FARK.com: (8448879) Attacker tries to grab Hit Girl in a park, suffers a severe case of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process

It's Not News, It's Fark

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		Attacker tries to grab Hit Girl in a park, suffers a severe case of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process (metro.co.uk)		76
		More: Hero, Sussex Police, attackers

• • •

19942 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2014 at 9:21 AM (8 years ago) | Favorite | share:

76 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

Delta1212

2014-10-12 7:46:43 AM

If you're a 14-year-old girl who knows kung fu, you could wander around in a park late at night beating up random older men who are by themselves and then telling the cops they attacked you.
Who's going to believe the creepy older guy over the awesome young girl?

Think about it.

Krustofsky

2014-10-12 9:23:01 AM

Chuck Norris approves.

FarkinHostile

2014-10-12 9:23:26 AM

Delta1212: If you're a 14-year-old girl who knows kung fu, you could wander around in a park late at night beating up random older men who are by themselves and then telling the cops they attacked you.
Who's going to believe the creepy older guy over the awesome young girl?

Think about it.

Sounds like a great way to learn a lesson about hubris.

/and rape

Floyd Pinkus

2014-10-12 9:28:43 AM

Lucky bastard, people usually pay good money to get roughed up by a teenage girl.

BluVeinThrobber

2014-10-12 9:30:21 AM

It was Ed McMahon. He just wanted to tell her that she had won the Publishers Clearing House

Pazuzu Smith-Jones

2014-10-12 9:32:10 AM

This story is so full of awesome I almost can't stand it.

SweetSaws

2014-10-12 9:33:22 AM

"He soon realised his mistake when the young teen, who has studied martial arts for several years, broke free from his hold and started raining punches and kicks on him - despite being less than half his age. "

Droppin them motherfarkin b's on him,
The more I swung the more blood flew...my mind was playin tricks on me

Devil's Playground

2014-10-12 9:36:05 AM

The whole company?

Thurgrot

2014-10-12 9:36:40 AM

I read hit-girl as Hi-C and was very confused.

/full disclosure, might be a little hungover.
/friend of a friend brought over lagavulan, laphroiag, and another (something Islay)
/and then demanded we play drinking games.
/who does that?
/my brains doing backflips

LesserEvil

2014-10-12 9:39:20 AM

Since this was the UK, I'm surprised they didn't charge the girl with assault and battery and slap her with an ASBO.

Remember folks, while the coppers in the nanny state won't respond to emergency calls for violent crimes, it's never ok to take the law into your own hands.

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs

2014-10-12 9:41:35 AM

Well, she's no 74-year-old retired boxer and Army veteran, that's for sure.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/5698062/Burglar -l eft-bruised-and-bleeding-by-retired-boxer-72.html

The story I loved was about the mugger farked up on PCP who ran up on an ancient former British Navy boxing champion. The old man set himself beautifully in an old-school stance, then threw one punch as the mugger closed. The mugger just deflated. Turned to Jello and spread himself thinly over the sidewalk.

Can't find the video anymore.

Louisiana_Sitar_Club

2014-10-12 9:41:37 AM

"....broke free from his hold and started raining punches and kicks on him - despite being less than half his age."

Big deal. I could be the hell out of an 86 year old.

BluVeinThrobber

2014-10-12 9:41:46 AM

Devil's Playground: The whole company?

No. Just the part where they write the checks

Abox

2014-10-12 9:42:59 AM

The 35-year-old got more than he bargained for when he grabbed the young martial artist, not pictured (Picture: Google/Kick-Ass)

lol

Muzzleloader

2014-10-12 9:45:19 AM

Heh, homie will be the toast of the cell block when he gets locked up, for sure.

BluVeinThrobber

2014-10-12 9:49:46 AM

Sounds like they don't have enough evidence to charge him

FlyPanAm

2014-10-12 9:52:33 AM

Pazuzu Smith-Jones

2014-10-12 9:52:57 AM

LesserEvil: Remember folks, while the coppers in the nanny state won't respond to emergency calls for violent crimes. . . .

You got that right.

