Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   Lonely Russian makes love to a padlock. Hilarity ensues   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

17556 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2004 at 9:48 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

98 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-03-12 10:27:56 PM  
TwistedTenacity, Mrmustard11, ROFLOL! Shame this thread dosn't have voting enabled!

Man descended from apes? More likely descended from dolphins would be my theory after reading this article. Dolphins are well known for being promiscuious.

/gets popcorn ready for no real good reason
2004-03-12 10:28:27 PM  
What I'm really curious about is the poll on the right-hand border. How could people possibly find Jamie Oliver offensive, even in jest? He's probably the most affable, least pretentious chef on television today. Except, of course, Alton Brown, though he might not technically be a chef.
2004-03-12 10:31:32 PM  
I'm guessing about 13 farkers have gone off to find lube, a lock, and wire cutters in case of emergency (to cut their throat in case something goes wrong)

2004-03-12 10:35:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:38:15 PM  
Stop 'em with a Schlage, not your schlong, man!
2004-03-12 10:46:28 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:49:20 PM  
[Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door.]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Not that I know of.
[She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again.]
Dana Barrett: Are you the Keymaster?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.
2004-03-12 10:49:28 PM  
ronaski- I have a copy of that album SIGNED by Sammy.

2004-03-12 10:50:37 PM  
Why settle for one when you can have a threesome?

[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:50:50 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
GIS "key bending"
2004-03-12 10:55:09 PM  
The one safe for work result for the GIS "cock bending"...

[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:58:15 PM  
"The one safe for work result for the GIS "cock bending"..."

why the hell would you put "cock bending" in google image search, you know what you are going to see.
2004-03-12 10:58:56 PM  
2004-03-12 10:59:05 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:59:58 PM  
When that article about the woman wearing a chastity belt in Greece was up a couple weeks ago, someone posted a link to a site that included a padlock-based chastity belt.

I think they basically just welded some metal rings to the padlock...

Can't find the site now.

/what a shame.
2004-03-12 11:03:42 PM  
He discovered that they don't make padlocks like they used to.
2004-03-12 11:04:28 PM  
you sexy sexxy padlock, let me see you here up close
2004-03-12 11:04:33 PM  
2004-03-12 11:06:33 PM  
2004-03-12 11:06:46 PM  
vzleon because pretty much all of the results involved women...

2004-03-12 11:09:33 PM  
Vagina dentata...what a wonderful phrase!
Vagina dentata...ain't no passing craze!
It means no weener, for the rest of your days
It's our penis free....philosophy!
Vagina dentata!

(with props and apologies to Aerie and Queen of Wands)
2004-03-12 11:14:38 PM  
Look, if you can think of something *else* to do with a padlock, I'd like to hear about it.
2004-03-12 11:17:45 PM  
you cant trick me you evil bastard!
2004-03-12 11:22:13 PM  
Girl, please let me stick my key in your ignition, babe
So I can get this thing started and get rollin', babe
See, I'll be doin' about 80 on your freeway
Girl, I won't stop until I drive you crazy

/r. kelly
2004-03-12 11:27:35 PM  
You know she wanted it. She wanted it bad.
2004-03-12 11:44:57 PM  
What is his Fark name?
2004-03-12 11:49:37 PM  

shandling to mulder.
"so are you to the right or to the left, becuase everyone knows a guy isnt right in the middle"
2004-03-13 12:05:29 AM  
Keeping tabs on the tabloids eh?
2004-03-13 12:13:17 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

How my wife let's me go to strip clubs.
2004-03-13 12:25:47 AM  
damn... why doesn't "S0VIET RASSIA" shows up?

Cliche filter?
2004-03-13 12:43:34 AM  
Right handers bend to the right, left handers bend to the left, switch hitter have straight cacks.

Not so. I am completely ambidextrous with respect to this, i alternate hands strictly, and yet it still crooks to the left about 10 degrees.

/wish i had a straight one. at least its above average size, from what i hear. :-/
2004-03-13 12:45:27 AM  
Stutz where the hell are your balls supposed to fit??
2004-03-13 12:50:36 AM  
Hmm, I'm right handed and I bend to the left.
When I read this article, I instantly thought of Quagmire from Family Guy heh

"Hello 911"
"Yeah its Quagmire, its in the window this time"
(Quagmire gets his cock slammed in the window)

As far as the use of bolt cutters, I can't imagine that guy let them use them, I shivered when I read that.
2004-03-13 12:56:02 AM  
stumblemonkey.... they just get squished.

assurance I'll come home early.
2004-03-13 01:56:19 AM  
Good lordie are you supposed to take a dump in that thing with a 1 inch hole??
2004-03-13 02:23:25 AM  
I'd hit it.
2004-03-13 02:36:22 AM  
how are you supposed to take a dump in that thing with a 1 inch hole??
Havent you seen one of those Playdoh machines where you push down the handle and it makes long streams of PlayDoh in different shapes? You get the picture, just consider it Brown PlayDoh.
2004-03-13 03:15:02 AM  
"Sir, do you dress to the left or to the right??"
2004-03-13 03:24:13 AM  
That being said, just the thought of a set of bolt cutters anywhere near ManLand would be enuff to close the park.

"POP!!! Nevermind!!! It came off!!! You can put the large, goes through cold steel like a hot knife through butter slip of the wrist I'm emasculated tool back!!! Thanks anyway!!!"
2004-03-13 03:46:50 AM  
The things people will go through for a quick tumble. He was blinded by those platinum locks. I guess now he will be forced to wedlock.
2004-03-13 05:46:10 AM  
Christ, no one has made the "whole new meaning to getting your dick bent" joke yet? People are NOT on the ball over spring break.
2004-03-13 07:10:50 AM  
*wonders why the guy didn't just unlock the padlock?*
2004-03-13 09:00:47 AM  
"....that damn lock was acting sexy"

/Fark deja vu....
2004-03-13 09:29:45 AM  
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, gentlemen.
2004-03-13 11:20:31 AM  
Don't knock it till you've knocked it?
2004-03-13 12:17:52 PM  

Hilarious header to this article.
2004-03-13 02:45:26 PM  
too bad the guy aint named. i hav a lonely russain freind who is gay
2004-03-13 08:35:42 PM  
Alexander Pope surrenders...

(and I bet no-one will get this reference)
Displayed 48 of 98 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.