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(The Quietus)   "An incontinent yak's anus" and other gems to describe Coldplay's new album   ( thequietus.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Coldplay, Gwyneth Paltrow, Channel 4 News, ghost stories, honky tonk  
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1273 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 May 2014 at 11:33 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

20 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2014-05-20 11:13:21 AM  
FTA:  Anyway, Martin got married to f***ing Gwyneth Paltrow, that ghastly, gulping, giraffe-necked, sick-making long drink of carb-averse goop, they created their own f***ing hole in the f***ing ozone layer flying around the world with Martin warbling about how concerned they were about the f***ing environment, spawned a couple of sprogs and saddled them with life-ruining names, promoted every f***ing vapid strain of spiritual, anti-materialist New Age nonsense while raking in the f***ing ackers like whorehounds and then finally "consciously uncoupled", though it's a f***ing wonder either of them could stay f***ing conscious in each other's company at all, given that they're the two most testicle-achingly f***ing tedious people on earth!

Dammit, the f***ing writer may be a douchey f***ing AW, but you got to f***ing respect this.
2014-05-20 11:19:02 AM  
I pity Chris Martin for ever meeting that f***ing over-privileged bint in the first place.
2014-05-20 11:38:05 AM  
I remember about 10 years ago writing on some board what a cute couple I thought they were.

People I like always turn out to be dumbasses.

Every. Damn. Time.
2014-05-20 11:39:19 AM  
'Dubstep killed guitar music - but it's coming back.'
2014-05-20 11:43:13 AM  
The Current is overplaying the shiat out of that crappy-ass "magic". That turd borrows into your head like... I dont know, some sort of poop joke.

Anyhow, it has to be payola. Seriously off-putting song.

// crappy ass-magic!
2014-05-20 11:58:42 AM  
i1123.photobucket.comView Full Size

Damn...that's f***ing brutal
2014-05-20 12:02:59 PM  
Does this mean I'll escape years of hearing even more Coldplay songs that I can't stand?
2014-05-20 12:04:39 PM  
so, better than the last one?
2014-05-20 12:06:35 PM  
I get the feeling he didn't care for that album too much.

I also noted the linked review for a look back at "Disintegration" - 25 years later. I am so farking old.
2014-05-20 12:24:05 PM  
I've always just settled with 'Doves ripoff' and 'Sigur Ros lite', but this guy sums it up even better.
2014-05-20 12:37:39 PM  
On the flip side, they have an interview with Michael Gira (Swans, Angels Of Light) on the right. If there ever was a band that would be the anti-Coldplay, it'd definitely have to be Swans!
2014-05-20 12:49:01 PM  
Maybe I just don't get it, but is Coldplay even considered "rock" anymore?

I swear every new song of theirs is slower and more mopey than the last. I keep thinking I'm missing something and if I just give them another chance I'll see it. So I watched them on Jools Holland the other day....and damn if they didn't bore me to tears. Again.
2014-05-20 01:14:11 PM  
That's mean. The yak can't help it.
2014-05-20 01:19:24 PM  
Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are the human equivalents of elevator music.
2014-05-20 01:54:05 PM  

sprawl15: 'Dubstep killed guitar music - but it's coming back.'

Dubstep tried to destroy the metal, but it Failed HAHAHAHA(explosion)
2014-05-20 02:12:27 PM  
Condensed version: "fark you, you farking fark!" I hate Coldplay just as much as the next guy, but that review was at least as tedious as the album that was its topic.
2014-05-20 02:37:53 PM  
Sixteen posts, and NOTHING.
img.fark.netView Full Size
2014-05-20 04:53:42 PM  
I chortled.
2014-05-20 05:27:43 PM  

FTGodWin: Does this mean I'll escape years of hearing even more Coldplay songs that I can't stand?

Unfortunately, no.
2014-05-20 07:39:47 PM  
incontinent yak anus?


wesleywillissjoyrides.comView Full Size
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