CSB: My spouse and I spent most of March traveling around the UK. At one point, we took a ferry from Ireland to England. There was a rather formidable guy on the boat who started picking fights with people. Several passengers reported it to the ferry staff. Nothing was done. When we got to the end of the trip (at a ferry/train station), there were people checking passports. This guy had none. They let him through, anyway. He continued harassing and threatening people at the train station. Several people complained, and about two hours later two security people appeared and told him to leave the station. We pointed out that he was most likely going to come right back and that the police should probably be getting involved here. The security guys said they'd called the police and that they'd said it didn't sound like enough of a problem for them to come check it out. When the train finally came, he was allowed on it. He proceeded to run up and down the aisles, going from car to car, harassing people. At one point, I'd fallen asleep and was abruptly awakened by this guy, who was sitting in the seat next to me. He wanted money for snacks. . . Dude could have just as easily had a knife.

Several stops later, the woman checking everyone's tickets threw him off at an intermediate station.

Yeah, GREAT law enforcement system over there. . . .

TheMaskedArmadillo

2014-10-12 9:53:00 AM

I would never attack someone in a super-hero costume...BTW, which super hero is she dressed up as?

mongbiohazard

2014-10-12 9:53:36 AM

BluVeinThrobber: Sounds like they don't have enough evidence to charge him

Maybe they're just trying to find out if there are more victims out there. Sometimes people don't report attacks at first, crazy as that may seem.

MsStatement

2014-10-12 9:53:38 AM

BruceLeeApproves.gif

abhorrent1

2014-10-12 9:56:53 AM

TheMaskedArmadillo: I would never attack someone in a super-hero costume...BTW, which super hero is she dressed up as?

No but I'd let her attack me.

abhorrent1

2014-10-12 9:58:29 AM

abhorrent1: TheMaskedArmadillo: I would never attack someone in a super-hero costume...BTW, which super hero is she dressed up as?

No but I'd let her attack me.

Dammit. something ate my picture

Giant Clown Shoe

2014-10-12 10:04:56 AM

Sussex Police arrested the man - described as being 'very thin' and around 5ft 7ins...

Man? She didn't beat up a man. She stomped a tiny junkie.

Graffito

2014-10-12 10:05:44 AM

Yes. That is a possibility. Deal with it.

BluVeinThrobber

2014-10-12 10:07:12 AM

mongbiohazard: BluVeinThrobber: Sounds like they don't have enough evidence to charge him

Maybe they're just trying to find out if there are more victims out there. Sometimes people don't report attacks at first, crazy as that may seem.

The article makes it sound like a fishing expeition

Schmerd1948

2014-10-12 10:12:10 AM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: "....broke free from his hold and started raining punches and kicks on him - despite being less than half his age."

Big deal. I could be the hell out of an 86 year old.

Um, better see the post above yours. Just play nice, kids.

Peepeye

2014-10-12 10:17:35 AM

Anyone else read the comments? They argue over the meaning of "less than half his age". Pretty funny.

filetofish bigmac quarter pounder with cheese

2014-10-12 10:25:23 AM

Martial Arts, perfectly summed up in the movie Napoleon Dynamite.

ThrobblefootSpectre

2014-10-12 10:27:31 AM

BluVeinThrobber: The article makes it sound like a fishing expeition

Sounds like they are actually trying to find evidence to support charges against the guy, instead of just taking one person's word of mouth in the matter.

TheYeti

2014-10-12 10:29:31 AM

What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

jaytkay

2014-10-12 10:38:25 AM

TheYeti: What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

I tell all my friends to enroll their daughters in Krav Maga classes. It's the Israeli art of ball kicking.

I've been taking classes for a couple of years and it's fun as hell, plus in the unlikely case that I am in a street fight I can hold my own.

WhoIsNotInMyKitchen

2014-10-12 10:38:58 AM

Pazuzu Smith-Jones: LesserEvil: Remember folks, while the coppers in the nanny state won't respond to emergency calls for violent crimes. . . .

You got that right.

CSB: My spouse and I spent most of March traveling around the UK. At one point, we took a ferry from Ireland to England. There was a rather formidable guy on the boat who started picking fights with people. Several passengers reported it to the ferry staff. Nothing was done. When we got to the end of the trip (at a ferry/train station), there were people checking passports. This guy had none. They let him through, anyway. He continued harassing and threatening people at the train station. Several people complained, and about two hours later two security people appeared and told him to leave the station. We pointed out that he was most likely going to come right back and that the police should probably be getting involved here. The security guys said they'd called the police and that they'd said it didn't sound like enough of a problem for them to come check it out. When the train finally came, he was allowed on it. He proceeded to run up and down the aisles, going from car to car, harassing people. At one point, I'd fallen asleep and was abruptly awakened by this guy, who was sitting in the seat next to me. He wanted money for snacks. . . Dude could have just as easily had a knife.

