports car.
 
2015-07-31 1:16:02 PM  
Is that wrong? I'm gonna have to go with no one told me it's wrong to drive pantsless and wanking at the same time. Heck, my 5 speed transmission just makes it look like I'm playing with Mr. Happy .
 
2015-07-31 1:16:47 PM  

mama2tnt: +1, Subby.

/poor


ding ding dingaling!
 
2015-07-31 1:17:23 PM  
HIYOOOOOOOOOO!!!

+1 subby.
 
2015-07-31 1:19:20 PM  

Diogenes: FlashHarry: as the owner of two BMWs, i just stopped in to say hi.

/actually i try to drive as courteously as possible at all times.
//i'm very aware that i don't want to be THAT guy.

I think the brand attracts assholes.  It doesn't make them ;-)


this
 
2015-07-31 1:20:32 PM  
How did she see him from the waist down, did he have the doors removed?

 And why was she staring at the guy in the car beside her instead of the traffic or stop light?
 
2015-07-31 1:21:50 PM  

tricycleracer: I enjoy driving my BMW.


they are, indeed, the ultimate driving machine

but, with a slogan like "the ultimate driving machine", people who are pricks will buy them like hotcakes

now i want hotcakes
 
2015-07-31 1:22:23 PM  

mudpants: How did she see him from the waist down, did he have the doors removed?

 And why was she staring at the guy in the car beside her instead of the traffic or stop light?


Because penis.
 
2015-07-31 1:24:38 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: My own limited observation seems to be the 3 series owners are the dickheads. That line is for people that want the status of a German sports car without actually learning how to drive a German sports car.


this!

a coworker of mine while i was a valet at the airport said something like:
notice the 3 series/entry-level drivers of bmw, mercedes, audi, are the pricks...they're the jr execs, the yuppies, the middle-management, with a chip on their shoulder. the 7series/etc drivers are rich folks who simply don't give a shiat, so they're usually ok
 
2015-07-31 1:25:56 PM  
I've had a lot of BMW drivers in my family. My dad used to have them throughout the 80's and 90's. He loved them but gave up on them as he felt their engineering wasn't the same.
Cousin had one for a short period before he totaled it. He called it a "Bimmer". Enough said.
Sister-in-law is probably the only BMW owner I know who just doesn't fit the stereotype or even come close to it.
 
2015-07-31 1:27:49 PM  
I'm a dick with a BMW.

So I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...

Some of you guys are very good at making it sound like you know what you are talking about. But trust me.... You don't.

I think you just want to make yourself sound smart, when in reality you dont know what you are talking about.

This is how bad info gets passed around. If you dont know about the topic....Dont make yourself sound like you do.

Cuz some Farkers belive anything they hear."
 
2015-07-31 1:28:02 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: My own limited observation seems to be the 3 series owners are the dickheads. That line is for people that want the status of a German sports car without actually learning how to drive a German sports car.


That's a stretch.
 
2015-07-31 1:28:34 PM  
Why is it that every arsehole with a minuscule member thinks that BMW stands for Big Male Weiner?
 
2015-07-31 1:28:41 PM  
The last few years, I did part-time porter work to help out a used car dealership my nephew worked for. They'd go up to auction and buy the cars, then tell me and some of my friends to go pick 'em up. We'd pile into one of the cars from the lot, drive to the auction place, and drive all the cars back. It was fun, I got to drive a lot of fun cars, and my friends and I each made fifty bucks a pop for the "trouble."

The little dealer he worked for liked German cars for the high resale value and reliability, so it wound up being a lot of Audis, VW's, Mercedes, a couple of Porsches...And a whole lot of BMW's. And here's the thing...Out of all the cars I ever drove, the BMW's were easily the nicest of the bunch - even among all the other German stuff.

No matter how old they were, or what the model series...The BMW's were - to the car - smooth to drive, ergonomic, comfortable, powerful, and loaded with creature comforts. They're just awesomely-built vehicles. I used to think they were just douchebag status symbols, but after driving the first one, I totally got it. And "it" was reinforced with everey other Beamer I got behind the wheel of.

Stereotype or not, it's a life goal to own one, now. And I currently drive a Benz.
 
