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(Tampa Bay Online)   Shooting yourself in the face won't win the argument you're having with your wife. Oh, it will END the argument. But you still won't win   (tbo.com) divider line
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    More: Florida, Pinellas Park  
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3558 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2014 at 11:11 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



44 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
fusillade762
2014-11-25 7:55:56 PM  
According to records, Pinellas Park police have had 34 contacts with Emery since 2012, including three arrests in a five-day period from Oct. 12-17 on charges including domestic battery, aggravated assault, resisting arrest, and leaving the scene of a crash.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
 
MrBallou [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-25 8:26:56 PM  
Guy is a victim of too many TV cop shows. He learned that you pull back the hammer (or rack the slide on a shotgun) to show that you really mean business, because pointing a gun at somebody is not serious enough.

Still, the guy he killed needed killing, from all indications.
 
Chariset [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-25 8:50:18 PM  

MrBallou: Still, the guy he killed needed killing, from all indications.


The only thing stopping a stupid guy with a gun is the same stupid guy with a gun.
 
Barfmaker
2014-11-25 8:51:14 PM  
There he goes, shooting his mouth off again.
 
Chariset [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-25 8:55:35 PM  

Barfmaker: There he goes, shooting his mouth off again.


It's nice to know who's going to win the "Funniest" votes within the first five comments.  Takes all the anxiety right out, it does.
 
shanrick
2014-11-25 9:04:21 PM  
The wife had 13 border collies.

13 border collies. Imagine that.
 
MFAWG
2014-11-25 11:16:01 PM  
You know, I was skeptical of this whole 'everybody gets a gun that wants one' thing at first, but between this dude and the young lady in St Louis the other day I'm starting to believe it's a self correcting problem,
 
Guilty_plea_bargain
2014-11-25 11:17:51 PM  
Fta- During an argument with his wife, police say Emery retrieved a gun and threatened to shoot one of the family's dogs.

The officer arriving on scene was heard to say, if anyone is going to be shooting a dog, it's gonna be me!
 
mjjt [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-25 11:20:46 PM  
wrong, subby

i61.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
sandbar67
2014-11-25 11:27:24 PM  
He gave her a piece of his mind
 
ReapTheChaos
2014-11-25 11:28:03 PM  
Subby obviously has never been married. When all you want is for her to shut the fark up, ending the argument, however you go about it, is winning.
 
TheWhoppah
2014-11-25 11:28:05 PM  
It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.
 
sandbar67
2014-11-25 11:30:09 PM  

TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.


My dad always told me about marriage: You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.
 
TheWhoppah
2014-11-25 11:31:30 PM  
Just say, "we should talk about this later" and then get up and leave.  She will say something nasty at this point.  Don't respond.  Don't take the bait.  Keep going.  Go mow the yard or something.
 
with great power comes great insanity
2014-11-25 11:39:42 PM  
His wife's not named Courtney, is she?
 
bojon
2014-11-25 11:49:10 PM  

ReapTheChaos: Subby obviously has never been married. When all you want is for her to shut the fark up,

TheWhoppah: Just say, "we should talk about this later" and then get up and leave.  She will say something nasty at this point.  Don't respond.  Don't take the bait.  Keep going.  Go mow the yard or something.


TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.

ending the argument, however you go about it, is winning.

sandbar67: TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.

My dad always told me about marriage: You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.


This should be read at all wedding rehearsals.
 
MustardTiger
2014-11-25 11:51:44 PM  
b-i.forbesimg.comView Full Size
 
kkinnison [OhFark]
2014-11-25 11:57:17 PM  
You wife will always have the last word, anything after the last word is another argument.
 
lack of warmth
2014-11-26 12:02:40 AM  

ReapTheChaos: Subby obviously has never been married. When all you want is for her to shut the fark up, ending the argument, however you go about it, is winning.


This.  The end of the fight is why the scoring part of football field is the end zone.  Fighting with your wife is like trying to dodge eleven different enemies coming from different directions, you get into the end zone, you celebrate my friend.  However, don't over celebrate, because it starts over.  You keep it in your head.

And another point, how is this an accident?  Darwin doesn't get the score on this, he did it on purpose.  He cocked the hammer pointing downwards at dogs, so why would he "accidentally" point the gun upwards to uncock the gun?  Answer, he went through with his threat, only it wasn't the dogs who wanted out as bad as he did.
 
cryinoutloud [BareFark]
2014-11-26 12:04:36 AM  

shanrick: The wife had 13 border collies.
13 border collies. Imagine that.


"And then he said, 'biatch, if you don't shut up, I'm going to teach one of your farking dogs how to shut up.' And you'll never guess what happened next!"

i92.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
jaytkay [OhFark]
2014-11-26 12:09:03 AM  
If he had a gun to defend himself this would not have happened.

Thanks Obama.
 
MusicMakeMyHeadPound [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-26 12:19:38 AM  

Chariset: MrBallou: Still, the guy he killed needed killing, from all indications.

The only thing stopping a stupid guy with a gun is the same stupid guy with a gun.


moviequotesandmore.comView Full Size
 
Glendale
2014-11-26 1:01:21 AM  
media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
moothemagiccow
2014-11-26 1:08:42 AM  
jesus christ how many of you are trapped in everybody loves raymond marriages?
 
Stoker
2014-11-26 1:14:17 AM  

moothemagiccow: jesus christ how many of you are trapped in everybody loves raymond marriages?


Too many...., tooooooo many.

He is out of his misery.
 
dookdookdook
2014-11-26 1:17:40 AM  

sandbar67: TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.

My dad always told me about marriage: You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.


My dad died when I was very young so I learned about marriage from Al Bundy.