Several stops later, the woman checking everyone's tickets threw him off at an intermediate station.

Yeah, GREAT law enforcement system over there. . . .

In the US they would have dealt with a situation like that way faster, and maybe even shot the guy dead before he did anything.

... Well only if he was blah. That important detail was missing from your CSB so not sure how the judge the police response.

yakmans_dad

2014-10-12 10:40:04 AM

Giant Clown Shoe: Sussex Police arrested the man - described as being 'very thin' and around 5ft 7ins...

Man? She didn't beat up a man. She stomped a tiny junkie.

Tiny Junkie sounds like an Elton John title.

BloodFireDeath

2014-10-12 10:46:43 AM

To the guy who wants to know what martial art to enroll yoyr daughter, I'd go with the one's like ju jitsu, muay thai, krav manga, the one's that are focused on inflicting big hurts on other people... Id stay away from the showy dance stuff, the "sport" stuff, etc.

Koodz

2014-10-12 10:53:15 AM

TheYeti: What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

Fluke. It's a rare girl who can hang with guys anything near her size in striking.

Judo is perfect for kids. Throwing people and being thrown isn't as scary as hitting, and unlike most karate or Kung fu styles, you actually get to practice exactly what they claim they're teaching you. There's none of this fantasizing about chopping throats and poking eyes and other things you'll never actually practice doing.

bonobo73

2014-10-12 10:53:54 AM

Giant Clown Shoe: Sussex Police arrested the man - described as being 'very thin' and around 5ft 7ins...

Man? She didn't beat up a man. She stomped a tiny junkie.

This. She was beating up was the physical equivalent of another 14-year old girl. The girl won the assailant lottery in terms of possible attackers.

Moms and dads: please do not infer from this story that a black belt in tae-Kwan-leap, foreign-commando-attack or hexagon-fighting will enable your snowflake to deal with a large man, let alone multiple assailants.

Vintowin

2014-10-12 10:55:56 AM

jaytkay: TheYeti: What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

I tell all my friends to enroll their daughters in Krav Maga classes. It's the Israeli art of ball kicking.

I've been taking classes for a couple of years and it's fun as hell, plus in the unlikely case that I am in a street fight I can hold my own.

Your name isn't Archer, is it?
LOL

blurr_grrl

2014-10-12 10:57:16 AM

What the 'sports' stuff might look like.

cirby

2014-10-12 10:57:21 AM

Koodz:
Judo is perfect for kids. Throwing people and being thrown isn't as scary as hitting, and unlike most karate or Kung fu styles, you actually get to practice exactly what they claim they're teaching you.

Many, many (manymany) years ago, I took a short judo class. I was twelve or so - I think my parents paid something like five bucks a class at the YMCA. Since then, the minimal amount of fall-breaking skills I learned in that class has probably saved me a half-dozen broken bones and thousands of dollars in medical bills...

/Not that good of a fighter, but I can fall like a pro

mike_d85

2014-10-12 11:01:41 AM

great, now that song is in my head.

Well I don't give a damn about my bad reputation...

/Who did the original?
//All I can remember is the Donnas

Koodz

2014-10-12 11:02:23 AM

BloodFireDeath: To the guy who wants to know what martial art to enroll yoyr daughter, I'd go with the one's like ju jitsu, muay thai, krav manga, the one's that are focused on inflicting big hurts on other people... Id stay away from the showy dance stuff, the "sport" stuff, etc.

I'm not sure if you're putting us on, but you picked terrible examples for a sport vs. street argument.

Muay Thai is a pure ring sport. The Brazilian version of Jujitsu (which I'm guessing is what you mean since the Japanese stuff is called "jujutsu") is as well.

Krav Maga is mostly grotesque fantasies about eye poking and knee smashing. Amusing Simpsons episodes aside, nut kicks aren't a magical off switch for male attackers.

Jim_Callahan

2014-10-12 11:16:13 AM

TheYeti: What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

If you're seriously asking, no, Judo isn't a self-defense style, really.