2015-07-31 1:28:51 PM  
Bedstead Polisher: He called it a "Bimmer".

i hate that!
ever since 1998, when i got stationed in germany, i've pronounced them "bee em vee"
 
2015-07-31 1:29:26 PM  

Rapmaster2000: I'm a dick with a BMW.

So I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...

Some of you guys are very good at making it sound like you know what you are talking about. But trust me.... You don't.

I think you just want to make yourself sound smart, when in reality you dont know what you are talking about.

This is how bad info gets passed around. If you dont know about the topic....Dont make yourself sound like you do.

Cuz some Farkers belive anything they hear."


old school
 
2015-07-31 1:30:16 PM  
I thought Audi drivers had taken the title of douchiest drivers from BMW? Or is that just a Top Gear thing?

Drive right, pass left, don't tailgate, let semis move back over (don't pass them on the right), merge at speed of traffic (don't stop and put your turn signal on).
 
2015-07-31 1:33:02 PM  
I recently drove from Heathrow to Bath to Lincoln to Newcastle upon Tyne to Glasgow and every time I had anger with a fellow driver, it was a BMW.  I was doing 80 in a 70 and they were so up my trumpet I couldn't see the front of the hood.  I thought Top Gear was kidding about BMW being douchemobiles, but wow they weren't.   And these aren't the fancy BMWs, they were all 3 series, the poor mans BMW.  Everyone of them was a solo driver, white male.
Lots of dbag drivers and yes I was on the correct side.

/driving a rental Volvo SUV through the hedgerows of Surrey and Wiltshire at speed is dangerous to the car and your sanity.
//Lanes were 6 feet 6 inches wide at times, the car is 7 feet wide.
///NEVER AGAIN
 
2015-07-31 1:35:30 PM  
Good jorb, subby
+1
 
2015-07-31 1:35:57 PM  
Hey - I bought a used 530i because of the way it handles - a real dream to drive.
Used, because who want to pay $80K for a car (got it for $25K 3 years old)

Go out of my way to NOT be that guy - don't cut off people, drive safely, no speed lane changes..

Someone mentioned the 3 series guys - yup, pretty true, that and some Audi drivers and any Hummer owner.
 
2015-07-31 1:36:59 PM  
I was out on a bike ride a while back way out in the country and suddenly a long line of cars started going past me. They were all going pretty fast and most of them couldn't be bothered to move over a little as they went past. After about the 20th one went past I realized that it was meeting of the Austin dick bag club.

Coincidentally every one of them was driving a BMW.
 
2015-07-31 1:40:58 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: My own limited observation seems to be the 3 series owners are the dickheads. That line is for people that want the status of a German sports car without actually learning how to drive a German sports car.


I don't consider my 328 to be a sports car... because at 240hp on 16" tires, I'm not burning up the track.  I consider it what I really want which is a small car that is quiet and smooth like a larger car.  I hate how you can't buy a nice small car in the US.  You can only buy a cheap small car.

I did get the manual transmission, but that still doesn't make it a sports car.

That said, it looks like Mazda is trying to do the same thing - make a nice, small car.  I think a Mazda is in my future.
 
2015-07-31 1:44:21 PM  

dougermouse: I was doing 80 in a 70 and they were so up my trumpet I couldn't see the front of the hood.


Don't you mean the "bonnet"?

rsmg.pbsrc.comView Full Size
 
2015-07-31 1:44:41 PM  
Z4 owner.   Seriously, I try to not be a dick.   I will say that people do actively get aggressive with me on the highway sometimes and I'll happily move over.    Clarkson thinks that the dicks moved from M3's to Audis.    My observation is that Maxima drivers are the biggest dicks on the road.
 
2015-07-31 1:46:02 PM  

Timmy the Tumor: great headline

although I seem to come across a lot more dicks in Cadillac Escalades than in BMWs lately


You're technically in the south, where the Escalades are more popular than the BMWs, so you see more asshole drivers in Escalades. They're both terrible.
 
2015-07-31 1:48:09 PM  

mudpants: How did she see him from the waist down, did he have the doors removed?

 And why was she staring at the guy in the car beside her instead of the traffic or stop light?


Was wondering the same thing. Also wondering why she screamed. Is the sight of a penis really that scary? And not even a penis, assuming he was sitting in his car, it was probably just nestled in his lap. Unless he was swinging it at her as if he was going to lasso her with it.
 
