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(Yahoo)   Jesus accused of being a toe-sucking teacher in Cincinnati   ( story.news.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Scary  
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10026 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2004 at 12:17 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

73 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-02-06 04:51:34 PM  
So not only has Jesus come back to Earth a couple months early, he's also decided to take this whole 'washing the feet of the poor' a step further and suck the dirt off kids' toes?
2004-02-06 04:56:33 PM  
Better than a priest sucking their wang.
2004-02-06 05:44:19 PM  
A class on toe-sucking?
2004-02-06 06:26:08 PM  
[image from sportsmed.starwave.com too old to be available]
2004-02-06 06:41:15 PM  
Maybe he grew up in Thailand and can't resist the sucky-sucky?
2004-02-07 12:20:40 AM  
They just showed a chick on Fox reality show getting paid to suck the toes of strangers, I thought that was quite obscene, but somehow it was on network TV.
2004-02-07 12:23:18 AM  
(says in his best Chairman Kaga impersonation)
2004-02-07 12:24:02 AM  
He was framed, it's not April 5 yet.
2004-02-07 12:24:14 AM  
"...This little piggy tastes like roast beef..."
2004-02-07 12:24:16 AM  
Just a question for the submitter....

Since when is Merced, California known as Cincinnati
2004-02-07 12:24:18 AM  
Well, that sucks....

2004-02-07 12:25:56 AM  
He's a sex offender, with a record.
He's gonna do six months in Chino for exposing himself to 14&17-year-olds.
When he moves to Hollywood he'll have to go door-to-door to tell everyone he is a pederast.
2004-02-07 12:26:35 AM  
Finally. my toe-tasting saviour has revealed itself to the world. There is nothing like one's Lord taking the time to bless your day by showing itself publicly. Hey, is that Jesus in a taco...............
2004-02-07 12:29:33 AM  
HAHAAH OMG it is teh funie becasue his naem is teh Jesus liek Jesus Chirst!!1! hurr har ahar!!111!one!!1

2004-02-07 12:30:41 AM  
In other news, toejam to replace those crappy unleavened wafers that perpetuate the myth that its body is tangible.
2004-02-07 12:31:23 AM  
And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

/bloodhound gang
2004-02-07 12:32:19 AM  
WWJD? "Suck toes" isn't the obvious answer, but there you have it.
2004-02-07 12:33:12 AM  
Never has that pic been more appropriate, cscx.

Well played.
2004-02-07 12:34:24 AM  

I didn't realize that they let mongoloids in here. Oh wait, you probably prefer retards, oh wait, i mean mentally challenged. Maybe it was handi-capable..... Ah well, you'll find someplace all your own to call your drool pond. Slow deep breaths sweetie.......
2004-02-07 12:37:39 AM  
If they outlaw toe sucking, only outlaws will suck toes. Think about that!
2004-02-07 12:37:51 AM  

it's called sarcasm.
2004-02-07 12:40:33 AM  
Rivera also faces misdemeanor charges on suspicion of annoying or molesting children in incidents

It's illegal to annoy a child? hrm.. there go my plans for this weekend.
2004-02-07 12:40:37 AM  
May as well be called "Hot STFU sold here". I had more fun taking it literally than otherwise. Many thanks........
2004-02-07 12:41:11 AM  
Wait, annoying children is a crime now?
2004-02-07 12:42:57 AM  
take this literally: you're an asshole.
2004-02-07 12:43:21 AM  
Ooh, I just remembered something.

You remember that America's Funniest Home Videos clip where the groom thinks he's sucking his wife's toes and really sucking some other guys toes?

Classic AFV
2004-02-07 12:43:25 AM  
Not even worth posting. Damn, I just did.
2004-02-07 12:44:40 AM  
I would have given this an obvious tag.
2004-02-07 12:44:41 AM  
Impressive, how many neighbors chimed in to help you with that gem? Hugs and kisses wee-one........
2004-02-07 12:46:17 AM  
Both sides stop.
2004-02-07 12:47:17 AM  
Everybody sing! "Jesus loves the little children..."
2004-02-07 12:47:51 AM  

So sayeth the sheperd.........

Will do......
2004-02-07 12:48:22 AM  
I, too, am suspicious of annoying children.
2004-02-07 12:49:33 AM  
Certainly sheds light on that "He's got the whole world in his hand" song we used to sing in Sunday school.
jbc [TotalFark]
2004-02-07 12:50:54 AM  
I think confusing Merced, California with Cincinnati, OH is insulting to Cincinnati.

And Merced.

Not that anyone else plans on going to either village.
2004-02-07 12:52:24 AM  
"He" may have the whole world, but that toe fetish thing is really gonna turn off some hard-core churchies......
2004-02-07 12:52:48 AM  
Wasn't there a serial toe sucker back in the late 80's or early 90's??
2004-02-07 12:53:48 AM  
2004-02-07 12:24:16 AM Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman

Just a question for the submitter....

Since when is Merced, California known as Cincinnati

It's all about the mental repunctuation. The article is from Cincinnati.

Jesus accused of being a toe-sucking teacher in Cincinnati

So the correct interpretation is: In Cincinnati, a newspaper reports that Jesus is accused of being a toe-sucking teacher.
2004-02-07 12:54:48 AM  
-gasp- You chose a child molestor's jam!!
jbc [TotalFark]
2004-02-07 12:58:10 AM  
Wasn't there a serial toe sucker back in the late 80's or early 90's??

No, that was a cereal toe sucker. Mikey later died in prison.
2004-02-07 12:58:19 AM  
Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
2004-02-07 01:01:03 AM  
Ah, goddamn phpBB boards *hands head in shame*

Adding to my previous comment, it stands at allegations, and the fact the accused is openly gay might lead me to believe his accusers have an agenda to push.
2004-02-07 01:03:08 AM  
So that's what they meant in [bible chapter], [bible verse] when they said [Jesus reference] in the [various location] to the [lame joke that won't end.]

2004-02-07 01:03:35 AM  
If you do a GIS for "toe sucker" with safesearch off, it brings up a pic of Bill Gates and one of Prince Harry. Someone's a funny bugger.
2004-02-07 01:05:01 AM  
For the LAST time:

My home city: racism, riots, the Bengals

NOT my home city: foot licking messiahs
2004-02-07 01:08:48 AM  

At least he liked it.
2004-02-07 01:12:47 AM  
You know what they call a male high-school student who gets his toes sucked? A willing participant.
2004-02-07 01:19:54 AM  
That it just strange.
But is it molestation?
2004-02-07 01:20:42 AM  
2004-02-07 01:05:01 AM delphi_ote

For the LAST time:

My home city: racism, riots, the Bengals

NOT my home city: foot licking messiahs

Advantage: push.

/Props to Nick Bakay(sp).
2004-02-07 01:27:00 AM  
Submitter should read article before posting
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