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(Some Guy)   Lonely Russian makes love to a padlock. Hilarity ensues   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

17556 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2004 at 9:48 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

98 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-03-12 09:51:21 PM  
That's a small salami.
2004-03-12 09:51:44 PM  
True love is hard to find.
2004-03-12 09:52:38 PM  
You gotta do, what you gotta do.
2004-03-12 09:53:04 PM  
confucious say man who makes love to padlock need key to crooked vagina.
2004-03-12 09:53:08 PM  
Or a large lock... either way, Men all over the world wince in sympathy upon reading this story...

/who hasn't tried to poke their thing somewhere it didn't belong? i haven't... but that's besides the point...
2004-03-12 09:53:19 PM  
Now I have an excuse for the ladies as to why I lean hard to starboard.
2004-03-12 09:53:36 PM  
Was it a Master... oh nevermind.
2004-03-12 09:53:44 PM  
Okay, RTFA...

"His penis will be bent to one side but it will still function."

but this is normal, isn't it? ISN'T IT!?!?!!
2004-03-12 09:53:57 PM  
Is this like the adult version of that movie with the kid who wanted a bb gun???
2004-03-12 09:54:16 PM  
Say man!Have you been having sex around corners?
2004-03-12 09:54:58 PM  
Also: which part of the lock did he stick it in??? The keyhole? Then it is really a tiny tool...

Or if he jammed it in the lock, he should have had they key / combination on hand to remove the damn thing in case of "accident"...
2004-03-12 09:55:23 PM  
"Moscow firemen freed the 20-year-old using cold water, grease and bolt cutters after a sex game went wrong."

he let them get near his wang with bolt cutters? christ
2004-03-12 09:55:57 PM  
He bent his wookie
2004-03-12 09:56:25 PM  
It's pretty safe to say it sucks to be him.
2004-03-12 09:56:45 PM  
i call bullshiat
2004-03-12 09:57:21 PM  
Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?

Or am I just special?
2004-03-12 09:57:26 PM  
2004-03-12 09:58:14 PM  
If it's too bent for intercourse, then maybe this is Darwin awards material...
2004-03-12 09:58:50 PM  
Cold water makes metal contract....and wongs also, but i dont think they could get bolt cutters neer my pole.
2004-03-12 09:59:55 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Oh baby, how can you not fark that?
2004-03-12 10:00:36 PM  
exactly what I was thinking. As soon as they pulled out the bolt cutters I would have just said fark that, I'll just tell people it's a prince albert.
2004-03-12 10:00:38 PM  
Oh sorry, the above image might be NSFW.
2004-03-12 10:00:39 PM  
I think my erection would subside before the rescue team got there...but thats just me.
2004-03-12 10:02:42 PM  
2004-03-12 10:03:48 PM  
Did that say "Sex game"?

I wonder if he won?
2004-03-12 10:06:50 PM  
2004-03-12 10:03:48 PM Breakwall
Did that say "Sex game"?

I wonder if he won?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.
2004-03-12 10:08:40 PM  
I am guessing this guy gave up sanity for Lent...
2004-03-12 10:09:41 PM  
These things need warning labels...

[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-12 10:11:03 PM  
Heh - "Ili khui popolam..."

From a Russian expression that literally means "Either a broken prick..."
2004-03-12 10:11:39 PM  
Due to roadblocks of cockblocks
he instead farked a lockbox.
2004-03-12 10:13:17 PM  
He want almost too far?

I wonder what "too far" is in Russia...
2004-03-12 10:13:18 PM  
I wonder, was it a combo or a key lock. If a key lock, was he trying to... nevermind.
2004-03-12 10:13:20 PM  
The link for Marzipan's Answering Machine 10 wasnt accepted, and I dont know how to tell people, so here it is.

/not a thread jack
//used to have HTML skilz
2004-03-12 10:13:24 PM  
Male version of the chastity belt?
2004-03-12 10:14:11 PM  
what???? HOW????
2004-03-12 10:14:21 PM  
Lock loving is pretty fun, even rewarding... but nothing beats the purr of a well-screwed, 9 horsepower outboard motor.
2004-03-12 10:15:57 PM  
Wake 'n Bake
Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?

Depends on the iron content in the subject's blood, and his position with respect to the earth's magnetic poles.
2004-03-12 10:16:58 PM  
Hmmmm, slanty..........

2004-03-12 10:17:52 PM  
1) not all are crooked. I've seen some pr0n with crooked ones and, no offense guys, it's weird looking

2) just watched CSI last night so I only have bad images of a padlock

3) I think it's all bunk
2004-03-12 10:18:08 PM  
"Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?"

I think that's just a common repetitive stress injury.

2004-03-12 10:19:23 PM  
Right handers bend to the right, left handers bend to the left, switch hitter have straight cacks.
2004-03-12 10:19:48 PM  
In pre-democratic* Russia

*ie, Soviet
2004-03-12 10:19:53 PM  
"Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?"

I think that's just a common repetitive stress injury.


I thought rug burn was the common reptitive stress injury?
2004-03-12 10:20:19 PM  
ACUTALLY, its not a matter of letting things get soft. The lock would act like a cockring, cutting off the flow of blood so even though the guy wasn't in the mood anymore, he'd still be "up" for action.

On another note: how would one cockblock a lock?

2004-03-12 10:20:34 PM  
Rug burn?

I think you're doing it wrong...
2004-03-12 10:23:12 PM  
M.E.B.: It's positively disturbing that you could reach that conclusion.

P.S. Greetings to an old time crankizen.
2004-03-12 10:23:31 PM  
Rug burn?

I think you're doing it wrong...

Oh shiat!!
you mean I don't need that shag carpeting after all???
2004-03-12 10:24:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

I busted this one wide open. Anybody care for sloppy seconds?

2004-03-12 10:26:25 PM  
Really, he has only one option left. That is to get it stuck once more to kink it back the other way.
2004-03-12 10:27:54 PM  
TT! Long time no read! <G>

Good to see you're still alive & kicking >:)

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