Awesome sport, though, and since the focus is very much on not hurting anyone (injuries in a match mean somebody done farked up) it's a good physical sport for children, and it's probably the best health regimen of any of the fighting sports, since it keeps pretty much your entire body strong. It may be a good place to go to find actual self-defense classes, too, because of the focus on submissions and low-injury restraints it's very popular among police and other law enforcement types, who can point you in the direction of standard self-defense training (which is general police-sponsored).

cirby: Since then, the minimal amount of fall-breaking skills I learned in that class has probably saved me a half-dozen broken bones and thousands of dollars in medical bills...

Also, this. Goddamned horses would have killed me half a dozen times without the standard break-fall I learned from judo and stage fighting. Kind of a basic practical skill if you do pretty much anything that involves physically moving around a lot.

// One of my more sarcastic instructors used to call the break-fall the 'cowboy roll' for pretty much the same reason, most people that have ever worked with horses know how to do it even if they don't think of it as a wrestling move.

ElWampa

2014-10-12 11:18:16 AM

Peepeye: Anyone else read the comments? They argue over the meaning of "less than half his age". Pretty funny.

I did, and then saw the crazy town radical feminist in the same replies shrieking to someone I didn't see in the comments.

ShiningWizard

2014-10-12 11:18:34 AM

This is exactly why I have purple hair, lulz

rogue49

2014-10-12 11:22:51 AM

everyone should learn self-defense.

including women

and should start when they're young (around 6-8)

jaytkay

2014-10-12 11:29:52 AM

Koodz: Krav Maga is mostly grotesque fantasies about eye poking and knee smashing. Amusing Simpsons episodes aside, nut kicks aren't a magical off switch for male attackers.

Eye poking and knee smashing are exactly what you want your daughter (or son or wife or husband) to be prepared to inflict on an attacker.

Elbows, knees, palms, feet - Krav Maga uses whatever you have free. And it teaches how to respond to people trying to grab or choke you. And you practice on the other students.

Anybody who practices fighting like that has a better chance in a real-world fight.

Zeb Hesselgresser

2014-10-12 11:30:06 AM

TheYeti: What martial art?

I need to know what to get my daughter into. I was thinking Judo, but this young lady seems to be able to take care of herself.

How about getting her into or on the Cross Country running team. I think the ability to put lots of real estate between her and anyone that makes her nervous would be more useful than her trying defend herself in hand to hand combat.

+ strong legs to deliver a quick kick in the biscuitsfor a head start.

Koodz

2014-10-12 11:35:36 AM

jaytkay: Koodz: Krav Maga is mostly grotesque fantasies about eye poking and knee smashing. Amusing Simpsons episodes aside, nut kicks aren't a magical off switch for male attackers.

Eye poking and knee smashing are exactly what you want your daughter (or son or wife or husband) to be prepared to inflict on an attacker.

Elbows, knees, palms, feet - Krav Maga uses whatever you have free. And it teaches how to respond to people trying to grab or choke you. And you practice on the other students.

Anybody who practices fighting like that has a better chance in a real-world fight.

Here's the problem: You've never poked anybody in the eye in a fight. That means you don't know if you can do it, and you don't know what effect it has. Oh, you THINK you have a good idea, and you probably practiced some variation of aiming above, below, or to the side, or wearing goggles, or moving in slow motion or something. Ditto for the ol' knee snap that everybody thinks is so easy. The fact that sports like muay thai and gridiron football exists should be the evidence we need that the human knee isn't made of popsicle sticks, but there we are. You have theories about the effect of these techniques and your ability to do them, but you actually practiced something else, unless your school has a lot of crippled, blind, and/or dead students hanging around.

On the other hand a boxer knows he can hit somebody in the face who's trying to hit him back while not getting hit. He has done it. A judo player knows he can throw somebody down who doesn't want to get thrown. He has done it.

My take on the sport vs. street debate: There aren't sport martial arts and real martial arts. The sports are the only real ones out there.

INTERTRON

2014-10-12 11:37:50 AM

"Hold on everybody, shut up! This guy's on to something!"

Displayed 50 of 76 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

If you like these links, you'll love

More funny for your money.

learn more | sign up

Report

Support Fark

learn more

Headlines of the Month
Fark NotNewsletter

Report

Like Fark!

Follow @Fark On Twitter

Report

Fark.com

Top Commented

Top Commented ▼

Top Commented
Top Clicked
Top Voted
My Recent Commented
Recent Mentions

Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.