2015-07-31 1:49:16 PM  

dougermouse: I recently drove from Heathrow to Bath to Lincoln to Newcastle upon Tyne to Glasgow and every time I had anger with a fellow driver, it was a BMW.  I was doing 80 in a 70 and they were so up my trumpet I couldn't see the front of the hood.  I thought Top Gear was kidding about BMW being douchemobiles, but wow they weren't.   And these aren't the fancy BMWs, they were all 3 series, the poor mans BMW.  Everyone of them was a solo driver, white male.
Lots of dbag drivers and yes I was on the correct side.

/driving a rental Volvo SUV through the hedgerows of Surrey and Wiltshire at speed is dangerous to the car and your sanity.
//Lanes were 6 feet 6 inches wide at times, the car is 7 feet wide.
///NEVER AGAIN


I just drove from Glasgow, to inverness, to Sky and back to Glasgow in a Toyota Auris 4 door, which in the UK may as well be a Mack truck.  There were some white knuckle times on the single carriageways.,
 
2015-07-31 1:50:11 PM  

tripleseven: dougermouse: I recently drove from Heathrow to Bath to Lincoln to Newcastle upon Tyne to Glasgow and every time I had anger with a fellow driver, it was a BMW.  I was doing 80 in a 70 and they were so up my trumpet I couldn't see the front of the hood.  I thought Top Gear was kidding about BMW being douchemobiles, but wow they weren't.   And these aren't the fancy BMWs, they were all 3 series, the poor mans BMW.  Everyone of them was a solo driver, white male.
Lots of dbag drivers and yes I was on the correct side.

/driving a rental Volvo SUV through the hedgerows of Surrey and Wiltshire at speed is dangerous to the car and your sanity.
//Lanes were 6 feet 6 inches wide at times, the car is 7 feet wide.
///NEVER AGAIN

I just drove from Glasgow, to inverness, to Sky and back to Glasgow in a Toyota Auris 4 door, which in the UK may as well be a Mack truck.  There were some white knuckle times on the single carriageways.,


*Skye.

auto correct.
 
2015-07-31 1:50:13 PM  

Diogenes: CSB:  Got stuck behind a real asshole in a Beemer in Bethesda once.  His vanity plate?  "MY FEE"


I was stuck behind a lawyer with 'I DFND" as his.

Prick.
 
2015-07-31 1:50:42 PM  

Dellirium: Hey - I bought a used 530i because of the way it handles - a real dream to drive.
Used, because who want to pay $80K for a car (got it for $25K 3 years old)

Go out of my way to NOT be that guy - don't cut off people, drive safely, no speed lane changes..

Someone mentioned the 3 series guys - yup, pretty true, that and some Audi drivers and any Hummer owner.


Good on you. I would have jumped on that too.
 
2015-07-31 1:52:52 PM  

Dellirium: Hey - I bought a used 530i because of the way it handles - a real dream to drive.
Used, because who want to pay $80K for a car (got it for $25K 3 years old)

Go out of my way to NOT be that guy - don't cut off people, drive safely, no speed lane changes..

Someone mentioned the 3 series guys - yup, pretty true, that and some Audi drivers and any Hummer owner.


I love my Audi, but it's a ticket MAGNET.

/Partly because of the acceleration and smooth handling
//Never got tickets in my old Honda Element
/// Pity, yes ... tickets, no
 
2015-07-31 1:56:44 PM  

bdub77: Not a beamer story, but yesterday I'm on my way home and there's an intersection ahead and it's rush hour so there's like 40 cars waiting in the right/straight turn lane. Well some asshole in a bright-blue cube of an SUV decides he's going to get in the straight lane and just cut in line closer to the intersection to turn right.

Fortunately he was behind me so I didn't have to deal with any of the drama. Anyway light turns green, cars start moving, but no one in the right lane will let this asshole in. I'm waiting in the same lane he's in to cross straight over, but I can see him in my mirror, just absolutely going ballistic, arms flailing, you can tell he's cussing. He still can't get in. I cross over, light turns red, he's stuck at the intersection.

Couldn't help but chuckle. Wish I could have licked his tears.


Had a lady try to do the same thing, tried to quickly force her way into the backed up lane. She tried to tell the cop I rear ended her. He laughed. She bought me a new front quarter panel
/I drove an old truck
 
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