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(Jezebel)   Nebraska elementary school gives fifth graders nine rules for how to deal with bullies, such as "Treat the bully like they're trying to help you" and "never, ever tell on them"   ( jezebel.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, treating, elementary schools, graders, sore loser  
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6398 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2014 at 1:10 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-04-17 01:01:16 PM  
15 votes:
Rule #2: Treat the person being mean as if they are trying to help you.

Now that I think about it, the bully really was trying to stop me from hitting myself.
2014-04-17 01:20:52 PM  
6 votes:
jp3.r0tt.comView Full Size

I hope the victims are given the same courtesy from the establishment when things get all bootstrappy.
2014-04-17 01:17:13 PM  
6 votes:
2014-04-17 01:45:04 PM  
5 votes:
Rule #1 Stab the school administrators with a very large knife
Rule #2 Stab the bully with a very large knife
Rule #3 Stab the school board with a very large knife
Rule #4 Stab local Republicans and Liberals with a very large knife
Rule #5 Declare independence and stab anyone that disagrees with you with a very large knife
Rule #6 Don't talk about stab club
2014-04-17 01:12:15 PM  
5 votes:
Day 1 of school: Find the biggest kid and break his nose with a paving stone
2014-04-17 04:04:42 PM  
2 votes:

yukichigai: I guess my advice to a young bullied kid would be "go get punched in the face a few times, it's not as bad as you think."

Do you work for a Nebraska school district?
2014-04-17 03:52:06 PM  
2 votes:
Cool Dialogue Sis:

[Friday at junior high]

Head bully: We're going to kill you this weekend.

Me, scornfully: No you won't!

Head bully: Oh, why not?!?

Me: Because then you wouldn't have anybody to pick on on Monday.

Bullies: ... [walk away with confused expressions]

Me: [still alive]
2014-04-17 02:50:07 PM  
2 votes:
This arguably non-violent act worked for me a couple of times in grade and middle school:

Step 1: Run from bully.
Step 2: Lead bully over asphalt or gravel patch on playground.
Step 3: Just as he's catching up to you, drop to your hands and knees and form a turtle-like ball.
Step 4: Watch bully trip over your suddenly prone form and slide for feet across the gravel, carried by his own momentum.
Step 5: Enjoy sight of bully laying in the gravel in a sobbing, bloodied heap as you stand up, dust yourself off, and walk away.

Added bonus: it's indistinguishable from "I tripped as I was running for my life and the guy happened to trip over me while in hot pursuit."
2014-04-17 02:05:15 PM  
2 votes:
I guess that booklet forgot to add: "If a bully insults you, respond with a witty retort (something from Oscar Wilde). Then call for someone to open your locker and help get you out".
2014-04-17 02:04:36 PM  
2 votes:
Best way to beat a bully... fark their mom...
2014-04-17 01:30:44 PM  
2 votes:
They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.
2014-04-17 01:21:37 PM  
2 votes:
#11 stop hitting yourself
2014-04-17 01:20:05 PM  
2 votes:
Rule #1, shank the bully in the chow line.
2014-04-17 01:15:03 PM  
2 votes:
#10 - Wait until your temper bursts and shower your classmates with automatic weapons fire.
2014-04-17 06:31:51 PM  
1 vote:

menschenfresser: I remember how this worked in middle school just fine: The guy holding my arm and forcing me to punch my own face would repeatedly ask me "why are you punching yourself?". This article is correct; it was clearly my own fault that I was being punched.

Well, as long as you didn't retaliate against yourself. That's the important thing.
2014-04-17 04:35:36 PM  
1 vote:
Yeah whomever wrote this is...not someone who has ever been bullied or knows how to handle bullying.

They might as well have written:

1. Step one, become very attractive.
2. Use your attractiveness to become popular.
3. Make fun of other less attractive people.
4. Make sure you hand them an anti-bullying list so they won't tattle on you.
2014-04-17 04:28:50 PM  
1 vote:

1.  Figure out why the bully is targeting you, maybe you're the problem and you should change yourself to fit in with a judgmental and unsympathetic society

2.  Watch every episode of "Saved by the Bell" one of them has to have been about bullying

3.  Make friends with a Latino gang, have your new gang friends drive you to school and pick you up

4.  Make a trolling political comment on a FARK thread that has nothing to politics, someone will take the bait and you'll feel superior for a bit.

5.  Find weaker more socially awkward kids to be your friends, bullies survival instincts will kick in and they will go for them

6.  All these liberals are saying that punching bullies is the only way to stop bullying but banning guns is the only way to keep us safe from gun violence. Come on libs, make up your mind.

7.  If you can just hold out until high school is over, you'll find out that life is fair and adults are kind and thoughtful towards each other.
2014-04-17 03:47:37 PM  
1 vote:
The only kid to ever give me bullying trouble joined the marines and got blown to bits in Iraq. 

2014-04-17 03:43:18 PM  
1 vote:
I can't wait to see their handout on child molestation and rape.
2014-04-17 02:30:19 PM  
1 vote:

scottydoesntknow: LeroyBourne: Interesting.  It's basically promoting everyone to be bullies.

When everyone is a bully, no one is a bully.

When bullies are outlawed, only outlaws will bully.
2014-04-17 01:47:14 PM  
1 vote:

Dafatone: I remember a kid three times my size beating on me in art class.  I went to tell the teacher, and she yelled at me to sit back down.

That's all I've really got.  If I could give younger me advice, it'd be to tell her to go fark herself and storm out.

I was about 6'1" and 125 pounds in junior high.  I got lucky when the bully took a swing at me in the hall, missed, and slammed his hand into a locker at full force, spraining or breaking it.  I then jumped on him and proceeded to wail on him, Ralphie vs. Scut Farkus style, while he was unable to fight back.  It was dirty as hell, but he never farked with me again.

The Vice Principal later stopped me in the hall and asked if I was okay.

/Riveting tale, chap
2014-04-17 01:45:50 PM  
1 vote:
#10 Always give the bully your lunch money or lunch when asked, in fact it's better to just surrender your monies to the bully when he 1st spots you. Bullying is hard work, and requires the bully to maintain proper nourishment in order to smash your geeky face off of a wall.

#11 Your mom really is a whore, so don't argue this point with a bully because he already did your mom last night.
2014-04-17 01:41:55 PM  
1 vote:

letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.

Probably a cultural trait that contributed to Sweden's glorious role in WWII.   A lot of sheep herding going on there.
2014-04-17 01:33:12 PM  
1 vote:
That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?
2014-04-17 01:24:29 PM  
1 vote:

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.

These aren't mine!
They aren't even the right color!
2014-04-17 01:17:49 PM  
1 vote:
Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.
2014-04-17 01:13:05 PM  
1 vote:
In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.
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