On an unrelated note, still very much single.
 
jynxyu
2014-11-26 1:25:59 AM  
You never really win an argument, you just postpone the loss...
I know everyone's seen the Jeff Dunham bit with Walter:
Walter: You remember those vows, "til death do you part?"
Jeff: Uh-huh.
Walter: You get to be my age and you'll realize that you were setting a goal.
 
moothemagiccow
2014-11-26 1:29:36 AM  

Stoker: moothemagiccow: jesus christ how many of you are trapped in everybody loves raymond marriages?

Too many...., tooooooo many.

He is out of his misery.


the winner from TFA? i think everyone else is out of his misery. had a history of domestic violence and was planning to shoot the dog a second before he hit the right target
 
Thrag
2014-11-26 1:40:15 AM  

sandbar67: TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.

My dad always told me about marriage: You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.


I for one always get the last words in when it comes to disputes with my wife.

/the words are "yes dear".
 
Uniblab
2014-11-26 5:20:51 AM  

MustardTiger: [darwin image 850x478]


Fark needs a "dumb" button.
 
Clint_Torres
2014-11-26 5:23:25 AM  
Emery pulled the gun's hammer back as if he were going to fire the gun, police say. But as he started to release it back to a safe position, the gun discharged as it was pointed at his face.

That's why I practiced that over and over, when I got my Beretta. I also practiced not pointing at my face, by not farking doing it! But hey, YMMV.
 
darth_badger
2014-11-26 6:39:00 AM  
That's what you get if you bring a gun to a gun fight and forget who you're fighting.
 
duenor
2014-11-26 6:44:23 AM  
Sounds to me like a case of a guy who needed killing
 
olstyn
2014-11-26 7:20:57 AM  
Clint_Torres: That's why I practiced that over and over, when I got my Beretta. I also practiced not pointing at my face, by not farking doing it! But hey, YMMV.

Assuming you mean a 92FS, M9, or some variant thereof, why would you ever need to manually cock it *or* manually decock it?  It's double action on the first shot, so no need to manually cock it unless you suck at shooting and/or don't practice double action shooting like you ought to.  No need to manually decock it because the safety on that gun acts as a decocker as well.  Of course, if you mean some other, much less common Beretta pistol which does not have a decocker and/or can't be fired double action, then I'm ready to stand corrected.
 
arisingfailure
2014-11-26 7:32:19 AM  
Once again Darwin has come for the culling.

/what the fark took so long???
 
lycanth
2014-11-26 7:44:40 AM  
But is the dog ok?
 
Harry Freakstorm [BareFark]
2014-11-26 7:49:58 AM  
Winning an argument with the wife is like trying to beat the kobayashi maru simulation.  And you cannot count that jj abrams crap as winning.  He just changed the program.  That's not winning.  That's winning the Indy 500 by driving only 20 laps.  and maybe if you showed the same interest in me that you do for your stupid television show, maybe you'd get some more often.

That's what the wife would say to me if she ever watched Star Trek and knew there was an Indy 500.
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2014-11-26 8:21:54 AM  

MrBallou: Guy is a victim of too many TV cop shows. He learned that you pull back the hammer (or rack the slide on a shotgun) to show that you really mean business, because pointing a gun at somebody is not serious enough.

Still, the guy he killed needed killing, from all indications.


Forget what show it was, but the good guy is pointing the weapon at the bad guy to get him to talk. Being bad, he doesn't want to talk, so the good guy racks the slide (he shot the gun not 20 seconds earlier). Bad guy still won't talk, so he thumbs the hammer back. WTF?

For those who's significant other makes them watch Revenge, there was a scene where Emily wants to go see David, but Victoria meets her on the porch with a shotgun. She racks the slide to show she means business. Emily isn't very impressed and wears out her welcome so Victoria racks the Goddamn slide again to show she REALLY means business. No shells are ejected. Later when Nolan asks her WTF she was thinking, she responds "she wasn't going to shoot me, she has other plans' No shiat she wasn't going to shoot you. The gun was unloaded.
 
sharphead
2014-11-26 8:24:38 AM  

TheWhoppah: It is impossible to actually win an argument with one's wife because even if you technically "win"... you still lose.  The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.


The sooner you realize the conversation is turning into an argument, the happier you'll be.  You see, anything beyond "Hey, hunny!" is grounds for an argument, so I just don't say anything past that point and the unqualified answer to all questions is "Yes".

If you must say "No" just leave the house for a couple hours or something.
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2014-11-26 8:27:08 AM  
imageserver.moviepilot.comView Full Size

Approves
 
MrBallou [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2014-11-26 8:49:35 AM  
My wife

TheWhoppah: Just say, "we should talk about this later" and then get up and leave.  She will say something nasty at this point.  Don't respond.  Don't take the bait.  Keep going.  Go mow the yard or something.


This.

My wife is a wonderful woman in many ways, but she's a street fighter in an argument. She grew up in a very contentious household. Her mother is truly psychotic and her brother is a born asshole, so getting your way didn't depend on being right, it depended on verbally overpowering your opponent. Try as she will, she can't outgrow that.

Any time a disagreement goes on for long, she loses her temper and it stops being about what's right or wrong and becomes about drawing blood. I finally learned. As soon as I hear the first insult, I stop talking and go away until we both cool off.
 
Zuzax
2014-11-26 11:32:45 AM  
Everything is a copy of a copy...

moviequotesandmore.comView Full Size
 
SundaesChild
2014-11-26 12:12:56 PM  

shanrick: The wife had 13 border collies.

13 border collies. Imagine that.


13 is an unlucky number; she should get another one.  And some sheep or something for them to herd.
 
Farkomatic
2014-11-26 12:31:01 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Darwin doesn't always win.
 
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